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How to answer tough Qs from friends

ollie&luluollie&lulu member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I was just at a 1st birthday party, and my friends sister in law told me she was 8 weeks along (I should be 8.5 weeks), it took all of my energy to enthusiastically tell her congrats and ask how she's feeling, etc. Then she went on to ask if we are done, I said we want 1 more. She asked if we are trying right now and I said no. She asked when we're going to start and I said soon. She then asked why don't we just start now because "it might take awhile, ya know?!". I seriously wanted to yell that I'm also 8 weeks pregnant except mine died and now I'm waiting to pass it. Instead I pretended I needed to get my DD some food and started crying when I walked off.

People ask me about when we will have another all the time and it never bothered me at all before the loss. How do you handle hard Qs like that?!
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Re: How to answer tough Qs from friends

  • AL_TwinCitiesAL_TwinCities member
    Depends on who is asking I guess. For some people I am honest and tell them we've struggled to get pregnant and experience loss. When I don't want to share, my responses range depending on how snarky I am feeling and how much I actually know the person:

    -At some point
    -Maybe someday
    -We'll see
    -Who knows?! We just borrow my niece and nephew and then give them back.
    -Well that's a personal question
    -Here is why that question is not okay to ask: you don't know if we are struggling with infertility, had a miscarriage, have decided kids aren't for us, are trying to adopt unsuccessfully, etc. Maybe all of those are us, maybe none, but regardless if I haven't volunteered information about our reproductive health, it's not okay for you to ask about it.
    -I don't talk about this with my parents - why would I talk about it with you?
    me 30; DH 35
    TTC since May 2014.
    Aug 2014 BFP, EDD April 22, 2015. Low progesterone, started suppositories. Loss at 5w6d.
    Nov 19, 2015 BFP at 13 dpo, EDD July 29, 2016. MMC discovered 12/29 (9+4). Natural miscarriage 1/16 (12+1).
    AMH results 0.42, 1.2; FSH 12.1, AFC 10, dx DOR. 
    RPL testing results normal. Nurse recommended progesterone suppositories in TWW.
    Clomid + trigger + TI cycle August 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Femara + trigger + TI cycle December 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Short LP (8 days).
    Acupuncture & Chinese herbs starting January 2017, lengthened LP to 10 days 

    Summer 2016 LFAF awards: 



    Winter 2016/2017 LFAF awards:

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  • ollie&luluollie&lulu member
    I love the niece and nephew reply
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  • m6aguam6agua member
    I am a pretty open person. If things come up I have been honest, if it feels right. I don't just go out and tell everyone. If the conversation goes there and I feel like I want to share I do and if I don't I don't. This is your story and only you can decide how you want to tell/not tell it.
    _______________________________________________
    TTC#1 July 2015 
    • BFP: 9/16/15 — MC: 11/8/15 Blighted Ovum
    • BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
    TTC#2 April 2019 
    • BFP: 9/12/19 — EDD 5/15/20

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