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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
cheverian87
member
Intro Recent Miscarriage....
cheverian87
member
Hi everyone, first I like to start off and say I am so sorry for all your losses! But I am happy I have a place I can talk and relate with other women dealing or who have dealt with a miscarriage.
So a bit of background story. Please bare with me this might be long.
Me and my spouse decided to TTC for baby #2 June 2015. We got BFP October a week before my sons 2nd birthday! We were excited and happy of course. This coming Thursday I was suppose to have my first prenatal appointment, at 12 weeks. New doctor this go around and I did feel soooo uneasy of not having an ultrasound by now, but seeing as my first pregnancy went smoothly, I was hoping it would go same for this one as well.
Anyways this past Saturday (11 weeks pregnant) after putting my son down for a nap, I noticed I felt really wet "down there". Went to the washroom and to my horror there was bright red blood not a lot but enough to make me concerned. I went to the ER ASAP. I didn't have any cramping or pain and the blood was only when I wiped. So there was little glimmer of hope that maybe everything was OK. The doctor couldn't find a heart beat with the Doppler. My own heart sank. She reassured me telling me it still may be too soon to hear a heart beat cause I am only 11 weeks and sometimes you cant hear the heart beat until 12+ weeks. This hospital of course does not have an ultrasound machine so she sat up an appointment for me on Monday to have an ultrasound in the next neighbouring town. We did some blood work, and she wanted me to return Monday morning for more blood work. To check my levels, which will tell us if we were having a miscarriage or not.
Longest wait of my life, Sunday the bleeding got a bit heavier and I had to start wearing a pad. I felt some slight cramping but I had worse period cramps. Was trying to remain positive. Monday morning came and the blood was even heavier and cramps getting worse. My hope was becoming slimmer and slimmer. went to have my ultrasound, the tech told me she couldn't tell me anything. but as soon as she started doing the scan she said she was going to have to do a vaginal scan. I knew right then and there the baby has stopped developing. I remember at my 9 week scan with my son we did not need to do a vaginal scan.
Seen my doctor and he gave me the news that there is a baby, measuring 6 weeks but no heart beat. He tried to be optimistic saying maybe its just too early in the pregnancy to detect the heartbeat. I knew the difference, my cramps were getting worse so was the bleeding. It made no sense for me to have a positive pregnancy test back in October only to be 6 weeks along now.
He said my blood work from Saturday and Monday morning will confirm if I am miscarrying or not. I didn't need to blood test because that night my cramps got so intense, just like contractions. I passed several large clots and continued cramping through out the night. Tuesday morning I passed the baby. Soon as that happened my cramps eased up almost instantly. I am still bleeding but it is getting lighter.
Tomorrow I have an follow up appointment, which was suppose to be my first prenatal appointment. I feel deeply saddened of course and this week we were going to make the pregnancy Facebook official.
I wish I would have requested an earlier scan, instead I was lead to believe my pregnancy was going fine for almost 6 extra weeks. When really the little one was not developing. This pregnancy something in the back of my head was telling me that I didn't really feel pregnant. With my son I was lucky and didn't have morning sickness, I did have nauseousness and bad food aversions. I thought I had food aversions with this pregnancy but it was no where as strong as it was with my son. But I kept telling myself each pregnancy is different.
Yesterday I was doing OK with coping with it, today was rough, I just cried all day. Seemed like every Facebook group I was in was posting ultrasound pictures or friends were posting pregnancy announcements. Which just made me instantly cry. My spouse is grieving his own way being with drawn and not really talking much.
I just not sure how to go about everything, I know I need time to heal both physically and mentally. But at the same time I just want to be pregnant again... would love to hear some coping methods you may have done to help you get through this difficult time...
So a bit of background story. Please bare with me this might be long.
Me and my spouse decided to TTC for baby #2 June 2015. We got BFP October a week before my sons 2nd birthday! We were excited and happy of course. This coming Thursday I was suppose to have my first prenatal appointment, at 12 weeks. New doctor this go around and I did feel soooo uneasy of not having an ultrasound by now, but seeing as my first pregnancy went smoothly, I was hoping it would go same for this one as well.
Anyways this past Saturday (11 weeks pregnant) after putting my son down for a nap, I noticed I felt really wet "down there". Went to the washroom and to my horror there was bright red blood not a lot but enough to make me concerned. I went to the ER ASAP. I didn't have any cramping or pain and the blood was only when I wiped. So there was little glimmer of hope that maybe everything was OK. The doctor couldn't find a heart beat with the Doppler. My own heart sank. She reassured me telling me it still may be too soon to hear a heart beat cause I am only 11 weeks and sometimes you cant hear the heart beat until 12+ weeks. This hospital of course does not have an ultrasound machine so she sat up an appointment for me on Monday to have an ultrasound in the next neighbouring town. We did some blood work, and she wanted me to return Monday morning for more blood work. To check my levels, which will tell us if we were having a miscarriage or not.
Longest wait of my life, Sunday the bleeding got a bit heavier and I had to start wearing a pad. I felt some slight cramping but I had worse period cramps. Was trying to remain positive. Monday morning came and the blood was even heavier and cramps getting worse. My hope was becoming slimmer and slimmer. went to have my ultrasound, the tech told me she couldn't tell me anything. but as soon as she started doing the scan she said she was going to have to do a vaginal scan. I knew right then and there the baby has stopped developing. I remember at my 9 week scan with my son we did not need to do a vaginal scan.
Seen my doctor and he gave me the news that there is a baby, measuring 6 weeks but no heart beat. He tried to be optimistic saying maybe its just too early in the pregnancy to detect the heartbeat. I knew the difference, my cramps were getting worse so was the bleeding. It made no sense for me to have a positive pregnancy test back in October only to be 6 weeks along now.
He said my blood work from Saturday and Monday morning will confirm if I am miscarrying or not. I didn't need to blood test because that night my cramps got so intense, just like contractions. I passed several large clots and continued cramping through out the night. Tuesday morning I passed the baby. Soon as that happened my cramps eased up almost instantly. I am still bleeding but it is getting lighter.
Tomorrow I have an follow up appointment, which was suppose to be my first prenatal appointment. I feel deeply saddened of course and this week we were going to make the pregnancy Facebook official.
I wish I would have requested an earlier scan, instead I was lead to believe my pregnancy was going fine for almost 6 extra weeks. When really the little one was not developing. This pregnancy something in the back of my head was telling me that I didn't really feel pregnant. With my son I was lucky and didn't have morning sickness, I did have nauseousness and bad food aversions. I thought I had food aversions with this pregnancy but it was no where as strong as it was with my son. But I kept telling myself each pregnancy is different.
Yesterday I was doing OK with coping with it, today was rough, I just cried all day. Seemed like every Facebook group I was in was posting ultrasound pictures or friends were posting pregnancy announcements. Which just made me instantly cry. My spouse is grieving his own way being with drawn and not really talking much.
I just not sure how to go about everything, I know I need time to heal both physically and mentally. But at the same time I just want to be pregnant again... would love to hear some coping methods you may have done to help you get through this difficult time...
Re: Intro Recent Miscarriage....
With my second mc, I bounced back much faster but still have feelings of anger and jealousy. I am sure in time it will pass.
I wish you the best of luck and for healing during this time.
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019Karen5 I cant imagine having to go through all of that again!! So sorry you have to deal with that.
I had my follow up today, my doctor actually mentioned that its good I was able to do it naturally. He said he rather let our bodies do our own thing than having to do a D&C.
I showed him a picture of what I passed and he wasn't sure if it was the baby or not. So I was able to get in for an ultrasound this afternoon to see if my uterus was "clean". The waiting room I had a bit of a hard time holding it together due to other pregnant ladies coming in. The staff was extremely friendly. was a much better experience compared to the ultrasound tech I had on Monday.
I feel a bit of closure today after finding out my uterus is now "clean", they said the bleeding should maybe stop in a couple of days.
I am thinking of getting an angel Christmas tree ornament to hang on our tree. In memory of our angel baby.
I found out exactly a week ago that the baby had stopped growing at 6W when I should have been almost 8. It was so heartbreaking since it was my first pregnancy and I was SO excited to be able to share the news with my family on Christmas.
I cried for days and days and felt incredibly hopeless. I was so upset that I was going through the miscarriage and I couldn't do anything to stop it. It was a totally inevitable thing and it killed me.
I started cramping the day after I found out from the ultrasound, and on Saturday I found out my HCG levels had dropped, so I was definitely losing the baby. On Sunday night I had the worst cramps and I'm not positive, but I think that is when I passed things since the cramps stopped immediately after I had made my final bathroom trip.
This is such a hard and difficult experience, and I am so sorry you have to go through it.
I have 2 coworkers that are pregnant and I can't help but be so angered and jealous that they get to keep their babies while I lost mine. It's getting better day by day though.
As for coping methods, I just allow myself to be sad when I need to be. I usually bottle my emotions, but with this, I am just letting feelings flow. I believe people need to mourn in times of grief like this. I've also been distracting myself with lots of movies and tv shows, and focusing on my body and health.
It gets better.
I guess we just have to take it one day at a time!