Episiotomy Anger

sadyy131 · December 2015

Overall I had a good and ready delivery, but as the days go on I am getting progressively more angry at the fact that I had an episiotomy. I'm more pissed that they never told me or got my consent, but they asked my cosent for a numbing shot prior. I thought they were giving it to me because she was crowning and it hurt like hell, but obviously not. Afterwards when I asked why they were stitching me up, the doctor said it was because they "helped me a little" and I tore on top of that. What also makes me so angry is that they had a student doctor sew me up. And he told the student to sew me "like a baseball", like she had no fricking clue what she was doing. I was on oxygen and crying in pain and because they had taken my baby to work on her and SO went with her, so I couldn't even voice that I didn't want the student to sew me (they never asked for my consent about that either). I know birth plans pretty much go out the window, but out of the three things I wrote, one was no episiotomies unless vital and the other no students. My daughter was 8 and a half pounds and I'm a first time mom, but I don't believe there was a medical emergency where it was vital for them to cut me. And no one in the hospital would tell me what degree it was. Another OB that came to visit me the next day claimed that I probably didn't get an episiotomy because they rarely do those, but the nurse showed me that in my charts it says I had one.

After coming home from the hospital I was in so much pain that I called my OB (he didn't deliver LO the on call did) and told him that I needed something for the pain. He said that they only "cut a small amount" even though the nurse (the fourth nurse I asked and finally told me) said it was third degree.

So while the pain has gone away some, it is coming back. Especially when I make a BM, afterwards I am in so much pain and I'm still taking the Stool softeners. I'm almost a month post partum and have my PP appointment Monday. I looked about two weeks back to see what it looked like down there, but didn't see much. But last night I had SO take a picture so I could see better. HOLY HELL do I wish I didn't look, I wanted to cry. My poor bagina looks like it went through a shredder (sorry for the graphics). The stitches aren't even stitches, it looks like I have a clear plastic tooth pic holding everything together. And, the incision goes all the way to my butt, right to the side of my hemoroid. The doctor will check it Monday I'm guessing, but I don't even know what to say. I'm just so angry about every aspect of the decision and I don't even know if saying something would help, especially since my doctor didn't deliver LO.

Sorry for the long story, just wanted to see if any of you other episiotomy moms had a similar experiences.

mcdoug211 · December 2015

I'm also a first time mom I only pushed about 20 min and could feel the pressure of her head (I did have an epidural) then the doc came in, I pushed 2 more times and could really feel she was right there then he asked one of the ladies in there for a local and I saw the needle I asked if he was going to cut me the nurse said no then started to say something else and the doctor cut her off and said "yes I am" and she looked confused. My husband and I think she didn't think I needed it. It was really upsetting and I was real mad that I hadn't been in the loop at all and he didn't intend on even telling me he was going to do it. I haven't looked in depth at it but my doctor never checked at my pp appoitment so I hope everything is normal..I'm sorry your experience was so terrible it seems doctors don't feel the need to get consent before slicing someone open..

cdepperschmidt · December 2015

I did not get cut, but DH said the doc tore me with her fingers. Afterwards, when she was sewing me up, she said I had 2nd degree tears. My baby was big, 9.2 and sunny side up.I had been pushing for over two hours and in labor about 16. No one ask me either, but i didn't think they had to since it's not a drug.

Im sorry you're unhappy about the whole situation. However, there is couple of things to remember. They do what they can do get the baby out as quickly and safely as possible. Also, students learn best by doing. What better time to practice than under the guidance of a doctor.

Honestly, it will get better! I'm 7 weeks PP. The pain and stitches were not 100% gone/healed until 5 weeks.

However, they should have given you pain meds! My OB sent me home with 800mg ibuprofen and 5mg percasets (sp?). I only took 1 or 2 percks once I was home, but the ibuprofen was not enough for the first 3 days.

LydianG · December 2015

I would be livid. For sure say something.

Pontot31 · December 2015

I'm shocked at the number of women who are still getting episiotomies. It's such an outdated practice and typically only given if it's an emergency and baby needs to be out fast or mom is struggling.

You have every right to be mad. You should be advised of and have a say in every part of your care. Doctors should not be cutting women without their consent.

Peanut1128 · December 2015

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I understand where you are coming from, I felt very tramuatized for a week or two after my labor and I'm still dealing with the physical side effects. My doctor told me I had a fourth degree tear but my husband said that the doctor actually cut me front to back. They didn't ask me but honestly in my case, it was either that or a c section as my son was sunny side up and partially stuck in my pelvis. They used a vacuum to suck him out.
I felt very out of control the entire birthing experience, pretty much nothing went the way I hoped and I didn't feel empowered to make any decisions. When I'm ready to have another child, I plan to switch to a midwives group and unless I have to I will not be induced again.
Things will get better. I'm 4 weeks PP and most of the pain has gone away. My doctor told me to take stool softeners for 3 months and take it easy for 6 weeks.
I hope you feel better soon. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about what happened.

Ceridwen77 · December 2015

Pontot31 said:
I'm shocked at the number of women who are still getting episiotomies. It's such an outdated practice and typically only given if it's an emergency and baby needs to be out fast or mom is struggling.

You have every right to be mad. You should be advised of and have a say in every part of your care. Doctors should not be cutting women without their consent.

All of this. I'm so surprised that some doctors do these so routinely. My hospital said they rarely do episiotomies, only if it's a serious medical need. Definitely say something!

cbolton19 · December 2015

I would say something. Your feelings are valid. I'm really sorry that it was so hard. Is there a group you could talk to? I know the birth center I was planning on birthing at (had to transfer to the hospital) had groups specifically for women and their partners that are upset about their birth experience. The group is open to anyone and everyone. I don't k ow if there is anything like that in your area, but it would be worth looking into. I hope talking to people about it can help you feel better about it all.

kwaldy · December 2015

Ceridwen77 said:

Pontot31 said:
I'm shocked at the number of women who are still getting episiotomies. It's such an outdated practice and typically only given if it's an emergency and baby needs to be out fast or mom is struggling.

You have every right to be mad. You should be advised of and have a say in every part of your care. Doctors should not be cutting women without their consent.
All of this. I'm so surprised that some doctors do these so routinely. My hospital said they rarely do episiotomies, only if it's a serious medical need. Definitely say something!

I learned something about episiotomies during my delivery. My midwife said most doctors don't do them anymore because they cause women to tear more than they would naturally. It's like taking scissors to fabric and then it rips easier when you pull on it. Crazy to me that doctors still do it....

sadyy131 · December 2015

kwaldy said:

Ceridwen77 said:

Pontot31 said:
I'm shocked at the number of women who are still getting episiotomies. It's such an outdated practice and typically only given if it's an emergency and baby needs to be out fast or mom is struggling.

You have every right to be mad. You should be advised of and have a say in every part of your care. Doctors should not be cutting women without their consent.
All of this. I'm so surprised that some doctors do these so routinely. My hospital said they rarely do episiotomies, only if it's a serious medical need. Definitely say something!
I learned something about episiotomies during my delivery. My midwife said most doctors don't do them anymore because they cause women to tear more than they would naturally. It's like taking scissors to fabric and then it rips easier when you pull on it. Crazy to me that doctors still do it....

And that's exactly what happened! They cut me, and I tore more. Makes me wonder if they had just let me tear what would have happened

flas · December 2015

I would have ratheres an episiotomy than to tear up to my urethra and clit. As for a student, I had one doing mine and I was glad to help her learn.

sarahsnowball · December 2015

I hope your OB can shed some light on what happened based on your medical file. With DS1 I had a forceps delivery with an episiotomy, which resulted in a 3rd degree tear. It was very traumatic and it took a long time to come to terms with what had happened. When I became pregnant this year and spoke with a consultant about my birth options, we talked about my previous birth and he was able to offer some explanations to fill the gaps in my understanding of the situation.
With DS2 I had an unassisted vaginal birth, but a repeat 3rd degree tear. Already I have been treated so much better! Doctors have talked my through my 'injury', referred me to physio and I will be attending my hospital's Perineal Trauma Clinic when I reach 8 weeks PP. They have made every effort to keep me informed during this whole process.
I guess my point is that I've had a crappy experience in the past too, but it did help to have an idea of why decisions were made during the delivery, and you definitely need a full explanation about the extent of your tear.
Also, after both births (in 2 different hospitals) I was taken to theatre to be sewn up. Both times they explained that this was due to the severity of a 3rd degree tear, so they could repair the tear with the best lighting and give me a spinal block.

rachswi · December 2015

flas said:
I would have ratheres an episiotomy than to tear up to my urethra and clit. As for a student, I had one doing mine and I was glad to help her learn.

This was me. My midwife asked if she could give me a episiotomy because she noticed that the way things were stretching down there, I would tear up instead of down. I decided that the episiotomy and subsequent tear down were far preferable to a tear to the sensitive lady bits.

lyankowi · December 2015

I just had to be at peace that doc was going to do an episiotomy, same doc delivered both babies. DD1 was 9lb 10oz. This time he did try to stretch me but said baby was too big DD2 8lb 9oz. I was not numb for the stitching part which sucked but made it through. 6week PP check Dr said he missed some internal tearing and that they healed into pockets and now I have vaginal cyst that I have to watch. Not too upset about the episiotomy but the cyst concern me.

mrsgabus · December 2015

I did not get an episiotomy but I did tear this time . My nurse asked me twice If there was anything she could do for me during labor, both times I said make sure they dont cut me.

The hospital I birthed at does not do them routinely but she said if medically needed they would do it.

from what I have been told before they do not need your consent to do them as the paper you sign when you are admitted covers them doing it if necessary.

Also it usually includes med students as well.

Ds1 my doctor was in the room but a med student delivered

Ds2 My doctor delivered

Dd1 the on call doctor delivered but during my inducement I had a med student check me

mamavbs · December 2015

My episiotomy was because of how fast everything was going. After a 20 min labour and him out in 8 mins, I had no time to stretch at all. They were happy to just see what happened but My LO's heart rate dropped really low from the stress of the pace.

So I'm not angry about it, my birth plan was to do whatever it took to get my baby out safely. It was also a second VBAC so I was keen to stay out of the csection category. For me it was a compromise. They didn't ask me though, I was too out of it in pain really but they checked with my DH and we already Had the agreement: whatever was safest for both of us.

I've had a ton of issues with it since, it's been a real struggle recovery wise. I've been angry at that :-( It was an actual surgeon that cut and sewed me up so I honestly thought that could help my recovery as it was all done by a top professional... But it hasn't.

I would perhaps look in to counciling to discuss it and help you come to terms with it. And ask your doctor what you can do about the hospital... I'm unsure how it works in the US but we have a whole council we can complain to if we do not feel like we've received the duty of care that we are entitled to.

Episiotomies are shit.

ColoradoHiker · December 2015

Your feelings are valid, and obviously not uncommon. I had an episiotomy, but baby was sunny side up, in distress, and the vacuum didn't work after many attempts (DS has a full head of hair!). They did not ask me beforehand, although I heard the OB ask for lidocaine shot to numb the area.

DS came out fine in the end, but I'm still dealing with the mental side of the birth. I'm not angry about episiotomy, bc otherwise I would've ended up with an emergency CS, but it doesn't mean I'm unaffected by what happened overall either. This is the one thing I feel like my midwives did not ask about at my postpartum appt that they should have, how I was processing the birth and what happened. They all want to know about ppd or if you have support at home, but this is something that contributes to your mental status after birth. Just bc it is over doesn't mean it's not playing on repeat in your head, especially if it didn't go the way you planned or hoped it would.

ASalton1 · December 2015

While I didn't have an episiotomy, (my baby was 6lbs 14 oz and I did have an epidural but I could still feel her coming out) I did suffer a first degree tear and need two stitches. Doesn't sound like much except when I examined everything with a hand mirror it looked/ still looks awful. The bottom of my vagina where the stitches still looks open, like there is an extra flap of skin or something, I assumed I was just swollen and when I asked my mom about it (she delivered two kids without meds and had an episiotomy with both) she informed me that babies wreck your vagina and it will never look the same. I'm so sorry but I'm guessing this is just the cost of giving birth regardless of how big or small our babies are.

rubirubi89 · December 2015

DH and I wanted to high five my OB for doing an awesome job with my stitches. I had a second degree tear from having to use a vacuum to get baby out. It was barely even needed, baby slipped out with one pull! I Needed 3 stitches and by the 3rd week when I was finally brave enough to look they were gone.

Could the pain you are having be from the hemorrhoids? I swear those things hurt me more than the stitches did! Preparation H helped a lot with the swelling.

seelwood · December 2015

I can't imagine not being informed...after pushing for 3 and a half hours my doc felt I was coming close to needing assistance with a vaccum ... Before taking that step she let me know she was going to make a small cut.. I was told what was happening through my entire birthing process and after when she was stitching me.I'm sorry you feel that way, I would not appreciate that at all and would make it known !

satindawl83 · December 2015

OP...I could have written this exactly (except for the student doing the stitching). I was going to, but then decided it is what it is.

I'm 3 weeks PP and am still in considerable pain from my episiotomy. Apparently, baby's heart rate was dropping and that was the justification. The doc went from possibly using the vacuum to just cutting me without consent. My understanding is that episiotomies are one of the procedures (unlike a cesarean) that don't require explicit consent.

In the hospital, I didn't realize how painful it was because they were constantly giving me meds. They discharged me without meds and the pain became unbearable. No one at the hospital told me what to expect, other than that the stitches would be gone in two weeks. I went to my doc two days PP and she said everything looked normal, and that the pain was going to get worse before getting better.

As the days have gone by, and I've done more research, I'm pissed about it, but I think I'd be more pissed if something would have happened to our baby because the doctor didn't have to foresight to get her out quickly, and risk possible brain damage.

We'll eventually heal, just focus on being thankful you have a healthy baby in tow.

brownloveone · December 2015

sadyy131 said:

kwaldy said:

Ceridwen77 said:

Pontot31 said:
I'm shocked at the number of women who are still getting episiotomies. It's such an outdated practice and typically only given if it's an emergency and baby needs to be out fast or mom is struggling.

You have every right to be mad. You should be advised of and have a say in every part of your care. Doctors should not be cutting women without their consent.
All of this. I'm so surprised that some doctors do these so routinely. My hospital said they rarely do episiotomies, only if it's a serious medical need. Definitely say something!
I learned something about episiotomies during my delivery. My midwife said most doctors don't do them anymore because they cause women to tear more than they would naturally. It's like taking scissors to fabric and then it rips easier when you pull on it. Crazy to me that doctors still do it....
And that's exactly what happened! They cut me, and I tore more. Makes me wonder if they had just let me tear what would have happened

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. Definitely say something and stick to your guns. When I had my first 17years ago it was a student who did everything and he gave me an episiotomy, and sewed me up before the the after birth came out! I was ripped to shreds! He then sewed me up again all wrong like yours. I went to the er a week later because of the pain and because I saw his handy work in a mirror and was horrified and freaking out. An older Dr. saw me and cut the stitches to relieve tension and pulling. He stitched me up again and gave me antibiotics and pain pills. I had to go to an ob he recommended to check on the stitches a few days later. I used an inflatable donut for a few weeks and it healed nicely after that. I did wait a year before having sex again, but that was my choice I was so traumatized from the pain.

MercyC1130 · December 2015

Things have been feeling, generally, pretty okay down there.
I was cut, and ended up with this degree. Recovery was rough for first couple weeks.
I really haven't checked on what is going on down there in a while.. I am nervous about it.
My 6 week is coming up and I'm sure/still hoping that all is healing up well.
I'm at 4 weeks now..
I was pretty pissed about being cut, and am not sure it was super necessary for what I had going on. I'm not sure though, but want to ask at my 6 week.

I am terrified of having sex because of it.
Or to ever use a tampon again for that matter.

sadyy131 · December 2015

I had my PP appointment today at 4 weeks and doc said the stitches looked fine, but to refrain from sex for another month or two?? I thought 6 weeks was the norm. He again said that the incision was minor, and I said well a third degree doesn't seem minor to me, especially since you want me to wait 3 months to have sex. I am super frustrated because he basically covered the other doctors ass. I did get a referral to see a counselor though; hopefully that will help. Thanks ladies!!

MercyC1130 · December 2015

sadyy131 said:
I had my PP appointment today at 4 weeks and doc said the stitches looked fine, but to refrain from sex for another month or two?? I thought 6 weeks was the norm. He again said that the incision was minor, and I said well a third degree doesn't seem minor to me, especially since you want me to wait 3 months to have sex. I am super frustrated because he basically covered the other doctors ass. I did get a referral to see a counselor though; hopefully that will help. Thanks ladies!!

Holy shit... Yeah, I'm with you in that it doesn't seem minor.
I was third degree too, so now I'm a tad more nervous..

Glad they said it all looks good down there though. That's always good news, lol.

mamavbs · December 2015

I had an appointment today and thank god it's finally starting to heal!!! Doctor wants to see me in another four weeks, when she's confident it will all be okay. fingers crossed. I'm in a lot less pain after the antibiotics, so I can finally see some light at the end of my tunnel. She advised me not to have sex for another 4-6 weeks to allow everything to be completely healed and settled. Tbh I'm going to be having sex for the rest of my life, I'm willing to take the break if it means a fixed vagina!

sadyy131 · December 2015

mamavbs said:
I had an appointment today and thank god it's finally starting to heal!!! Doctor wants to see me in another four weeks, when she's confident it will all be okay. fingers crossed. I'm in a lot less pain after the antibiotics, so I can finally see some light at the end of my tunnel. She advised me not to have sex for another 4-6 weeks to allow everything to be completely healed and settled. Tbh I'm going to be having sex for the rest of my life, I'm willing to take the break if it means a fixed vagina!

Lol true! Glad you're feeling better. I actually am not minding not having sex for 2-3 months. The thought of having sex is pretty scary at the moment lol. I'll need a couple glasses of wine before the big moment.

mamavbs · December 2015

@sadyy131 oh ditto. I'm gonna need a bottle!

themarievon · January 2016

I am 4.5 weeks PP. I had an episiotomy too because LO was in distress as evidenced by a low HR (had a "remarkably short cord" per dr. who delivered him). The doc said she wanted him out faster because they were concerned with his HR. I pushed for about 20 mins, labor was 15.5 hours. Every time I pushed though his HR which was low to begin with would plummet.

As far as the cut. It seems to have healed well, but doc said its only the third one she's ever done in 20 years in practice :-( I am so nervous to look that I really haven't yet although it's not painful anymore

mamavbs · January 2016

Issues issues issues.

I'm not reviving this for snowflake purposes, it's more as an information source for anyone else who has the same issue.

Blah blah I had a shit time with my episiotomy, stitches split 3 days later, it's been hell. Let's fast forward and I'm now 10 weeks PP and still in pain. Had swabs, no more infection so wtf is with the pain. After a few trips to a&e one weekend (yeah it was that bad) I'm told that I have a serious amount of granulation tissue from my body over healing the wound site. Dr Google says that granulation tissue can occur anywhere on the body and is usually painless.

Dr Google is a lying bastard.

So anyway, finally had an answer for why it hurts to sit/stand/pee etc. Went to my consultant this week for a small procedure with silver nitrate sticks, they used them to try and burn off the tissue. Again, dr Google says this is a minimally invasive procedure that shouldn't hurt.

Dr Google is a lying bastard.

It hurt. It stung like hell and felt like it was still burning for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, consultant then decides that the tissue is too deep and so I will need proper surgery under general anaesthetic so that she can "cut the tissue out".

it has taken TEN WEEKS of pain and discomfort, numerous doctors trips (I was told repeatedly that these things usually sort themselves out blah blah). Ladies, if you are in pain, If something doesn't feel right, make sure you get checked out.

Waiting for my surgery date now which should be soon. Hey, I may even get to have sex at some point this year

haha

sadyy131 · January 2016

mamavbs said:
Issues issues issues.

I'm not reviving this for snowflake purposes, it's more as an information source for anyone else who has the same issue.

Blah blah I had a shit time with my episiotomy, stitches split 3 days later, it's been hell. Let's fast forward and I'm now 10 weeks PP and still in pain. Had swabs, no more infection so wtf is with the pain. After a few trips to a&e one weekend (yeah it was that bad) I'm told that I have a serious amount of granulation tissue from my body over healing the wound site. Dr Google says that granulation tissue can occur anywhere on the body and is usually painless.

Dr Google is a lying bastard.

So anyway, finally had an answer for why it hurts to sit/stand/pee etc. Went to my consultant this week for a small procedure with silver nitrate sticks, they used them to try and burn off the tissue. Again, dr Google says this is a minimally invasive procedure that shouldn't hurt.

Dr Google is a lying bastard.

It hurt. It stung like hell and felt like it was still burning for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, consultant then decides that the tissue is too deep and so I will need proper surgery under general anaesthetic so that she can "cut the tissue out".

it has taken TEN WEEKS of pain and discomfort, numerous doctors trips (I was told repeatedly that these things usually sort themselves out blah blah). Ladies, if you are in pain, If something doesn't feel right, make sure you get checked out.

Waiting for my surgery date now which should be soon. Hey, I may even get to have sex at some point this year haha

That is hell on earth and I am so sorry! I finally had sex 7 weeks PP and it hurt like bloody hell. It's getting better, but trust me you aren't missing out on the sex lol. I hope you have a speedy recovery!

dramaphile · January 2016

mamavbs said:
Issues issues issues.

I'm not reviving this for snowflake purposes, it's more as an information source for anyone else who has the same issue.

Blah blah I had a shit time with my episiotomy, stitches split 3 days later, it's been hell. Let's fast forward and I'm now 10 weeks PP and still in pain. Had swabs, no more infection so wtf is with the pain. After a few trips to a&e one weekend (yeah it was that bad) I'm told that I have a serious amount of granulation tissue from my body over healing the wound site. Dr Google says that granulation tissue can occur anywhere on the body and is usually painless.

Dr Google is a lying bastard.

So anyway, finally had an answer for why it hurts to sit/stand/pee etc. Went to my consultant this week for a small procedure with silver nitrate sticks, they used them to try and burn off the tissue. Again, dr Google says this is a minimally invasive procedure that shouldn't hurt.

Dr Google is a lying bastard.

It hurt. It stung like hell and felt like it was still burning for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, consultant then decides that the tissue is too deep and so I will need proper surgery under general anaesthetic so that she can "cut the tissue out".

it has taken TEN WEEKS of pain and discomfort, numerous doctors trips (I was told repeatedly that these things usually sort themselves out blah blah). Ladies, if you are in pain, If something doesn't feel right, make sure you get checked out.

Waiting for my surgery date now which should be soon. Hey, I may even get to have sex at some point this year haha

Oh man, that's awful! I have a tiny bit of granulation tissue from my test and it definitely hurt. My midwife did offer silver nitrate and I was going to do it, but then she went to get it and they were out. She'd also warned me it was going to hurt for a couple of hours after, so I decided to just wait it out and see if it heals instead of coming back to get the silver nitrate treatment. That sucks your doctor didn't warn you about the pain.

. Good luck with your surgery, hopefully it fixes your pain.

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