Gender reveals - am I overreacting ?

mskeenan · October 2015

I may just be really hormonal and nuts o right now but I don't know why gender reveal parties really tick me off . It seems so self absorbed and showy that it just really irritates me . Is it rude if I don't attend them ? I feel like it's all the rage now and to me it's just silly throwing such a non private event to celebrate the gender of a baby . I just want a healthy baby . I guess who am I to say how someone should celebrate it just really pisses me off . Anyone else share these feelings ? Going through this journey has made me so sensitive I wish I didn't feel so bitter !

Ok end rant !

riveridgional · October 2015

Oh no, most of your post didn't show!

mskeenan · October 2015

Sorry @riveridgional I went back to edit and messed it up !!

KidShrink · October 2015

I think you have every right not to attend. I personally find the whole idea completely ridiculous (and maybe just another attempt to get gifts out of being pregnant? I don't know, are you supposed to bring a gift?).

tripledaggerWed95976 · October 2015

More power to anyone who has a reveal party for the sex of the baby, but I certainly wouldnt. My best friend is throwing me a small Baby shower but that's it. I feel like some people don't understand that their pregnancy isn't THAT exciting to most people. A whole party just to reveal the sex seems very excessive, I don't think I would attend one if invited. A simple Facebook status update should suffice! That's just my opinion though. Like I said, to each his own

mskeenan · October 2015

@KidShrink I don't even know about the gift ! I think I will be declining invites - just don't want people to think I'm rude .

@tripledaggerWed95976 agreed an announcement sure but an extra party ? Baby showers are one thing ... But another party seems like a bit much .

cnvolner · October 2015

I know a lot of people are doing a gender reveal with immediate family and a few friends. Just to share the news all at once. Then doing a shower later. I also know a lot of people are waiting to reveal until the baby shower, choosing to list neutral things for the registry. I think it's just a bunch of BS to throw a party for it.

I personally don't want to know the gender ahead of time. My husband disagrees and wants to know. I guess that's a battle we'll tackle whenever it's a reality.

vnegron87 · October 2015

@mskeenan I would attend only if it is very very close family where the parents might not want any particular member feel bad because someone else found out before them (bc news like that travels in a second lol) so you tell everyone that matters at the same time (and in this scenario its probably more of a gathering than party). If it's with the purpose of receiving gifts then i think the intentions are wrong.

What i don't get are those that throw a lavish baby shower, probably spending more on the shower itself than the presents that they receive...isn't the purpose of a shower to help the parents get on their feet by helping them with what they need? I guess it's all about priorities and getting them in order...

Soverthis · October 2015

Of course people can do what they want but it sounds silly to me. Infertility or not I would not attend. You do what feels right to you. People think there needs to be a big to do about everythng these days. Good luck

KidShrink · October 2015

@mskeenan : do people know what you're going through? Can't remember if you've mentionned that elsewhere? I've been blessed with mostly awesome friends and family, and when DH's cousin had a baby shower, I was invited, but with a sensitive note that they'd understand if I preferred not being there. Maybe people would just get the idea? Or you make up some thing you had already planned...?

riveridgional · October 2015

If it would be hard for you, you have every right to decline. I'm in the minority here, but I love the idea. Maybe it's because I always wanted to wait to find out the gender but my husband is dead set on finding out in advance. It's a good middle ground for us, where I still get the surprise and get to immediately celebrate with my family and close friends. I hate Facebook announcing anything as the means to tell people and after going through IF, I won't even put any pregnancy announcement on FB ever. I never want to unknowingly hurt anyone with an unnecessary announcement in a public platform. If I really care you know, you'll know. Anyway...that's my little FB rant and divergence. Regarding gifts, I always thought it would just be a party to show family and close friends I appreciate them and are excited to have them in my baby's life. I would expressly state no gifts, but hold a diaper raffle where you get a raffle ticket to win a gift card to a nice restaurant for each bag of diapers you bring.

That being said, especially with everything going on in your life right now, it's completely understandable you might not want to participate.

Whiggrrl65 · October 2015

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I think gender reveals should either occur at the planned baby shower or with a small group of family and friends with no gifts. It just seems very over the top to me.

amma31 · October 2015

I totally agree ! I I find them pretty annoying is and as you were saying self-absorbed . The only person that really cares that much about the gender of your baby is your baby daddy and your own mommy and daddy . The first time I was invited to one I thought I was being invited to a baby shower and then when she explained it to me I was like Huh ? Oh so this is like instead of the shower ? Oh you're also having a shower ? I was trying hard to keep a straight face, and now everyone's doing it !

mclorn · October 2015

I like any excuse to get family and friends together, but I also think it's fair for you to graciously decline an invite.

riveridgional · October 2015

See, I don't see it as being self-absorbed at all. The first questions I hear anyone ask a pregnant woman is how far long is she and does she know the sex yet. Also, we've had work pools for the gender and many bets on friends and family members on the sex of the baby. I think it's an interesting and exciting part of someone's journey, and from my experience, people are legitimately interested. Obviously not as excited as the mom and dad, grandparents and aunts and uncle's to be, but still exciting to experience as a friend or more remote family member. I don't know though. I do live in New Orleans where we'll have a party or get together for just about anything and celebrate just about anything. . .

vnegron87 · October 2015

I can imagine that our opinions are different partially because of our life experiences. Mine stems from a community where most people are living well beyond their means and do not make much financially to begin with. Every penny counts and with a baby on the way, instead of saving for food and diapers, they buy unnecessary items to throw a gender reveal. But now that I'm thinking about it, I can understand their excitement and wanting to be surrounded by everyone celebrating with them. Its just such a hard place to be when you want them to be happy but they also need to learn to make smart financial decisions when preparing for a baby...idk what i think anymore. Ultimately though, if your invited to one and do not feel comfortable being there then i think it is perfectly acceptable to kindly decline.

kaitlink33 · October 2015

I personally think it is dumb to have a party for it, I think it is kind of cute when people have a few photos done as they do some cute reveal, but a party I think is overkill especially when most of these same people want a baby shower as well. My brothers girlfriend's sister is pregnant and just had a reveal party the other day where she got gifts and is also having a baby shower where she expects gifts as well even from the same people. And yes, she has said this out loud and is not ashamed.

Whiggrrl65 · October 2015

I just found out that my best friend is doing a gender reveal but limiting it to immediate family. I think that is the way to do it --and will be fun for the soon to be grandparents --but it won't subject anyone else to the actual party.

Wicked4589 · October 2015

I think they are ridiculous. My husband and I went out to dinner and opened the picture together. We surprised my parents my showing them the going home outfit. His mom is making the curtains for the room. So we told her by sending the fabric to her. Everyone else will find out at the shower.

emsmama15 · October 2015

I think the parties are silly, but I like the concept to do with your husband or immediate family.

HBamama2B · October 2015

I'm all about family get togethers, but not keen to put on a gender (sex) reveal for us. DH and I just don't care and would prefer not to put emphasis on the our future offsprings' sex. It is a personal choice for us, no judgement on others, and I can completely understand why such parties might be off-putting to any IF couple who struggles for the joy of a H&H 9 months. You are not obligated to attend any function that would make you unhappy or uncomfortable! If it brings them joy, great! But that is for them and those that would be happy at the event.

kuposa17 · October 2015

For me, it depends on the type of party, tradtional or modern/progressive. I refuse to go to tradtional ones during the day, females only, everyone sits around oohing ahhing at presents, etc. And if the traditional shower is a gender reveal, I kinda think that's going over the top, a wee bit self-absorbed. No offense to anyone who likes that, and I will still be supportive and send a gift. But if it's a more modern shower where men are invited, there's music, drinking, and just a FEW baby decorations, and they want to spend a few minutes making an announcement of the gender, I am totally cool with that. I threw a shower like that for my friend who wanted a more party-like atmosphere (mocktails for her of course) and it was really chill and low-key. It was more of a celebration (she had 2 miscarriages and most of the guests knew how big a deal it was that she made it past 20 weeks) and not so much a "help them get started with baby items" type of event.

AdorkablePixie · October 2015

I'll go ahead and throw in my two cents. I've never known anyone personally who has had a full out party. I know someone who made cupcakes and had her immediate family over to tell them that way. I don't see an issue with that. I want a get together to reveal the gender of our baby. I want my midwife to send the gender to a bakery and I want to have a cake made. I then want my in laws, my mom, and my brothers to be there. That's it. I don't want presents, I don't want it to be a big deal, I just want them to be there to share in our excitement when we find out.

I definitely don't feel like people should have a big party for it and get gifts, that's a little selfish in my opinion. They're already going to get a ton of gifts at the baby shower!

obizyanka · October 2015

I think its silly and annoying honestly- but I can definitely say its because of all I've been through. I'll be thrilled to have any healthy baby who cares what it is. If I did not have all the problems and everything was super easy than maybe I'd be a fan of the idea...who knows.

villacis811 · October 2015

I think to each their own. I don't plan on finding out the gender if/when it happens but I do feel like by making that choice I am missing out a little bit. I see how cute these parties are and all the excitement it builds up. One of my very good friends is pregnant and I actually talked her into having one. Even though I am going through all these issue I am very happy for her and was very excited to find out what she was having. She kept it very small with only 2 friends and everyone else was immediate family. I would totally understand if someone who is going through infertility doesn't want to attend but i dont think we should be upset with others that are celebrating their joy.

Colleen0516 · October 2015

I think to each their own too!!.
Personally, I want to wait until the day the baby is born. But---my husband wants to know before....
The struggle has been hard for both of us- so compromise is key! I want to wait because I want that exciting suspense.... I want the excitement of the ... It's a......
Soo the gender reveal party seems to be a perfect solution. Excitement. Celebration. Suspense. Knowing.

Plus I'm a New Yorker- I do everything big lol

But I think every mom and dad have a right to their opinion... All don't need to agree and be the same. Everyone does what's best for them! Especially those who struggle with infertility!

twomommiestobe · October 2015

I don't think you are overreacting. I went to one and was miserable. There was no indication about gifts, so I took one. Only one other person did, so they should make it more clear, I would have saved my money since she is having two showers (that we are attending and I am sure will bring gifts bc it's the "right thing" to do). I figured since all the mom to be does is talk about her registry on facebook and post about the stuff they have already gotten as gifts, she was expecting gifts at this party as well.
I thought it was ridiculous because everyone wore the color of what they wanted it to be, blue or pink. And we all saw the disappointment in the dad's face when it was a girl and he wanted a boy with his blue shirt on. Seems very stupid. So in all the pics half of the family looks pissed bc it's a girl. I am sure that little girl will one day see those pics all over facebook.

HBamama2B · October 2015

@twomommies that is a sad story! I hope they recover quickly and realize the joy the baby will be regardless of sex. After seeing my MIL for the first time after announcing our BFP, one of her first questions was if we'd do a gender reveal. DH was emphatic no, and I explained we felt it put emphasis on the wrong part of the blessing. Besides, who knows if the baby will identify with that gender later? She wasn't thrilled, but we are. We are excited to find out the sex of our baby and to share it with family along with all the other beautiful milestones ahead of us, but don't see it as above and beyond the heartbeat, first kick, etc. I just definitely want to avoid the development of preferences like you mentioned above. Such a shame!

AdorkablePixie · October 2015

@twomommiestobe Wow. That's terrible. You'd think they'd just be happy that it is a healthy baby!! In all honesty I don't care if I have a boy or a girl. I just want a healthy baby. I do want to know though, so we can buy still that isn't gender neutral. My brother was really disappointed when he found out his wife was having a girl. I guess he expected it to be a boy. He didn't really come around until a couple of months after she was born. It's like didn't he know there was a 50/50 chance it would be a girl?!

@HBamama2B That's a good point about identifying with their gender later. I still like the idea though for close family and maybe a few friends. I think it's mainly because I like cake... so any reason to have cake. lol

blessedwtwins · October 2015

**** bfp mentioned

@twomommiestobe that is horrendous! I know of more than one relative who was completely disappointed in their child to be's sex and before giving birth, were already planning their next pregnancy. I have let them know how disappointed I was that they would do that. In my opinion, it's acting as though this current, healthy child you're carrying is a burden because of how they will pee. And now that they're born, I know they are loved, but let the umbilical cord come off before planning your next that you, fingers crossed, get the sex you want.

I myself am not a fan of reveal parties and it's not because of my fertility struggles. I think if there is already a family get together planned and you cut a cake or something, that's fine, but an elaborate party? Nope. That's too much and puts too much emphasis on the sex and none on the fact that it's a healthy child.
When we finally got a bfp that stuck around, we decided we wanted to find out the sexes in a more fun way. I figured since we had to conceive our twins in a hospital room, I didn't want to find out their sexes in one. We discussed it and neither of us cared what they were as long as they were healthy!
We landed on the idea of having a professional photographer capture the moment in a park where we had two big boxes filled with balloons that we opened. It was such a great moment for us and felt way more personal than just seeing it on a screen.

Kimmie0812 · October 2015

@blessedwtwins that's a fantastic way to do a reveal!!!

blessedwtwins · October 2015

Kimmie0812 said:
@blessedwtwins that's a fantastic way to do a reveal!!!

Thank you! It was a bit AWish but we waited so long for it that it felt like we really needed a fun outlet. Seeing our reactions in the pictures is priceless and we had my mom, who set up the balloons, take a couple of phone pictures. We called our immediate family members to tell them and then sent them those photos.
I highly suggest doing something more personal outside of the hospital when you all get your BFPs.

khochanadel · October 2015

I'm with you. Gender reveal parties are silly. Ain't nobody got time for that!

chelthorn · December 2015

I personally like the gender reveal with immediate family only. It's not a big party for me, just a family get together and we happen to be telling them the gender of the baby. DH didn't want to do one until we started talking about it and now he's excited.

MrsWookie · January 2016

I'm not sure how I feel about these - some days I think they seem excessive (given there will be a baby shower and announcements, etc.), but some days they seem fun. It's definitely hard not to be bitter about this stuff. I don't know that I'd have an actual reveal party, but I'd like to think that we would reveal in a fun way with our parents, whenever the time comes....

mskeenan · January 2016

Yah I now have mixed feelings about them. My best friend is having her reveal this weekend and I am genuinely excited about it. I'm close to her so I don't have that bitter feeling. But it's also the same weekend as my egg retrieval... ah I want to just chill out!! I may not even be able to go but I'm gonna feel terrible if I can't.

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