Intro and advice wanted

MamaOlive · December 2015

Hi. I'm sad to be joining you all from July16.

I had my first appointment Dec 14, at 8 weeks 4 days. Baby measured 6w, and had a slow heartbeat. After an agonizing week I went back for a follow up u/s yesterday. Baby still measured 6w and heart rate had dropped below 40. CNM said she expects my baby's heart to stop today. I'm waiting for this mc to start naturally for the time being, and go back on Monday the 28th to discuss options and if I'll want a D&C. I think I probably do.

I'm not sure what to do about Christmas Day. We usually go to my ILs house for a few hours. They live in town so it wouldn't be a road trip. My ILs are the least sensitive people on the planet. They acted so BSC during my first pregnancy we decided to not tell them about this one for a long time. Now that it's a loss we don't plan to tell them at all.

But I'm not sure where I will be in this process by Friday, and it's definitely not something I want to experience while being around them. I'm thinking we should find an excuse now to not go. If I'm still feeling well (physically. Definitely not emotionally.) I would like to go for a couple of hours and get it over with. Wwyd?

Sorry for the rambling. I'm a hot mess today.

BaylieGirl · December 2015

I'm in the same boat as you. I have a D&C scheduled for Monday after Christmas. I'm secretly hoping I start to misscarry naturally tomorrow so I have an excuse to stay home. My in laws are really on my case as to why my husband and I don't have kids yet. I know I'm going to get lots of prodding as to why no baby yet, your clock is ticking, etc and I just want to cry because they have no idea how many challenges we've had. I'm trying to put on my best happy face and go to support my husband because he's been so supportive to me through all this. I just wish the morning sickness would go away already so I could enjoy a damn glass of wine!

MamaOlive · December 2015

@BaylieGirl Hugs. I'm so sorry. This is the shittiest timing ever, not that any time would be a better time for this.

susykat77 · December 2015

I am so sorry @MamaOlive. I was also a July16. I took cytotec so my experience is of no help to you but I would imagine that *if* you want to go to the ILs you will probably be able to. If you are cramping and bleeding, I would stay home but I don't imaging that your MC will come on super fast (I am just guessing from what I have read about waiting for a natural MMC to occur). The timing does totally suck. The time in between being diagnosed with a MMC and the MC occurring were the worst days for me. I would totally understand if you made up an excuse not to go. It would be one thing if the ILs were supportive/sensitive people but since they are not, I wouldn't go. Take care of you right now and don't worry about feeling obligated to go over there. What does your DH think?

MamaOlive · December 2015

DH is being extremely understanding and supportive. He's one of the good ones, and I'm blessed to have him.

He told me last night that he's going to go for an hour or two, and if I don't feel like it to not even think about them. And he said if we do go together we won't stay long. I just don't know. I know FIL is going to start his speech about how we need to have another baby and I'm probably going to lose it so I'm leaning toward not going.

m6agua · December 2015

Sorry for your loss. You need to do whats best for you. Whatever that is. If you do decide to go and you experience cramping while there I would suggest leaving. Every time I passed something big/clots or had a lot of blood there was cramping that lead up to it for a few hours. If it does happen naturally I couldn't imagine having to deal with it not at home. Also I had been spotting for 6 days already before I MC naturally. The natural MC process is a longer one.

MamaOlive · December 2015

Thanks @m6agua. Still no spotting today or cramping so it seems I won't be in the worst part of this by Friday. If I go I won't stay long. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

decoycandy · December 2015

******content includes blunt detail of my miscarriage, the details are meant to prepare, not scare. Fair ye be warned says I. *******

Sorry you are going through this. I will give you a bit of info on my loss( so far as I'm not sure it's complete) at 10w my baby was measuring under 8 weeks. Blood tests showed my hcg levels were dropping as well. A miscarriage was likely as the baby was not viable. This past Saturday, I would have been 11w3 d. I started to have some spotting. This went to period level bleeding until Tuesday evening. That night, while making dinner the cramps got much worse. It was obviously different than the period like cramps. It was enough of a difference to know something was starting. The cramping at this level lasted about 30 mins. I told my sis that I may be in the bathroom a while. the next hour was hell. . I urge you, if you experience the stage prior, the " I think something is happening but I'm not sure" stage, take painkillers then. By the time I got painkillers down I was at the peak of my pain. I passed some tissue. That process took about an hour. I had severe pain, sweating, nausea. After I was ok. Bleeding and pain went back down to a manageable heavy period day level , and I was eventually able to eat dinner. If you aren't too far from home, and you haven't started spotting you are probably okto leave the house, this coming from my very limited experience. my lead up was a couple days and I had about an hr prior to the "main event " to prepare myself. So do what you feel is right for you, bring fat pads and painkillers if you do go out. I will also say it again, if you think you are going to physically miscarry, take painkillers early in the process. Once the advil kicked in, it took the edge off.

HepCat · December 2015

All if this sucks, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I would take the opportunity to be selfish and not put yourself in a situation you don't want to be in. I don't know what your emotional process is like, but for me the most random trigger has me erupting in ugly sobs, and trying to hold that in around insensitive people wouldn't make it any better.

MamaOlive · December 2015

@decoycandy I'm so sorry for your loss, and I really appreciate you sharing the details with me. It helps to know what to prepare myself for. In your opinion, should I ask my CNM to write me a prescription for painkillers in advance? Or will OTC Advil be enough?

@HepCat I'm randomly crying a lot too. Anytime I'm alone I break down. My ILs are not the nicest, and don't have much tact. I'm conflicted on whether I should go on with normal life and holidays for the sake of my DD or be selfish and stay home. It's a hard time of year for this to happen.

decoycandy · December 2015

If you can get a stronger painkiller I would. It's essentially a mini labour. That being said, I survived with just advil taken at the peak of pain, but it sucked, a lot. Good luck. You'll do great.

PeggyOlsonFTW · December 2015

@MamaOlive I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I'd say to play it by ear and go if you feel like it. If FIL starts his speech, go ahead and burst into tears, tell him what happened and let him have it. Your reproductive plans are not his business and it's OK to put him in his place.

HepCat · December 2015

MamaOlive Send your DD with your husband for a couple of hours. You have the rest of the day to make Christmas be special for her, and she's young enough she won't remember the one Christmas you took time for yourself and didn't put yourself in what seems to be a miserable situation. Maybe use that time to chat with a friend you don't get to see often? Even if you don't share news of the pregnancy/MC with them, just having a "normal" conversation helped me a lot.

MamaOlive · December 2015

I ended up going to the ILs house for 1 hour, and had a mild allergic reaction to their new dog. It gave me the perfect excuse to leave without divulging anything personal I didn't want to share with them.

Thank you all for your advice. Now that this holiday is behind me I can focus on getting through this. I still haven't had any spotting at all. I'll likely be scheduling a D&C at my appointment on Monday. I'm scared, but ready for some closure. Hugs and prayers for everyone here who is also experiencing this.

HepCat · December 2015

https://forums.thebump.com/profile/MamaOlive. Glad to hear your day turned out ok. Best wishes for you.

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