Baby Shower

Knottie70010763 · December 2015

FTM so still trying to figure stuff out. Is it okay to just throw my own baby shower. I know normally family or a close friend does it. But my best friend is due in March and will already have a lot on her plate due to the sweet little new born, and both my mom and SO mom have already done so much so I hate to add to their plate as well. So I've been considering doing it myself.

Also when is a good time to start your registry and when should you have the shower? Or any other advice along these lines I would appreciate. Thanks in advance

LadySamLady · December 2015

Personally, I'd rather not have a shower than host it myself. It takes time planning and funds that I'd rather focus on getting ready for baby. My mother is very gung ho about planning our shower (I decided I wanted ours to be co-ed) and I'm very grateful to her for that. The shower will be in mid-March and I'll probably start my registry after the holidays.

yogahh · December 2015

I have a feeling this will be a fun thread!!

No, its not ok to host your own shower. Its not in good taste to throw yourself a party asking for gifts. And that is what a shower is. A party to "shower" you with gits. Sorry, but I wouldn't...

Knottie70010763 · December 2015

@yogahh that's true. I guess I hadn't thought of it that way.

cgg0707 · December 2015

If nobody is offering to throw you a shower, use the money you were planning to spend on your own party on baby items. Still register so you can get the close out coupon, plus if people ask you what to get the baby, you can always point them to the register. People that really want to give you a gift, will do so with or without a shower. If you still really want that get together, you can always do a meet the baby party once the LO is born.

balamama · December 2015

My MIL and mom are throwing me a shower in early March. I'm holding off on registering until the new year/until we know the sex because I find it so overwhelming and somewhat difficult to choose gender neutral items (fingers crossed baby is feeling like an exhibitionist at the AS next week!). Looking forward to hearing what others are doing.

js8812 · December 2015

Ditto to previous posters. It's not perceived to be in good taste to throw your own shower. You might be surprised who offers to throw you a shower though! Even if you don't have a shower, still register in case people ask you for your registry and to get the completion discount.

zekesmommy611 · December 2015

I personally don't see anything wrong with throwing your own baby shower. You can save money by making things simple.The biggest thing about throwing your own shower is to not seem tacky about having a party, for yourself, for presents. You don't even have to call it a "baby shower" but a celebration for your LO.
My mom threw my baby shower in May and he was born in June. I started his registry pretty earlier maybe February or March. But you can start your registry whenever you like!
Dont forget that by March or April you will be very pregnant and you might not feel like putting the extra energy or effort into throwing the shower. All those little things add up from the food to the clean up to the hauling gifts. At my shower with DS I was huge, swollen and sweaty hot!! I literally sat the entire time because my feet hurt so bad.

Pascal86 · December 2015

A good friend just threw her own shower, she just sent out an evite that had her cousin's name on it (she asked her cousin if this was okay). She hosted it at her own home though, fed everyone dinner, organized games/activities, people brought gifts, and not a single person mentioned it being weird, rude, or gift-grabby. We pretty much just enjoyed ourselves and were excited to celebrate the upcoming birth.

The only thing I felt bad about was that I had thought I might throw her a shower, but she planned it early so I didn't have a chance! I think it was easier for her to plan it though, because she had friends/family fly in from all over the country, so it was kind of a bigger event than some showers are. Point is, I think you can throw your own shower if you want, as long as you have friends/family that are generally nice and won't bitch about dumb stuff like how you shouldn't throw a shower for yourself. Usually people want to buy babies gifts, and it doesn't really matter who planned the shower.

jennaverhaeghe · December 2015

I much prefer to go to a baby shower to meet the baby. Luckily daddy turns 30 and grandpa turns 50 (in June) about 3 weeks after baby is due so I'm gonna throw my own HUGE double birthday/meet and greet yard party. I figure the items that I will really NEED ie stroller, car seat and diapers I will just buy myself. But starting a registry after the holidays and when people ask you can direct them towards maybe chipping in for the big stuff is a good idea!

lalala2004 · December 2015

Nope, it's tacky. If that's not enough, why do all that work and spend money yourself? Make a registry regardless, and you'd be surprised how many people will ask if you have one, and someone you may not expect may offer to throw you a shower.

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

I knew someone who threw her own baby shower when she was pregnant. We weren't speaking at the time so I wasn't invited. I thought it was pretty sad that of all the "best friends" she had and all the family, no one threw her a party. I was surprised to see she threw her own. I wouldn't.

gamommyx3 · December 2015

I'm only jumping in here to say that I already started my registry :O Guess I jumped the gun a little based on these posts!! I started adding things to it at week 16 because I was trying to wrap my brain around the fact that a tiny human was coming, and with him tiny human stuff, and I did not possess any tiny human stuff. It did help to make things more real for me...if that helps?

swflJD · December 2015

It's one thing to assist the hostess with coordinating some of the details, but I think actually hosting the shower yourself is tacky.

Somewhat off topic, but I have some baby shower questions for the board. My sister and cousin are planning a shower in my hometown, and my MIL, SIL, and aunt are planning one in DH's hometown. The problem is that neither of our families live within driving distance (each of our families live in different states, and DH and I live in another state), so we will be flying to each shower and will need to either ship the gifts to our house ourselves (which could be very expensive) or have the hostesses ask guests to ship gifts to our house or for local store pick-up. It would make the most sense for guests have gifts shipped to our local store so they aren't paying for a gift + shipping charges to send it to our house. But, what is the point in even having showers if everyone is going to be shipping their gifts and we won't be opening any at the showers? Both families are really excited about throwing the showers, so I don't want to ask them not to. But, I have never been to a shower where no one brought gifts, so I just think it would be weird. Thoughts?

gamommyx3 · December 2015

@swflJD that might actually be kind of good though...you can still have the social aspect of hanging out with everyone and getting to see people you don't see every day. You'll still have all the other shower things...games, food, etc.

jumpy57 · December 2015

@swflJD my friends recently had a wedding shower that they flew in for. They brought extra bags to fill and check and ended up being able to fly everything back with them. I can see this working well for smaller items and hopefully if your family gets you larger items they think to have them sent to your home store.

jennaverhaeghe · December 2015

Some may find this solution tacky but given the situation, if the gifts are small that is fine but maybe ask people if they wish to go in on larger gifts to go with gift cards or cash? That's what I would do. Again I know its not "proper" to just come out and say "I want money" lol but given the fact you have to fly just to get there I think people would be very understanding. Good luck

BCFiggins · December 2015

@swflJD I agree with PP to bring extra luggage to fill with your gifts. From my personal experience, it's rare to get many large items at the shower itself & it's even more rare that those gifts come from someone other than a parent or grandparent. I.E. Those are typically the people who will buy the stroller if you don't. So just let both sets of parents know that you'd prefer (if they are planning to get you something large) to have it shipped to your local store. Since they're the ones hosting your party it's not like you're making a public demand on the invites which is indeed tacky. Other than that I'm sure you can fit clothes, diapers/wipes, toys & other typical small baby shower gifts in extra luggage just fine.

2.red.heads · December 2015

I think it's totally fine to help do things for your own shower if your family/friends are ok with that. You could help make food, buy décor and set up, even prepare games, but the invite should say that someone else is hosting it. Showers do add up, but they don't have to be extravagant. It's so fun just to get together and hang out and celebrate baby!

wamam027 · December 2015

swflJD said:
It's one thing to assist the hostess with coordinating some of the details, but I think actually hosting the shower yourself is tacky.

Somewhat off topic, but I have some baby shower questions for the board. My sister and cousin are planning a shower in my hometown, and my MIL, SIL, and aunt are planning one in DH's hometown. The problem is that neither of our families live within driving distance (each of our families live in different states, and DH and I live in another state), so we will be flying to each shower and will need to either ship the gifts to our house ourselves (which could be very expensive) or have the hostesses ask guests to ship gifts to our house or for local store pick-up. It would make the most sense for guests have gifts shipped to our local store so they aren't paying for a gift + shipping charges to send it to our house. But, what is the point in even having showers if everyone is going to be shipping their gifts and we won't be opening any at the showers? Both families are really excited about throwing the showers, so I don't want to ask them not to. But, I have never been to a shower where no one brought gifts, so I just think it would be weird. Thoughts?

I think I mentioned this somewhere else, but since DH and I are currently moving across the country, and since all of our family and close friends are in CA where we are moving from, my sister and friend threw a "celebrate the pregnancy/last hoorah" for us as our baby shower. Too early to call it a baby shower, but it was low key with family and friends and we ate good food, people drank, and I did receive some gifts. My sister designed my invite (she's a graphic design artist) and included that since we are moving, if people did decide to get a gift, to please ship large/bulky items to our address or arrange for pickup at the target/babies are us near our new home. Surprisingly I received several small gifts and those who did go ahead with larger items shipped them and it worked out beautifully.

saraleigh2 · December 2015

Perhaps a friend or family member can host the party for you at your house, you BF might appreciate this option as she won't have to worry about cleaning her house for the party... You can also have friends and family co-host the party so they can share the cost/responsibility. For a more inexpensive party I recommend late morning/early afternoon so they can serve things like yogurt and granola, an egg baked caserole, fruit, muffins, coffee/tea etc, dollar store and home made decorations etc

If you let them know you aren't expecting anything extravagant and that you would like tho have them team up it shouldn't be too much for any one person

saraleigh2 · December 2015

As far as timing I think anytime now is fine. I'm having mine mid-January even though I'm not due till the end of May because my mother will be in town from London! And she won't be visiting again until the baby is born. It's really important her to be here for the shower.

ashleyla526 · December 2015

swflJD said:
It's one thing to assist the hostess with coordinating some of the details, but I think actually hosting the shower yourself is tacky.

Somewhat off topic, but I have some baby shower questions for the board. My sister and cousin are planning a shower in my hometown, and my MIL, SIL, and aunt are planning one in DH's hometown. The problem is that neither of our families live within driving distance (each of our families live in different states, and DH and I live in another state), so we will be flying to each shower and will need to either ship the gifts to our house ourselves (which could be very expensive) or have the hostesses ask guests to ship gifts to our house or for local store pick-up. It would make the most sense for guests have gifts shipped to our local store so they aren't paying for a gift + shipping charges to send it to our house. But, what is the point in even having showers if everyone is going to be shipping their gifts and we won't be opening any at the showers? Both families are really excited about throwing the showers, so I don't want to ask them not to. But, I have never been to a shower where no one brought gifts, so I just think it would be weird. Thoughts?

I will be flying to another state for my shower in March. I think a lot of people will know I live out of state and ship straight to our home, but the hostess has decided not to specifically request this or bring it up. I am registered at Target, so my plan for bigger items I can't (or don't want to) fit in my luggage is to go and return them to the Target there and then re-purchase here at my local store. Hopefully anything purchased outside of the registry will be small enough to pack up!

Missingchampagne · December 2015

I know it's considered tacky but we don't live in a time when families are all close together anymore, all the time. Sometimes situations are not so cut-and-dry, and if your family and social circle is not so judgy just go for it!

My mom, for example, lives a full continent away and offered to fund it and put her name on the invitations... While I essentially planned my own. What's the difference? The fact that my mom happens to be the name on an invite? I'll still be planning my own shower and it will still be gift-grabby since I'll be the one doing everything, even if we manipulate the public perception.

It's just such an antiquated thing to be concerned with IMO. If you don't love me and know me by this point, and if you're going to judge me on the specifics of my baby shower ... Wtf am I even doing inviting you?

Edited to add: I began my registry almost immediately bc I keep thinking of random things, and it's helpful to just be able to open an app and add them on quickly as they come up. Just the other night I remembered the baby nasal aspirators for boogers at around 1am, added that real quick, and went back to sleep.

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

Yes, it is considered tacky to throw your own shower. Some of us just don't get a shower for whatever reason- it happens. Personally, I'm living in Chicago for the year- my entire family and friends are all back in LA-- my husband's family is in the south.. Therefore, no shower for me. As I said, it happens and while it is unfortunate, it's not the end of the world. Make a registry because most of your close friends and family will still want to get you gifts.

jenaenae17 · December 2015

Do whatever you want! In my opinion, people are coming to celebrate the birth of your baby regardless of who threw the party so why does it matter? I understand when family is busy but they may be offended by you not including them in the plans. Maybe join in the planning and you, your mother, and MIL can all plan together! I am 19 weeks on Saturday and prob going after Christmas to start a registery. My mom and MIL are planning mine but they want me involved for opinions and ideas which I like. Good luck! Do whatever feels right to you. Everyone's situation is different and many people don't go "by the books" any more.

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