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Looking for words of encouragement

spencerganzspencerganz member
in 2nd Trimester
I'm two weeks into my second trimester and everything is falling apart. We are looking for a new house to be closer to family. My husband is not interested, even though it is the best thing to do when thinking of future childcare. On top of this, I am trying to find a new teaching job for the next school year that will be closer to where we will be living. Also, I quit smoking. I just feel overwhelmed and like my husband is not being supportive at all. Today his mom and I went house hunting. He had no interest in going with us. He said for me to just pick something and he will be on board. Is it too much to ask that he is involved?? I feel like the only thing he wants to do is sit on his ass and play video games. It's like he's ignoring everything that has to be done before the baby arrives in June. Even worse, I can't tell my family or his about what's happening in our relationship without feeling like they'll judge him and try to meddle. If anyone has any advice or words of encouragement I am all ears.
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Re: Looking for words of encouragement

  • notasycophantnotasycophant member
    I'm in my 34th week of pregnancy and I know it's easy to get overwhelmed because I like you quit smoking a little prior to getting pregnant. I had to find different ways to deal with stressors and I remember it being very easy to be over critical of H at that time.I'm not complaining but I've had to do everything by myself because my husband works away while I run the administration side of our business and household. My advice to you would be to get stuff done yourself if he isn't interested or able to participate. I'm sure you've tried talking to him and if it hasn't worked it probably won't change. A friend once told me that men find it hard to plan ahead especially when it comes to babies, because it's not real to them until the babies arrive. I don't know how true that statement is but maybe it applies to your H. Cut him some slack, and start doing what you need to do. He will start getting invested as soon as it starts getting real to him.
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  • spencerganzspencerganz member
    Thank you for your perspective on this. I know that this is just something I'm going to have to do on my own, at least until he wakes up from whatever this is. I just wish things were different. Thanks again and good luck in your pregnancy.
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  • StormiewinterStormiewinter member
    blowing off cleaning out the spare room is one thing, but making your pregnant wife do all of the work involved in getting a new house is another. I think you need to have a direct conversation with your dh. Maybe he is not as on board with moving, maybe he is stressed out about the financial strain of a new house? Maybe he is scared $@!&less about becoming a father? Regardless though these are conversations you need to have so that you are both on the same page. Good communication is the key. Tell him how you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Don't play the blame game, but let dh know you need more support (sometimes with my dh I need to be very specific about what that looks like because he just didn't know what to do so he does nothing. Ex. "It would really help take some of the load off me if you could look at pictures of this house/call the bank/look over my resume etc") and also that you are concerned that something is bothering him. Good luck!
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  • alanna3622alanna3622 member
    It can be really difficult to stay oriented when you have major projects that are up in the air. You have three! Baby, new house, new job. Wow.

    The new area you are moving to... is it within driving distance of your current location?

    The nice thing is that you have survived first trimester. I found first tri to be the hardest to handle because of symptoms. Hopefully it is the same for you.

    You may wish to take a moment and identify who your true supprt network is and how you can lean on them to the best advantage. Sounds like your DH is not a part of that supprt network (at least right now), so be practical when you make your list.

    My DH is amazing in general but he definitely did not "get it" earlier in my pregnancy. Now that my bump is big and we have done a birth training class, he is on board. At the last minute, practically! It was so aggravating but now that it has passed I don't even think about it.

    This is not much help, I am sure. Just try and soldier on -- you will get through this somehow!
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