Due in July and our dog has aggression with children...help

KerriHassan · December 2015

My husband and I are having our first baby this July and while we're so beyond excited, we're both overcome with sadness because the more professional advice we seek, the more it looks like we have to find a new home for our 1.5 year old rescue dog that we adopted when he was a puppy. He's like our baby 80lb baby. He is fantastic with us, a big loving mush of a dog but as he got older, we noticed he does have some issues. A behaviorist diagnosed him as having territorial fearful aggression and unfortunately fearful aggression is tough because the dog doesn't even give you a sign, he goes from a stare to lunge at whatever he's afraid of.

He started showing fear of children when he was a puppy after a friend's child pat him a bit too hard. I think his fear of children started from that day because whenever that friend came over with her son after that day, our dog would hide behind us & urinate himself in fear. We immediately seeked professional training help after that fear turned to aggressive barking at the child last Fall and he once lunged at the child while on a leash. We've continued working with him/trainers but the stress really set in when we found out we were pregnant. My poor husband's anxiety levels are through the roof right now yet we both love the dog so much. A new baby just came into the family a month or so ago and we've slowly let him see and be near her on a leash, out of harms way to see how he does and he's done fairly well, barked a little at her but we just don't feel comfortable letting him off a leash near her or any children which is obviously a huge concern considering we're going to have a new baby in our house 24/7 come July. The incident that really scared us because it reminded us that he can be unpredictable sometimes, is a couple weekends ago when visiting the new baby, our dog lunged and bit our in-laws parents puggle out of the blue, no warning. This led us to be seriously concerned with his unpredictability and many trainers have told us they think we should just find him a new home without children or other pets.

He's the best most loving dog with my husband and I and our families...it's literally breaking my heart to have to consider finding him a new home but we know we have to do what's best for our baby. I feel awful because my husband and I should be so happy and excited right now, being pregnant for the first time but instead, all we are thinking about is how we probably have to find a new home for our dog, who is like our son. I can't stop crying and I can't imagine this is good for me or the baby on top of all the pregnancy stress/hormones. Has anyone else had this happen to them?

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/vt/puhmsu6rfwg2.jpg

laughinghare · December 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I can relate as my dogs are my babies as well. Based on what you're telling me I lean toward the side of finding him a new home. But you have time and I would try every option first. Fearful aggression is harder to deal with but the more exposure he gets to what he's afraid of the more comfortable he'll be with it. Try EVERYTHING you can think of to expose him to his fears and then reward him big time when he acts appropriately. Do it every single day. And introduce baby gear to him early on and give him treats when he sniffs or goes near these items. Try getting a lifelike baby doll and place it in different areas of the house and reward him every time he acts well around it. Go to dog parks, walks where there's lots of people and kids and strollers. Keep him under your control and reward the heck out of him for good behavior. If all goes well and you decide to keep him after baby comes take some precautions. For example, never let the baby near dog's food, toys, or personal territory. Set up a safe place for your dog that he can retreat to if he feels afraid. You can start training on this now. The most important thing to remember with this type of dog behavior is that it never truly goes away and you can never let your guard down. Always be in control. I wish you the best of luck! All you can do is try your options. The answer will follow.

elenabrent · December 2015

We have a 3 year old lab/beagle mix that has fear based aggression, which means that when something scares her she hides and then waits for an opportune time to sneak up on whomever scared her and nip their ankles. We've worked extensively with a trainer and socialized her a lot, and now we know the signs of when she's "sharking" someone. She's never nipped a kid, but she's terrified of them and will bark at them if they get too close. So, I definitely understand where you're coming from.

HOWEVER. Our dog trainer made a really great point that has helped ease my mind a lot. She said that the dogs will smell how my body changes over the course of the pregnancy, and that when the baby comes it will smell like me/us. The dog will know that it is a part of the pack and accept it as one of hers to protect. I'm not going to go leaving my baby/toddler alone with her, but that conversation (and conversations with friends affirming that this happened with their dogs), has me hoping that she'll act towards our child the same way that she acts with us (which is the sweetest ever).

ETA: At this point I'm more worried that our crazy 2 year old beagle/corgi mix will lick the baby to death.

Jmcc9713 · December 2015

@elenabrent I have the SAME concern with my Maltipoo licking the baby to death haha. DH and I just had a conversation last night that we are going to put a fake baby in a cosleeper and start training the dogs that they aren't allowed to go near it. Sounds dumb but I'm hoping it will save my baby from being woken up by an excited puppy who wants to give kisses.

elenabrent · December 2015

@jmcc9713 fake baby! Brilliant! We've been really working on the no-dogs-on-the-bed thing because I can just imagine the little one getting all excited and then accidentally jumping on the baby if we're sitting in bed/breastfeeding/watching Gilmore Girls/whatever. My concern about her accidentally pouncing on my pregnant belly out of excitement is also an encouragement to get that wee beastie under control.

KerriHassan · December 2015

@elenabrentThank you for the great advice. We have tried quite a bit already, it's just his large size and quick lunges/unpredictability that terrify us and our families with having a baby around but we will see and have to decide which route to go soon.

DobbysSock · December 2015

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Let me start with saying I believe 100% in responsible pet ownership. This includes not giving up a pet for frivolous reasons. I believe when you bring a pet into your family, you are committing to keep that animal for its entire life span. That said, I do believe that there are very few exceptions where it truly is in the animal's best interest to find a more appropriate, safer home, or, in very rare occurrences, to have it euthanized.

I do believe that when a family member's, and particularly a child's, safety is concerned that is one of the exceptions where I do not think it's selfish or inappropriate to rehome a pet to a safer environment. You know your dog, you have had him evaluated by professionals, and you have seen the distress that he feels when he is around children. I hope you can either find a way to improve his anxiety/fear or you can find a safe, loving home for him and find peace in your decision.

I had a friend who had to make this very difficult decision for her anxious dog when she had her first child. She ended up rehoming him with the woman who had her dog's brother, in an adult-only home. His anxiety and fear issues almost immediately improved and he is safe and happy in his new home. She felt a lot of guilt, but when I think of what the potential other outcomes could have been, I think she made the right decision.

sami1784 · December 2015

I had to rehome my pit/weimariner mix for similar reasons. Not because he's aggressive - he's a very sweet dog who'd be more likely to lick you to death than to ever bite you - but because he's very unpredictable and was already rough around my 4 year old (running past and knocking him down while playing without thinking twice, just a super energetic and playful dog). He's an amazing fit with his new family, who don't have any children, so that made me feel so much better about the rehoming situation. Our bullmastiff will be staying, as he's great with small children, but I feel I did the right thing with my other dog.

If you're have any concerns and reservations about your dog, it'd probably be a good time to think about rehoming.

Nerdchild · December 2015

There was something very similar posted here a few days ago, but that woman was going to 'Old Yeller' her dog so I won't post that god awful thread here for you to reference, I will just summarize some of the ideas the ladies here had.

First, kudos to the idea of rehoming (as opposed to the aforementioned alternative). Have you contacted any rescues to help you find any possible families? They may be willing to work with you, as you don't need them to take the dog immediately (at least for the next 6 months). They may have the resources to help evaluate your pup and have him placed correctly(and hopefully permanently).

Second, you mentioned trainers, but animal behaviorist are much more equipped in dealing with aggression issues. Example: Are you going to send Timmy to a math tutor because he stabbed Billy in the leg with a pencil? No, Timmy is going to therapy.

Third, muzzles are a great and humane tool, especially basket muzzles that allow the dog to drink and pant. If you find a behaviorist that is will to help you with some combination of muzzle/fake baby/real children interaction training, that may help greatly.

Lastly, in my experience (with my male who has a fear of children that I have been able to manage without incident) it is easier to train the children than it is to train the dog. My male dog tends to avoid children, which is great until they become mobile. I took him with me to work when I nannied two kids under four, and was able to teach the kids that they should not chase, corner, yell at, or approach my male. They were permitted to pet him (supervised) if he approached them. Within weeks he became glued to the more mellow child. Supervision is ALWAYS a must with kid/pet combos, as it keeps both from getting hurt. You can prevent the 'aggressive petting' scenario next time by sitting with dog and child and giving constant instruction.

Good luck with whatever option you decide to go with!

Y0urm0m · December 2015

sami1784 said:
I had to rehome my pit/weimariner mix for similar reasons. Not because he's aggressive - he's a very sweet dog who'd be more likely to lick you to death than to ever bite you - but because he's very unpredictable and was already rough around my 4 year old (running past and knocking him down while playing without thinking twice, just a super energetic and playful dog). He's an amazing fit with his new family, who don't have any children, so that made me feel so much better about the rehoming situation. Our bullmastiff will be staying, as he's great with small children, but I feel I did the right thing with my other dog.

If you're have any concerns and reservations about your dog, it'd probably be a good time to think about rehoming.

Wait what? My foster Pitt does this all the time. Should I get rid of her for that? She also nips at his pants when he's running. No, I would never get rid of her for that reason. That's really kind of horrible.

My Pitt has done that probably 50 times when we take them to the park to run around.

Somebody call CPS

Nerdchild · December 2015

@Y0urm0m my oldest dog is super high strung, a 52 lb lab mix. She's a jumper to boot, but so loving and utterly obsessed with all children. We will NOT be rehoming her, as we manage her energy through exercise (treadmill when it's wet and cold), supervision around children, and correction. Thankfully, her 'off-switch' word is 'kennel', and we teach children who come to our home to say 'kennel' loudly and authoritatively at her when she is being too much, and she will flop to the ground and stay there until we 'release' her. 'NO!' also tends to make her back away from whatever she is doing. It's about consistent correction, which means you have to pay attention to your dog all of the time. I think you will be fine, kids get knocked down (and fall down) all of the time.

sami1784 · December 2015

Y0urm0m said:

I had to rehome my pit/weimariner mix for similar reasons. Not because he's aggressive - he's a very sweet dog who'd be more likely to lick you to death than to ever bite you - but because he's very unpredictable and was already rough around my 4 year old (running past and knocking him down while playing without thinking twice, just a super energetic and playful dog). He's an amazing fit with his new family, who don't have any children, so that made me feel so much better about the rehoming situation. Our bullmastiff will be staying, as he's great with small children, but I feel I did the right thing with my other dog.

If you're have any concerns and reservations about your dog, it'd probably be a good time to think about rehoming.
Wait what? My foster Pitt does this all the time. Should I get rid of her for that? She also nips at his pants when he's running. No, I would never get rid of her for that reason. That's really kind of horrible. My Pitt has done that probably 50 times when we take them to the park to run around. Somebody call CPS

Wow... as a person who fosters dogs, you should know well enough that if a dog isn't right for a family, another home should be found. Yet, you chose to go there, instead of realizing that you don't know the whole situation. There's plenty of other reasons, aside from the aforementioned, that the dog was not a good fit and would be better in a more suitable home, and quite frankly, I'm perfectly okay with my decision to rehome. It was better for us and our livestock, as well as he now has a home with no chickens on the property, plenty of room to run, and someone who can stay home with him during the day (since my husband and I both work full time) so that he doesn't have to stay in a kennel. Win-win situation, I would wager.

Y0urm0m · December 2015

@Nerdchild I've had our Pitt just about a month. She is doing so incredible well. I know it takes a lot of commitment and consistency in training but I think we almost broke the jumping habit. Now we are working on trying to get her to stop plowing into people while running 50mph.

Nerdchild · December 2015

@sami1784 To be fair, your original post didn't list ALL of the reasons that you decided to rehome, just that your dog knocked over your 4 year old, which is quite frankly very common in pet/kid combo occurence. We've had a lot of emotions about questionable pet ownership around here as of late, and I think we are all a bit shocked and saddened that the same people who would euthanize a dog for unwanted behavior are going to be raising children (the peers of our own children) in a very, very short time. That being said, the fact that you rehomed your dog to the benefit of the dog and the other animals on your property, and for a multitude of reasons, is responsible. Rehoming a dog for the solitary reason of it knocking over your kid when playing too eagerly is not.

sami1784 · December 2015

Nerdchild said:

@sami1784 To be fair, your original post didn't list ALL of the reasons that you decided to rehome, just that your dog knocked over your 4 year old, which is quite frankly very common in pet/kid combo occurence. We've had a lot of emotions about questionable pet ownership around here as of late, and I think we are all a bit shocked and saddened that the same people who would euthanize a dog for unwanted behavior are going to be raising children (the peers of our own children) in a very, very short time. That being said, the fact that you rehomed your dog to the benefit of the dog and the other animals on your property, and for a multitude of reasons, is responsible. Rehoming a dog for the solitary reason of it knocking over your kid when playing too eagerly is not.

I'll grant that I didn't list all of the reasons in my original post, but post was about dogs and behavior toward children, so I didn't feel the need to elaborate on the other reasons. I wouldn't have ever euthanized the dog, even after he broke into my chicken pen and thoroughly saturated a few chickens with dog slobber by holding them down and treating them like chicken-cicles - at least he didn't eat them. The only time he's ever bit me was when he was determined not to get a bath in the bathroom tub... after I discovered that he did better on a short tie-out in the yard for baths, it was all good. He's a good dog, and he deserved a home that was a good fit. I've checked in several times with his new owners, and they absolutely adore Tux.

Y0urm0m · December 2015

sami1784 said:

Y0urm0m said:

I had to rehome my pit/weimariner mix for similar reasons. Not because he's aggressive - he's a very sweet dog who'd be more likely to lick you to death than to ever bite you - but because he's very unpredictable and was already rough around my 4 year old (running past and knocking him down while playing without thinking twice, just a super energetic and playful dog). He's an amazing fit with his new family, who don't have any children, so that made me feel so much better about the rehoming situation. Our bullmastiff will be staying, as he's great with small children, but I feel I did the right thing with my other dog.

If you're have any concerns and reservations about your dog, it'd probably be a good time to think about rehoming.
Wait what? My foster Pitt does this all the time. Should I get rid of her for that? She also nips at his pants when he's running. No, I would never get rid of her for that reason. That's really kind of horrible.

My Pitt has done that probably 50 times when we take them to the park to run around.

Somebody call CPS

Wow... as a person who fosters dogs, you should know well enough that if a dog isn't right for a family, another home should be found. Yet, you chose to go there, instead of realizing that you don't know the whole situation. There's plenty of other reasons, aside from the aforementioned, that the dog was not a good fit and would be better in a more suitable home, and quite frankly, I'm perfectly okay with my decision to rehome. It was better for us and our livestock, as well as he now has a home with no chickens on the property, plenty of room to run, and someone who can stay home with him during the day (since my husband and I both work full time) so that he doesn't have to stay in a kennel. Win-win situation, I would wager.
-------------------------------
TLDR

But as someone who loves dogs. If you can't train an animal, don't have the time or space for the animal. STOP GETTING THEM.

Nerdchild · December 2015

@sami1784 I'm laughing at 'chicken-cicles', and I'm so glad he's doing so well in his new home.

thebigoaktree · December 2015

When people post issues they're having with their dogs, I now just grab popcorn.

stillcozy · December 2015

@sami1784 we all had an awful thread of putting down a dog just about two days ago this is a highly senstive and devisive post the OP if they had used the search function would have seen that. Everyone is going to have an opinion and being pregnant not everyone is going to sugar coat their triggers. Everyone has the topics and really irk them and I think people being able state their opinions is something valued on this board. It is also important to list reasons for doing things because it does look bad on so many issues when we don't share all the information

sami1784 · December 2015

@nerdchild I'm really glad he's doing so well, too! We got him as a 4 month old puppy, and he was a year and a half old when we rehomed him, so I was honestly sad about the decision, but I feel it worked out well. To be honest, the bullmastiff seems happier too - he's a senior dog and Tux was just way too much random energy for him.

PhoebeJune1984 · December 2015

I think that finding a rescue organization that deals with the breed of your dog is the best bet. There is one in our area for our breed of dog, and they will put the dog in a foster home and usually that foster will work with the dog on issues that they may have (and possibly some training), and then will have a better understanding of what type of home/family would be good for the dog. I feel like putting the dog into a shelter is a disservice to the dog, as they just try and get them out as fast as possible. We got our dog from the shelter (they wouldn't release him to the rescue when they tried to get him), and we were pretty much left with no information on him and his personality. The rescue would have been different, as they would have spent more time with him before allowing him to be adopted, and the foster could have told us more. The rescue did tell us that if things weren't working out, they would take him, since they didn't want him to end up back in the shelter. Giving them to a rescue, is your best bet in them finding a home where someone is looking for that specific breed.

Our friends had to do this with their small dog recently. They had him before they had their kids, and then had three boys (singleton and then twins), in a 18mo span. When the boys were a little older, they were just way too much for the dog (all three have a ton of energy), and he started to get extremely stressed, wouldn't eat, and was losing his hair. They found a nice elderly couple to take him, and he is spoiled rotten now, and spends his days going for long walks and sleeping (peacefully) on their laps or in the sunshine. They hated having to give him up, but they knew that it was in the best interest of the dog.

thebigoaktree · December 2015

I feel like these posts belong on a dog training forum, not here.

Taymiller · December 2015

Stop rehoming your pets. Would you rehome your toddler because they don't get along with the new baby right away?! The answer is no. No sympathy from me ever on rehoming pets, my pets are with me for life.

thebigoaktree · December 2015

The re-homing your toddler part made me giggle a little bit

.

sami1784 · December 2015

@lindsayleigh1989 This post isn't nearly as bad as one on the Sept 2011 board. When I was pregnant with DS, someone who was also on that board posted about how she left her husband's dog out in the summer heat and its tie-out got tangled and prevented it from getting to its water, therefore it died. It was posted when we were all about 7-8 months pregnant and no one had a filter by that point. The post got really messy, really quickly. This post is quite tame in comparison.

stillcozy · December 2015

@sami1784 you get this face because the last thing I want is to be tagged in a horrendous story like that!!!

sami1784 · December 2015

Lindsayleigh1989 said:

@sami1784 you get this face because the last thing I want is to be tagged in a horrendous story like that!!!

lol!! Sorry!

thebigoaktree · December 2015

This whole post is stupid and needs to just end. Let it fade into being on page 8 or 9.

cll915 · January 2016

So when I was 7 months pregnant with my first my doberman was almost 4 and something triggered him to grab my 8 year old rat terrier by the neck throw him on his back and fill on attack him. My terrier did nothing to deserve this behavior. We almost got rid of my doberman because we didn't know how he'd react with the baby. A laval rescue told us that he was at his peak prey drive at age 4 and if we could hold out, just try.

Now he's going to be 6 in April and is the sweetest dog. No more attacks. Let's my toddler jump all over him. He even plays with my terrier. Sweetest dog ever.

He did wear a basket muzzle for a long time and then again when my son was born.

Good luck

howie002 · January 2016

We rescued my dog at a year and a half, and have had him for over three years now. He is the best snuggler ever with us, but when it comes to other people and children, not so much. We have had multiple trainers work with him, and since I have become pregnant, his anxiety is even worse. I fear that something would happen to the baby and I would never be able to forgive myself. I love him more than anything, but overall I think it would be better to re-home him because it would be better for him too. He would be less stressed and anxious. Our trainer happens to also have a pack of dogs himself and takes dogs in to rehabilitate them before finding them a new home. If he can't they become part of the pack. Recently, he took in another dog for this exact same reason. As long as I know he will be in a good place, it is best for everyone involved, including Rusty.

addyplusone · January 2016

OP My now 8 year old blue heeler terrier mix did the same things. Around kids she would bark and snap at them. But in the middle of my second trimester I started seeing her realizing I was pregnant. And when we brought DD home we let her get accustomed to her. Smell her, lick her.. and now she is DD'S biggest protector. We were worried as well, but I'm glad we have her a chance to try!

stephweinstein · January 2016

Taymiller said:

Stop rehoming your pets. Would you rehome your toddler because they don't get along with the new baby right away?! The answer is no. No sympathy from me ever on rehoming pets, my pets are with me for life.

I love my dog but I don't agree with this. If he posed a significant threat to my child I would not hesitate to find him a more suitable home. My child's safety is of the utmost importance.

stillcozy · January 2016

Let this thread die!!!!

Taymiller · January 2016

stephweinstein said:

Taymiller said:

Stop rehoming your pets. Would you rehome your toddler because they don't get along with the new baby right away?! The answer is no. No sympathy from me ever on rehoming pets, my pets are with me for life.

I love my dog but I don't agree with this. If he posed a significant threat to my child I would not hesitate to find him a more suitable home. My child's safety is of the utmost importance.

Ugh this post needs to die. I don't really care how you feel about it, this is my opinion, you have yours, neat.

PugsandKisses · January 2016

Lindsayleigh1989 said:
Let this thread die!!!!

Yes.
Also, OP, change your screen name.

thebigoaktree · January 2016

can we just put this thread to sleep?

Nerdchild · January 2016

thebigoaktree said:

can we just put this thread to sleep?

I see what you did there.

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