My husbands mom and sister have kept my 4 month old overnight once before. They want to again. am I a bad mom for letting her spend the night away from me so young? She is bottle fed, and she did a really good job the first time. I cried a lot, but I am so exhausted I can barely see straight. I have no help at home from my husband. He was raised in a family where the men do not help with babies at all.. It is really stressful for me and I feel bad for needing a break. I love my baby so much, but it is really taking its toll on me.
As long as LO is in the care of someone who loves them, I don't think you are a bad mom! It's not like you've left the baby with someone else more than you've had her. Definitely don't beat yourself up!
As for your husband, that is just sad. I certainly hope that is something that was discussed before you made the decision to have a baby. I know plenty of men who "came from" that type of family that are very active/hands on Dads. I can't even imagine my husband telling me he isn't going to help, but I guess every family is different.
Married DH 08.28.10
Pregnancy #1: BFP 04.10.11 EDD 12.23.11 DD1 Born 12.4.11
Pregnancy #2: BFP 5.12.14 MC 5.20.14 @ 5wk4d
Pregnancy #3: BFP 11.1.14 EDD 7.5.15 MC 11.13.14 @ 6wk4d
Pregnancy #4: BFP 1.31.15 EDD 10.5.15 DD2 Born 9.23.15
Hell no you aren't a bad mom. If anything you are a GOOD mom for realizing you need to take care of yourself. If you aren't taken care of then it's pretty hard taking care of others. You deserve a break too.
The bigger problem here is your husband not helping. My H never did MOTN feedings but he sure as hell does lots of other things to help. Men don't get a free pass to sit back and not do shit just because they are men. A marriage is a partnership and you definitely need help with a young baby so I'd be having a serious talk with your husband about all of this.
Also, my FIL changed one diaper. Ever. (4 kids). My husband is a totally hands-on dad. Sit down with him and explain what you need and why it's not ok for him not to help.
As long as LO is in the care of someone who loves them, I don't think you are a bad mom! It's not like you've left the baby with someone else more than you've had her. Definitely don't beat yourself up!
As for your husband, that is just sad. I certainly hope that is something that was discussed before you made the decision to have a baby. I know plenty of men who "came from" that type of family that are very active/hands on Dads. I can't even imagine my husband telling me he isn't going to help, but I guess every family is different.
This. I would laugh at my husband if he said this to me, and then I'd hand him the baby and say "please change this diaper".
She wasn't planned. But not a mistake. We are young too. I am just 20 years old. He works so he says that is enough and right now I am staying at home with her and taking care of the house. I don't mind. But he is like a child too obviously. It doesnt help that when we do talk about it BC he says his job exhausts him and he doesn't see how I am so exhausted. It sucks. I love him to death, but its hard when he doesn't see why I am so tired.
When we got the call to take our current foster child we had just lost a baby to a relative and were grieving. I couldn't say no but needed DH approval. He said he wasn't going to help but it was up to me. He fell in love with baby before I did. (I wouldn't have said yes if I thought he wasn't really going to help)
You're an AWESOME mom. Ours have done overnights earlier than 4 mos!
She wasn't planned. But not a mistake. We are young too. I am just 20 years old. He works so he says that is enough and right now I am staying at home with her and taking care of the house. I don't mind. But he is like a child too obviously. It doesnt help that when we do talk about it BC he says his job exhausts him and he doesn't see how I am so exhausted. It sucks. I love him to death, but its hard when he doesn't see why I am so tired.
You need to set expectations that you need help too. I'm a stay at home mom too, bUT my husband comes home after his day where he works a very stressful job and helps. That is no excuse not to help. If my husband said he was raised to not help, I'd laugh and explain that if he wants to have a say in anything, he'd help.
And my little guy spent the night with my parents at 7 weeks and will be again here at 14 weeks. You are a good mom.
She wasn't planned. But not a mistake. We are young too. I am just 20 years old. He works so he says that is enough and right now I am staying at home with her and taking care of the house. I don't mind. But he is like a child too obviously. It doesnt help that when we do talk about it BC he says his job exhausts him and he doesn't see how I am so exhausted. It sucks. I love him to death, but its hard when he doesn't see why I am so tired.
I don't feel bad for him one bit. Being a SAHM is a full time job and it's really freaking hard. I work out of the house full time and so does my husband but neither of us have the option to do NOTHING when we get home from work because we are tired.
He needs to grow up and you need to make sure he does! Unfortunately you are raising 2 kids.
Maybe you should take a night he is off and leave the baby with him and go sleep at you MIL or sisters house instead of the other way around. Then he may wake up to how much you really do for your family. I can imagine going through all of this so young is taxing on the both of you and your relationship, you should take a night to ask him if he has any fears/anxieties that are keeping him from being a good dad. Don't get me wrong I completely agree with pp in laughing if their husbands said that but their husbands may be able to handle that more than a younger man would. Laughter and hostility may breed more distance, and it sounds like you need all the support you can get right now!
My mom was visiting and took DD overnight in her room at 2.5 weeks. I still had to get up and pump every 2-3 hrs, but it was nice not listening for cries for one night.
My mom was visiting and took DD overnight in her room at 2.5 weeks. I still had to get up and pump every 2-3 hrs, but it was nice not listening for cries for one night.
This, my mother took baby overnight in her room at 10 days. I also had to get up to pump but I got a lot more sleep and felt great after.
No way! My friend leaves her almost 4 month old with her in laws for the weekend. You're leaving her with people who are begging for her! They like new people too. I take care of my daughter, too, my husband doesn't do much and I can tell that she gets a little tired of me sometimes. It'll be good for her and your in laws will really appreciate it.
No way in hell are you a bad mom! I live with my parents right now but once when I hadn't Slept more than an hour in three days my mom took LO in her room For the night so I could sleep, it helped and honestly I was a better mom after that than I was before I got the sleep. She's offered to do it again I just haven't needed it. Take the sleep you'll feel better if you get some.
So your husband works for like 8 hours a day and you are taking care of a child and home 24/7. Talk to his mother, she should explain things to him and he may listen more. If nothing changes - ask his mother for more help.
Re: Am I a bad mom?
As for your husband, that is just sad. I certainly hope that is something that was discussed before you made the decision to have a baby. I know plenty of men who "came from" that type of family that are very active/hands on Dads. I can't even imagine my husband telling me he isn't going to help, but I guess every family is different.
Hell no you aren't a bad mom. If anything you are a GOOD mom for realizing you need to take care of yourself. If you aren't taken care of then it's pretty hard taking care of others. You deserve a break too.
The bigger problem here is your husband not helping. My H never did MOTN feedings but he sure as hell does lots of other things to help. Men don't get a free pass to sit back and not do shit just because they are men. A marriage is a partnership and you definitely need help with a young baby so I'd be having a serious talk with your husband about all of this.
You're an AWESOME mom. Ours have done overnights earlier than 4 mos!
And my little guy spent the night with my parents at 7 weeks and will be again here at 14 weeks. You are a good mom.
I don't feel bad for him one bit. Being a SAHM is a full time job and it's really freaking hard. I work out of the house full time and so does my husband but neither of us have the option to do NOTHING when we get home from work because we are tired.
He needs to grow up and you need to make sure he does! Unfortunately you are raising 2 kids.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
Then he may wake up to how much you really do for your family.
I can imagine going through all of this so young is taxing on the both of you and your relationship, you should take a night to ask him if he has any fears/anxieties that are keeping him from being a good dad.
Don't get me wrong I completely agree with pp in laughing if their husbands said that but their husbands may be able to handle that more than a younger man would. Laughter and hostility may breed more distance, and it sounds like you need all the support you can get right now!
Slept more than an hour in three days my mom took LO in her room
For the night so I could sleep, it helped and honestly I was a better mom after that than I was before I got the sleep. She's offered to do it again I just haven't needed it. Take the sleep you'll feel better if you get some.