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Bed sharing guilt/advice (long)

ATolentino89ATolentino89 member
in December 2015 Moms
So while pregnant I was VERY against bed sharing. When people told me it would happen I just kept telling them it's not happening in my bed, that he has a bassinet and a crib and there's no reason for bed sharing. That coupled with my husband being a deep sleeper I was really worried about the potential harm. That being said LO was born late at night and we opted to stay the following night too and go home during the day. Well on that second night LO would not sleep for more that 30 minutes and he wanted to eat all the time. So while the hubs slept in the chair I had LO in bed with me. The most sleep I got was dozing for 10 minutes at a time. (Night 1 of bed sharing) Needless to say he continued to have nights like that but would sleep for long stretches during the day and the easiest thing was to have him in the bed with me at night. This is all coupled with the fact that he won't sleep unless he is being touched or held. I just feel bad about being a hypocrite and would love any advice anyone has to break him and me of this.

Adding that my husband is totally okay with the bed sharing now and somehow has completely changed his sleeping. He often wakes up just to reach over me and touch LO to make sure he's not a dream. And I wake up everytime I feel LO move. I just don't want this to be a long term thing.
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Re: Bed sharing guilt/advice (long)

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  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    I was also the same as you, didn't want to bed share. I'm having the same issue my LO will not sleep in her bassinet and only wants to sleep on me. I'm struggling with this. I'm a heavy sleeper and our mattress is fairly soft so she rolls into me. We are working on keeping her in the bassinet at night. As much as I LOVE her and want to sleep with her/be with her so much it's not in our best interest to cosleep. Do what you feel is best.
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  • HoldmommaHoldmomma member
    At just a few days old you can't really count on any sleep patterns so do what gets you the most sleep. I kicked hubby out to sleep on the sofa and bed shared with my newborn. Now, at two weeks old I am lucky enough to get baby to sleep a 3-4 hour stretch from 8:00-12:00 every night. I have been using that time to put him in his bassinet and get as much baby free sleep as possible. After the midnight waking he usually sleeps in 2 hour increments, and longer if we're bed sharing. So depending on how much energy I have, I put him back in the bassinet and hope for the best, or give in and put him in our bed for the rest of the night.
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  • angelicac06angelicac06 member
    I am in the SAME boat. No advice just want to let you know I understand 100% and you're not alone. FTM and learning myself.
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  • ATolentino89ATolentino89 member
    It's really good to hear that were not alone!!! Thanks for all the support.
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  • Bombmom3Bombmom3 member
    DD #2 refused to sleep for more than five minutes if she was not being held on my chest. I am 100% against cosleeping - DD #1 was a NICU baby and we saw and heard horror stories of cosleeping gone wrong (there is for sure a right way and a wrong way to do it). After two weeks of no sleep I decided cosleeping isn't as horrible as I once thought. Still scared me to death, though. Here is the best of both worlds, IMO. Baby gets their space that you can't roll over on or get blankets/pillows in and they are happy close to you and easy to nurse.
    https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00B74F8FU/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1450138427&sr=8-13&pi=AC_SX118_SY170_QL70&keywords=cosleeper+crib

    I'm still of the mind that my bed is my bed and their bed is theirs but I am also more flexible in terms of sometimes things have to find a middle ground - if only because you have to get some sleep at some point to be able to function at all.
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  • MerBotMerBot member
    There's no guilt to be had over changing your mind.

    What you can do, now, is research safe co-sleeping. That may mean being really careful about pillows/blankets, bed spacing, or even using a "safe cosleeping" bassinet that fits in the bed if you decide to. 

    That may help you feel better informed and more confident. And knowing you're reducing any risks as best you can.
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  • bradswifee84bradswifee84 member
    Do what works for you!!!! There are negatives to both co and separate sleep. I missed having my daughter in my bed, especially when she was sick and I had to keep getting up to comfort her but she would not sleep in our bed. However, my best friend coslept and missed having the bed to herself. I strongly reccomend a cosleeper that goes on the side of the bed, baby gets his own space, you can still touch and bring him to the breast but he gets used to sleeping alone in a sense. This, I believe, will make the transition easier if you decide to change. Do what's best for you and the family. There's always going to be someone who says you shouldn't, that's parenting :) good luck.
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  • yl1m32015yl1m32015 member
    Same here! I was/am against bed sharing. As a nurse, I advocate safe sleep and back is best all the time. Unfortunately, my daughter refuses to sleep in her bassinet, the PnP, basically she'll only sleep when I'm holding her. But, if you think about it, it's most womb like. She can feel me, my body temp, breathing and my heart beat. It's the only way she'll sleep. So, we're bed sharing and sleeping great.
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  • helen76dhelen76d member
    The joys of becoming a parent! So many decisions to make and so afraid of making a mistake! It's ok to change your mind based off of what you and your baby need. Don't be hard on yourself. My oldest kid is 19 and I still learn things about the kind of parent I think I am. Becoming a mother, as you know, changes you forever.
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  • EEB88EEB88 member
    I didn't really consider co-sleeping with my first because I was so worried about SIDS. He wouldn't sleep at all in his own bed. I tried all the tricks. Nothing worked. We "slept" in a chair for the first 6 weeks and it was horrible. Though I wouldn't go as far as to say I was depressed but sleep deprivation really was hitting me hard and I had a rough time caring for my son. I pulled him into our bed and was able to actually sleep. I am a much lighter sleeper so I was definitely aware of his movements and my own but he was also able to route around and find my breast to nurse at night without me having to fully be awake.

    It worked well for us but the only problem was when he got older and teaching him to sleep alone. He was nine months before he would sleep in his own bed.

    Though I would prefer that this baby would sleep in his own bed, I'm not going to kill myself trying to make it happen. So don't feel bad or that you've failed. As others have mentioned, you learn new things about how to raise your child everyday. Your baby needs a well rested, healthy mama. Do what you need to do to help make that happen!
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  • thatgirlree24thatgirlree24 member
    I feel like co-sleeping is one of those topics that you can't really discuss with just anyone bc most people especially doctors are against it but I do co-sleep with LO from time to time. So much easier to nurse thru the nite when they're sleeping next to you and they fall back asleep faster that way.
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  • ATolentino89ATolentino89 member
    I am hoping that I can get him into his bassinet that is right next to the bed within the next few weeks. When we put him in it now he starts crying within minutes. Yesterday I took him out and laid him on my bed (king size temper pedic) and he was just fine. I am starting to wonder if it's the mattress he doesn't like since no one was even on the bed at the time.
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  • stephaniearthursstephaniearthurs member
    I think (and this may have been said before) that what is ultimately most important is that the are doing what's best for your growing family. I'm a FTM so I'm by no means an expert, but I think that it's great that you were flexible. There are things I don't want to do (bed share is one of them) but I know that if that's what needs to happen then that's what will happen to keep us sane and happy and healthy.

    There should never be guilt for changing your mind. This is life, not a sports team. There's no such thing as Fairweather parenting. As long as you are not being reckless, you are being a good Mom!
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  • nickimonroenickimonroe member
    I was against best sharing but my LOL has the softest cry ever and we wouldn't be able to hear her I her crib .....my thing is as long as I'm doing it with preventative measures to make sure she is OK so be it.
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  • MurphyerMurphyer member
    Hi, I know a lot of PP have said this but I thought I would still share my experience. I'm a STM and my husband and I were very adamant prior to DD that we were not going to co-sleep/bedshare. We had DD in the RnP in our room and I was nursing every 2 hours overnight. And then we learned how to night nurse ... which was amazing because we were able to nurse laying down and I would just connect her and fall asleep. She would unlatch and sleep when she was done. Next thing I knew, we were co-sleeping. DH and I decided to continue on that set up until DD was 3mo and started sleeping longer stretches. At that point we transitioned her to her crib in her nursery and it wasn't long after that she started to sleep through the night. Don't get me wrong.... Transitions are not easy and the transition from co-sleeping to the crib was no cakewalk but we did it. And I wouldn't change our decision to co-sleep those first couple of months as it was the right thing for both of us and I needed my sleep. :)

    So, do what you feel is best for you both and try not to beat yourself up for changing your mind. It won't be the last time ;)
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  • JElizbettyJElizbetty member
    I just bought a cosleeper that you put in bed with you for this very reason, Its like a little basket so you don't worry about any harm. I bed shared with my first and told myself I wouldn't do it with this one. Its just not possible specially since he wants to feed so often.
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