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Overreaction?

chesterdoodlechesterdoodle member
in June 2016 Moms
My MIL blindsided me this morning at breakfast (my husband wasn't there) about daycare options for the twins and our toddler. She proceeded to tell me that I should keep my daughter and the twins in the daycare they are at now. I told her that is the most expensive option (nearly $6k a month) and we are looking into other daycare a that would save us about $400 a month, and are still excellent. She keeps prying so I tell her we are looking into nannies which would be th cheapest and most convenient option and she tells me I'll never find a nanny because "no one wants to deal with 2 babies". I was totally offended by that comment as I dont think we should be looking at having twins as a hardship but instead as a miracle. (I had a cancer scare over the summer and major lung surgery - luckily not cancer, but i didn't think I'd have the opportunity to have more children.)

i responded in the nicest way possible that we know someone at daycare that wants to be our nanny and would be happy to watch the twins and my toddler. she then proceeds to go on a question rampage - what about medical insurance? What about liability insurance? she could sue you, you know? What about vacation time? Sick time? My head was spinning at the end of it as I'm trying to feed my toddler and handle the inquisition from my MIL.

At the end, she continues to pressure me to keep them in daycare, which is about $10,000 more a year than the nanny option yet She is the cheapest person I know and we even asked her to watch the twins 1 day a week to help with costs and she said no. So she knows we need to be sensitive about money, yet she is pushing her opinion on something that has nothing to do with her as she's made it clear she doesn't have energy for babies, and as she says "I don't do diapers"

Am I overreacting or was it totally rude of her to stick her nose in and push her opinion on me? especially without my husband there.

And to top it off when she was supposed to be watching my toddler tonight so I could wrap presents, she started washing dishes instead and my daughter ended up at the top of very steep stairs where I found her. Not happy about that.

I'm sorry this is long and my grammar/spelling is probably terrible. I needed to vent. Thanks for listening. And feel free to tell me if I am being totally pregnant and emotional and overreacting, although I would disagree. :)

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Re: Overreaction?

  • VikingGirl12VikingGirl12 member
    No, you're not overreacting at all. I really struggle with my MIL because she is his same, intruding way. If she doesn't wanna keep the kids then it's none of her business who does.
    I think her thoughts on people not wanting to nanny 2 kids is total BS. I have three friends who nanny full time and all three of them have 2-4 kids. They absolutely love it! I know the parents of one of them always has a backup for if/when they need a day off.
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  • goldie987goldie987 member
    Just nod and say thanks for your opinion and concerns, we'll take them into consideration when we make our final decision, and then do whatever you want to do. Unless she's putting up the $10,000/year to make up the difference she has no say whatsoever in the matter. I'm feeling particularly irritable tonight so if I had been in the situation, I may have actually just said the second line to her face. Ugh, peoples unsolicited opinions on what others should do regarding their pregnancy/children is driving me crazy and its only just beginning.
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  • HBamama2BHBamama2B member
    edited December 2015
    I'm, I've nannied for twins in several families. They're more dynamic during naps and bath times if you don't have help, but otherwise amazing. It certainly wasn't a factor in taking or not taking the position. The rest of her concerns aren't really concerns that would impact the choice. But that's beside the point Bc it's none of her freaking business what your decisions as parents are. I agree with pp, you aren't overreacting, she was way out of line. My DH and I have a flat rule that we refuse to discuss things when MIL tries to target us separately in the hopes of battering one of us down to agreement with her. She still tries, often, to catch one of us alone and I find it incredibly disrespectful to us both as adults and as a married couple. I'm so sorry your mil put you in that position.

    Also-the letting the toddler get to the stairs?! How scary for you! I'm glad she was ok.
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  • AmberLiz99AmberLiz99 member
    Honestly I think I woul go with a nanny in your situation, no question.

    And yes, she was being rude. Unfortunately once you have kids people are just outspoken and ride about their opinions. Sometimes family is the worst. I would tell you husband how it made you feel and ask him to help shut down any first conversations on the subject. There are certain subjects I refuse to discuss with my in laws.
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  • chesterdoodlechesterdoodle member
    This community is the best! Thanks for having my back girls!!
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  • MamaNicoleof3MamaNicoleof3 member
    Totally not overreacting at all! She has no say in what your family does. I know all about keeping the peace, but if it happens again, I'd probably say something like, "unless you're willing to help us, and you've already made it clear you're not, you don't get a say in any of this. I won't be discussing it with you any further, so please don't bring it up."
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    theatremandy said:
    Um, most twin/triplet families in my area use a nanny instead of daycare. It's quite common. Sounds like your MIL has her opinion on this, and is frustrated it isn't the same as yours. Unless she's footing the bill, I don't think it's her business.
    This!  tell her that. Unless she wants to pay the bill, she can butt out.



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  • HeartLikeMine3HeartLikeMine3 member
    Late to the party here but I agree with everyone else it's none of her business especially since she's unwilling to help in anyway. Some people just can't keep their mouths shut.
    This is not nearly as bad but yesterday I was talking to my mom about finding a more full time solution for my 2.5 year old DS before the baby is born and she as well stated how could you pull him from his school he loves it. They only offer two days a week and he would love to go more he ask me everyday to go to school. The kid hates being at home and she didn't offer to watch him more once the baby is born so I just ignored her.
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  • Tawny87Tawny87 member
    Tell her that unless she wants to foot the bill that she should mind her own damn business. Also, as a twin mom I can say that two babies is not as hard as everyone makes it out to be, and that people get into that profession enjoying taking care of children and babies.
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  • SweetMamaJuneSweetMamaJune member
    Tawny87 said:

    Tell her that unless she wants to foot the bill that she should mind her own damn business.

    This!!!! ^^^^ I agree, your MIL needs to check her attitude and opinion at the door. Preferably in another country...
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  • Knottie86418473Knottie86418473 member
    Agree with others here - she was out of line. Gotta love all the unsolicited advice! Unless she's paying, she only gets an opinion and hopefully she'll keep the negative ones to herself from now on. 
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