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April 2016 Moms
spicedice
member
Need an emotional rant...
spicedice
member
I've been extremely emotional this pregnancy, which is the complete opposite of how it was with DS1. A major contributing factor has actually been my due date.
Some of you may have seen from my previous posts that I suffered two losses before DS1. I got really lucky and DS1 stuck on my first round of Clomid. DH and I talked about having more kids after LO turned 2. Around DS1's 1st birthday, I started to freak out about this idea. What if we had problems conceiving a sticky baby again? Could I really emotionally handle another loss? Did I really want to do that to myself? For weeks, I thought about talking to DH about being one and done. I almost talked to him about it on the 2 year anniversary of it second loss... Which is when I noticed that my period had not showed up. It was late. I checked my calendar again, and told myself that I was just running late this month. Three days later, DH told me to take a test. Positive. What? No! This had to be some cruel joke. I could not be due in April. No. I checked my calendar and realized that I had to have ovulated REALLY late... And I mentally prepared myself for another loss. I tested every three days, making sure that little blue plus sign was still there. Somehow, LO had managed to stick with an incredibly short LP.
April should have been your month, LO, but instead it belongs to your brother. As much as I would have loved that baby, I'm glad I have DS1 with me today and can't imagine my life without him... Why April? Why couldn't this baby be due March or May? Why did I have to realize I could be pregnant on such a sad day? I know it's silly to think that the two pregnancies having identical due dates is a cruel joke, but I still do. Each milestone, I think "this is just two years late." Once April hits, I know I'll wonder what day the other baby would have been born... Would they have shared birthdays?
DH keeps reminding me to try and be happy. We have a second healthy little boy on the way... I just wish he wasn't supposed to show up in April. He's also convinced me that TTCing again for a third child is worth the heartache.
Sorry. This has been on my mind this entire pregnancy. Every kick, hiccup, appointment, and glance in the mirror just reminds me of what could have been. I'm hoping once I have my LO in my arms that I'll be able to get past comparing him to the older sibling that I only got to carry for such a short time.
Some of you may have seen from my previous posts that I suffered two losses before DS1. I got really lucky and DS1 stuck on my first round of Clomid. DH and I talked about having more kids after LO turned 2. Around DS1's 1st birthday, I started to freak out about this idea. What if we had problems conceiving a sticky baby again? Could I really emotionally handle another loss? Did I really want to do that to myself? For weeks, I thought about talking to DH about being one and done. I almost talked to him about it on the 2 year anniversary of it second loss... Which is when I noticed that my period had not showed up. It was late. I checked my calendar again, and told myself that I was just running late this month. Three days later, DH told me to take a test. Positive. What? No! This had to be some cruel joke. I could not be due in April. No. I checked my calendar and realized that I had to have ovulated REALLY late... And I mentally prepared myself for another loss. I tested every three days, making sure that little blue plus sign was still there. Somehow, LO had managed to stick with an incredibly short LP.
April should have been your month, LO, but instead it belongs to your brother. As much as I would have loved that baby, I'm glad I have DS1 with me today and can't imagine my life without him... Why April? Why couldn't this baby be due March or May? Why did I have to realize I could be pregnant on such a sad day? I know it's silly to think that the two pregnancies having identical due dates is a cruel joke, but I still do. Each milestone, I think "this is just two years late." Once April hits, I know I'll wonder what day the other baby would have been born... Would they have shared birthdays?
DH keeps reminding me to try and be happy. We have a second healthy little boy on the way... I just wish he wasn't supposed to show up in April. He's also convinced me that TTCing again for a third child is worth the heartache.
Sorry. This has been on my mind this entire pregnancy. Every kick, hiccup, appointment, and glance in the mirror just reminds me of what could have been. I'm hoping once I have my LO in my arms that I'll be able to get past comparing him to the older sibling that I only got to carry for such a short time.
Re: Need an emotional rant...
Remember it's just a date and all that really matters is that you have a healthy baby in the end.
My friend is due the same day her mom died and she was upset at first but now she's excited that baby will be born then . It's as though baby's angel ( her mom as she describes it) had something to do with it.
I personally wouldn't care if this baby was due the same month as my last loss but then again I was only pregnant for 8 weeks the first time and i work in health care and see it all the time so I almost expected it from the beginning. I had a D&C and went to work 2 days later and never really thought about it again.
Everybody is different
I, too, had a loss earlier this year. My mom and MIL are the only people besides FH and I who know; mom had a late loss and MIL didn't know she was pregnant until she miscarried. Mom already had 5 and never would've had me if her m/c had stuck; now her motto is that we all have a brother or sister we never met who is looking out for us.
I am so sorry for your losses. I can imagine e what that is like and coming up on your old due dates. If you haven't read the book Heaven is for Real there is a beautiful part in there about loss and it makes me cry Everytime I tell someone about it.
I treat the days that I lost my LOs as their birthdays. I also call them by the months that I lost them in. DH knows to give me my space during late March and early August, since the losses had a very different impact on his than it did on me. I told DH that after DS2 is born, I want to get a dedication tattoo to all four of my children... A flower for each of their "birth" months. If DH and I have more children, I plan on adding to it. @K&Elizabeth
I felt like I was doomed to have a miscarriage at one point, but I never imagined that it would happen FIRST AND SECOND. Before my sister was born, my parents suffered a loss and talked about being done at two kids. They concieved my sister the day before my dad went in for a vesectomy. My grandparents on my dad's side had a similar situation. After my aunts were born, my grandma wanted to try again for a boy, even though her doctors were pressuring her to have a hysterectomy. She ignored them, and ended up having a miscarriage. A little bit after the loss, she concieved my dad. @AmadorRose
@jonesl12 I actually worked immidiately after both of my miscarriages. I was barely 4 weeks pregnant with my first and almost 5 weeks pregnant with my second. We actually kept it a secret from most people until after I was pregnant with DS1.
My baby girl is due exactly one year from the day I found out I was miscarrying this past April. I had a d&c two days later. We just passed the original due date over thanksgiving and I had a total breakdown. It is definitely hard. Every day seems to get a little easier, for the most part. I still get worried that any minute something bad is going to happen. I'm not really religious, but I do try to look at this as my angel baby looking out for me and telling me it's ok to be happy and not think of that time of year only with sadness.
I hope you are able to find some peace and happiness in this pregnancy. We're always here if you need to vent!
For me it was just my body's way of telling me something was wrong.
We all handle it in our own ways.
Losses are difficult to deal with and at any moment something may trigger an emotion, a memory, anything.
We have been having some difficulty with this pregnancy as the A/S scan showed a slight anomaly. I'm hoping beyond hope that our little angels up there are taking care of their baby sister so we can finally bring a baby home to us. I would like to think the same for you, that your baby is being looked after and protected by his/her older sibling.
Lots of hugs to you.
I've learnt that it's perfectly natural and healthy to feel that way - can you talk to your husband about how you're feeling?
I've learnt that I will always love the baby that started to grow in me before dying, but that my heart is big enough to love the LO currently stamping on my bladder.
I've learnt that it's ok to still cry and mourn the life that might have been, and silmultaneously celebrate new beginnings.
The turning point for me started when my LO began to move around and kick - he started to become more of his own person in his own right rather than me constantly comparing him to my previous loss. He's now definitely developing his own rhythm, his movements, his personality.
Maybe your previous lost baby has lent his/her strength to your current LO which is why he stuck from the beginning. Who really knows. Either way - you're so strong for what you've been through already and wishing you only health and happiness hereafter.
Big hugs to you. I'm so sorry about your losses. It's never easy when those "anniversary" dates roll around. Like for instance, today 12/21 is the day we said goodbye to our son Sebastian at 18 weeks. His due date was 5/21. You can never forget those dates. I hope you find peace within as you near your LO's arrival.
It's a boy! Grow baby, grow! EDD: 4/22/2016