Infertility

Outed on Facebook...

So I can't decide if I am overreacting to this or not, help me out please ladies!

I am involved in reffing for youth sports (rec leagues, middle school, high school), and I have blocked myself from being available during January and February because we are starting our treatments up again, and my doc would rather have me doing only low-impact activity.  Well I send a message to the person in charge of the schedule saying I am having a medical procedure done in January, but I will let them know if anything changes.  I never got a response from the person I emailed, but my email didn't really require one either.  This Sunday, on Facebook, another official (someone who I didn't email, and wouldn't need to know about my treatment) wishes me a speedy recovery, which turns into a friend of my parents, texting them to make sure I am ok, my parents calling me to make sure I am ok (since they didn't know we were going to start treatment again) and way more people needing to be involved, since the reffing community is quiet small.

I'm really upset about my medical info (partially) being shared on Facebook, and blowing something completely out of whack.  The person who shared this is a notorious over-sharer anyway (the kind of person who posts about what they had for breakfast, lunch and dinner), and I am sure it will happen again.  I am friends with people that I work with on Facebook also, and I wouldn't want it getting back to HR or my boss that I am starting the treatments again.

So my question is, should I send a message to the person in charge of the schedule telling him I no longer want to ref at all, since my private information isn't going to remain private?  Part of me thinks this is me overreacting to infertility issues, but the other part of me is furious that people just assume you want everything out there for the world to see, when you haven't even told that person what is going on!

What would you do?

Re: Outed on Facebook...

  • I don't think you are over reacting at all. I wouldn't send them another message. I would talk to them in person and let them know that my personal business was not their's to share and that they completely violated my right to privacy and if you choose not to ref after that, completely up to you. There is NO reason why they should have told anyone about your medical treatments even if they didn't know the details.



    *** Pregnancy & Miscarriage Mentioned***
    ME: 34/DH: 33
    TTC (On & Off) Since 2008
    Diagnosed DOR August 2013 
    2009-2013 6 Clomid Rounds which resulted in 3 Cysts/Had to take some time off from TTC
    10/2014 ~ BFP (Natural Pregnancy) after 3 months Acupuncture/Miscarriage at 10 wks
    7/2015 ~ Med Protocol#1: Failed Cycle/Only 1 Egg/Unable to convert to IUI because thin uterus lining
    08/2015 ~ Med Protocol #2: Started stims 09/13
    ER 10/9 with 6 Eggs Retrieved/3 SNOWFLAKES!!

    10/22/15 ~ AF Showed up, waiting for Fibroid removal.
    10/28/15 ~ Saline Ultrasound - Fibroids were gone. FET scheduled for December 3rd!
    12/08/15 ~ FET of one hatching Embaby

    12/21/15 ~ 13dp5dfet Beta 755! I'M PREGNANT!!!/ 
    12/23/15 ~15dp5dfet Beta 1539!

    01/05/16 ~ 1st Ultrasound - 2 little beans and 2 Heartbeats (120 & 125 bpm)


    My Fur Baby: Diva Celeste McClendon






  • I don't think you're over reacting either. I'm not a fan of Facebook and keep my personal information off, so if someone put anything of mine out there on Facebook I would be upset. I'm not sure what I would do from there, I feel like if you really enjoy reffing and want to go back to it that you should be able to, but I would be sure to set some real clear boundaries. Sorry this happened and got so many people involved. It sounds like your parents knew you've had treatment before, so if that's the case I guess that part is at least good
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  • Agree with @ShayLatrice you are definitely not overreacting.
    I also agree with talking to the person face-to-face.
    Don't cancel further reffing just yet though...take a few days to let the anger out (which you are in your right to feel, I would!) and then take a decision.

    **********************************************************************************************************************************

    Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers Lilypie Maternity tickers



  • I would be pissed. I would email that person and ask that they do not share any further details about your medical condition(s) as you didn't appreciate that it ended up on FB.

    I don't think you're overreacting at all.
    DS#1: born Dec 29, 2013 
    TTC#2 since Sept 2014 - unexplained secondary IF
    BFP #2: 11.7.14  M/C: 11.27.14 @ 6w3days
    BFP #3: 04.19.2015 M/C 04.27.15 @ 4w3days
    BFP #4: 10.05.2015 C/P @ 3w4days
    Oct 11, 2015: Cycle 13. Starting Femara (2.5mg). HSG this cycle (all clear) - BFN
    Nov 12, 2015: Cyle 14. Femara 5mg + IUI - BFN
    Dec 10, 2015: Cycle 15. Femara 5mg + IUI #2 - BFP #5! C/P 4w4d
    Jan 10, 2016: Cycle 16. Femara 5mg + IUI #3 - BFN.
    Feb 10, 2016: Cycle 17.  No IUI or meds. Taking a break - Natural BFP Mar 5, 2016!!!! EDD Nov 16, 2016
    Moving to IVF March 2016
    Beta at 10dpo: 21, Beta at 12dpo: 98, Beta at 14dpo: 264, Beta at 16dpo: 745
    U/S 6w6d: single beautiful heartbeat of 121bpm - It's a boy!!!!
    Nov 3, 2016: Our family became complete. Welcome DS #2.
  • I agree with pp. this was way out of line. There is no overreaction to this.
  • I would be pissed. I wouldn't quit reffing over it but I would absolutely say something to the person
  • edited December 2015
    I agree with those who replied before me.  You aren't overreacting.  It is completely unacceptable for people to post things about other people period, in my opinion, but especially when it comes to sensitive issues like this (no matter WHAT medical treatment you are having)!!  This is part of the reason why I stopped using Facebook.  I'm just not a fan of how people use it at all.  It's pretty much an attention-seeking platform of the worst kind, and people end up getting hurt, mistreated, and violated.  I'm sorry you had to go through that!

    Edited because I had word use issues.
    ***BFP & Child Warning***

    Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
    IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
    IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
    FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
    FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
    FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
  • Arguably, this was a HIPPA violation (if you are in the U.S.). You probably don't want to make a federal case of this, but you could report it to someone senior in the organization, as something they should address (in case it happens to someone more litigious than you).

    Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
    Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
    TTC with frozen donor sperm and science

    7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
    2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
    Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
    Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!  
    fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! 
    Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)

  • Thanks for all the help ladies!  I do agree it's a HIPPA issue, but I'm not sure how protected I am because we are technically 1099 contractors rather than employees.  I am definitely going to send an email to the person in charge (we don't have an opportunity to meet very much face-to-face) and block the person who posted this in the first place.
  • khochanadelkhochanadel member
    edited December 2015
    Not at all overreacting. If the person wrote it on your wall, you can at least delete it to prevent further damage. That is a total dick move by that person.
  • I deleted my Facebook to save myself from the constant pregnancy announcements and baby pics. Life is less stress filled without it  :)
  • Like everyone mentioned, certainly not an overreaction.

    Personally, I would not email this person or contact them because you would be drawing attention to it. I would put this person under "restricted" in FB (because blocking makes it immediately obvious that something is up because she would not be able to see your account but will know from mutual contacts that your FB account is active).
    I know these type of people who will then just resort to a "hush hush" form of gossip which becomes an even bigger deal. I pretty much say the same thing that I have a medical procedure and there are always ones who pry and I tell them its a colonoscopy, shuts them up VERY quickly. I was honest with my parents (they went through IF too) and told them that this is way too hard and I can't keep telling them or the in-laws every time we start treatment because talking about it over and over is super exhausting and drains me mentally. So, when people like women talk to them, they pretty much say (in very vague terms) that its nothing to be super worried about it and thanks.

    I'm really sorry you had to go through this.

    DH :  36, has Chronic Kidney Disease, on dialysis & is waiting on the transplant list (average wait for B+ is 5 years)

    Me:   36, Hypothyroidism, PCOS, BMI 32, need to be done with "child bearing" ASAP so that I can be a Kidney donor (was fun realizing we didn't as much time as we thought :-/ )

    We're TTC#1

    IUI #1 : 5mcg Letrozole (CD 3-7) + Ovidrel Trigger + Had the one follicle = BFN  (March 2014)

    IUI #2 : 5mcg Letrozole (CD 3-7) + 150 iu Bravelle on CD9 (after much begging!) + Had the one follicle = BFN (April 2014)

    7th May 2014 - changed REs, this one seems to care (we think....)

    IUI #3 : 7mcg Letrozole (CD 3- 7) + 75 iu Bravelle (CD 8-12) + CD12 Scan 5/16 + Had 3 follicles (2 under 15mm) = BFN(May 2014)

    IUI #4 : 7mcg Letrozole (CD 3- 7) + 75 iu Bravelle (CD 8-12) + CD12 Scan 5/16 + Had 1 follicle + DH gave best sample so far = BFN(June 2014)

    IVF#1 -  ER Only Cycle Sept-Oct 2014, 17  eggs Retrieved, 14 mature, 10 fertilized, 6 made it to Blast & post PGS  5 were not viable due to chromosomal abnormalities
    Not sure where we go from here...

    We're parents to two very adorable, bratty, affectionate & goofy Bernese Mountain Dog pups who would very much like a 2 legged baby brother or sister of their own!

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