Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Numb and broken

Yesterday my husband and I went for a follow-up ultrasound at 8w2d. At my first ultrasound I was not as far along as they thought but everything was healthy and heard/saw the heartbeat. That was a week and a half ago. Yesterday there was no heartbeat and and I was still measuring a week behind.

I have a D&C tomorrow, since I don't think I can emotionally handle doing it at home. I've been spotting off and on all day so I may no make it ti tomorrow. This was our first and a miracle. After being off birth control for 2 years and no success, I was diagnosed with PCOS the month before I got my positive. I hadnt even started any treatment and was scheduled soon for a thyroid/hormone panel when I got my positive. I am so scared that is was our one and only chance since it took so long. My poor husband works at a very strict company and had to go back to work today. He's a wonderful man but he's already admitted that he's internalizing everything to be strong for me. I told him that is not healthy and I want him to be able to grieve. Obviously I know we are different and he may have to come on his own terms.

My boss has given me till next Tuesday to come back, unless I need more time. She's an amazing woman. I love my job and feel like it will be therapy for me so I'll be glad to go back and distract myself. One of my coworkers is 10w and I'm not sure how I will feel, but we'll see.

I have random moments where I break down and cry, but mostly I feel like a zombie. We've not talked about it since we left the doctor and made no decisions about the future, he just holds me when I cry.

Anyway...I've blabbered enough. I'm sorry we all have to meet under these awful circumstances.

ME: 28 DH: 27
Started Dating: 10/20/2006
 Married: 10/20/2013
MMC @ 8w 12/15
MC @ 5w 03/16
ALEXANDER JAMES DUE JULY 15th!

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Re: Numb and broken

  • I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing can prepare you for hearing that bad news. I'm sure all will go well with the D&C. I know, for me, once that part was over, I felt a little better and I was able to start healing. I'm glad you have some time and a good support system. I'm sorry your husband has to head back so soon to work. I trust he will be off for your surgery and to be home with you afterwards.

    Take care of yourself. I hope 2016 brings better news.
  • You have my condolences. I too have waited a long time to get pregnant with my first (2.5 years ttc) so I understand your sadness and frustration. I have only known about the mmc for a week now and I'm still trying to figure out how to manage. It's so hard and it seems few people truly understand. Despite my loved ones often saying the wrong thing and giving poor unsolicited advice, knowing that they have my back and I am loved has helped. Also there is a lot of support on this board and I welcome you. Hope your procedure goes as smoothly as possible and that 2016 fills your heart (and belly) with love. Fingers crossed our next conception is much quicker. Good luck to you.
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  • I am sorry that you had to go through this, after trying for so long. Your feelings sound totally expected, be kind to yourself and time will heal you.

    I have heard that you are most fertile the 6 month following your mc (from women in this and other forums), which is good because it may not take you as long to get pregnant again and the fact that you can get pregnant is a very good sign (even with PCOS).

    I wish you the best in 2016. I hope all of us can move to the pregnant forum!
    ******TW******Siggy warning
    BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
    BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; 
    BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016 

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