Unwanted advice...

nbc2015 · December 2015

I'm sure we've all faced it: that person (or people) who repeatedly tell you things you need to think of, things you need to do, things you should consider, etc. in preparation for the coming baby.

Being a FTM, I am having a VERY hard time with my MIL, who every single day (no exaggeration) sends me text messages about something I need to do/ consider/ look into, etc. I know that this is coming from a good place (I think), but I'm starting to feel suffocated and offended by her lack of trust in my own capabilities. I'm not a moron, and her incessant texts makes me feel like she thinks I *need* guidance versus having the ability to figure this stuff out as we go along. Any advice on how to deal with her? Our relationship has been up and down, so I'm not comfortable sitting down and having a "heart to heart." Thanks in advance.

VitaLuna · December 2015

Don't reply to the texts and just let it roll off your shoulders. I think she'll get it eventually.

I think people genuinely think they are helping by offering "advice" and don't realize that people could take it as them questioning their parenting skills. It's annoying as heck, but people love to "help" new moms out. I know I've been guilty of it a time or two, and I have definitely received my share of annoying/offensive pregnancy and parenting advice.

Monkeybutt80 · December 2015

Especially because you do believe that she is coming from a good place, I would simply ignore. Something about being pregnant and having a first child makes everyone want to give unsolicited advice. I would simply reply to her texts with "ok thanks, I will consider that" or something like " thanks I will look into it" and simply leave it at that. If you do see her over the holidays and she says something in person, you can also say "thank you. But we are very excited to try to figure it all out on our own when our little one comes" to sort of hint that these unsolicited advice are not necessarily welcome.

I know it's annoying but there really isn't a good way to convey it without potentially hurting her feelings.

cMichelle0423 · December 2015

I'm pregnant with our 3rd LO and believe me, the unsolicited advice doesn't stop. Ever. Best thing to do is ignore the texts and nod and smile whenever someone gives you unwanted advice in person.

smn14 · December 2015

On a school trip yesterday, my friend was given the unwanted advice of how to milk herself in a sink when she feels full by a parent she had never met before...eh TMI inappropriate parent!!

Karen249 · December 2015

Sounds like a job for your husband to help you tackle. Can/will he talk to her and tell her to back off (but in his own kinder way)?

MississippiCatfish · December 2015

cMichelle0423 said:
I'm pregnant with our 3rd LO and believe me, the unsolicited advice doesn't stop. Ever. Best thing to do is ignore the texts and nod and smile whenever someone gives you unwanted advice in person.

Yep.

g8trkim · December 2015

Stop responding to any advice texts. She will figure it out. But yeah, it's our third kid and I still get pregnancy and baby advice. You have to learn how to ignore it.

twinmom1121 · December 2015

My mil is the same! And sorry to tell you it will probably get worse after baby! But I usually just don't respond to the texts or just say things like "Ya I know" or casually change the subject. Hopefully yours will get the hint soon!

Lola2o1 · December 2015

Unfort I am going through the same thing with my inlaws. I smile and shake my head as if Im listening. Goes in one ear and out the other. I have too many things to worry about now and too big and uncomfy to get into it with them. If it gets to a point where I'm going to explode I'll have DH say something.

summererdvig · December 2015

I don't want to worry you more, or put thoughts in your head that may not have previously been there but my MIL is the same way (for the most part...hers isn't daily but very frequent) and I'm more worried about AFTER our daughter arrives.

I know she means well, but at this stage I can ignore the suggestions and texts. When our daughter is here and under her care, I get the feeling that my wishes and ways of doing things won't be respected. For example cereal in the bottle, nap schedules, whatever it may be.

Maybe we should stand up to them (nicely) and explain that we will learn and future it out, the same as they did their their kids? Something light hearted hearted like "yeah I guess I'll learn when he/she gets here like you did with (place first born Childs name here).

Our MILs sound similar and if we don't learn to voice our opinions now, they probably won't stop when the babies arrive! My husband knows his mom can be a little much so I plan to bring him in as back up if my wishes aren't being respected. Not sure how yours is, but maybe ask him to talk to her with you if it helps!

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