FTM not having a baby shower

JoMunson · December 2015

Any FTM not having a shower/registering? I had a bad experience with my bridal shower (that I also didn't want) where only about six people showed up when my maid of honor invited 20 and I don't really like being the center of attention. I elected not to register because it seems gift grabby to me, especially since I'm not having a shower. I just don't plan on getting that much stuff for my baby and feel like my DH and I can afford to purchase what we need.
A family member today was sort of shocked that I wasn't having a shower- her exact words were "but they're FUN! And people buy you expensive stuff!". I was diplomatic but I'm wondering if I'm really that odd for electing to not have a shower.

Pregghers · December 2015

I'm really on the fence about having a shower. People keep asking me and my answer so far has been "Well, I'm not throwing myself one..." I moved a few years ago and most of my close friends are about 1,000 miles away from me. I assume there wouldn't be a large turnout if I had one here. I also hate being the center of attention. I don't really enjoy being given presents either, I find it awkward.
I definitely get where you are coming from.

dsmith211 · December 2015

I may or may not be having a shower but I still registered. I did it for the completion discounts you get at the end. Even if you don't share it with anyone that discount on the stuff you need would be pretty helpful. I know you said you didn't need much, but every little bit can help. Plus I wanted to keep track of all the things I needed.

Personally I don't see creating a registry itself as gift grabby. A shower just for the sake of gifts if you really don't want one sure, but lots of people do baby registries without having a shower.

yogahh · December 2015

No shower for me - mil wanted to throw one for "her friends" but I turned it down. I have a registry, mainly to use as a way to keep track of what we need, but I will give the info to anyone that asks/ wants to buy us a gift. I didn't have a wedding shower either nd don't love the idea of showers that much in general. I find them a bit antiquated but hey that's just my opinion.

JoMunson · December 2015

EDIT: I did make a "wish list" I can share with people who get on my case about a lack of registry but I haven't showed it to anyone.

ayeshaohara · December 2015

I hate the gift grab too but choose to look at it as gifts for my baby, not me. And I know that we certainly couldn't afford everything so we appreciate the help. Friends and relatives expect the shower so I said ok. I've had people inviting themselves to it too! I have a strict rule about no games though...that's my idea of hell!

Pomegranate1983 · December 2015

DH and I have decided to do a "pre-birthday party" instead of a baby shower. There are a few reasons for this. We wanted to have one gathering where our both men and women from our family and friends are invited, not just girls. DH has many single guy friends so a "pre-birthday party" would be more welcoming than a baby shower. We also want it to be informal (maybe at a park) where people could come by, hang out, play with their children, visit with us, and not require much for lavish food or games. It also takes the attention off of us and puts it on our little girl, which connects with the registry we'll do so she will have what she needs. If people don't bring a gift, oh well. We will be happy to have them there to help celebrate her. In other words, what we have in mind is a hang out to celebrate this new life. For us, this is an even more joyous event because we have been trying for a long time, went through the fertility clinic and I had a surgery. Even if this was our second or third, I think we would still have one because any new life is something to celebrate

Edited to address registry.

Charissadeats · December 2015

Some people actually LOVE to get gifts for others. Even if you don't have a shower you will get stuff - so rather share your list so you get the RIGHT stuff.

caterin · December 2015

No shower here as well. But my family and friends from Germany will give us something once the little one is born simply because we don't have showers in Germany. My close family will take care of bigger items like stroller, furniture, bassinet. But friends and extended family will send something. It's not typical to let them know what you want or having a registry, simply being thankful for gifts they pick.

JoMunson · December 2015

charissadeats said:
Some people actually LOVE to get gifts for others. Even if you don't have a shower you will get stuff - so rather share your list so you get the RIGHT stuff.

That is so true! And for me, I feel like the gifts are more meaningful if they're given without a social obligation. Then it's more of a "saw this and it made me think of you".

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

I don't find showers fun at all. I despise both bridal and baby showers. I had two baby showers with my first. I may not have enjoyed them but we've been on a tight budget for awhile. They were very helpful for us financially. But if that isn't an issue for you, no a big deal to just not have one.

pia_colada · December 2015

My family and friends really want to throw me a shower since its been 9 years since my last and I'm having twins this time. However I too don't like being the centre of attention and with my first, I was 19 and unable to buy most things on my own. Now that we're independent, own our own home and can afford everything we need it really means a lot to me to be able to choose and buy my own things without worrying how expensive it is for someone else to buy. We have made a registry but it's secret and I use it to keep track of things I want and for the discount after. I am thinking of creating a separate one for the shower with smaller gifts OR just state on the invitation diapers only. but yes as someone stated before ppl love to give gifts especially my family! So it's better to register for things you actually want & need than to waste your time exchanging or returning.

PYLWhammy · December 2015

I didn't have a bridal shower. I HATE being the center of attention. But my mom is insisting on a baby shower. I'm going to need to travel 500 miles each way, and it's going to be really awkward since half of the guests will be friends of my mom's that I've never even met. But they're all so excited to celebrate my mom's new grandchild, haha. It'll be alright. I do appreciate the effort my mom's putting into it. She's adorably excited about it.

At least my mom hates baby shower games as much as I do, so there won't be any of that.

durbie92 · December 2015

I am not a fan of showers either. I don't like being the center of attention but I do like the gifts lol. Halfway joking about that......

I am the last of my friends to have a baby, and most of their kids are old enough to babysit now. Those friends are very excited to throw a baby shower again. So I will go along with it and hey, why not.....as my mom reminded me, I have spent thousands of dollars of their weddings/babies/confirmations/birthdays. Maybe it is my time!

amscape · December 2015

I'm with you guys- don't like being the center of attention or receiving gifts! I'm not sure if I'm having one, honestly. I have a couple close friends in the area, two within a 4hr drive (but $ is tight for them), some family in state, some family across the country. A friend offered to do one & I evaded because she will invite friends I rarely see and I feel bad about that! We only got married last July (skipped having a shower) & it was a small wedding so I feel bad about inviting people who we didn't invite to the wedding and feel bad for inviting the same people who already had to come to the wedding (many bought gifts for that). My sister also didn't have a baby shower last year.
I don't know what to do. I still kind of want one because it's for the baby & MIL was very disappointed when I said we likely weren't having one. We will be moving across the country in the summer so we are trying to buy very little before the move, too.

Jessi1642 · December 2015

I'm also not planning on having a baby shower but instead will invite coworkers and friends over to meet the baby as they were upset that I said no to a real shower. I'm a FTM and have been going crazy buying needed baby items. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford the necessary items so instead will just host an informal meet and greet for the baby after he/she arrives.

KissOfApproval · December 2015

ya I share an unpopular opinion with showers and registries too! I think asking for specific gifts is strange!! This is my child...and if I want something specific for them I will buy it. If you want to give a gift thats totally different! (I don't equate shopping off a registry with gift giving I guess....its forced and weird to me!)

I do think that we will have some people ask us if there is anything in particular we want (grandmothers, aunts, mom, mil)....and I probably should have an answer for that.... but for the most part, we have everything we will need for this baby already!

(also...I should note Im a ftm....so I could be VERY VERY wrong about what I need for this little nugget!!)

concreteayngel · December 2015

I didn't have a bridal shower because it felt unnecessary given that I've lived with DH beforehand and we had all they homey/appliance type stuff. I will absolutely be having a baby shower because I'll be a FTM and you don't realize how much you need and how much it costs until you have to foot the bill for it all yourself. Also, I've been to so many showers that I feel like I've paid my dues and it's only fair to have one of my own now that I'm expecting.

Merciel · December 2015

I'm planning to pass on a baby shower too. It just isn't my idea of a good time. I'd rather spend the afternoon writing.

I'll do a registry just so that people who really want to buy things will at least be able to buy things we want/need (as one of my friends said, "if you don't do a registry, you're going to get four copies of Goodnight Moon"), but as to the shower itself, no thanks.

missnc77 · December 2015

Just an alternate view because my friends did a surprise shower for me. They invited me to brunch at my favorite place, and it ended up being a shower. I hate being the center of attention, but it was perfect. Not only did they give me some wonderful gifts for the baby, but I got to spend time with my friends that I'll be moving away from in 3 weeks. I got to ask questions with everyone there, got to hear their first time birth stories, and all kinds of insights and tips. I got to ask questions about things I'm registering for and what they found most useful. Yes, we ask these questions on this forum, but there's something about having all your friends together and seeing what they all agree on. I realize the point of a shower is to "shower" the guest with gifts, but beyond that, it's also about spending time with people you care about. And cake pops. Can't forget the cake pops.

JoMunson · December 2015

Just curious...how many no baby shower mamas are planning on doing minimalist/attachment parenting? I would definitely be trying to get a baby shower if I thought activity mats or strollers were necessary for my kids development, but I plan on co-sleeping and strapping baby to me for at least the first few months and even in the future I know those damn activity mats are just not in line with how I feel children develop best. At this point, I really just need some cloth diapers, a few more clothes, baby nail clippers, a car seat, and a Moses basket to feel ready.

michellabanana · December 2015

Pomegranate1983 said:
DH and I have decided to do a "pre-birthday party" instead of a baby shower. There are a few reasons for this. We wanted to have one gathering where our both men and women from our family and friends are invited, not just girls. DH has many single guy friends so a "pre-birthday party" would be more welcoming than a baby shower. We also want it to be informal (maybe at a park) where people could come by, hang out, play with their children, visit with us, and not require much for lavish food or games. It also takes the attention off of us and puts it on our little girl, which connects with the registry we'll do so she will have what she needs. If people don't bring a gift, oh well. We will be happy to have them there to help celebrate her. In other words, what we have in mind is a hang out to celebrate this new life. For us, this is an even more joyous event because we have been trying for a long time, went through the fertility clinic and I had a surgery. Even if this was our second or third, I think we would still have one because any new life is something to celebrate

Edited to address registry.

I love this idea! Pre-birthday party! I think that sounds way more fun. I wanted to invite my all my nieces and nephews, because they are the ones that love the games so much! (Especially the poop in the diaper game lol, they actually like making it). Plus they are having fun coming up with more games that are pretty original. Plus I want to make this mock pink champagne recipe I found, but was told I can't lol, cause I'm not supposed to know about it lol. (Even though my parties are the best and most fun

)

Pascal86 · December 2015

missnc77 said:

Just an alternate view because my friends did a surprise shower for me. They invited me to brunch at my favorite place, and it ended up being a shower. I hate being the center of attention, but it was perfect. Not only did they give me some wonderful gifts for the baby, but I got to spend time with my friends that I'll be moving away from in 3 weeks. I got to ask questions with everyone there, got to hear their first time birth stories, and all kinds of insights and tips. I got to ask questions about things I'm registering for and what they found most useful. Yes, we ask these questions on this forum, but there's something about having all your friends together and seeing what they all agree on. I realize the point of a shower is to "shower" the guest with gifts, but beyond that, it's also about spending time with people you care about. And cake pops. Can't forget the cake pops.

I like this the best - now how do I make my friends throw a surprise shower for me???

js8812 · December 2015

JoMunson said:

Just curious...how many no baby shower mamas are planning on doing minimalist/attachment parenting? I would definitely be trying to get a baby shower if I thought activity mats or strollers were necessary for my kids development, but I plan on co-sleeping and strapping baby to me for at least the first few months and even in the future I know those damn activity mats are just not in line with how I feel children develop best. At this point, I really just need some cloth diapers, a few more clothes, baby nail clippers, a car seat, and a Moses basket to feel ready.

People tend to get things at showers that they won't use for quite a while, too. You see plenty of stuff they might not even use until they are 1+ years old. I agree that plenty of parents get way more stuff than is necessary to raise a child, but there are plenty of things that are needed sooner or later.

yogahh · December 2015

JoMunson said:
Just curious...how many no baby shower mamas are planning on doing minimalist/attachment parenting? I would definitely be trying to get a baby shower if I thought activity mats or strollers were necessary for my kids development, but I plan on co-sleeping and strapping baby to me for at least the first few months and even in the future I know those damn activity mats are just not in line with how I feel children develop best. At this point, I really just need some cloth diapers, a few more clothes, baby nail clippers, a car seat, and a Moses basket to feel ready.

I'm not doing anything minimally. But I am an adult, with a job, and can afford my own activity mats. I don't need a party to be able to get one. That's what I hate about showers. I would never have a party in order to get things I can't afford myself. And I figure since my husband and I decided to have a family, we should be prepared with the funds to support said family.

Pascal86 · December 2015

yogahh said:
I'm not doing anything minimally. But I am an adult, with a job, and can afford my own activity mats. I don't need a party to be able to get one. That's what I hate about showers. I would never have a party in order to get things I can't afford myself. And I figure since my husband and I decided to have a family, we should be prepared with the funds to support said family.

My hope for a baby shower isn't to get free stuff, it's to get used stuff. Just not sure how to handle the logistics of asking for things from a large group of people without a registry. Obviously a lot of things need to be new, like diapers, but I would like to go minimal in terms of how much new stuff I purchase, just in a small attempt to reduce the amount of new things that are being manufactured/eventually thrown away. I don't know that many people with babies, but I assume if I asked shower guests to reach out to anyone they knew, there might be a lot of people out there looking for ways to get rid of their old things.

wsgjmw1 · December 2015

Personally I didn't have a good experience at my bridal shower. I am grateful for all the gifts I got but it was pretty awkward for me most of the time. I am not stoked on having a baby shower either but my mom is adamant about it, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. In general I am not a fan of any types of showers. At least this is the last one in my foreseeable future , haha!

Lillie0309 · December 2015

My baby shower is being called a "celebration" and we are just cooking out- it will be hot in Texas by then- and having everyone bring their gifts unwrapped and having more of an open house/hang out day. I used babylist.com for registry and am also creating registry items like "hand me down clothes" "dinner for the family" and other things that don't have to be purchased but are gladly accepted.

FTM not having a baby shower

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