I feel like I've been here before, and nothing helps

kepsmom · December 2015

Emotional word vomit has to happen. Sorry, but not sorry for taking up 1st page space on a repeat topic. But my mind is flying with miscarriage thoughts and i need to get them out. This is my 4th pregnancy: #1 missed miscarriage around wk6 discovered at wk9 and a DNC at wk10, #2 miscarriage at home at wk9, #3 my beautiful boy who I snuggle everyday, and now #4 at 9weeks and a few days. On Thursday afternoon I peed and wiped and discharge was on the darker side of white. Everytime i peed after that and wiped same faint brown. Then stopped. Then Friday morning the viscosity was thinner but darker brown... all day. Then last night a few drops in the toilet. Just now a strand of blood swirled mucus. I've stayed off my feet for the last 24 hours. I'm in the process of switching OBs. I know from past experience if i go into the office there is not a thing they will or can do. My very first OB appointment is Jan 11. I'm trying to clear my head and just wait for that date, but I very well know I may not make it. I've read so many accounts of women spotting and having healthy babies. But when you've been down this road before there is no getting it out of your head. My husband is supportive in his own quiet way. I snuggled my boy last night and cried for about 40 minutes. He just kept asking why I cry over and over, but there is no explaining that to a 3.5 year old (he doesn't know about the baby yet anyway). We had been planning on telling family this week at xmas, but i am so lost for rational thought that im not sure what we will say. "Hey family we are pregnant, but I may be losing it as we speak... merry xmas! Who wants pie?" I just really want to hide in a dark hole and wait. I dealt with this so differently before I had my son. I know what love is now, and I'm not ready for that heartache.

stillcozy · December 2015

As hard as it is try to remain calm! Spotting can be normal and I have had off and on spotting throughout my first tri. I would recommend calling your dr even though they can't do anything they may be able to get you in earlier to put your mind at rest because as hard as it is not knowing is far worse than knowing what is going on. Sending lots of prayers and good thoughts to you. I am so sorry you are going through this!

dolewhipper · December 2015

What your dr can do is get you into an US to check. Have you called them? Do they have a 24hr nurse line? I understand your feelings with past experiences but we can't help you until you talk to your OB.

I'm sorry you're feeling helpless but there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. It's not over till it's over (and you can't say it's over yet)

MeganWorden · December 2015

I am so sorry for the pain you are going thru. I had 2 mcs before having my DS. I had a SCH with DS and bled thru my first trimester but he was born healthy at 41 weeks. I am still terrified of another mc with this little one. I highly recommend the PGAL board. They are a wonderful group of women who have gone thru exactly what we are going thru! here is the link https://forums.thebump.com/categories/success-after-a-loss My T's&P's are with you and your family!

Puddles03 · December 2015

I am thinking of you and sending sticky thoughts your way. I don't know what I can say to help as I haven't been there myself, but many women on this board have and can maybe give some words of wisdom! T&P to you, your spouse and your little one.

Deepoet · December 2015

Call the doctor! Mine sent me for an u/s because of the spotting. This is my 4th pregnancy also and I have 1, 6 year old DS. Fear and anxiety are my every day emotions. I have a good day after an u/s and I ride that high for a while and then something happens to put me in freak out mode again. Maybe your doc can put your mind at ease. Or if you don't have a doc right now go to the ER. Good luck and I am sending sticky vibes to you!

slorbets · December 2015

I had the same thing happen last week. My doc sent me for an ultrasound and blood work....everything was fine...saw the heartbeat on the US...was a big relief. Hoping you get the same results

smeria · December 2015

Have they offered progesterone ? With my pregnancies my progesterone levels were low. My doc prescribed right after we confirmed with blood work. I just had a loss in August and couldn't find a good doc soon enough. I think this is a miracle drug. Sending prayers

BettyRu · December 2015

I would call... It's not worth the stress... You are far enough that an ultrasound will let you know something. Good luck, I hope all is well.

BostonBaby1 · December 2015

I'm sorry you're going through this. Being PGAL is always nerve racking. I'm also on my 4th pregnancy (I lost a singleton, twins and another singleton.) I had a lot of spotting early on but was put on suppositories for very low progesterone. You're right that if something is going wrong, there is not much to be done at this point.

Despite that, given your history I think a call is warranted and perhaps they will want you to go in to check. That's also warranted given the circumstances. You are pregnant today. Please update us. (((Hugs)))

kepsmom · December 2015

Thank you all for the kind words. It really does help reading that another person has been in similar shoes. I've kept my mind clearer today because we went out with friends to celebrate my husband's birthday. I felt great, no discharge all night. But when I got home I had more thicker brown discharge when i wiped and on my panty liner. So now I'm ending my night awake in bed with that picture in my head. I will see how tomorrow goes and possibly call into the doc Monday morning. Thanks for being kind.

BostonBaby1 · December 2015

kepsmom said:
Thank you all for the kind words. It really does help reading that another person has been in similar shoes. I've kept my mind clearer today because we went out with friends to celebrate my husband's birthday. I felt great, no discharge all night. But when I got home I had more thicker brown discharge when i wiped and on my panty liner. So now I'm ending my night awake in bed with that picture in my head. I will see how tomorrow goes and possibly call into the doc Monday morning. Thanks for being kind.

I hope today is going better? Just in case you don't know, we have a weekly PGAL check-in of July loss mamas.

kepsmom · December 2015

It got worse today. Lots of dark red blood, small clots, and the tiniest ache of cramps. My husband is cooking dinner for us now while I rest and keep off my feet. We had a big family hug huddle while I cried it out, even our sweet sister puppy joined in the cuddle. All of my pregnancy symptoms have gone away, and I just know this one is gone. What a holiday this will be. At least tomorrow is my husband's last day of work for 2 weeks, so I will have support at home. And yes, I will make a call for an appointment to confirm what I already know in my heart.

LaurenAsh23 · December 2015

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your last post is exactly how I felt just 3 short months ago. I went to bed with bleeding and just woke up and knew in my heart. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Like i said, I went through the same situation just 3 months ago(labor day weekend), you will have your rainbow baby soon

(((hugs)))

Puddles03 · December 2015

I am sorry to hear this update. Take care, I am glad your husband is going to be at home with you.

juliaL13 · December 2015

Even though I haven't gone through this before, my heart hurts for you. Wishing you comfort this holiday season.

Heathereaddy · December 2015

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.

stillcozy · December 2015

Oh I'm so sorry to hear your update you are in my thoughts and prayers.

kepsmom · December 2015

Thank you for the sweet thoughts and responses. It has been a roller coaster weekend. My husband and I had a talk after we put the boy to bed, and my heart breaks for my loving partner. He told me how sad he is and how its going to be rough to watch me go through this again. He said in a way he was trying to be as prepared for this as he could be without expecting it inevitably. His birthday is Thursday. I love him dearly. We will try again, because I am strong with him next to me. And our son desperately wants a baby to help with♡♡♡♡

jenkeale · December 2015

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending you and your family positive thoughts and prayers.

dolewhipper · December 2015

I'm so sorry to hear this update as you have been in my t&p. More your way for your family as well. Please take care of yourself.

kepsmom · December 2015

My appointment is set for this afternoon. Sounds like we have to do all the labs and sonos. Going to try and minimize to necessary exams to either confirm or witness an Xmas miracle.

blissylissy86 · December 2015

Keep us updated! T&P are with you. So many fingers crossed for a little Xmas miracle!!!

ladythrice · December 2015

Aww, hugs, T&Ps for you @Kepsmom. Please let us know how the appointment goes

kepsmom · December 2015

The new OB was wonderful, but very protective of how she described whats happening. At the moment the ultra sound showed a sack measuring 5 weeks and my cervix is closed. She had me schedule an ultra sound for next week to compare. The thing that gets me is i counted back on my calendar and 5 weeks ago is exactly the day i got my BFP, so that calculation and thinking that i ovulated late is wrong. And I have passed large blood clots and started cramping bad when I got home. Maybe I will pass it naturally without medication, but for now I wait. I'm not sure if i will check back in or not. Good luck to all of you! Cuddle those little ones constantly in July.

ladythrice · December 2015

Hugs @Kepsmom

BostonBaby1 · December 2015

I'm so incredibly sorry to hear this update. Please know that if you ever want to talk through private message, feel free. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers to you and your family for healing during this very difficult time.