LOUDMOUTHS!

BabyM729 · January 2016

I just need to rant and I'm sure plenty of you Mamas can relate!

I'm 9 weeks 2 days today. We go to my nephews birthday party yesterday (he was born New Years Day). As soon as I get through the door, my brother in law's teenage kids run up to me, hug me and practically shout "congratulations!" I hugged them and said "thanks but not everyone knows so keep it quiet"

BabyM729 · January 2016

Ok idk what's up with this phone app but it SUCKS! Here is my original post

I had no idea my BIL told his kids. I really don't care but come on, have a little common sense to explain to them that it's still really early and everyone doesn't know yet.

Then I go to hug my MIL. She's sitting next to her friend of a very long time and they both look at me funny. I go "let me guess, you told her too" she says "yes I hope you don't mind." Again, I don't mind but come on, a little discretion please! Next thing I know she's screaming "SO IS YOUR MOM SOOOO EXCITED?!" That's when I nearly lost my cool. I said "yeah but can you keep it down? I'm not 12 weeks yet and I don't want the whole party knowing" UGHHHHHH! Maybe it's just my hormones but I am pissed. DH and I planned on waiting until after our 12 week appt to tell everyone, affer we find out the baby is healthy. I thought we made that clear to our families, I guess not!

End rant!

nanner26 · January 2016

This is exactly what I'm afraid of! We just got back from visiting family and we live overseas so we took this opportunity to tell them because we honestly may not even see them until after the baby is born. After I told my mom she asked, "so when are you putting it on fb?" I was like....uh a couple months from now if I do.

FX that the people we chose to tell will keep it to themselves!
Sorry you had to go through that. How awkward/annoying.

themisfitbenji · January 2016

Been there. My boyfriend's family decided it was a good idea to tell everyone. And then couldn't "understand" why I was upset. It sucks when people spread the news, especially when you want to wait so your can tell people on your own time.

And don't think it's just hormones. Your feelings are valid. It's hard in the first trimester as it is, without people telling everyone without asking you if it's okay. Many of us want to avoid the unsolicited advice, the questions, the awkwardness, etc until later. Not to mention most people want to wait until 12 weeks. Also, reasonable. I was very upset when I realized everyone knew. Especially considering I have social anxiety and wanted to avoid the social aspect as long as I could. People should respect pregnant people more than they do.

texasmama2014 · January 2016

My personal take is that no one keeps secrets and I can't be mad if I tell someone because it's not their secret so they don't have much at stake to keep it.
That's why I tell no one until end of first tri, people suck.
(Clearly I'm a bit cynical.)

emilystallins · January 2016

At this point, I haven't even told my parents! And I won't till at least 12 weeks. Inknow they mean well but once my grandmother dinds out, the whole county might as well know.

saam0815 · January 2016

I've had the same experience!! I have now been to 2 different parties where I either have never met the people or I know them as acquaintances and someone told EVERYONE there. One was my MIL who told her boyfriends entire family even tho we met them literally 3 minutes prior (no exaggeration). The other was a close friend who had a lot of her family at a party and told everyone there. I don't mind so much because I figure if something happens it's something I'd want to share with people close to me. BUT it's the principle of it... We are only 8 weeks and my husband was not thrilled about all of these random people knowing yet. I've had two appts already and have see a heartbeat but you still just never know!!

lalalorelai · January 2016

We have just told our parents and made it very, very clear that no one else is finding out until I'm further along. It needs to be our decision who knows and when.

I told H that if any of our parents decides to tell others before we're ready, the next thing they'll find out about the kid before anyone else is what college s/he is enrolling in.

Pepper6 · January 2016

With my first, we told our families within a week of finding out. I told my family to not tell anyone else yet because we hadn't even had our first doctors appointment. Less than 24 hours later, I got about 10 'congrats' texts from random people (including my sisters ex-husband whom I hadn't seen in like 5 years).

I was pretty pissed and told them next time I was pregnant that they'd find out when I posted it on FB. (I'll tell them before that, but not by much). We told Dh's parents on Christmas eve because they actually respect our wishes to keep it private for a bit.

nerdygangsta · January 2016

I agree with @texasmama2014. People are excited and happy and don't have any stake in keeping things quiet. It's a risk that's taken when you tell anyone.

SheHulk723 · January 2016

I'm dreading telling my dad. We want to tell all the grandparents when DD turns 1 later this month. But my dad always feels the need to blast my news on facebook and I'm not looking forward to him doing it again. I just hope he listens to me when I tell him to wait!

BabyM729 · January 2016

Awe thanks you made me feel better

imakeeff0rts · January 2016

Agreed with @texasmama2014
If you want something kept secret, don't tell anyone until you're ready for EVERYONE to know.

ebilbao · January 2016

My Dad did the same thing to me. I told him right away and he blew me up to all my aunts and uncles and my grandmother. IT IS NOT YOUR NEWS TO TELL, DAD.

AliKay20 · January 2016

Yeah, I had to tell some of our close friends over the holidays that I'm pregnant but won't announce publicly until after first trimester. I know they didn't mean any harm in it but they told their families and some of their friends who I barely know that I'm expecting. I guess you have to say clearly to keep this to themselves going forward. I keep trying to understand that they've never been in my shoes but still, c'mon! Such night and day between those who've been in this situation and those who have not. I guess they'll only learn as time goes and they actually experience it too.

Bubblegum5586 · January 2016

We had a small get together for New Year's Eve at my BILs house. It was a Murder mystery and I was playing Snow White. My SIL says to BIL "don't you love the costume bubblegum put together?" And BIL says "looks good.... No pregnant belly yet though!" And the room goes silent and everyone else just stares at me. Luckily it was only 4 people (of 8) that didn't know. And BIL immediately felt terrible but WTH?! I was only 6 weeks and not ready for acquaintances to know!!!

amandam925 · January 2016

This is exactly what my husband and I are afraid of -- we could see both of our mothers telling everyone (okay, we could also see DH's father telling everyone he sees).

I've heard it said that once you share news with someone, you no longer have control over that news. You can't make anyone you tell keep a secret -- you can ask them to keep it a secret, but asking isn't getting.

It's really a shame, though -- I'd love to be able to talk to my mom about it, but it's way too early for my Aunts/Uncles/Cousins/everyone with ears within a 1,000 mile radius of my mother to know.

BabyM729 · January 2016

Thank you everyone for your stories! So glad I'm not alone in this

it just sucks when you specifically tell someone to keep it a secret, and they don't. I think we can all agree that keeping the news a secret is tough, especially when you are so sick and everyone notices you are not yourself... This is a big reason why we told our immediate family. Next time I'm hoping we can keep it between just us, that is if DH can keep his big mouth shut... lol

Jenniferk08 · January 2016

We announced to everyone already but I can understand being upset. My feeling was if anything happens to this little one I would lean on them for support so why not let them share in the joy.
But my mom also asked before saying anything to anyone. Once she got the ok I swear the phones lines were working overtime.

Mrsrundell · January 2016

Literally 5 seconds after we told our moms they both grabbed their phones and said oh yay can't wait to tell everyone - uhhhh nooooo. Lol, my DH luckily was on the same page and told everyone to keep it to themselves because we planned on telling everyone else with a cute announcement on Valentine's day.. They respected our wishes but were like whyyyyyyy?!

I was excited to finally use the cuz I'm the parent and I said so that's why! Haha everyone just gets really excited for a new baby I guess

Stephanie7693 · January 2016

We told out parents on Christmas, when I was 8 weeks. My mom put it on fb within minutes, and she doesn't post hardly at all on fb! I was mad and started to freak out, until I saw her face and calmed down. She felt bad and didn't think twice about it in her excitement. I said it's ok... your fb is mostly family anyway. But if anything happens, you get to post that too.
I'm not really hiding my pregnancy from anyone now that our parents know, but it won't be on fb until 12 weeks, at least. I figure if I miscarry, support will be a good thing. The people that know are family and people I see on a regular basis. And i don't hide my feelings well so they'd probably grill me and find out anyway. I'm just trying to be happy and excited, even if it is early

amandazap · January 2016

My MIL decided to tell her father Christmas night who then told her sister. Even though we told MIL to not say anything on Christmas Day.

SkiChic626 · January 2016

As soon as we told my MIL and FIL around 4 weeks the first thing they ask is "when can we tell everyone?!?" Seriously???? First of all, YOU can't tell anyone, this is MY and DH's news to share. Second....really??? I'm only 4 weeks and you know my history of bleeds and craziness, so just chill. At least a couple months.

lucypod · January 2016

9w 6d here.. we decided to tell a small group of trusted friends on NYE because honestly, it made the whole not drinking thing a LOT easier. We chose that time because we knew certain big-mouthed friends wouldn't be around. It may cause drama down the line but honestly, the decision is 100% up to you and your partner and no one should get to decide when people find out. Luckily the people we have told have been extremely respectful and not said a word to anyone else. Also, if you ask me straight up if I'm pregnant or when we are going to start trying to have a baby, you automatically are eliminated from the "finding out early" group. You lost that privilege when you decided to be rude and nosy.

Bubblegum5586 · January 2016

I do want to give a shout out to my mom though. I told her first at 4 weeks which happened to be on her birthday. My plan was to tell the rest of my immediate family on Christmas morning (8 days later), and she actually kept it from everyone including her husband (my step dad). I was really appreciative of that.

Whitmore1027 · January 2016

I must be one of the few who doesn't mind telling people. Granted, I'm not posting it on facebook but literally all our family and close friends know. If something does happen I would rather have support than be alone. Plus after trying for a year and a half, it's so exciting to tell people.

I can understand how that would be frustrating for you. I did slightly panic when my grandmother told one of her friends from another state (that part didn't bother me) what did was that friend posted a congratulations on my Facebook page. Hahaha. I deleted quick, and told her thanks for the good wishes but facebook doesn't know yet.

haha.

l9i · January 2016

lucypod said:

Also, if you ask me straight up if I'm pregnant or when we are going to start trying to have a baby, you automatically are eliminated from the "finding out early" group. You lost that privilege when you decided to be rude and nosy.

YESSS

l9i · January 2016

IWe're still debating on when we will tell our parents. We were thinking we'd do it after the first appointment (9 weeks) but may wait until 12. I wouldn't worry about the dads telling people, they'd listen and they're not on social media anyways, but the moms I worry about. I honestly think DH's mom would be ok. She would really want to tell people, but when it comes down to it I don't think she would if we asked her not to. However, I think my mom would tell people even if we said not to. I know because she frequently tells me things starting with "I know I'm not supposed to tell you, but..." and her rationale would be "but it's only so and so".

Obviously DH and I want to share the news and excitement with others. I'm also really big on that I want our close family and friends to find out from us, not someone else, and certainly not social media. So because I have a potential loudmouth on my hands that just means they may have to wait!

Fremdschamen · January 2016

I'm really on the fence about telling others the news. I've told my closest friends and my family, but DH's family does not know. After my miscarriage, I was really glad that I'd told my inner circle (a similar group). I needed them for support, and many of them really came through. I would need that same support network if I were to have another loss. It was much easier being with people who knew about the loss in the weeks and months following-- I felt like I didn't have to "pretend" to be happy, if that makes sense. For that reason, I really debate telling more people earlier, but I think I will wait until I've had an u/s.

Ktande22 · January 2016

My mom got pissed when I was having dd1 that we got mad when she spread it before we had a chance to tell our friends she legit asked me "well who do I get to tell????" And Basically told her I don't care, it's not her news to share unless I say we've told who we wanted to first

amccul20 · January 2016

this is the exact reason we haven't told any family, only 2 of our closest friends know. I have no desire for everyone and their brothers to find out yet

sometimes people suck

ws9448 · January 2016

We have asked everyone to keep it to themselves until we can tell people ourself. Of course I forget to ask this if 1 person and he puts it on fb a couple hrs later. Luckily he didn't use names, but people would have figured it out given the hints. I was able to have him remove, but not before I had 2 other friends texted me asking if I knew he put that out there. I was quite frantic for the 5 minutes it took me to get ahold of him!

lucypod · January 2016

ws9448 said:

We have asked everyone to keep it to themselves until we can tell people ourself. Of course I forget to ask this if 1 person and he puts it on fb a couple hrs later. Luckily he didn't use names, but people would have figured it out given the hints. I was able to have him remove, but not before I had 2 other friends texted me asking if I knew he put that out there. I was quite frantic for the 5 minutes it took me to get ahold of him!

Unfortunately there are just people that don't consider that kind of stuff and you have to make it a point to tell/ask them. When my friend was pregnant with her 2nd, she put her son in a "big brother" shirt at dinner with her extended family, probably at about 10 weeks. Her dad posted a picture on Facebook without realizing that the shirt was in the photo. Luckily I caught it and texted her right away saying "I think your dad just announced your pregnancy!" In that situation there were no bad intentions but still, some people aren't as careful!

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