Pregnancy & Mental Illness Check-In?

homebird · January 2016

I know it's kind of early and there will be a lot more joining us in the weeks to come, but is anyone currently pregnant and diagnosed with Depression/Anxiety (or any mental illness for that matter)? Would you be interested in a check-in?

I am diagnosed with Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. These past two weeks have honestly been hell for me. Each pregnancy has been hard in the beginning because, although I'm on medication, it doesn't seem to be enough to deal with the first trimester hormone surge. And I can't take klonopin anymore *sobs* I'm seeing my therapist once a week right now and trying to work through it as best I can.

mom2adoodle · January 2016

As a Marriage & Family Therapist I very much would appreciate this thread! I respect anyone and everyone enduring mental health issues, pregnant or not. But especially pregnant! Good luck to you and all who check in.

reesaXden · January 2016

I, personally, do not struggle with this but big hugs and well wishes to you.
My mom has always battled with mental illness and I know the struggles she's had to overcome.

*hugs.

persingerma · January 2016

I see my therapist regularly for Anxiety, and I tapered off my anti-anxiety meds when we decided to start trying for a baby. It's been hard at times, and I'm definitely grateful for my support system. I'm also trying to join a mindfulness-based stress management course this month.

@homebird If there's anything we can do, even just a ready ear, please let us know!

estellegetty · January 2016

I have ADHD and have had to come off my adderall. It's been managable since I've been off work for the past two weeks -- I'm a primary school teacher. But I am already stressing out about how my disorganization and "fuzziness" will impact me (and my students) once I go back to work.

Thank you for starting this thread @homebird.

MojieJo · January 2016

I have depression and anxiety. My depression has been almost completely under control for probably a year now (although it was severe in the past) but my anxiety is still an ongoing, fairly severe problem.

I'm off all of my anti-depressants other than Trazodone (which I take for sleep because of severe insomnia caused by fibromyalgia) but I still take Klonopin (I cut down right before our FET, although I'm on a fairly low dose to start with - I'm taking 1mg a day now) for my anxiety because my doctors have decided that it's better for me to be on it than to be constantly panicking. I also have a prescription for Propranolol (since my anxiety tends to manifest itself physically these days, in the form of a racing heart and extremely sweaty palms/feet, which then leads to racing thoughts and panic), but I haven't taken it in months because it makes me nervous that it will cause problems with blood flow to my uterus. My psychiatrist and my RE tell me it's fine, but I'd rather not take the chance if I can get by without it.

I considered going off all of my medications, but my doctors have repeatedly emphasized that, in my case, the stress that would come from being completely unmedicated would probably do more harm than the small risk that comes with being on the medications that I'm currently taking. They feel that I'm making a good compromise by cutting back without going completely off meds.

I'm hesitant to mention this and it may get me some flack, as I realize it's a controversial issue with some people (particularly when it comes to pregnancy), but I'm going to be honest. I'm also a medical marijuana patient (prescribed for my fibro, but MMJ is also a huge help for my anxiety), but haven't used since before my FET, even though my doctors support me if I do decide that I need it, since they view it the same way they do my other meds. But again, I'm not using because I can get by without it and would rather not expose my baby to it if I can avoid it. It's just not a risk I want to take, even if it means being in chronic pain and having more severe anxiety as a result.

I do find myself having anxiety attacks and moments where it seems like everything is overwhelming and scary (I struggle with uncertainties and pregnancy is full of them), but I'd say, all in all, that I'm in a pretty good place. I'm feeling positive and looking forward to the future in spite of the anxiety that pregnancy brings with it. I'm not fully recovered and I may never be, but I'm okay with that. These have been lifelong problems for me and I accepted them a long time ago as part of who I am. I'm not my diagnoses, but I am someone who suffers from mental illness.

estellegetty · January 2016

@MojieJo thank you for sharing and being so honest. I really hope that you can find some peace during this pregnancy. I always say that you can't judge someone else until you are in their shoes.

foxxytwt · January 2016

Thank you for starting this and I would love to participate. I have struggled with anxiety and depression in the past. I had several years med free and was great. I had pretty bad ppd after my son and began therapy again. I was so lucky my hospital has a women's emotional wellness center in it so my therapist specialized in pre & postnatal issues. I was also able to remain med free, although I'm not opposed to meds at all. I am also a therapist, working mostly with family and adolescents and wasn't at all trained in these specialized issues.

My hormones took a dive yesterday (I had to double up my progesterone the day before due to my us taking out the suppository) and I felt the darkness creeping in. I called my therapist to start going in again. She has also set up at the hospital to be notified to come check in with me when I deliver. We were proactive during my first pregnancy knowing I most likely get ppd but the symptoms manifested differently than we expected so this time I plan on just being in therapy to help us all

MojieJo · January 2016

Thank you @Smallinetta.

I've had to develop a bit of a tougher skin since becoming an MMJ patient (so many judgmental people out there, even before I was pregnant), but I've found that most people are far more understanding and supportive than I could have ever hoped for. Sometimes there are people who want to vilify me and I won't lie, it hurts, but then I remind myself that this is about my health and well-being, mentally and physically.

I'm sure that I'm going to run into people during my pregnancy who don't approve of my being on any medication, but I absolutely agree with you that you can't judge someone until you're in their shoes. They aren't me and they aren't my doctors. I just have to do the best I can to be as healthy as I can, for me and my baby.

I think that, in the end, this will be a good experience for me to go through. Every time I find myself thinking positively instead of giving in to the fear of "what if", it makes me stronger and every time I make it past another hurdle without letting myself be sucked into the old familiar panic spiral, it gives me the incentive to keep going.

I'm so proud of myself and all the other mamas out there who struggle and persevere, even if it means taking baby steps toward our mental health and well-being. We're not perfect and that's okay.

FireInWonderland · January 2016

I have severe anxiety and situational depression as well as PTSD. I was on a mixture of medications for a while but nothing ever seemed to help, and I only get to see my therapist every two months because the VA is so backed up. A huge issue for has always been finding a good therapist. Now I've found one and even though I rarely see her enough to get great benefit from it I don't want to mess with it because I haven't found anyone better that can help more regularly.

When I first decided to start TTC, I came off all of my meds. This immediately made things better and worse in a lot of ways and finally I cracked and tried acupuncture to help with the anxiety. It has made a WORLD of difference. I am more stable and easier to be around, and even with the pregnancy hormones kicking, in the mood swings are still manageable. Now that I'm pregnant we can adjust the acupuncture to accommodate for those extra hormones, which should help!

I have also found that exercising helps reduce the anxiety some and always seems to help me lift out of the situational depression when it strikes. Though yet to date, my PTSD is still relatively rampant and uncontrolled; thankfully the triggers are very specific and easy for me to avoid 87% of the time.

chickendancefever · January 2016

I have anxiety and depression. My psychiatrist is tapering off my Paxil and easing me into Zoloft. I tried going off of Paxil on my own (such a bad idea, don't do it) and it led to the worst depression of my life. I'm very nervous to go off of Paxil again, but hopefully the tapering off will help.

@MojieJo I also have fibromyalgia and I deal with insomnia.

MojieJo · January 2016

@chickendancefever It's miserable, isn't it? Do you get the "I got run over by a semi truck" feeling if you don't get a good night's sleep, too? I've never been sure if it's a common thing or if I'm just unlucky.

I also tried going off meds on my own once (quit Elavil cold turkey after more than 10 years on it; terrible, terrible idea). I should have known better because I'm actually a psychologist myself (BA and MA in clinical psychology, although I normally work with autistic children, so medications aren't my area of expertise, not being a psychiatrist), but I was desperate to get off of the Elavil because it was wrecking my marriage (it completely killed my sex drive and we were on the verge of divorce as a result). I ended up with horrific physical withdrawal symptoms (couldn't stop shaking, couldn't regulate my body temperature, couldn't sleep, horrible nausea, pain everywhere...it was a nightmare) and depression so severe I thought I'd never recover. Ironically, that's how I found out that I had Depression (with a capital D), since I was actually taking it for my fibro. I'd had bouts of depression before when I was a kid, but never considered the possibility that I actually had Major Depression.

When I went off my anti-depressants this time, my psychiatrist slowly eased me off of them by doing a combination of slowly switching me to another, less potent medication and then cutting back on my dose week by week. Much better. I still had some minor withdrawal issues (probably because it was still considered a somewhat "fast" discontinuation rather than a months long process done in tiny increments), but nothing compared to the first time.

homebird · January 2016

Thanks so much to everyone who responded! I feel like an odd duck so much of the time because while everyone else is THRILLED to be pregnant, I struggle. Don't get me wrong, this pregnancy was planned and I am so grateful for it, but my brain doesn't seem ready to hop on board the excitement train yet.

Mornings are the worst for me. I think a lot of it is due to negative self talk, which obviously feeds into the anxiety and depression. Hoping to get the hang of things soon so I can enjoy a few days of peace before the morning sickness starts! Haha.

I'll try to remember to do one of these every week or every other. If I forget feel free to start one without me.

homebird · January 2016

I was thinking about acupuncture today and wondering if it would help. Maybe I should look into it.

foxxytwt · January 2016

@homebird please let us know what you find out. I'd be interested in trying it myself.

KaKip · January 2016

Hey all, I'm lurking from the May 2016 boards but I struggle big time with anxiety and I heartily recommend acupuncture!

I also have permission from my psychiatrist to take Klonopin sparingly as needed so @MoijeJo you are not alone. I take Buspar and Zoloft everyday too.

Thinking of you all!

MojieJo · January 2016

Nice to know I'm not alone, @KaKip.

I may have to look into acupuncture since you ladies are recommending it so highly. I've been having intermittent bouts of physical anxiety lately (mainly shakiness and very sweaty hands and feet). So far I've managed to keep most of the emotional parts of it at bay, but there's always that nagging "what if" feeling that I worry could spiral into something worse if I let myself get too bogged down in thinking about all the things that could go wrong.

chickendancefever · January 2016

@MojieJo Yes! I definitely get that hit by a truck feeling when I don't sleep. You are not alone. If I don't get good, quality sleep, I am in so much pain all over, I feel nauseous, and I get migraines.

FireInWonderland · January 2016

@homebird @foxxytwt @MojieJo when you are looking for your acupuncturist (my recommendation after going to 2 different places before finding someone I was comfortable with) make sure you can do a consultation and that they are asking you about your physical and mental health and medications, but also check out their credentials and reviews. I don't know if it's the place I live in or if it's normal everywhere to have a few hacks, but the first place I went to had punctured someone's lung and the second said my medications didn't matter. They do. Also make sure you trust your acupuncturist.

I have had nothing but wonderful experiences with the acupuncturist I chose. She is wonderful and acupuncture has improved me 300% from where I was. Also, with the anxiety improvement it has helped my mood swings and can be adjusted to compensate for your pregnancy hormones.

ETA extra names and info.

MojieJo · January 2016

@chickendancefever It sounds strange, but I'm glad to hear it. Not because I want you to suffer, but because sometimes I feel like I'm crazy. My mom is the only other fibro sufferer I know "in real life," so I don't really have anyone to compare my symptoms to. It's crazy the amount of ways it can manifest itself.

Thank you, @FireInWonderland! Those are things I never would have considered. I'm not sure how easy it will be to find someone around here, since I live in a small town (although I'm an hour away from a major city), but I'm definitely going to have to look into it.

chickendancefever · January 2016

@MojieJo I totally get that. I'm glad that I have someone to relate to, but I'm not glad you have it.

ememoh · January 2016

@homebird Thank you for starting this thread. I know what you mean about not being on board the excitement train. At times I am (and I want to be so much!) but worries and anxiety are at the forefront.

@MojieJo My family practice MD wanted me to wean off of bupropion completely and I outright told her that made me very nervous. So I ended up calling OB and speaking with a nurse there who spoke with an MD there who then gave me the OK but also suggested I see a perinatal mood disorder specialist who I'll be seeing on Friday. I'm guessing the outcome will be similar to yours--that the risk of me being the way I was before I started Wellbutrin is going to be more than the risk of me taking the medication. I do want to discuss whether they think I should transition to something else at some point that would be a safer/better option while breastfeeding, but we'll see.

ememoh · January 2016

I'm very glad this check-in is here because my anxiety and depression were acting up today. I had a small anxiety attack (reigned it in pretty quickly) because I was concerned all day that my breast soreness, which has been my only really noticeable symptom so far, had pretty much disappeared today. My husband, bless him, was trying his best to comfort me and kept saying "you're doing everything you can do" and "I promise it's going to be okay" which both set me off even more. I know I'm doing everything I can do! That's not what I'm worried about--it's about the things I don't have any control over. And he can't promise that it's going to be okay--that's not the case for many, many pregnancies, unfortunately.

Up until now I feel like I've been doing pretty well of maintaining the attitude that "I'm pregnant today, so I'm grateful for today." But now that I'm getting more emotionally attached, I think it's going to get harder to fend off the doubts and fears.

MojieJo · January 2016

@ememoh I'm cautiously optimistic that things will go well with my OB once I transfer to her/him from my RE. So far, I've had good experiences with my doctors being understanding, but there's always that lingering fear that I'm going to end up with a doctor who doesn't understand the dangers of my being unmedicated and will push me to stop taking my psychiatric meds.

Of course, my RE has mentioned that he has a few friends in the area who are OB's that he could refer me to who will be understanding of my medication situation, so I don't think it's going to be a problem unless they end up being too far away from our house for it to be reasonable for me to be under their care. There are a handful of hospitals fairly close to us even though we live in a small town (probably because it's a suburb of a major city), so it's also going to depend on where the doc we pick has privileges (and I've had bad experiences at all three of the closest hospitals so we're not sure where we're comfortable going for the delivery just yet).

---

On the mood front, I'm actually doing better in the last couple of days aside from a minor freak out over whether or not a different brand of HPT was giving me a slightly lighter line than the one I'd taken previously, which didn't last long and didn't escalate beyond a vague feeling of unease.

I feel like the initial surge of fear has died down somewhat and I don't feel that sense of impending doom lingering over me all the time. I'm definitely more emotional (crying at random internet videos, anyone?) thanks to the hormones, but I don't feel particularly emotionally fragile, if that makes sense.

I'm just hoping that when I make the switch from my RE (who I'm very fond of and comfortable with) to an OB, it'll be smooth and won't cause my anxiety to flare up. The nice thing about being under my RE's care is the sheer amount of monitoring and the frequency of appointments involved in fertility treatments. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle "leaving the nest" and seeing my (new) doctor less frequently, since I tend to need a lot of reassurance that things are progressing properly. I guess I'm getting a little taste of that now, though, since I'm not seeing my RE every other day like I was during the lead-up to my IVF. It's been kind of weird having a week between appointments (from my second beta draw to my first u/s on the 6th), but not overly anxiety-inducing.

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