Juggling career and IVF

flanners1 · December 2015

Hi ladies,

I am sure a lot of you have careers and a job that you love. How do you manage to juggle work commitments and IVF? I find it very hard. Just as an example - I was sticking needles into my belly from a hotel room on my last business trip, and subsequently making excuses why I was going to be gone the day of the ER which unfortunately coincided with a very important meeting. FET is coming up soon and I am terrified that work commitments will come up and I will have to lie through my teeth or make up excuses again. I don't really want to share that I am doing IVF because I'm not sure they would understand and be supportive...

How do you deal with it? Are you open about the fact you are undergoing treatment? If not, how do you deal with the absences and schedule challenges?

Thanks and best of luck to all of you

ultratomato · December 2015

@flanners1 I'm pretty open with everyone about what's going on with me. I decided to tell my supervisor even though he is a male because I was late for work sometimes after appointments. It was hard this month had to give myself shots in the work car. I think if your open it will relieve one less stressor. They should be understanding and you don't have to tell them everything unless you want to. Hope this helped

ecb3588 · December 2015

Both DH and I are actually more open with people at work than we are with our friends and our extended families. Pretty much all my colleagues know what's going on, it just made it easier for me to be able to say I will be late this day and I won't be here on that day. You may be surprised and how empathetic people are about it! Good luck!

babblingbrookey · December 2015

@erinscaren Same with my DH and I. It's much easier to take a few hours off work last minute when your manager and coworkers know the situation. After telling a few people we were surprised by how many others said they went through the exact same thing. At first my boss said she was worried I was interviewing other places when I called off and was relieved to know it was just RE appointments.

mtpbadger · December 2015

I haven't told my supervisor and only one person at work knows what's going on since she has gone through IVF. So far I've only had to deal with IUIs but will be starting IVF in January and know it's more appointments. I figure as long as my performance isn't being impacted, it's not really any of her business. She's not the most warm and caring person so at this point I haven't shared with her. When I've taken leave for monitoring appointments, I just mention it's for a medical appointment and leave it at that and haven't had any issues. She did ask one time if everything was alright and I responded with "Yup, just some medical testing" and that was the end of that. Thankfully I have plenty of sick time to use and there are individuals in my office who use WAY more sick time that I do! My coworker did share with my supervisor she was going through IVF because she was new to the position and didn't have much sick time accrued. It all depends on how comfortable you are sharing. Think of it this way, if you were receiving treatment for anything else (cancer, mental health, etc.) would you feel comfortable sharing?

You can always just tell your supervisor that you are dealing with a medical condition that may require frequent appointments but will do your best to not let it impact your work, etc. Legally, they don't need to know more than that.

Minnie1155 · December 2015

I told my boss I have some medical stuff going on and will have some appointments without a lot of notice, but that I'm healthy and able to work and that I would give as much notice about appointments as I could. She was very understanding and I am leaving it at that for now.

mclorn · December 2015

I also told my supervisor that I had a medical condition with temporary but frequent appointments... this seemed to be sufficient and helped a lot!

KLake42 · December 2015

I haven't come out at work about it, although after 7 medicated/monitored IUIs, my boss knows I have something medical happening, and that I don't really want to disclose what it is. I have the kind of job where the work has to get done, but I don't have to account for every minute of my day, so that helps. I've also been here a while.

But we don't have the best maternity leave here (12 weeks unpaid, though short term disability may kick in some and I can use accrued PTO). And I have heard my boss say that when an attorney goes on maternity leave, he doesn't expect her to return to work ever. That's messed up, particularly since I want to keep my job (kind of have to, to pay the bills). So I don't want to mention anything about pregnancy or fertility until I'm second trimester.

I mean, why put myself on the "mommy" career path (and be taken off all the important projects) if I don't even know if I'll get pregnant?

So it's a big secretive medical condition that requires a lot of doctor visits and involves procedures that can't be scheduled until the last minute. And he can probably guess, but I don't disclose the details.

bailey813 · December 2015

Hi @flanners1 I can definitely relate to what you are going through. I am a young doctor (in a medical speciality training program) and the medical profession is notoriously hard on doctors when they miss work for any reason. The general dogma is if you aren't in the ER than you need to be there. I ended up having to use two week of my vacation time to do my egg retrieval and transfer. I'm scared if my fresh transfer doesn't work out that I will have a struggle trying to schedule for a FET.

I sadly made the mistake of opening up about what I was going to to my mentor who is also a female who had a baby at the same stage in her training and she was horrible about it. She literally said "thank you for sharing, but if you aren't able to perform your work duties than I will need to find someone else." That's how we left it

I've been really struggling with trying to balance work and starting a family and it's been so stressful. I wish I had more advice, but in some professions we are WAY behind the time. The best I can offer is support and empathy because I truly do know how hard it can be.

flanners1 · December 2015

Thank you all for sharing your stories. Maybe I am overthinking this and should just share. My only worry is exactly what you said @klake42 - that they take me off big projects because I will be mommy (maybe, hopefully)...

Sorry to hear about the bad reaction @rshatsky, must have been devastating. Hope your transfer works out!

Thanks again all - this community is fab. Lots of love and baby dust to all

babyexpress · December 2015

Hi @flanners1 , I totally understand and can relate. I have a very busy career covering national accounts, so it puts me out of town on a weekly basis. I have not told work anything, but my CEO did call me while I was on the surgery bed for Lap surgery to check on Endo and I had to say something because they can be needy sometimes about being about to reach me. I'm starting IVF this month and have been very nervous about all the appts and injections I would need to travel with. My nurse gave me a 2 month calendar of all appts, injection days, transfers etc. Have you been able to get that so you can at least prepare in advance of possibly being late to work? It has helped me a lot. Although my beta day is during a conference and they want me to search for a quest lab, so that will create an interesting challenge.

2legbaby · December 2015

@rshatsky I can't believe your mentor was so harsh about your situation- arghhhh! makes me mad

@flanners1 I am a veterinarian and so I see appointments all day. I told my hospital manager that I was going through some "health issues" and that I would have many days when I would need to leave for appointments and I was able to adjust my schedule where I would come in early, see cases, go to my appt (thankfully only 10mins from work) and then resume appointments. I told my direct manager exactly what was going on as if I transferred there are health concerns with radiology and anesthesia that I needed him to be aware of. It is stressful but do-able, definitely sometimes considered whether taking the two weeks off would have been easier but I get paid on production so it would be a huge hit when I am paying most OOP for IVF. As you can see from the responses above we are super women and we find ways to make it work!

bailey813 · December 2015

Thanks @flanners1 and @2legbaby for your support. It's funny my boss said that to me over 2 months ago now and I am still in shock and sort of fuming. She's supposed to be this amazing caring doctor who is really the top of her field, but now I just can't look at her the same way.

I go back to work on Monday and my beta isn't until 12/18 and to be honest I'm kind of scared to immerse myself back into work when this is all I have been living and breathing for the past two- (almost three because of Thanksgiving) weeks!

wifeinraleigh28 · December 2015

I love what everyone else here has said and it's good to hear that most people are very supportive about it! I've been lucky so far in that my appointments are usually first thing in the AM and due to the nature of my job, I typically work in the afternoons and evenings, yet I'm home in time to give myself follistim injections near the end of the 6-8pm window. I'm a therapist in private practice so I was pretty worried about having to cancel on my clients last minute (something I am very much against doing)!

Unknown · December 2015

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mskeenan · December 2015

I am a speech therapist but I schedule my own sessions so at least I have some flexibility . However , it really sucks when I have to cancel on my clients kind of last minute for my monitoring appointments . I've missed so much work for being at the doctor waiting for 3 hours . I haven't said anything to my boss yet - but I'm worried shes wondering what's going on with me since my productivity is low (she does keep a close watch on my visit numbers ) I really don't feel comfortable enough to tell her what's going on with me .

Drove2u · December 2015

I told my boss the truth because I'm taking on more work from home days. If I even have a blood test I can't come in since my commute time is two hours. She's been very understanding since I still get my work done.

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