NBR: Getting a 3 year old to sleep through the night?

Bonnie Bloyd · December 2015

My daughter is three and has always been a terrible sleeper. She is a very independent girl with a mind of her own. She is in her own room with the lights off, always has been. The house is quiet at night, we have a cat that sleeps with her but this does not seem to be an issue. If it was an occasional bad dream we would be OK with her spending the night in our room, but this is every single night. Last night she woke up at three and was crying until three thirty. My DH and I would check on her, we ask her what's wrong, she comes up with something randomly wrong but in reality she doesn't know how to soothe herself to sleep which is my fault since I didn't teach her this as a baby. We have tried giving her a light, stuffed animals, rewards, consequences, staying with her in her bed for a little while, singing, letting her cry and talking to her from our bedroom, standing in the doorway and talking to her, an alarm clock and I don't know what else. She just expects that when she wakes up and cries that she should be able to sleep with us and we do not want to let that happen. Please can someone help? I need advice!

likeabel · December 2015

My only advice is the Ferber method. Which maybe you've tried since you mentioned talking to her from the doorway. I think it's still possible for you to improve her sleep situations. Be prepared to spend two nights crying while you sleep train her. In the end I truly believe you're giving her the gift of sleep and everyone's lives will improve over the long run!

NicknShan · December 2015

This may be a long shot - have you tried allowing her to sleep with music on? Lights on? Door open? Is she scared?

CourtJack · December 2015

Second the Ferber method. Also how long do you try each new 'thing'? I find anything needs to be tried for at LEAST one week before being certain it doesn't work. But I do understand your frustration and sleep is so important for you and her! Have you ever tried Ferber? It works best (IMO) if you decide who between you and your hubby, can tolerate the possibility of prolonged crying. We used Ferber when my daughter was younger and as PP said - it was basically two days of suffering through some tears and from then on she was an excellent sleeper. (with obvious breaks in that pattern for developmental milestones, etc).

His book is really interesting and packed with great information on sleep. Good luck! I hope you guys can find a solution that works for everyone.

NLewis1 · December 2015

The no cry sleep solution for toddlers (my son is 1.5) is what I'm currently reading. The book actually says you have to stay consistent for a month, sometimes 6 weeks before the situation starts to improve! I realized I was giving up on each method FAR to early! I've just been going in and laying my son back down. He's stayed in his room the past two nights and yesterday was the first day in a long time I woke up without a headache (I guess having a toddler sleeping on you will kink your neck. Duh). Kids won't continue doing what doesn't work for them. I suggest going in, taking her by the hand, and just putting her back to bed. You may have to do this every 20 minutes for several nights, but eventually she will get the hint that she can't get out of bed.

WinniethePoohsPants · December 2015

Read Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Richard Ferber. Total life changer

MillerMama13 · December 2015

No advice but you're not alone! We are going through the same thing with our DD. She will be 3 in March. Some nights she will stay in her bed all night. Others (last night) she will be up at 2am and be wide awake. After she squirmed around in our bed for an hour and a half and I had several failed attempts of getting her to go back to sleep in her bed. DH had enough and put her in her room and put the baby gate up so she couldn't get out of her room. She cried for about 45 seconds and then went to sleep. Idk if that's a permanent solution but it worked last night. I will probably try some of the things PPs have mentioned if this isn't just a phase. Normally she's a pretty good sleeper it's just the last few months have been tough all around. Not just sleep behavior but behavior in general.

mamabudd · December 2015

I second what @NLewis1 suggested. I'm pretty passionately against the Ferber method as it is, but you're going to have one hell of a time doing it with a toddler. I know that if I attempted it with my almost three year old, he would probably get so upset he would vomit or end up hurting himself trying to get to me. Also, today's society tells us that kids should be sleeping twelve hours a night every night from a young age, but that is simply just unrealistic and ridiculous for most children, so don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault. She's a child, she's not designed to sleep right through every single night. I know some kids do, and I'm really freakin' jealous, but it's not the norm for most families.

SMLmom · December 2015

Good points @mamabudd I imagine Ferber would be a lot harder with a toddler... I personally swear by the sleep sense method. The founder of sleep sense has great free online video tutorials about every given sleep problem. Every kid is different, but mine has always responded really well to the approaches outlined in that program. Good luck! And I'm sorry you're going through this- don't blame yourself. We did a lot of sleep training when my daughter was 6 months and it did work like a charm but right when she hit 2, she had a major regression and it felt like we were back at square one.

Boonhilde · December 2015

My two-year-old still sleeps in our bed. He wakes up a few times a night. I just keep waiting for a miracle. I hate sleep training.

ice_queen91 · December 2015

Ferber - worked like a charm at 15 months, and she just made 3 in October. She still had the occasional bad dream or potty run in the middle of the night she'll wake us up for, but it's usually no more than 1-2 times a week.

Bonnie Bloyd · December 2015

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies for the wonderful suggestions! I cant tell you how much i appreciate the fresh ideas and support. Im going to show them to DH and hopefully we can come up with a few plans of action. I will update soon, hopefully with great news and even if she doesn't sleep, I will have tried my best.

Atlast111 · December 2015

I think supernanny

NLewis1 said:
The no cry sleep solution for toddlers (my son is 1.5) is what I'm currently reading. The book actually says you have to stay consistent for a month, sometimes 6 weeks before the situation starts to improve! I realized I was giving up on each method FAR to early! I've just been going in and laying my son back down. He's stayed in his room the past two nights and yesterday was the first day in a long time I woke up without a headache (I guess having a toddler sleeping on you will kink your neck. Duh). Kids won't continue doing what doesn't work for them. I suggest going in, taking her by the hand, and just putting her back to bed. You may have to do this every 20 minutes for several nights, but eventually she will get the hint that she can't get out of bed.

Yes. That's supernanny's trick. Take them by the hand and lead them back to bed. Say it's bedtime the first time and then no further conversation. Keep doing it, till they give up. Supposed to work really well if you persist.

NLewis1 · December 2015

Atlast111 said:
I think supernanny
NLewis1 said:
The no cry sleep solution for toddlers (my son is 1.5) is what I'm currently reading. The book actually says you have to stay consistent for a month, sometimes 6 weeks before the situation starts to improve! I realized I was giving up on each method FAR to early! I've just been going in and laying my son back down. He's stayed in his room the past two nights and yesterday was the first day in a long time I woke up without a headache (I guess having a toddler sleeping on you will kink your neck. Duh). Kids won't continue doing what doesn't work for them. I suggest going in, taking her by the hand, and just putting her back to bed. You may have to do this every 20 minutes for several nights, but eventually she will get the hint that she can't get out of bed.
Yes. That's supernanny's trick. Take them by the hand and lead them back to bed. Say it's bedtime the first time and then no further conversation. Keep doing it, till they give up. Supposed to work really well if you persist.

Who is super nanny and is she for hire? Sounds like someone I need at my house lol

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NBR: Getting a 3 year old to sleep through the night?

Re: NBR: Getting a 3 year old to sleep through the night?

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