Pressure from DH

little_bren · December 2015

DH is pressuring me to look for a new job bc he knows I hate my job and I keep telling him that that is ridiculous. Either I'd have to not tell them that I'm pregnant (not quite showing yet) and pop a belly soon after getting the job and make a bad work environment or do the work of applying to tons of jobs and interviewing for them, telling them that I'm having a baby in 6 mos (less by that time) and not get the job.

ETA: he's being ridiculous, am I right?!

huskypuppy14 · December 2015

little_bren said:

DH is pressuring me to look for a new job bc he knows I hate my job and I keep telling him that that is ridiculous. Either I'd have to not tell them that I'm pregnant (not quite showing yet) and pop a belly soon after getting the job and make a bad work environment or do the work of applying to tons of jobs and interviewing for them, telling them that I'm having a baby in 6 mos (less by that time) and not get the job. ETA: he's being ridiculous, am I right?!

You also have to take maternity leave into account. Do you get some sort of maternity leave at your current job? Because you might not get that at a new job (some stipulate you have to work there are year, for example). You have to do what's best for your family, but without knowing anything about your situation, I would think it might make more sense to look for a new job after your baby is born. If you get nothing at your current job then it might make sense to look for something else.

People can't discriminate because you are pregnant, but that's often hard to prove.

Laur51615 · December 2015

I am in the exact same boat. Most employers won't higher if they know your pregnet but if you hide it that can cause a LOT of awkwardness. So I think we are stuck sticking it out for the next 6 months and then applying for a new job after the baby comes along. I don't think men understand the whole pregnancy being a hindering factor for a new job. My DH just keeps trying to say "well they legally can't turn you down just because your pregnet". No they can't but they will!

little_bren · December 2015

I don't really have paid maternity leave other than accrued PTO but the hope was that I wouldn't return so DH wants me to find a better paying job that I don't hate for 5-6 mons then split.

huskypuppy14 · December 2015

little_bren said:

I don't really have paid maternity leave other than accrued PTO but the hope was that I wouldn't return so DH wants me to find a better paying job that I don't hate for 5-6 mons then split.

Everyone has to do what's best for their family, but this sounds like a terrible idea. This is part of the reason why employers don't want to hire pregnant women. I guess it would depend what your job is , but it's really unprofessional in my opinion. People are going to take the time out of their day to interview you, offer you a position, and then train you, and then once you're fully up to speed you're going to leave?It would be a different situation if you were coming back after maternity leave, but if you want to be a SAHM, then just stay at your current job. Don't screw someone else.

sorarose · December 2015

I would stick it out, take the PTO, and quit.

gauge1234 · December 2015

I hear you!

My opinion would be to stick it out (as long as it is safe) and then you can decide if you want to stay home full time, or find another job.

I would love to not have to go back to my job. But I am planning to so I have that as a backup and will look for something else (I don't think a full time mom is for me long term but who knows)

Best of luck on whatever your decision is.

purplefan1 · December 2015

Please do not get another job, work for 5 months and then "split". Unless the job is contractual and only supposed to last that long, that puts such a huge strain on the employer and other employees and I agree, it makes pregnant women look bad. At my previous job I got hired at the same time as a girl who was 3 months pregnant. She didn't hide the fact that she needed the health insurance, took off whenever she could or would call in citing pregnancy issues, took any and all free training even when it meant others had to cover her work and then the moment she came back from maternity leave put in her notice and quit. Would have been easier for all of us had she just not worked there and then to find out she only wanted the health insurance and went back to a independent contractor job when she was done having the baby. Also meant we couldn't be looking for a new employee until she actually turned in her notice, so we were all stuck covering her shifts and work (salary, so no extra pay). This has happened more than once to me with pregnant women and for a long time made me really distrust pregnant colleagues. Thankfully I have worked with some kickass pregnant women who still give work and colleagues their all.

Moral of the story- suck it up at your current job, take the PTO, and if you want to go back to work after the baby, find a new job then.

MynaBird · December 2015

It also really depends on what kind of job you're looking for. I was unhappy at work during my last pregnancy, and I interviewed for a few jobs and got a couple of offers, all while visibly pregnant, but they were professional positions with a specialized skill set. In my experience, for the right person in the right job, pregnancy doesn't have to be a barrier (the offers I got guaranteed me mat leave). But if you would be applying for positions that lots of people could fill and you're not really passionate about, you're probably better off staying where you are.

As an employer now who recruits to fill both skilled and entry-level positions, I wouldn't hesitate to hire a pregnant woman if she seemed like the right fit and was really fired up about the work. But if she started acting like she didn't want to be there, I also wouldn't hesitate to fire a pregnant woman. If you get a new job and act like you're just marking time, you could find yourself out of the new job and worse off than you are now.

And to echo what's been said above: Definitely do not apply for a job you don't intend to keep. That just sucks.

nightwitch · December 2015

Yes, he is being ridiculous. Plenty of time to find a new job after the baby is born!

RMLandy · December 2015

If you want a new job and find a good opportunity, then you can certainly still apply and see what happens. There are some decent employers out there who will still hire you. However, changing jobs just to leave after baby is born is taking advantage of the employer and perpetuates the reasons employers hesitate to hire women of child bearing age and pregnant women.

HBamama2B · December 2015

I agree with the majority on not returning. Unless you are only looking at short term consulting or temp work, it would be unprofessional to accept a perm. position with the intent to quit in 4-5 months. And unless you leave the position off your resume it could negatively affect your opportunities long term.

There is nothing wrong, IMO, of job hunting while pregnant and disclosing it or not is your choice, but definitely with the caveat that the employer will gain a great employee in the long run, despite the timing of having to work around your leave on the front end.

If you're looking to be a SAHM is quitting early an option? Maybe a good compromise btwn you and DH is working for another few months and taking the financial hit of leaving early. You could potentially use the early time off for skill building to enhance your prospects when you do decide to look for a great job. If you're not, don't rush to take the first job you can find, this will often be an out of the frying pan into the fire situation. GL!

NicknShan · December 2015

I don't think he is being ridiculous, I think he is trying to care for your well-being. That being said, I would just stick it out and look for a new job while on maternity leave.

You deserve to be happy. And, if your work makes you miserable, find something else! :-)

VikingGirl12 · December 2015

I agree with some others. I would do whatever makes YOU happy. Don't stay at a job you hate just because you don't want to upset future employers. However, do take into consideration how stressful it may be to apply for jobs, interview, and start a new job while pregnant. My OB and sons pedi always asks if any life-changing events have occurred since last visit (job change included) because of the amount of stress it can put on a family. It all just depends on what field of work you are in. I'm a teacher and I know many principals have no problem at all hiring pregnant women.. we got two pregnant staff members last year.

little_bren · December 2015

Thabks for the input, ladies!

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