Hormones, bonding

alanna3622 · December 2015

Hoping to hear from STMs on this.

I have been lurking on other BMBs and have been reading about women who are so attached to their newborns that they tear up just having baby in the back seat (separated from them), or aren't comfortable allowing others to hold the baby (because it upsets the new mother; not because of hygiene fears etc). Is this a universal thing, or are these descriptions from the more extreme end of things? Do all new mom's feel this way, more or less? Is it automatic because of hormones? (I can't imagine feeling that way.)

dtaded13 · December 2015

I do remember crying because of the overwhelming love I had. I cried a lot the first two weeks. Happy tears. It felt like my heart could literally explode from love. In a good way. I was never so attached I wouldn't let others hold her but I was very very attached. I still have a hard time being apart from her (but I also have anxiety). I cried when we moved her into her own room. She'll be five on my due date and has had numerous sleepovers at nana and papas, lots of babysitting for dates etc, but each time we leave her I feel like part of me is missing. I think it's part hormonal, part natural instinct, part dependent on your personality.

Aussiechicka · December 2015

Something does kick in hormone wise I think. We had visitors in the hospital with my son and I felt on high alert, watched them like a hawk and if he cried I wanted him back in my arms right away.
The ride home from the hospital I sat in the backseat with him, which seems just silly now.

VitaLuna · December 2015

I think there is a certain level of mama bear instinct that everyone has, some more than others. I definitely felt anxious when others would hold LO (aside from H and my mom), and I felt that way for a long time. We coslept longer than we probably would've for the same reason.. It just made me feel anxious when she wasn't by me.

In tune with "mama bear" instinct, I will say that my grandpa, who I love very much, wouldn't hand me my DD when she was little and crying one time, and I got irrationally upset with him, felt overwhelmed with frustration/anger, barely kept from yelling at him, and then started crying. It's really hard to describe that intense protection feeling until you experience it.

ETA: she's 2 now, and although I leave her when I go to work full time, I still feel weird/guilty/anxious leaving her to run errands or something when I'm not working. I think a lot of that is personality. My step sister left her son overnight starting at around 2 months and never seemed to have any issue with it.

thisusername · December 2015

I get horribly paranoid if anyone else is taking care of my animals, I am that annoying person who calls 3 times and writes the same note over and over again. I'm pretty horrified of doing this with my kid, especially since bonding with her took a long time. So thanks for asking this question! It's refreshing to see what some of the STM+ moms are saying.

MississippiCatfish · December 2015

I had some of these feelings. I just remember feeling like if baby was more than a foot away, he was MILES away. When he slept in his room - with the monitor on - for the first time, I remember telling my husband I felt like I'd sent him away to college. He definitely didn't get it;) I was also really sensitive about anyone other than DH giving baby a bottle. That one lingered for me for months with both kids - if I wasn't BF, I just only wanted DH to give him the bottle. Don't know why.

Monkeybutt80 · December 2015

I guess unpopular opinion here. I didn't feel that overwhelming, make you cry, can't leave him, love. Of course, it was the most intense emotional connection I have ever experienced, and I had my normal ftm paranoia. And I couldn't let people other than my husband, my in laws and my parents watch him without me around. But, I was fine with other people ( like my friends with kids/ experience whom I trust) holding my first, or leaving him with my husband or in laws for a little while even within a couple of weeks- as long as we didn't miss our nursing sessions. I mean, he sort of pooped, slept and ate and didn't do much for the first several weeks.

alanna3622 · December 2015

Thanks ladies, the stories are very helpful.

LOL @thisusername - our first vacation away from our rescue dogs (took forever to rehabilitate our sweet guys) involved a 5 page instruction manual, and a very high international phone bill for constant check-ins.

I don't know what it is - maybe it's being super busy and fighting off consecutive colds and new parenthood (adopted this fall), but I don't feel I have a special bond with my unborn son (also maybe I am less emotional because carrying a boy? - so testosterone instead of estrogen?).

I guess I will have to wait and see! Equal parts excited and apprehensive at this point.

Achae · December 2015

I had none of these feelings. I had worry of not being able to see LO in the back seat and worry about her jaundice but otherwise I was and still am of the mindset oh you want to hold my child or watch them? Here!
I will say I've never found myself to be a very mothering person and I'm still not fond of newborns. Toddlerhood is where it is at

A few friends and family have had babies and I never offer to hold the baby because I have no desire. I will say my daughter fell asleep on me yesterday and watching her eyes roll away as she looked at me made me miss those breastfeeding milk coma moments... Hoping to have those again with this baby. But no tears from this mama if someone wants to hold him either.

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