Worried my husband will miss the birth!

flowerintherain · January 2016

I'm in kind of a weird situation and idk how I should handle it. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation?
My DH moved 9 hours away for work because it gives us a better opportunity for our family. Of course wanted me to join him, but being in the third trimester and having had complications with early contractions and other health issues, I decided it was best to stay with my family where I'm at and stay with my doctor. DH is really the only person I want in the delivery room when the time comes, and I'm scared he won't make the 9 hour drive before the baby comes out. Of course I will let him know as soon as I'm in labor, but what if I don't know soon enough? How can I tell if it's real labor? During the second trimester I ended up in L&D twice with steady contractions (5 mins apart) they had to stop them but they weren't dialating my cervix..I don't want that to happen again and have DH drive all the way to me and have him miss work if I'm not even gonna have the baby for a while. Would it be wrong to ask my doctor to schedule an induction if I make it to 40 weeks?? I really wanted to go about things as naturally as possible, but at the same time I really want my husband with me for the birth of our first child. What do I do?!

camusoh2011 · January 2016

Sadly I think you should prepare yourself for the very real possibility that he will not be there. If this is your first baby it's totally possible that you'll labor for more than 9 hours, but it's also possible that you won't. In my area a lot of doctors won't consider inducing until at least a week past your due date, (in the case of my first son it was 2 weeks past) but if it's something you're interested in it doesn't hurt to ask. Good luck and I hope he makes it!

g8trkim · January 2016

Unfortunately, there's a real chance that he won't be there. Hopefully he will, but he might not make it. You can ask your OB about their policy on induction. My last OB would do it anytime after your due date. This onehas you wait until 41 weeks (unless medically necessary).

kalenvan · January 2016

I would have him just take 3 days off once you get close to your due date then after you have the baby have him call in to work

MississippiCatfish · January 2016

kalenvan said:
I would have him just take 3 days off once you get close to your due date then after you have the baby have him call in to work

Unfortunately, a 3 day window isn't going to do much. Babies have a pretty wide gap during which they may come. You could certainly ask about an induction and see what the doctors policy is. I'm sure you've been preparing for the real possibility that he may not make it in time, and I would also continue in that. Ill keep my fingers crossed for you:) if you labor like I do, 9 hours is plenty of time, FWIW:)

g8trkim · January 2016

MississippiCatfish said:

I would have him just take 3 days off once you get close to your due date then after you have the baby have him call in to work
Unfortunately, a 3 day window isn't going to do much. Babies have a pretty wide gap during which they may come. You could certainly ask about an induction and see what the doctors policy is. I'm sure you've been preparing for the real possibility that he may not make it in time, and I would also continue in that. Ill keep my fingers crossed for you:) if you labor like I do, 9 hours is plenty of time, FWIW:)

Ditto this. Most first babies (I'm assuming this is your first because you didn't mention other kids) take longer than that. DS was born 12 hours from when my water broke. Best of luck to you!

Shatzegirl · January 2016

Is there any way he can fly home if you go into labor? A lot of first time moms tend to labor longer, too if that eases your mind at all. I was in labor for about 24 hours with my first. My hubby is going on a business trip next week which makes me a little nervous so I can totally empathize and mine will only be gone for a little bit. Im wishing you the best with everything!!

Vkrosa · January 2016

My H wasn't able to be there for our first so I filmed it over the shoulder view. Not that, that is going to make it better However it's good to be prepared. I hope your H will make it. Hang in there mama!!

flowerintherain · January 2016

Thanks for your words of encouragement ladies!! But yes, I do understand that there is a good possibility he won't make it in time

This is my first baby though! So hopefully I labor for a really long time!! Haha, I didn't think I'd ever say that.

@Shatzegirl we did consider that, but we're in Texas and he isn't in a major city. So any flight he books from where he's at would have to go through Houston or Dallas first (which is no where near me. I'm at the very south most tip of Texas). And best case scenario, assuming there's no layovers, it would still be at least a 6 hour trip and somewhere up of $500. So unfortunately I don't think that would help much

What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

MississippiCatfish · January 2016

flowerintherain said:
Thanks for your words of encouragement ladies!! But yes, I do understand that there is a good possibility he won't make it in time
This is my first baby though! So hopefully I labor for a really long time!! Haha, I didn't think I'd ever say that.

@Shatzegirl we did consider that, but we're in Texas and he isn't in a major city. So any flight he books from where he's at would have to go through Houston or Dallas first (which is no where near me. I'm at the very south most tip of Texas). And best case scenario, assuming there's no layovers, it would still be at least a 6 hour trip and somewhere up of $500. So unfortunately I don't think that would help much

What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

I've never had bloody show, but I think it is a good indicator that the time is approaching and would definitely warrant your husband heading home!

camusoh2011 · January 2016

flowerintherain said:

What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

I didn't experience it with either of my first two, though if you do I'd have him start heading home and take a few days off. Baby may come/may not. With my first my water broke at home and he wasn't born until 16 hours later. With my second I was laboring all day on his due date, but not progressing so the hospital wouldn't admit me. By the time they did he was born 2 hours later.

flowerintherain · January 2016

camusoh2011 said:

camusoh2011 said:

flowerintherain said:

What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

I didn't experience it with either of my first two, though if you do I'd have him start heading home and take a few days off. Baby may come/may not. With my first my water broke at home and he wasn't born until 16 hours later. With my second I was laboring all day on his due date, but not progressing so the hospital wouldn't admit me. By the time they did he was born 2 hours later.

I didn't realize that not everyone got a bloody show.. Oh man, this whole giving birth thing is so unpredictable!!

Shatzegirl · January 2016

flowerintherain said:
Thanks for your words of encouragement ladies!! But yes, I do understand that there is a good possibility he won't make it in time
This is my first baby though! So hopefully I labor for a really long time!! Haha, I didn't think I'd ever say that.

@Shatzegirl we did consider that, but we're in Texas and he isn't in a major city. So any flight he books from where he's at would have to go through Houston or Dallas first (which is no where near me. I'm at the very south most tip of Texas). And best case scenario, assuming there's no layovers, it would still be at least a 6 hour trip and somewhere up of $500. So unfortunately I don't think that would help much

What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

That sucks that a flight home isn't in the cards.

I spotted light brown/pink the day before I went into labor. So maybe that'll happen with you, too! Maybe be checked for dilation and effacement at your visits could give you a better idea, too.

g8trkim · January 2016

flowerintherain said:

Thanks for your words of encouragement ladies!! But yes, I do understand that there is a good possibility he won't make it in time This is my first baby though! So hopefully I labor for a really long time!! Haha, I didn't think I'd ever say that. @Shatzegirl we did consider that, but we're in Texas and he isn't in a major city. So any flight he books from where he's at would have to go through Houston or Dallas first (which is no where near me. I'm at the very south most tip of Texas). And best case scenario, assuming there's no layovers, it would still be at least a 6 hour trip and somewhere up of $500. So unfortunately I don't think that would help much What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

I didn't have one with either of my first two pregnancies. No contractions either. My water broke and that was my only labor sign. I didn't have contractions for hours afterward. Every labor is different.

cMichelle0423 · January 2016

I had my "bloody show" the day before I went into labor with my first LO. That labor also only lasted 7 hours, as did my second labor. Unfortunately there's going to be a 50/50 chance of your DH making it in time. Fingers crossed!! If it makes you feel any better, my H missed our first sons birth for basically the same reason. I was living with my family in Colorado while my husband was working and going to school in Texas. He ended up getting there the next day though.

BabySeaTurtles · January 2016

With my first, I did not have any bloody show and they had to break my water at the hospital. Just contractions that kept building so not really any warning. However, I did technically labor for something around 14 hours. So even without warnings your husband may have a chance on being there. Or you may labor quickly. Depends on how you are. Like PPs said every woman, pregnancy and labor is different.

ashton2190 · January 2016

flowerintherain said:

camusoh2011 said:

camusoh2011 said:

flowerintherain said:

What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

I didn't experience it with either of my first two, though if you do I'd have him start heading home and take a few days off. Baby may come/may not. With my first my water broke at home and he wasn't born until 16 hours later. With my second I was laboring all day on his due date, but not progressing so the hospital wouldn't admit me. By the time they did he was born 2 hours later.

I didn't realize that not everyone got a bloody show.. Oh man, this whole giving birth thing is so unpredictable!!

I'm dealing with something pretty similar. My mom is coming down for the birth and to help out with the animals and the house for those first few days. With it being across the country, we have to try and plan her flights and hotel ahead of time and it's tricky!

MississippiCatfish · January 2016

ashton2190 said:

flowerintherain said:

What about the bloody show? Does everyone get one? Isn't it supposed to happen 24-48 hrs before labor? That could be a good indicator of when to tell him to get driving.

I didn't experience it with either of my first two, though if you do I'd have him start heading home and take a few days off. Baby may come/may not. With my first my water broke at home and he wasn't born until 16 hours later. With my second I was laboring all day on his due date, but not progressing so the hospital wouldn't admit me. By the time they did he was born 2 hours later.
I didn't realize that not everyone got a bloody show.. Oh man, this whole giving birth thing is so unpredictable!!
I'm dealing with something pretty similar. My mom is coming down for the birth and to help out with the animals and the house for those first few days. With it being across the country, we have to try and plan her flights and hotel ahead of time and it's tricky!

Sometimes I get a little nervous just thinking about my in-laws getting here on time with their 30 minute commute. What if they don't hear the phone in the middle of the night?? What if they're busy at work and don't see the call?? I can't imagine how stressful it is for you ladies! Hugs.

Aussiechicka · January 2016

We had a small scare on Sat night and had no one to leave DS with so he came along for the couple of hours I got monitored and checked out. That then led to a big discussion on the way home because my sister arrives 2 days before I'm being induced and we don't have a back up plan. If I go into labor before she gets here and it's night time them DH will probably miss the birth. The downside of moving to a new city and not having a village.

Knottie20589775 · January 2016

My husband is in jail until January 15. I'm due Feb 16. He really is a nice guy he just got into trouble during his bachelor party way back in May. He was ordered to 30 days in jail. As punishment.
I'm so sick. I have a cold and can't sleep. I just want him home to help me with my other two boys (8&5). I know it's only 12 more days but it seems like a lifetime. I'm scared.
I would ask your husband to come home and help you. This is the hardest part of the pregnancy. You need support and you shouldnt feel bad asking.
I know how u feel.
Good luck.

purplepenguin3 · January 2016

I had a bloody show with #2 and it happened 5 hours before i delivered....so it's not necessarily going to mean you have time either.

flowerintherain · January 2016

@Aussiechicka oh man, I hope you make it to your induction date!! Will anyone else go into the delivery room with you if your H has to stay with your DS?

@Knottie20589775 I'm sorry you're going through this too, it sucks

the 12 days will be up before you know it. Hope you get to feeling better.

@purplepenguin3
Yeah, everyone seems to have told me they have had such different experiences as far as length of labor and bloody shows! I guess I won't know how my body is going to handle it until it happens. I think DH is going to just go ahead and come and stay with me a week before my due date till the baby comes. His job is pretty relaxed about him taking time off for the birth of his son

so as long as baby doesn't come before 39 weeks, we're in the clear!

camusoh2011 · January 2016

@Aussiechicka
depending on what you're comfortable with and what your hospital will allow you might be able to have your son in the room. I know that sounds crazy, but with DS2 our other son ended up in the room for delivery because it was the middle of the night and my brother wasn't answering his phone. The nurses had offered to hang out with him and help keep him entertained, but they never actually took him from the room. He played on DH's phone on the couch the whole time and DH bounced back and forth between me and him.

DARSHAN22 · January 2016

I totally understand. My husband and I live in texas and he also works out of town, about 6 hrs away at this job site. We are old pros at this now. With my son, as soon as I started having contractions iI called him to head home. I held off going to the hospital as long as I could. He made it in plenty of time. It's hard, but try not to stress to much. I know that sounds stupid but it's the best advice anyone can give you. Just know that he is as stressed as you are. When you do make the call, be sure to tell him that your ok. Let him know you got this. Last thing you need to add to your stress is worrying about him speeding home. Try to stay calm and keep him calm also. Not only is he worried about missing it, he is also worried about letting you down.

Aussiechicka · January 2016

camusoh2011 said:
@Aussiechicka
depending on what you're comfortable with and what your hospital will allow you might be able to have your son in the room. I know that sounds crazy, but with DS2 our other son ended up in the room for delivery because it was the middle of the night and my brother wasn't answering his phone. The nurses had offered to hang out with him and help keep him entertained, but they never actually took him from the room. He played on DH's phone on the couch the whole time and DH bounced back and forth between me and him.

How old was your son? I think it's our only option if I go into labor during the night. Thankfully he goes to school during the day so fingers crossed I go into labor around 8am and she arrives before 4:30pm haha

camusoh2011 · January 2016

@Aussiechicka
He was just shy of 3.

purplepenguin3 · January 2016

I'm glad you H's company is so flexible. that should ease your mind a tiny bit. Pregnancy and labor for each kid is so different! at least in my experience

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