How to explain homebirth to Grandparents?

Re: How to explain homebirth to Grandparents?

• Wicked4589 member

  December 2015

  I wouldn't tell them at all. Do you want them to pick up your sons? If not, just don't tell her that you are in labor.

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• Monilee1017 member

  December 2015

  No, if they are going to be scared then they will be scared. I know people who have done them. Most have turned out wonderful, not all have so they scare me. There is nothing anyone can say that will not make me scared. If you are confident that what you are doing is the best thing for the baby then it shouldn't matter what other people think. 

  Married 2006
  DS1 2010
  DS2 2013
  DD1 2016

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• Emott13 member

  December 2015

  I agree with both PPs. If they're going to be scared, you probably can't change their minds. I just wouldn't tell them that you're going into labor.
  
  That being said, I'd never be able to keep that from my family, so even if they were going to freak I'd tell them. BUT, then tell them that if they have disagreements they need to keep them to themselves because I have made up my mind and anyone who complained/tried to change my mind would no longer be invited to our home at all that day, because I didn't need any more stress or any negativity when I'm trying to give birth or afterward.
  
  Just my two cents. If you've made up your mind, and they aren't likely to change theirs, then don't even bother with an explanation or trying to convince them that you're doing the right thing because odds are you'll just get discouraged or upset and it won't do a darn thing to help them understand. You don't owe anyone a justification for how you decide to give birth, and if they give you problems then they aren't being respectful enough to deserve an invite. I know this all probably sounds super cold and I probably sound like a total b***h but honestly I'm really a nice person and usually a pushover- DH yells at me for it all the time, letting both of our parents walk all over me. But I have gotten so much crap over how we raise DD and how I decide to give birth last time that my patience is just gone. I, too, tried to explain and justify everything but it did nothing to change their minds and usually just ended with me in tears so I've given up. Do it your way, and they can either deal and enjoy their new grandbaby, or they can not be invited.

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• somewhereinafrica member

  December 2015

  It depends on your relationship with them. Personally I would tell them but in a very to the point manner.
  
  We are having a home birth.
  
  Any sign of protest...
  
  We are not taking opinions on this.
  
  Any further comments or faces pulled
  
  I can appreciate this isn't everyone's ideal but it's mine if you are concerned please do your own research which I hope my ease your mind and if it doesn't I still do not care to hear about it. I am happy and confident in my birth choices and that is a place I am going to remain.
  
  End of dialogue!
  
  Any attempt and bringing it up.
  
  A swift I'm sorry but it's not ok to discuss this in front of me or my family.
  
  
  If I could have a home birth I would! ( footling breech baby, that is huge and a history of bleeding has me out of that option)
  
  When I first mentioned it to my MIL she actually said to me- you have to think of what is best for your baby.... And not in a kind way in a you are not thinking about what is best for your baby tone and face.
  
  I honestly just laughed. I said something along the lines of and that is what I am doing please don't infer otherwise, this really isn't an open discussion. She stopped after that.

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• catgraz member

  December 2015

  I had a home birth for DD and plan one for DS. Our families didn't get my choice but I was convinced of doing the right thing for us and DH was really supportive. We don't care how others think about it and since the first homebirth was great now it's easier for the second one. My advice: think about your reasons for choosing that, prepare your answers and be ready to be really affirmative and to stop the discussion if they are not ready to be respectfull. Your body, your baby, your choice! Make also sure your DH ist fully on board and well informed too. Another thing: for the first homebirth, we didn't tell anybody that I was in labor so that nobody was worrying... Wish you a beautiful and intimate homebirth! :-)

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• ccoleeman member

  December 2015

  TeamM678 said:

  So at 36 weeks we have changed care from a hospital midwife/obgyn practice to a homebirth midwifery.
  
  Needless to say if it were up to me we would let the grand parents know after the fact but MIL has assumed without asking that she will be coming to get big brothers when we "go to the hospital which was never the case but DH feels they deserve to know our plans but I know they are going to be skeptical and upset even more over bearing.
  
  Besides being direct and answer all their questions throughly is there any good way to explain/break the news to them that we have decided to do this at home without scaring or worrying them?

  ^I think you already know the right thing to do.
  
  I agree with your DH, if they think they're going to be watching your older kids and you haven't told them "actually, that's not what's happening" then youre avoiding confrontation- they deserve to be in the loop. If they wrongfully assumed something, then simply correct them. That doesn't mean they have a say in your birth or have to be there, but if you feel confident in your decision to home birth then it shouldn't be an issue.

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• l4rk member

  December 2015

  I'm also into telling them the truth because they are probably making their own arrangements to ensure they can watch your older kids. You never know where the miscommunication actually came from--maybe they thought they asked you and you interpreted it differently, or DH said something months ago, etc. And what if you DO end up needing to go to the hospital and you've already burned them? Them assuming isn't a good enough reason to skirt the issue and leave them in the dark. Neither is protecting them from worrying. These people are your family. Call them right now, say "Hey, I'm calling to discuss my birth plans", and then do exactly that.

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• star7827 member

  December 2015

  People are often more supportive than we expect. My in-laws simply said that they weren't sure about it, and that they do not understand it. My only reply was, "I understand. There's a lot we considered before making this decision, but ultimately, we wanted someone who specializes in natural birth, instead of a trained surgeon." Also explain that you have all your backups in place and that you are fully prepared to transfer if your midwife risks you out for any reason.
  
  You have nothing to be afraid of. Good luck!

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• MarySMP member

  December 2015

  Or just don't tell them you're in labor... Then after you have the baby, call her and say "surprise! We don't need you to watch the kids because I just had the baby in the living room! Want to come meet her?"
  
  Also, your post reminded me of what Jim Gaffigan says about home birth (in case you haven't seen it): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GEbZrY0G9PI
  
  My husband and I strongly considered home birth but decided against it, mainly because I want the option of an epidural (it's my first). I think I'll probably end up doing a home birth next time though once I know what to expect, and I know I'll have to be firm and just let the grandparents know that it is our decision and one that we researched thoroughly. You could always give your MIL a copy of the DVD "The Business of Being Born;" that's a pretty decent informational for someone who isn't familiar with the statistics.

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