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March 2016 Moms
Jaemey
member
Do you feel like just an extension of the baby?
Jaemey
I feel like in the last couple of weeks people have begun to see and treat me like just an extension of the child growing inside of me. People don't ask how I'm doing, they ask how he is doing. Christmas gifts for my husband and 'I' have arrived, my husband gets his typical food items and Football paraphernalia. I get a baby stroller and more burp rags.... I no longer receive hugs on arrival but more like belly groping. Does anyone else feel like they're already losing their individuality or am I just being sensitive?
Re: Do you feel like just an extension of the baby?
About the Christmas gifts? To be honest you just sound ungrateful.
as for the Christmas gifts, i would be taking baby stuff with open arms. i made a post a few months ago about how my MIL was buying so much baby stuff & how it was upsetting me. now that I've been walking through stores & looking at price tags, i feel like an idiot. all i want for Christmas is baby stuff!! maybe some maternity clothes too, but mostly baby stuff. so i would be a little more grateful about that if i were you. if you dont want those burp rags & stroller, I'll take 'em
As far as the Xmas gifts go, um say thank you? Now you don't have to buy a stroller and can spend money on yourself if that's still what you really want to do (even though I just want to buy stuff for the kids now).
You're not losing your individuality, it's changing and your adding a different facet to it, like before you were you - wife/daughter/sister(?)/whatever else you did (student?/professional?), and now you are adding "mother" to that list. You'll adjust.
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
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Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
My mom and I are super close and we constantly just talk about the baby. Which I don't mind. But if I have something I want to actually talk about, I just let her know that I need to chat and we have a conversation about whatever I have going on. Just speak up if you need to talk about something non-baby related. "Baby is doing great! But man o man have I had a hard week. I just need to vent - do you have a minute?" People are usually willing to listen if they know you need to talk, you just have to let them know that you need them.
I cannot relate on the gift stuff. I'd much rather have someone purchase big ticket items for baby so I have one less thing to worry about.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
cmerribury said:
Recreating your own identity apart from your children sure can be hard sometimes! My daughter went to Head Start when she was 4 and all year the administration was begging me to come work for them (I was head teacher at a daycare center)- and I did at the end of the school year. When I officially started working that August, it took me a good couple months for people to call me by name. I was first known by other admin and teachers as "H.L.'s mom" and when they wanted my attention they addressed me as such. They all wanted me for my teaching ability and my brains/talents, but still couldn't distinguish me apart from my child. That was frustrating in the beginning but obviously it all worked itself out. However, I am glad that my daughter made such a huge impact on all the staff and not just the ones that were teaching her. She is a reflection of me and to see what I have instilled in her be passed onto others makes me very proud!
I probably won't get anything for baby for Christmas because one of my SIL's threw a hissy when she got baby related gifts when she was pregnant with her first. Totally ruined or for me cause now my in laws are scared to buy us anything or bring up the pregnancy much. Totally a downer.
To each their own, but I'm definitely not worried about my identity being overshadowed by all the temporary baby excitement.
People grabbing your belly without your permission is never okay. Back away, push their hand away, tell them you're uncomfortable, whatever you wish. And don't feel bad about it, it's still your body. I will invite close family members to feel my belly if the baby is really active and they want to, but nobody else gets to.
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
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Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
2 christmasses ago husband and I got baby stuff, we high fived (we were alone Christmas morning lol otherwise that'd be crass) and bought ourselves a new laptop and tv on Boxing Day sales. That $400 stroller/car seat was a laptop and the baby mattress coupon and other stuff like a monitor was our TV. Our families were very generous with baby stuff we barely ended up buying anything. So don't be shy and treat yourself.
On another note my SIL warned me about the identity thing. One of her sisters is a vet and she's introduced at family functions "this is X, the vet, she's a doctor" and my SIL said she would get "and this is X, Matthew's mother". Hmm... great.
When i visit people they always ask how the baby is, for updates on how she growing and they wanna know all about the movements there just as excited as i am . Which is fantastic.
Dont worry, no one forgot about you your only pregnant for so long there just over joyed
On a good note even though my salary will be reduce we'll be saving money on mat leave that can go directly to saving for a house downpayment - it's expensive here you can break into the market without 30K minimum!
On the Christmas gifts thing: the way I read that was that her DH is still enjoying being treated as his "own person," and not New Dad DH. Not to go off too far on a tangent, but this reminds me of how people will call it "babysitting" when dads watch their own kids, and when a mother does it, it's just, ya know, parenting. I could give a hundred examples here of how men and women are measured differently against parenting expectations, but I think they're pretty obvious to most.
I imagine that if BOTH of them were getting baby related items, she might not even think twice about it. Though like others, I personally am 110% happy with only getting baby stuff from here on out because it lightens our financial burden a bit, and whether my H is getting fun stuff wouldn't phase me.
I've also noticed that now that I'm pregnant, women on my work team who would never bother to strike up chit chat are now asking me how I'm feeling/how the baby's doing about once a week. I'm at least 20 years younger than the next youngest gal on my team, so we don't have much in common and we typically only interact when we need to coordinate something work-related. They're not asking me this stuff because they suddenly give a shit about my personal life, it's only because I'm KU. To be perfectly honest, I'd rather they just didn't bother, but they really don't mean any harm so I go along with it. I just make sure to be mindful of how I treat the other ladies in the office when they announce a pregnancy/come back from leave so they don't just feel like baby vessels/X's mom.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart
@fwtx5815 I've had quite a few coworkers with whom I rarely interact strike up conversation with me and I still find it so odd. I have to consciously wipe the "oh you're talking to me?" look off of my face. I guess I am just so interesting now that I am making a human? People are weird.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Of course when I told my mom this and how maybe she could ask him stuff too, I received a massive eye roll...obviously a lot of people don't give a crap about the parent who isn't manufacturing the tiny human. I've definitely made a point to ask him how he's feeling about it regularly, though. I feel bad that he feels left out cause he's going to rock this whole dad thing and deserves some credit, as well.