Baby Shower Guests... How many is too many?

MrsYoung9311 · December 2015

Hello Ladies! I need your help. My mom is starting to plan my shower and has asked for a guest list. Long story short, my estimated list is about 175 people, including children. I really don't want to have multiple showers and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings/forget to invite certain relatives. But it feels like I'm planning a wedding and that this is going to be some kind of fiasco.

Do I cut back the list, or just hope that everyone (and their kids) don't show?

Thanks in advance.

sarawifenow · December 2015

MrsYoung9311 said:

Hello Ladies! I need your help. My mom is starting to plan my shower and has asked for a guest list. Long story short, my estimated list is about 175 people, including children. I really don't want to have multiple showers and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings/forget to invite certain relatives. But it feels like I'm planning a wedding and that this is going to be some kind of fiasco.

Do I cut back the list, or just hope that everyone (and their kids) don't show?

Thanks in advance.

In my opinion 175 for a baby shower is SO over the top! I didn't even have 175 people at my wedding. My shower will be about 40 people TOPS. I say you need to cut back on the list.

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

50 is a max number to me. 175 does seem more wedding-ish than baby shower. Showers are generally fairly intimate parties. You can't have that with a ton of people.

Charla1224 · December 2015

Geez. And I felt bad because I'm pushing a little over 50. Will your shower have both men and women? Why are kids coming to your baby shower? I've seen a few infants at showers... Maybe a toddler... But I don't think children over 2 should attend. The games and such aren't really catered to them. I get bored after watching more than a handful of gifts be opened so I'm sure children would too. Definitely cut your list back.

MrsYoung9311 · December 2015

@Charla1224
I do want a co-ed shower, but I'm starting to reconsider. My friends and cousins all have children from about age 16 to around 9 months by the time the shower rolls around. In a lot of cases, the babysitters (my aunts and other cousins) are also invited. The older kids might not come, I have no idea. My mom is getting this list and I'm positive she'll add people cause she's so over the moon about the baby. I just feel like this is WAAAAAAAY too much. I don't want to be THAT girl.

gamommyx3 · December 2015

Personally, I'd reconsider the co-ed aspect and have the dads watch the kids. You can tell your Mom that unless this kid's in line for the Throne, that's way too many people!!!

cortney626 · December 2015

Yeah that seems like way too many people. I helped my friend throw a baby shower for her sister and they had 70 people which was a lot but manageable. (They have a ton of family and the couple had been trying for 10 years so this was a celebration). My mom, MIL, and friends are throwing me a shower and I won't invite more than 40.

MrsYoung9311 · December 2015

Thank you guys. I felt crazy, I just needed an unbiased opinion. I know DH will thank you as well, he hates a spectacle. I'm gonna make him talk to Mommy LOL.

hellogoodbye2 · December 2015

Yikes! That's a lot. I had 2 showers and total guests was about 60 people. I would definitely consider just inviting the women only and see where your number then falls. I wouldn't exclude any children, but I am sure not all of the older kids would attend.

finnybooboo · December 2015

Aquinna82 said:

Personally, I'd reconsider the co-ed aspect and have the dads watch the kids. You can tell your Mom that unless this kid's in line for the Throne, that's way too many people!!!

Haha this all the way! I'm just wondering where in the world you've have it to fit that many/feed them and not cost an arm and a leg! I kept mine to only immediate family (mom/sister/g-mas + aunts and female cousins), and a short list of super close friends. Since I knew my work would throw me a small shower, I didn't include coworkers either. It was probably around 50, but included my mom's side, dad's side, and DH's mom's side.

swflJD · December 2015

My SIL and I just hosted my sister's baby shower back in October. We just invited our side of the family (+ BIL's step-mom) and my sister's friends, which was about 45-50 people. Not everyone invited came, but we ended up with about 35-40. My BIL's step-mom also did a shower for them in his hometown with about 25-30 people. IMO, it makes it easier to split it into two showers if the families live in different locations and each are interested in hosting one. That also helps to keep the numbers in a more manageable range. My BIL's step-mom and I went in together on some of the decorations because she was able to reuse a lot of the items at the shower she hosted 2 weeks later, and it saved us both some money.

My sisters and one SIL are throwing a shower for us in my hometown, and my other SIL and DH's aunt are throwing one for us in DH's hometown. I anticipate the numbers to be around 35-40 at each. Even if the families live in the same town, maybe they could split it into two - family shower/friends shower, your family & friends/his family & friends.

Below are some pics from my sister's shower that my SIL and I hosted. I thought it turned out really pretty!

Image: https://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a5cc11b3127cceeaa905e5d46700000030O00AZNWbNyzZNXIPbz4G/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00905239335220151230163605288.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/

Image: https://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a5cc11b3127cceeaa9d9e5d40900000030O00AZNWbNyzZNXIPbz4G/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00905239335220151230163638609.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/

missnc77 · December 2015

How can you even spend quality time with 175 people? That's insane! Are most of these family, or are you really blessed in the friend department? If I were you, I'd have my mom plan a shower for family only and just hope a friend offers to host one for friends. I don't even have more than 20 or so things on my registry at the moment.

Sharra13 · December 2015

Well, if you have the money and space for it...why not? I know people have done those crazy gender reveal parties with large guest-counts like that, and I feel like a shower is WAY more important than a gender reveal (seriously, who started that??).

We are planning on doing a co-ed party that will be hosted at our home (we have a pretty large house and it's kind of perfect for parties--love having people over!). I'm thinking we will probably invite between 40-60 people and actually have 30-40 show up. That seems to be the usual turn out and it's a good number for the space. I'm hoping it will be warm(ish) by then (late March to mid April) and we can have BBQ and water gun fights.

MrsYoung9311 · December 2015

I was trying to avoid having multiple showers. I don't like the attention to be honest. But I don't want anyone to say they weren't invited and feel a way about it. I think I'll go ladies only, if the kids come wit their moms then they just do. The idea of all those people just seemed so ridiculous, I'm not giving birth to Jesus. Even His shower was really intimate, and He's Jesus.

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

MrsYoung9311 said:

I was trying to avoid having multiple showers. I don't like the attention to be honest. But I don't want anyone to say they weren't invited and feel a way about it. I think I'll go ladies only, if the kids come wit their moms then they just do. The idea of all those people just seemed so ridiculous, I'm not giving birth to Jesus. Even His shower was really intimate, and He's Jesus.

I personally am not anti-kids at a shower. Not a big deal imo. But getting rid of the men will help with numbers.

I'm not huge on being the center of attention either (part of the reason I wanted to elope, not have a wedding) but I had two showers: one of my family and friends and one for DH's side of the family and those family friends. It helped that it's a big state so it was easier for people to do it that way anyway. It just makes more sense sometimes.

js8812 · December 2015

I would not invite the men and have the invite only addressed to the women. If kids come, then they come, but it doesn't look like you're requesting their presence. This should cut your list by 25-50%, then typically 80% usually attend. That is MUCH more manageable. I would side eye a shower if 175 people attended.

cdullon07 · December 2015

Hubby and I live out of state(yay military life) and just had our baby showet this past weekend because we can't go home again before the baby. The guys had a diaper party the night before the shower. All the guys went to my in laws and has beer and played poker and hung out there were 40 men there. They were asked to bring diapers and wipes. The next day we had all the women at my moms so my 100 year old grandma could join. There were about 40 women there. This way both men and woman were involved and the boys weren't bored.

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

While I think it's super sweet that you don't want people to be left out, 175 is way too many people. The main Reason being- you don't want to make 175 people sit around for 3 hours while you open all of those presents.
Also, showers are really meant to be a more intimate affair- each person there will want face time with you and you definitely don't want to make people feel like they have to fight that time. I would nix inviting the men and don't specifically invite the kids (you can allow kids but you don't have to "invite" them)

RMLandy · December 2015

175 people is way too many. Talk about gift-grabby! Even if that's not your intention, that's how it will appear.

Brittk88 · December 2015

I went to a shower with about 100 people and it was really hard for the mom to be, there were so many gifts to open and people to greet, very overwhelming. It was so loud that no one could enjoy the "oohing and ahhhing" over the sweet baby gifts she was opening.

Pascal86 · December 2015

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

While I think it's super sweet that you don't want people to be left out, 175 is way too many people. The main Reason being- you don't want to make 175 people sit around for 3 hours while you open all of those presents. Also, showers are really meant to be a more intimate affair- each person there will want face time with you and you definitely don't want to make people feel like they have to fight that time. I would nix inviting the men and don't specifically invite the kids (you can allow kids but you don't have to "invite" them)

I recently went to a baby shower that probably had about 50 people (it was coed/kid friendly and they served dinner), and no presents-opening time. She opened them later, and I got a very nice thank you card. It was great - and I think the way to go, if you have more than 20 gusts.

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

Pascal86 said:

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

While I think it's super sweet that you don't want people to be left out, 175 is way too many people. The main Reason being- you don't want to make 175 people sit around for 3 hours while you open all of those presents.
Also, showers are really meant to be a more intimate affair- each person there will want face time with you and you definitely don't want to make people feel like they have to fight that time. I would nix inviting the men and don't specifically invite the kids (you can allow kids but you don't have to "invite" them)

I recently went to a baby shower that probably had about 50 people (it was coed/kid friendly and they served dinner), and no presents-opening time. She opened them later, and I got a very nice thank you card. It was great - and I think the way to go, if you have more than 20 gusts.

------- quote box fail------1
I definitely know some people choose to do that. however, it is very much against etiquette- and it can be considered quite rude to do. Most guests want to see their present be opened. Also, it's a big part of the fun of the shower for many people

Pascal86 · December 2015

@tripledaggerWed95976 Yeah... but I don't believe in etiquette for the sake of etiquette. In this case it worked, and everyone was happy, but you definitely need to know your audience - obviously wouldn't fly with certain crowds or individuals. But if I showed up to a shower with over 100 people and had to watch the mom-to-be open all of her presents, I would just leave. Which is also probably against etiquette.

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

Pascal86 said:
@tripledaggerWed95976 Yeah... but I don't believe in etiquette for the sake of etiquette. In this case it worked, and everyone was happy, but you definitely need to know your audience - obviously wouldn't fly with certain crowds or individuals. But if I showed up to a shower with over 100 people and had to watch the mom-to-be open all of her presents, I would just leave. Which is also probably against etiquette.

Haha yeah I hear yah. I'm not a huge etiquette nazi either- Especially with a lot of the more silly etiquette things. However, I just know that watching the mother-to-be open the presents is a very exciting part of the shower for many people so I feel like it is a good rule to not offend people who have spent time/money selecting the gift. I would be really bummed if I got someone a gift for a shower and didnt get to see them open it. Like you said though, it's good to just know your audience.

Bltbear82 · December 2015

I had about 25-30 at my baby shower and even then I felt like I didn't have a chance to talk to everyone one on one enough, especially friends from out of town. Also I specifically wanted kids because we have 3 nieces, they're my family and I wanted them there. However, my cousin has 2 out of control little girls and basically let them do whatever they wanted, which was stressful for the hostess (my SIL). Maybe keep the kids to immediate family (nieces/nephews)?

kami09 · December 2015

I'd want to jump off a bridge if someone made me sit through the opening of 175 gifts.

I'd also want to jump off a bridge if I had to sit there and open 175 gifts.

onislandtime · December 2015

175 is definitely over the top. I invited 25 and felt like that was a lot.

babykasper · December 2015

So my sisters baby shower we invited about 175 people between both sides of the family, friends, etc. it was co-ed (men and woman invited)... And about 60 people RSVP'd and showed up! We did it at a park, outdoors, pavilion near a playground for the kids... And we didn't engage in any of the (forgive me) ridiculous baby shower games (which my sister and I both hate). Lol it was more like a family picnic. We decorated the location, opened present, ate good food and spent time fellowshipping with one another! Turned out perfect! We did the same thing though..: there would have been a lot of angry people and hurt feelings if they didn't get an invite. So we invited everyone. And made sure the location was acceptable if people showed up without RSVP ing. Hope this helps!

Update: big or large items we asked the people just bring a card with a pic of the item and ship it directly to the couples home! Worked out great! And as far as lots of present opening... We had a person from every table opening presents and we passed them around the room so everyone got to see! Made present opening a breeze and super quick! Lol and one person from each table kept a list of the presents opened and who they were from so that the couple could send appropriate thank you cards!

rlworzalla · December 2015

We have about 50 people on our list and kids are not included in the count but are welcome because there is a playground next to the lodge we rented. DH is having his friends and male family gather at the rustic bar down the road until the shower is done.

I had that many people at our wedding and I didn't get a chance to talk to everyone. Finding a place to hold everyone as well as the cost of food might be a problem.

doozer1345 · December 2015

If you're going to invite that many it will probably be the same rule as a wedding: only half will show up. Also, if you're having that many I would skip the games and opening presents portion. Your host will need to accommodate for children (meaning planning something for them to do or all hell is going to break loose). The men are going to be really bored there unless there's alcohol or something for them to do... The more people you have the more you have to skimp on the traditional activities included in a shower and the more expensive it can get from all the extras accommodations. I've heard of men having somewhat of a bachelor party for dads to be but treating it like a diaper party instead of a stripper party. So if your DH is wanting to have something for him that's an option and takes some pressure off your host.

sosweet487 · December 2015

Wow..... 175? I'd be lucky if we had 20! My friends and family are all over the state. I don't want to have multiple showers. If I did then it would probably be only 5 people at each. I'm actually getting a little bit of anxiety that I wont be able to have a "big" shower with everyone. I'm afraid of having a shower and then having no one show!

Pascal86 · December 2015

doozer1345 said:

If you're going to invite that many it will probably be the same rule as a wedding: only half will show up.

...Unless you have a situation like me and my husband where we live in the same city we both grew up in, and have all of our family and friends here. About 95% of the people we invited to our wedding came (I heard you can typically expect 20-30% to not show). When we invite people to big events, we have to plan on them coming!

Soontobejones33 · December 2015

Wow I feel like I'm antisocial after reading how many people are being invited to showers. Won't have near that many I'm sure. 175 is alot of people to feed. Shoot, 50 people are alot to feed. I agree that showers should feel more intimate. I had about 80 people at my wedding and didn't get to speak to everyone. I like the games because otherwise people are just milling about eating and talking. That sounds boring to me. And I can only take it in short spurts. I'm sure you can guess I'm not a big housr party goer. Need some activities to keep me entertained.

On a side note, I hate the term "gift grabby". It feels so insulting. People like getting gifts, especially ones that are helpful. I don't see anything wrong with that. No one is forcing people to attend or buy a gift. I throughly enjoy getting gifts. No shame here. I also, when not baby drained, enjoy giving gifts.

ashlitas · December 2015

DW is part of a huge family, and generally the whole family is invited. The best baby showers I've been to on her side of the family have been pretty casual affairs in the park (which is a big benefit to living in Southern California). Men and kids are welcome, carne asada and corn are grilled, and there is a minimum of party games. They set up a few "activity stations" for folks who are interested in that sort of thing (onesie and bib decorating with puffy paints, a pool where folks guess what day the baby will be born and how big s/he will be, etc). Most people just chat and play with the kids, even when presents are being opened. Since we will likely have a lot of people attending, I hope our shower is the same.

NigerianHair · January 2016

Seems like a lot. But ive been to similar baby showers. Im nigerian and we just love a good party. Im at about 60 for a co ed shower. Babies are ok in my book... From what folks planning it are telling me, we are having a $1000 budget for it all.

Par13 · January 2016

Wow - I personally wouldn't have a shower with near that many people, but it seems to work for some. I prefer small showers where there's a chance to hang out with everyone.

My shower for DS1 had about 30 people that attended and even that felt like a bit too many people. We ended up with like 4 or 5 tables, which seemed like it really broke up the people and conversations. My ideal shower would be like 10-15 people where everyone could eat at 1 or 2 large tables and then move to an area with sofas and chairs for the gift opening portion.

Baby Shower Guests... How many is too many?

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