How do I tell my mother I don't want her in the delivery room?

LilChaffin · December 2015

I'm 17 and moved out without my parents permission in June and found put I was pregnant in July. I am currently living with my fiancé and his family because my mother is not exactly mentally or emotionally stable. She is bi polar and very controlling - if she doesn't get her way she will make you regret it the rest of your life. So when I first met with her and told her I was pregnant she made the comment that she was " going to be in the delivery room because (she) doesn't want (me) to regret not having the person (I) really want there". The only two peoplei really want there are my partner and my father - but my father is thousands of miles away on deployment until June. I brushed off her comment at the time and said nothing had been discussed yet but now at 32 weeks I feel she still assumes she will be in the delivery room because that's how she is. I want to tell her before I go into labor that I don't want her there but don't want to deal with the resulting drama she will create. I'd would use the excuse of no one but me and my partner allowed but my Mother in law will be in the room because my partner is going to need her to keep him balanced with all the stress and anxiety because he has a anxiety disorder. Any suggestions for how to handle this situation?

VitaLuna · December 2015

"Hi mom. I know you'd love to be there in the delivery room, but we have decided that it will just be me, SO, and his mom. I've already decided, so it's not open for discussion. I would, however, love you to be there.. (for some of my labor, right after LO is born, a few hours after LO is born, the next morning... Whatever you decide you want)."

Like many other posts have said (including one a few below this) your hospital will respect your wishes and help manage visitors. I would double check with your doctor, though, as I'm not sure if your age will play a factor in any of her "rights" if you're still under 18.

kewatson8589 · December 2015

You can just have baby and not tell her when you go into labor. You can just call her directly afterwards or when you feel comfortable having her visit. Also, tell the medical staff and they will keep any uninvited out. Don't let her ruin your experience. Best wishes.

LadyDarlene · December 2015

I would just not tell her. Like someone else said, let her think what she wants, and when you go into labor dont tell her call her later and say it happened so fast you didn't have the time to call anyone.

thisusername · December 2015

LadyDarlene said:
I would just not tell her. Like someone else said, let her think what she wants, and when you go into labor dont tell her call her later and say it happened so fast you didn't have the time to call anyone.

And if she's already at the hospital with you for some reason when it starts, privately ask your nurse to tell your mother to leave. They're used to it. The nurses in our hospital all told us that they're more than willing to kick out family members should they not respect the laboring mothers wishes.

LilChaffin · December 2015

Thanks for all the advice

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