Viral Pregnancy Announcement Videos - Depressing Rant

strickland8052 · December 2015

Between that viral video of the deaf man finding out he is going to be a dad and the grandma seeing her granddaughter for the first time, I'm just not in a good place today. Before the loss, pregnancy announcement videos made me so happy, because I would dream of the day that I got to do that. Now I can't deal with them. Even if/when we do get a BFP, I know the announcement will not be near as happy. It will be stained with worry, doubt, and fear of "what if it happens again." Do you ladies feel the same?

ceclarlinetlo · December 2015

yep

piccprincess · December 2015

Most definitely. I couldn't even watch that one with the deaf man. Some days I even think my family will just have to figure it out as we get further along

RiverSong15 · December 2015

Yep. I can't handle announcements at all now. I deleted Facebook off my phone, actually, because it is ALL babies all the time. And it's like a twist of the knife every time - especially when I see people on their second or third kids. I spent 8 months on the bench because of my thyroid before we could even start TTC, so things like this started to bother me then. Going through my loss now, I know I just can't handle seeing the people who post cute announcement photos, or the parents who post five (not exaggerating!!) or more pictures of their kid EVERY day. Nope, nope, nope-ity, nope!

ETA: a gif that accurately represents my approach to social media right now...

Kurtni · December 2015

The one with the deaf dad pretty much destroyed my night last night. I was in bed sobbing over my daughter's memory box all night.

I gave my husband a giftbag to open when i told him and recorded it too. I didn't share it, just kept it for us. I haven't been able to watch it since our loss.

I don't even know how to describe the feeling of watching those videos. It's not resentment, I would just do anything to go back to that moment myself and knowing I can't is just depressing.

chloe97 · December 2015

I don't watch those. If I see them, I scroll past. I'm doing much better now I am almost 4 weeks post-D&C and getting ready to TTC, but I don't tempt fate by watching anything pregnancy or baby-related.

Does anyone else worry that they won't be as excited to announce the next pregnancy? I have been thinking about it and I just don't know how and when we will tell people. We were so happy and lighthearted when we told our families last time at that time and I just don't see us being that excited next time. Like I couldn't even IMAGINE doing a video or telling anyone the news without using extreme caution. Even after we get the anatomy scans, I can't imagine feeling like we were out the of the woods. My miscarriage has stolen my innocence and it makes me sad because I feel like some joy will be missing from future pregnancies.

strickland8052 · December 2015

@chloe97 - I know exactly how you feel about being worried about future announcements. I feel like I will want to preface it with "Please don't get too excited about this, because who knows what will happen in the future, but...."

The decision of when/how to tell seems even more complicated with DH's family, since they don't know about the loss. DH doesn't want to tell them, but I really want them to know so that they don't get too excited about the next one. Since my friends and parents know about the loss, I feel like they will have measured expectations. It is sad that they probably won't have as excited of a reaction, but at least I won't feel like I'm setting them up for potential disappointment .

I've come to terms with how I will *try* to feel if we are so lucky to get pg again. I will be excited for the life I have at that time, but I will try to limit planning for the future that isn't guaranteed. I'll try to focus on what is and not what could be months later. Unfortunately, that isn't so easy when you bring others into the mix, since they will be focused more on the actual getting a grandchild/niece/nephew part.

It sucks... it is like I'm hoping other people don't get excited.

chloe97 · December 2015

@strickland8052 EXACTLY. A few years ago, one of my best friends called me to tell me that she wasn't going to be able to make a party and blurted out "I'm Pregnant". Before she could say another word, I screamed "Congratulations!" Well turns out it was her 4th pregnancy (I had no idea about any of them) and turns out that she had to miss the party because she was on her way to the doctor to see if she was going to lose that baby too. She ended up getting diagnosed with luteal phase defect and had a healthy baby a year later, but I just remember her reaction to my congratulations. It was like my words had physically hurt her. Unless they have been through it before, people don't get it. I know I didn't.

I go back and forth because I am adamant next time that I am not going to feel like I have to hide this medical condition that is happening to my body. I mean it's not fair that pregnant women have to put all this effort into fake drinking at parties and pretending not to want to throw up every 10 minutes just stop some people from wanting to prematurely celebrate. I know the people who know how difficult the last month has been for me will understand, but everyone else- well unless they have been through it- they won't get it !

FireInWonderland · December 2015

strickland8052 said:
I've come to terms with how I will *try* to feel if we are so lucky to get pg again. I will be excited for the life I have at that time, but I will try to limit planning for the future that isn't guaranteed. I'll try to focus on what is and not what could be months later. Unfortunately, that isn't so easy when you bring others into the mix, since they will be focused more on the actual getting a grandchild/niece/nephew part.
It sucks... it is like I'm hoping other people don't get excited.

That's exactly how I feel right now. How can I get excited when I'm so scared of another loss? And I don't want other people to get excited either, because then I'll feel guilty for not being more excited. DH and I decided if we get pg again we aren't telling anyone except a couple really close friends who know we just lost the baby. That way we have friends we don't have to pretend around, but we know they won't keep asking us, or make it weird for us.

Edit for addition: we are NOT telling my MIL if we get a BFP. Not until I'm at the end of my 2nd trimester. Can't/won't go through that again, eff no.

mrsbenjamindaniel · January 2016

I know our situations are a little different (i have one boy and have had 2 m/c's now in a matter of 6 months) but seriously you read my mind. You are NOT ALONE hun. My hubby and I want to TTC again this month but I seriously feel the same things you are right now---not wanting people to get too excited about something that's not guaranteed. My sister-in-laws are both due this year in the next couple months, one of them just announcing her pregnancy over christmas with family and everyone is just flipping out over the new babies coming while i was freaking out about "how do i tell them not to get as excited for me as they did with my sister-in-laws? (when/if we do get pregnant again)".

It's so hard because I know if I ever got a BFP again, I'm going to be happy but I'm going to feel such a rush of emotions and worry too. I almost don't even want to tell anyone when/if we do get pregnant again until 2nd Tri, when things are less risky for me personally but even then...

It's so hard, but reading your thoughts on this made me not feel alone. Thank you for being brave and sharing

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