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September 2015 Moms
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DH Can't/Wont Put Baby To Sleep

xJKxORxJKxOR member
in September 2015 Moms
LO is currently 17 weeks and I'm the only person who can put him down for naps or bedtime. He's EBF and I sometimes end up nursing him to sleep but a lot of times I rock him to sleep in our rocker chair or by walking around the nursery.

I do this for every nap time and MOTN waking. With the crazy teething/wonder week/growth spurt/sleep regression this also means I am stuck holding him for the length of his naps.

DH works full time so has never been around for naps. He is amazing with playing with him, changing him, and bathing him though! He is usually the primary caregiver in the evening when he gets home unless LO needs to eat!

However, we are now on week 2 of DH 5.5 week paternity leave and he refuses to be involved in sleep routines. He's loved being home and is actively involved in everything else except sleep times. He tenses up, is impatient, pouts, and says he can't put LO to sleep because "he doesn't have boobs". I've tried to explain that it's hard work and sucks for me too; I admitted I just wing it until I find something that works! He is so helpful in every other way but sleep times suck right now and I wish I had a break.

Should I just resign myself to the fact that I'm the "sleep person" or is there anyway to encourage him to help with this?
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Re: DH Can't/Wont Put Baby To Sleep

  • Yiggle09Yiggle09 member
    We are ep but I still always do the big going to sleep regimen the first one where he never wants to sleep lol my husband said he thought I liked doing it cause it creates a special time for just the two of us which is true so I do it every night. I do all baths and fingernails. He does night waking between 8 pm and 1 am then I'm 1 to usually 6 it works for us to split the shifts
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  • ElleMF728ElleMF728 member
    My typical response is that he should help but I would be a hypocrite.  I do most bedtimes with DS2 while DH does bedtime for DS1 usually.  DH does do naps when he is home though.  If you are nursing to sleep it does make more sense for you to do it but if you are wanting a break maybe just have him take over rocking for 10 minutes or so while you use the restroom or grab a sandwich.  It doesn't sound like he is adverse to helping just that he feels a little out of his depth with this particular task.  Something like a few minutes here or there may make him feel a bit more comfortable than the whole "putting LO to sleep" job.  YH may just need to get some confidence in that arena before he is able to do it by himself.  

    The one thing that would bother me is that he refuses to rock him to sleep after nursing MOTN.  I would expect a little help with that at least on the weekends. There is also no reason why you can't hand him over once he is sleeping.  My husband has his own baby bjorn that he uses to wear DS2 while he watches football, something like that could really work for your husband and give you a break since LO will probably just fall asleep in Dad's carrier. 
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  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    I think your DH needs to learn how to put him to bed or down for naps as well. It was always easier for me to put the baby down for naps because he fell asleep easier when I was soothing him, but I asked my husband to take care of nap duty every other time so I could get a break (especially because I'm breastfeeding so meal time is always my responsibility). It was frustrating for my husband at first because it was easier for me, but he got the hang of it and now baby usually falls asleep faster for him than he does for me!

    This has especially come in handy the last few weeks as baby has started waking up every hour or two at night and needs to be soothed back to sleep (which usually only takes 10 minutes but requires getting out of bed). If my husband wasn't taking every other shift, I would get no sleep whatsoever!

    It also helps that he knows how to put him to bed at night. This is normally my job and I nurse him to sleep, but last night I took some "me" time and saw a movie and wasn't home for bedtime, so DH gave the baby a bottle of pumped milk and baby fell asleep immediately after finishing his bottle and DH put him to bed. He'll be putting him to bed at least once a week now since I'll be doing girls night and deserve a little break!

    I would explain to DH that he is just as capable of putting baby to bed as you are, tell him a few things you do that work, and then tell him he needs to take a few shifts and let him do the easier ones at first (such as the morning nap or bedtime when baby is probably most tired). Remember, DH isn't "helping you out" by taking a nap/bedtime shift ... he's being a parent! I've had to remind my husband of this a few times when he was giving me attitude about doing something for the baby and that I'm not the "default parent" and it's just as much his responsibility to take care of the baby as it is mine.

    But, kudos to your DH for being an awesome daddy in every other way! :)
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  • jwebbbber45678jwebbbber45678 member
    He just needs to find his own tricks. I used to be the one to get baby to sleep by breastfeeding and/or rocking in the glider. My husband tried to get him to fall asleep but got very frustrated that he couldn't. Then he started bouncing him on the yoga ball and it worked! In fact it worked so well that this is now basically the only way baby will fall asleep! He no longer falls asleep any other way! My husband puts on head phones and plays with his phone and bounces baby in the dark room. Works wonders! So just have him try different method and when he finds one that works his confidence will soar! Once he knows that he can do it he'll want to do it more often and you can alternate evenings like we do.
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