Should you love your job?

missnc77 · December 2015

My job is a blessing and a curse. As a military wife, I have to move around a lot. Having to move, apply for a new job, interview for a job, training once hired, etc. on top of having the clock restart on your vacation/leave time and seniority is why a lot of military spouses tap out. Having to do that every 2-3 years is so stressful, and you usually sacrifice your talent or skill level for someone willing to hire you for a couple of years. When I landed a career level remote job, I was so happy. I could move anywhere with this job, make good money, keep my vacation time, and basically feel extremely lucky for the opportunity. The downside? I'm not in love with it, and if the circumstances were different (ie, being able to stay in one location), I'd put more effort into finding something that doesn't make me cringe when I see a new email come through.

When my MIL was visiting us a couple of months ago, we were talking about if you should love your job. My husband loves...LOVES....what he does. It's long hours and stressful, but at the end of the day he gets to fly, and that's his passion. That's one of the things that made me fall in love with him and support this crazy lifestyle. I wish I could find something I'm passionate about that pays money, and I am so grateful he has that. Me on the other hand? Sigh. His mom actually left her job to raise kids, so she's not anti SAHM or anything, but she just retired from a job that she did for the money but wasn't passionate. She said maybe you just work to live sometimes, and that not everyone gets to be passionate about their job. I told her that made me sad to think like that - to think that I'll never be happy with something I have to do for 8-9 hours a day. And for the record, it wasn't a conversation to convince me to stay with the job either way, we were just talking. She's fabulous.

Now that I'm pregnant with our first child, I am so afraid about going back to work with a job I am not in love with and what that will make me feel like. But the thing is, I don't want to be a SAHM. I have a masters degree I worked hard for, and I like making money. I just wish I could figure out something I can do that is challenging, that I love, and that is portable. But is that a pipe dream? Do you think sometimes some people will never be passionate about any sort of "work" they do, and maybe it's best to just accept it and appreciate your current opportunity? Do you love your job, or do you just do your job as a means to an end?

kbrands7 · December 2015

I completely understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately, I don't have a clear answer for you. I think it's entirely possible to love your job, and to feel it's a passion. I think it's also possible to understand that you try your best in your job, then you leave it to go home, and maybe being home is your passion. My husband is finally in a job he loves (after several he didn't) and it's so refreshing to see him coming home happy each day. I love the idea of education, but I'd be lying if I said that I love my particular teaching job, or that I come home happy (though this one is so much better than my previous school). I come home exhausted and I feel like I'm missing out. It was incredibly hard to go back to work after having DS because I felt like I was having all of the energy drained out of me at work. There are moments I love my job, and there are moments that it is a means to an end so that I can help to support my family. That said, if DH ever made enough to support us alone, or to support us if I could pursue a risky/passion career like SAHM/Etsy shop, I'd do it. We didn't plan for it though, because I never thought that I would feel this way when we were choosing careers and getting master's degrees.

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

I firmly believe that it's okay to have seasons of jobs you aren't thrilled by but you should be working towards doing something you love. Being at work 6-12 hours a day when you don't love it is just not worth it to me.

gamommyx3 · December 2015

I don't love my job. I like it. It's a good job and I don't dread going to it every day. But I don't love it. I've asked myself these questions too, and (unfortunately) haven't come up with any concrete answers. For me, the best thing I can do right now is work the job to live, especially in this time of change (new house, marriage, baby). However, it doesn't hurt to passively look around. Cliche as it sounds, you never really know what's going to fall into your path if your eyes are open.

Part of my problem, a big part, is that while I don't love my job I can't figure out exactly what I WOULD love to do. I thought this was going to be it. I have a Masters, like you, and I worked to get HERE. It's hard when you step back and realize that HERE is not where you actually love being, particularly when you've put the effort in to get there.

What I try and do is find that love and passion outside of my career, at least for now. I was reading something a long time ago that discussed how Americans define themselves by their job instinctively, while other countries aren't as prone to do that. For example..."Tell me about yourself." Americans will usually start out with "Well, I work in HR" or "I'm in the computer industry," something like that. Other places, they describe themselves with their hobbies, passions, etc. So, anyway, at the moment I'm trying to find my passions outside of the hours in which I make my money. Hope this helps.

missnc77 · December 2015

Aquinna82 said:

Part of my problem, a big part, is that while I don't love my job I can't figure out exactly what I WOULD love to do. I thought this was going to be it. I have a Masters, like you, and I worked to get HERE. It's hard when you step back and realize that HERE is not where you actually love being, particularly when you've put the effort in to get there.

YES! This is me exactly. My husband is so supportive of me doing something that I want to do. Our other military peers make it work on one income, and we just bought a house with the idea of one income in mind. He tells me that if I want to leave and go back to school or figure out something else to do, then he'd be there for me 100%. But that's where I'm stumped. I don't know what I would do! And going back to school after busting my butt for the last piece of paper (and student loans)? Ugh. Maybe if there was something I was dying to do, but no, I'd just be picking something randomly. I rack my brain on what I would love to do or what would make me happy. So far, all I can come up with is sitting on a yacht in Canne drinking a bottomless supply of Dom Perignon, but that's not really an option.

dsmith211 · December 2015

I have good days and bad at my job. I do think I love what I do bc I contribute to something that does help a lot of people, I just get irritated with some of the stupidity of the people I work with. People have asked if I'll be staying and I know I will. I spent a lot of time and money in schooling and training for what I do and I honestly couldn't see myself doing anything else.

LadySamLady · December 2015

I think it is important to be happy at work, but I don't think it has to be your main source of fulfillment in life.

I do love my job, but I wouldn't say I am passionate about the work. I work for a small family financial office (essentially I work for a family of billionaires) and my tasks vary from basic accounting to property management. The work is challenging enough to keep me interested but not so intense that I can't leave my work at work and enjoy the rest of my life. I never thought I would have this kind of job, it started as a day job while I was pursuing more creative endeavors but I enjoyed it so much that it became my primary focus work wise. What's so great about it is the environment, the family is extremely generous and appreciative of loyalty, my co-workers and colleagues are wonderful people, we have great benefits, and immense flexibility. After the baby is born I'll be able to work one or two days a week from home and leave earlier every day than I do now (6). I've put in enough time that if I ever do decide to move, I can keep my job and work remotely from wherever I am. That said, our office is located inside the building of the company owned by the head of the family, it is a media company and very cutting edge with cool amenities and free snacks that we can take full advantage of (and we get to enjoy their holiday & summer parties). It is an unusual career with little upward mobility, you can "move up" in a lateral way but titles mean nothing here, yet it suits me. I love that my non-work life is more important to me, that I can truly leave work at work. I have a lot of responsibilities with not a lot of pressure. It isn't as straightforward of a career as a 'teacher' or 'lawyer' but I enjoy that every day can be different. I am really lucky.

This post is sounding very braggy as I read it back to myself but I just mean to say that loving your job doesn't always mean loving the actual work and you don't necessarily have to be on a specific career path to find a job that you love.

AnastasiaBeaverhausen09 · December 2015

I am struggling with all of this right now. I like my job ok, but don't love it, and am struggling with a difficult coworker that unfortunately, I work very closely with. Thinking about the process involved in finding a new job seems overwhelming. You know how they say "too good to leave, too bad to stay?" about a toxic relationship? That's how I feel about my job.

I think I am also struggling with the fact that I'm learning that I don't necessarily want to be a workaholic, and spend my life advancing up the career ladder. I think our society places a lot of value on our jobs, and I feel somewhat guilty that I don't want my life to revolve around my job. But maybe I would feel different if I loved my job. Ugh, can you tell I'm an overthinker??

saltedcaramel518 · December 2015

I am in the same boat. I have my MBA. I got it because I realized I didn't want to work exclusively in accounting (my undergrad degree) after I did an accounting internship during my senior year. I didn't just love my first job I got right after getting my Masters, but it was an excellent stepping stone that I thought could open up to some other opportunities. Well, after a year, the business closed, so I was without a job for 3 months. After trying (and failing) to find something I was really interested in (something in marketing), I eventually took a temp job working for an investment firm. It eventually led to them offering me a full time position in the accounting department. I took it because the salary is good, insurance is good, and it's just overall a good company to work for. But I don't love my job. It can be boring, and it's just not fulfilling.

However, I have no desire to job hunt right now. I know I will want to change something after the baby gets here since I'm gone 10 hours a day (8-5 plus 1 hr round-trip commute). I'm hoping I can work from home 1-2 days a week. Being a SAHM is just not an option financially for us, especially considering the fact that I make about $10k more yearly than DH. So our income would be cut by more than half.

So, I am "working to live." I hope one day that changes, but for right now, I am happy. I'm also okay with the fact that I may never find a job that I'm passionate about.

lalala2004 · December 2015

I don't think you have to love your job, but if you hate it or dread working everyday, that's when it's not ok!

I think the most important thing is that you find some sort of fulfillment in your job, whatever that means for you. It needs to be more than just a pay check, as you spend so much time on it!

js8812 · December 2015

There's the saying that we've all heard a million times, "do something you love and you won't work a day in your life." I think this is definitely true, but I think this is only possible for a small number of people.

I think it's important to do something you're GOOD at. Obviously, you need to tolerate the work and be satisfied with it, but I definitely don't think you have to love it.

babykasper · December 2015

I love my job! But it took me many years to get to this point. And now that I know how it feels to love my job and the company I work for... I can't imagine going back to hating work!

I definitely think the fulfillment is a huge piece of it... To feel like you make a difference somehow or in some way. This definitely helps make work more worth while.

buffythevampireslayer · December 2015

I don't think you need to love your job, in part because I think it would be pretty hard for most people to truly love a job 8-10 or more hours of every day they work. I do think you need to like it, and it should give you some sense of purpose or fulfillment. If you really cringe when you see an email come through, I would take that as a sign.

Sometimes it's less about the job for people and more about the culture of where they work. Maybe consider that rather than not liking the career you chose or things you work on, that it may be something else in the environment that makes it hard to love your job. Identifying the specific elements that you like/dislike may help you realize if it is the job itself or the culture/environment. I also think while it greatly enhances flexibility and has a lot of benefits, working remotely can make it harder to connect to a workplace culture and/or people, which could also be contributing to how you feel.

If you do think you want to explore something else, my advice would be to do it while you are still working. Even if you don't love it, I think work gives people a sense of purpose and productivity that lends itself well to finding something new. It's always been easier for me to find a new job while I am currently working, and I think that's why. It also allows you to really be careful about what you pick because you have something to lean on.

nerdymama15 · December 2015

You don't have to love your job. I know I love mine, but for reasons other than the job itself. i.e. I get to work from home, have flexible hours, and I don't have to deal with people. I copy and paste all day so it's fairly boring, but I would not trade it for the world.
My DH on the other hand has been at his job for over 15 years and he hates every minute of it. He is stuck though b/c he isn't going to be able to go anywhere else and make what he makes doing what it is he does. We've looked. Edit: It's not the work itself that bugs him, it's the people that he works with are mostly incompetent morons. He ends up doing the work of two people everyday b/c no one else knows what they are doing and screws things up on a daily basis. It's to the point that people call and ask for him and won't talk to anyone else.

jumpy57 · December 2015

I wouldn't say I love my job, but I do like it. The work I do is challenging and I'm constantly learning so I like that aspect. I also really like my coworkers and work environment.

josie12367 · December 2015

I am also a military spouse. I think it's okay to not love your job right now and to just do whatever works for your current situation.

I am currently using this time until my husband retires to complete my educational goals and to build my resume as much as I can so that I can land that dream job once we're finally settled. But you already seem to have your educational wants met....

I think one should always be happy at their job, and not spend their days in misery BUT I don't think it's wrong to have a job that your not completely in love with.

businessmama · December 2015

I used to think some people just didn't like their jobs, but then I heard the quote 'your perfect job doesn't exist - you have to create it.' My husband is pursuing his passion, and just the change in his happiness level is something I want. Even though I work my day job for a paycheck, I still make it a habit to pursue my passion on the side, with the plan for one day it to be my full-time job.

I recommend the book 'Passion at Work' (https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Work-Find-Love-paperback/dp/0137032471) if you do not know what your passion is. It gives SUPER corny examples, but it leads you through some exercises to find out how to marry your skills with something you love. Not everything in the book is relevant, but I've made people in my life do the exercise, and they all got a lot out of it.

Good luck!

edited: typos

missnc77 · December 2015

@AliciaD39 - Thanks for the book recommendation! I'm going to check it out!

Pascal86 · December 2015

@missnc77 - I think it's just a personal life decision. Other people's opinions here aren't going to change what your gut is telling you, this really feels like a "there's no right answer" situation. What I recommend to anyone who's starting to feel the itch for something new, is to stick with your job, and start networking, looking at job postings, and doing informational meetings/calls with people who have jobs or lifestyles that you think you might want to pursue, and hiring managers at companies you're interested in. You're not giving up anything right away, but if all of a sudden six months later you are totally fed up and feel desperate to make a change, you've laid the groundwork and have the connections to find a new job more easily, or feel confident in the choice to do the SAHM thing.

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