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Struggling

leasajleasaj member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
This may be a little long, I apologize. We decided to have another baby-after much discussion about pros and cons. We got pregnant the first month of trying and knew quickly that I was pregnant. First ultrasound was at 8 wks. Everything looked great-heartrate of 160 bpm. Was scheduled for NT ultrasound at 12 wks due to age (36). Went for routine check-up before the appt and found out baby had no heartbeat and had not grown in weeks. Had a D & C a few days later. Since then I have felt empty. It is a struggle to get through each day. My 2.5 yr old still gets lots of love & attention but I feel like my patience is shorter. I have almost no patience for my husband and feel very distant/withdrawn from him. I don't know why. People have asked abt us trying agn and I wonder if losing this baby was a sign that we aren't meant for another child. I had concerns abt being able to handle two, working full time, and bring by myself over hlf the time due to husbands work. Was losing the baby a sign that we should just stay at one child? I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle another loss. I see/hear of ppl who have repeated losses and I don't know how they do it. Just this one has left me empty and struggling. Any tips, suggestions, etc would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Struggling

  • BornReadyBornReady member
    I'm sorry you are struggling. I can relate to your feeling of looking for "signs". At one point while I was pregnant I was thinking that no matter what this was my last pregnancy. Then when it ended in miscarriage, I was thinking it was a sign that I wasn't meant to have any more children. Knowing myself, when I start thinking like that, it is totally my anxiety brain kicking in and I just have to try and talk back to it and be a little more rational. Easier said than done!

    Good luck to you moving forward! 
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  • chloe97chloe97 member
    Hi @leasaj. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also 36 and heard a strong heartbeat at 8 weeks, to find out the baby stopped growing after spotting at 10 weeks.

    I'm not sure what to tell you about planning your own family, but I can tell you that my pregnancy was my first and I have the same feelings. My mc was the end of my innocence, so now I don't just worry about losing the next one, but also what happens if the baby has special needs, what if I can't get pregnant again, what if we only can end up having one, and everything in between. Even though we conceived right away the first time, I've started looking into adoption just in case. Basically, I'm all over the place.

    It's been almost 3 weeks since my u/s and it is getting better. Give yourself a bit of time to heal and see how you feel. You may decide its not something you can't do again or after a few months, you may regain your strength and decide this is something you can do. I still have my days where I feel like more bad news would kill me, but then I have days where I feel like I can get through anything life throws at me.

    Good Luck!!
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  • decoycandydecoycandy member
    I don't believe it's a sign, just a sad a unfortunate thing. If you are thinking of having another child is something you may or may not want, take the time you need. Talk to your partner. I will likely only have one child (35 now, no children) and I've come to terms with that. Although having a sibling has been great for me, I know personally I would do better with having an only child, at least this is how I feel for the time being. You don't need to make that choice now. Rethink it in the new year, fresh start. Good luck in whatever journey you choose.
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  • chloe97chloe97 member
    I also just want to add that I had a friend who had multiple mcs before giving birth to her son. She ended up having a loss at 25 weeks a year after giving birth to her son. The next 2 years, she really struggled with whether she could ever go through this again. She finally made the choice to start TTC again this past fall and though she just had another loss, she is doing okay because she took the time to get there. She's adament that there is another member of her family that's waited to join them and so she going to try's again early next year. Take your time, the answer will come to you.
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