Privacy in delivery room?!

LadyDarlene · December 2015

My mother is dead set on being in the room while I deliver, I have told her so many times that I want it just me and hubby but she insists and completely ignores what i've said. It got to the point where I had to lie to her (I'm terrible I know) saying I was only allowed one person in the delivery room while I deliver and she bought it but now shes saying she'll wait in the waiting room and come in right after hes born. I repeatedly tell her no, and she doesnt listen at all. She says "its MY first grandbaby and I refuse to see him older than a few minutes. I'll rush in if i have to." Originally i thought, ill just not tell her when I go into labor but I'm going to be induced now and she knows the time and date of induction and i cant reschedule. The arguement about it being MY child and not hers means nothing to her and i really dont want to ruin my entire relationship with my mother over this. Shes very stubborn and refuses to respect my wishes. I want around 12 hours after baby is born plus delivery time to be alone with hubby. No one else. If you were me what would you do?!!

Please someone help me, I'm at a loss completely as to what to do.

g8trkim · December 2015

This is so weird! Sorry you're dealing with it. Tell the nurses. They are great advocates for moms.

ARogers26 · December 2015

Yeah, weird. Tell the hospital. Also there are lots of good threads on this already that might have good advise. Usually it is the super pushy MIL.

AdventureMama · December 2015

Use your nurses!!! They'll help you. At my hospital you can't even get onto the maternity floor without being buzzed in by the front desk. Make it clear to staff that you aren't ready for visitors and they'll make sure she stays out. I'd leave it to them, because it sounds like she isn't going to respect you at all (wtf is with, "I'll rush in if I have to!").

mrscammack · December 2015

i agree with the other ladies, tell your doctor and nurses about your wishes. If your hospital does a birth plan make note that you want 12hrs of bonding with you baby and DH without visitors. She can't just barge into your hospital room and even if she knows when you are being induced the only way she'll know you've given birth is if someone (I.e the nurse or your hubby) tells her. Make your wishes known and the nurses will make sure that what you want is respected

tripledaggerWed95976 · December 2015

As the other ladies said, tell the nurses- OB nurses probably deal with situations like this on a daily basis haha.

chilady12 · December 2015

I have repeatedly been told that the nurses at my hospital don't mind playing the "bad guy" and keeping out whoever you don't want out of your room. My hospital also has a policy that during the "golden hour" (the first hour after birth) it should just be mom, dad, and baby in the room so you can do skin to skin, your first feeding, bond, etc. Maybe you can use those two things as an excuse? Also, the security on labor and delivery floors seems pretty tight to me so I doubt they will let just anyone rush in. Hope that helps and sorry you're having to deal with this!

22snc12 · December 2015

I was guilted into letting my mom and mil stay for the delivery my first time. No one will be in there this time, except my husband. Since you've clearly already told her no, definitely use the nurses. If it were me, I'd be calling the hospital to see what they do when someone try's to rush in without permission. I'd go as far as to tell her she's likely to get escorted out of the hospital or arrested should she try to burst in. I'd let the nurses know, as soon as I was admitted, that she may try and just rush in. I love how people think they are some how entitled. Being a grandparent doesn't entitle you to someone else's child. My husband insists on having his mom go everywhere with us, because she doesn't want to miss anything. She dominates the entire event/putting and I basically have no pics of special times with my own son. I actually had to tell him from now on we'll have to do stuff twice because I'm not missing out on memories with my own son because his mother can't back off. If it somehow damages your relationship with your mom, that's not your fault, that's her fault because she can't respect you and your boundaries.

mcklough · December 2015

I might be in the minority, but from everything you said (she doesn't respect your wishes, she's forming her own plans, she thinks she's so important in this process that she can override your wishes and think the hospital isn't going to stop her, you don't WANT to fight about it) that maybe a compromise can be made.

Would you be willing to consider after your first hour alone to allow her in for 20 minutes or something and then out until you are home? She unfortunately sounds pretty irrational, I also had to have a hard talk with my mom who thought she was going to come up and stay for a week at my house with DH, baby and me three weeks after she is born (nope) so I can sympathize. If you really can't with a good heart compromise or make any kind of exceptions other than the 12 hours alone I think using the nurses is going to fix it in the moment but it's going to be a long term issue for her.

VitaLuna · December 2015

I'd like to see her try to "rush in" on a locked unit. The only one she'll be seeing is security. Like everyone has said, access is pretty tightly controlled, so tell the staff you want no visitors.

I'd try to compromise with her now so she is well aware of the time frame and that you won't be allowing visitors into the (locked) unit. Maybe after 3 or 4hrs for a short visit? Pre-plan with your nurse so they can come in at an alloted time to make sure she has left, or so ask her to leave because they need to "do something private" (or whatever).

CecilB93 · December 2015

Lurking from March, but on our hospital tour last weekend the nurse told us that people can come and go while I'm in the delivery room up until I'm ready to push, then only two people. After that, no one is allowed to enter that room so that DH, baby, and I can have bonding time. She said we'd be in that room for a good hour to two hours before moving up to the room we'll be in for the next two days. So as PP said, security is tight and she won't be allowed through. Use your nurses, they're there to help make sure you're comfortable and happy since YOU'LL be the one who just pushed out a baby, not your mother.

Im having the first grandchild on both sides and DH and I have already decided to wait three hours before letting anyone into our room to see the baby. Are they happy about waiting? Not really. Do I care? No. It's my child, we're the parents not them, so it's our choice. I'm not a very outspoken person, but I'm learning that I'll have to stand up for myself and my decisions otherwise people are going to just push me around and do what they want with/for my son. This is when we as new moms have to grow a backbone and advocate for someone else's life. I'm sure your mom will get over it in the long run, it sounds to me like she's not going to walk out of your life since she wants a grandbaby so badly.

SgtLou2 · December 2015

At my hospital they ask these questions on our pre-admittance paperwork and again at time of admittance as to who is permitted in the L/D room with you. If they aren't on the approved list that you gave them, they don't get in. I'm sorry that you have to go through this with your mom. You can also tell her that even though you are being induced, it can still take 12-24 hours before you deliver. Induction time does not mean delivery time.

Karen249 · December 2015

Maybe tell her "we'll see" just to get her off your back for now (with having absolutely no intentions with having her there). Then, like everyone else said, just have the hospital staff kick her out. They will make it easy and say sorry it's policy or something clever. Don't worry. Stand strong! Don't give in. If you don't want her there, it's your right. She will have to deal. And you hold the best card ever -the baby- so if she wants to see the baby at all she needs to chill and respect your wishes. Having just my husband there for when my DD was born, was the best moment of our lives. Keep it to yourself. It's precious!

And remember...as one pp said on this topic earlier on another thread, if they weren't there to make the baby then they don't need to be there during delivery. (Or something along those lines). Love it. Best of luck!

Quick Question though, how come they have already scheduled you for an induction at this point? Just curious... Thx

MrsSmithA · December 2015

Seems like the easiest solution to me would be not to mention baby is born until you're ready for visitors. that is my plan

-- I don't want any visitors during labor and for at least a couple hours after birth (except my husband of course). I basically told my family that we can't have visitors until we're move from labor/delivery room to our postpartum room.

Liesey · December 2015

That's rough to deal with. How about just don't tell her until the baby is born and you're ready to have visitors. That's what I'm going to do.

LadyDarlene · December 2015

Thank you so much for advice. I'm being induced because the hospital nearest to me won't deliver my baby due to me being too high risk, they dont feel comfortable about it. They want me to deliver at the Seattle hospital an almost 3 hour drive away and they can't wait for me to go into labor naturally because obviously that would be too long of a drive for someone in labor aha. So I'll be induced at 39 weeks as of now. I have an ultrasound and last ultrasound baby measured 3 weeks ahead of schedule- if he continues to measure big they'll think about rescheduling but as of now I'm stuck with the induction date.

txbrideinblue · December 2015

Well, elective inductions take a backseat to every other type of delivery, so just because there is a time and date set now doesn't mean that's when you'll get induced. They'll have you call and check if they can even take you. If they're too full, you'll get bumped and bumped. It's common. Tell your mom that!!! Then she will lay off knowing when you go in and you can tell her you'll call when you're ready.

camusoh2011 · December 2015

I'm having a scheduled c-section, so everyone in my family knows the date, but we aren't telling anyone the time. I don't want people waiting around at the hospital all day long. I know it will be in the afternoon at some point, but delivering both of them, having my tubes tied, recovery time, and getting some skin to skin and nursing time for the twins I don't want to feel pressured to let people in just because they are there. I might call when we get moved to our room or something so they have some time to travel and get there, but no waiting around.

Cheryl Renee · December 2015

Right there with you! We are telling everyone not to come until asked to for the same reasons. This is my 2nd csection

bublesmiled · December 2015

You could always tell her the hospital called, due to scheduling they had to move it back a day (or x number of hours). Good luck.

Life is Exciting · December 2015

After I was induced, it was 36 hours before the baby came. Just tell her you want her to be well rested when you need her, and that you'll call her when it gets closer to delivery time. Then get "distracted" and "forget" to call until after the birth.

brushesnbrunch · December 2015

As PP have said, definitely use the nurses! Also, have you done a tour of the hospital yet? I ask this because I went on mine yesterday and a few things the person who was running the tour told us: after delivery the hospital I am delivering at doesn't even check the baby until an hour after so you and child can do skin to skin. It is after that one hour mark that they will check baby and do what they need to do. Also, another thing is that for any of your guests in the waiting room waiting, anyone at the front desk is not allowed to tell any information about mom or baby except room number, so there will be no "oh, baby's here!" or "she's really close!", and that is only if you have given them permission.

So what I guess I'm trying to say, depending on the policies of where you are delivering, you mother may not even know when you have delivered until you are fully ready for guests. Hope it works out for you!

ETA: another thing they told us I forgot until just now is that at my hospital you are allowed only one support person in delivery

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