Rant about DH

JamiRenae · January 2016

DH and I have a 3 month old and I just found out I was pregnant last week. I am a SAHM and DH works. But he has been on vacation time since before Christmas. Now, I firmly believe in me getting up with LO while he is working. His job is extremely hard and I don't expect him to get up with her at night or real early. Now on the weekends I don't even ask him too, and this whole time he has been off work I haven't asked him too. But this morning LO woke up at 5 and I was just so tired. So I nudged at DH and asked very nicely if he could get up with her so I could sleep just a little bit longer. He said no!! I let DH sleep as long as he can (sometimes 12-14 hrs) and I don't ever say a word about it. And
since we've had LO, I have not slept in at all.

I'm not the type of person to get angry, in fact I have never even raised my voice to DH the whole 3 yrs we've been together. But right now, I just feel pissed and I want to sleep. I'm just asking for one day to get to sleep in. That's it!!

wlux · January 2016

My husband also has a very stressful job. His hours are irregular.... All wake ups are my job.

I know how you feel when you just want a break. There isn't a weekend for some of us SAHMs.

Just know, your feelings are normal.

Maybe during naptime you can lay down too. Or have H take over another baby related job and you can go in the other room for a couple quiet minutes?

estellegetty · January 2016

Oh hell no! I would take your husband to your next doctor appointment and have the doctor explain that pregnancy fatigue is REAL. I hope you get to take a nap later.

TheTamedShrew · January 2016

Absolutely unacceptable in my opinion. I would sit him down and express your frustration. You are dealing with not only pregnancy fatigue, but also newborn exhaustion. Not cool. I am a SAHM, and DH always lets me sleep in on the weekends now that I'm pregnant again, and even let me sleep in occasionally before. Granted he's naturally an early riser anyway and doesn't enjoy sleeping in, but even so. Your DH needs to understand that staying home doesn't mean you NEVER get time off. He needs to chip in a little bit with wake ups when he's off work.

JamiRenae · January 2016

If I ask him to wake up on weekends he will just say that he'll never be able to get sleep and I will. My argument is that I never get to, so he will just throw that back at me. His job is rotating shifts so he works crazy hours and he is always tired. Just like I am.

TheTamedShrew · January 2016

Both of you have crazy hours. It's time to sit down when both of your emotions have cooled. The middle of the night when you're both tired is never a good time to have a discussion. Remember to express your mutual respect and appreciation for each other. Remind him that you guys are a team and find a plan that gives you both the amount of rest you need. Asking him to do one wake up when he's off work is not too much to ask. You say you let him sleep 12-14 hours? Is that every night or just between crazy long hours/shifts? That just seems like an excessive amount of sleep to me. He's not an infant, for crying out loud, nor does he have any idea how exhausting pregnancy is WHILE caring for a baby.

FireInWonderland · January 2016

Yes but the problem is - you BOTH have a baby. Yes he works and yes he's tired, but he's just as responsible and can take on some baby duties so you can get rest. It sounds like you are incredibly understanding and accommodating of his schedule and needs and he needs to learn to compensate for yours! That being said, I'm sure you'll deal with it as best as you see fit, but especially while you're pregnant you need to take care of you!

JSAH082215 · January 2016

I can totally see how frustrating that must be! It sounds like he doesn't totally see that the job of SAHM is not a vacation, that it doesn't allow you to sleep in...ever. What is that saying? Happy mommy, happy baby? Obviously I don't know your DH and what conversational tactics would get through the point that you need to sleep but whatever you gotta do, do it because the fatigue is very real. As a side note I would like to commend you on making it through basically his whole vacation and not exploding in frustration, seriously great job! I don't know if I could have handled it the way that you did.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · January 2016

I agree with PPs, that you need to talk to him, but it needs to be when it can be productive, which is not in the middle of the night.

My pain point would be that you both are parents, not just you. He can't possibly expect you to be the only one to get up with the baby and never get sleep. It's not fair, nor is it healthy.

mommytimesfour · January 2016

You deserve rest too! DH and I split the weekends up. I'll get up with the kids on Saturday mornings and he gets up with them Sundays. Maybe suggest this to your H? I think it's pretty fair and square.

TheTamedShrew · January 2016

I would also like to add that it seems you and DH are going through a lot of big adjustments. Your situation is uniquely difficult. You are adjusting to being a SAHM and FTM while being pregnant. Parenthood is very new for both of you right now. Understand there might be a lot of misunderstandings and arguments in the beginning. He honestly probably just doesn't get how exhausting it is for you. Give it time though. He will have opportunities to be on baby duty alone and see what a challenge it is. I have to give you major props for how patient and understanding you are being. My emotions were all over the place when I had a 3 month old and I can't imagine being pregnant while going through so many changes. Hang in there! Find a way to gently explain to him your needs. Let us know how it goes, we are all here for you!

Shiva14 · January 2016

Agree with the PPs that it's time to set some expectations - especially with #2 on the way. Otherwise you'll end up balling up your frustrations and I will eat at your relationship. Best of luck to you mama

izzetoot · January 2016

Agree with PPs, My DH is a Chef so he works 12-14 hours a day with only one day off. I work part time from home (and full time with DS:) ). I get up with our son about 75% of the time but we alternate as much as possible. Is your LO feeding from a bottle yet? Maybe he could take a night shift so you could sleep and then you could get up with LO in the am to let him sleep. You BOTH have a baby and need to share the responsibilities accordingly. Tell him to man up, esp with #2 on the way!

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