Unhelpful family members

Mcfaddy85 · December 2015

So my baby shower was this past wknd, hosted my my mom & sister. My sister did not help at all. She flew in at midnight so we had to stay up to pick her up at the airport. Then she went for an hour long ealk every day, including the day of the shower. She insisted on using our bathroom instead of guest bathroom (kicked me out while i was getting ready) & was still in there showering when people started to arrive. Food wasn't out, vases were empty. I had to put my friends to work to finish party prep. Between all of that she slept in late, was rude to me & refused to help with shopping. ... And at our food/drank our wine... Wouldn't help clean up. I am exhausted from the wknd & she had a nice vacay. I am so disappointed!! Anyone else have a self-centered family member who doesnt respect you & your pregnancy?

RRC216 · December 2015

Wow! I'm so sorry!!! And to think I got angry with my sister for not wanting to make my antipasto salad for my shower! (I made her). She's lucky she isn't my sister! She would have known what's up!!!

kbedfox · December 2015

Sorry your sister was so unhelpful-- sounds like your mom should've stepped in and asked her to step up if she agreed to co-host. Did her flights get changed at the last minute or something, or did you agree ahead of time to pick her up at the airport? Other people are rarely as excited about your pregnancy as you are, and even though she agreed to host (I assume), you can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. Eating the food at a party and taking walks every day hardly seems like disrespecting your pregnancy to me, but I understand that her behavior wasn't ideal and you're disappointed.

tooba22 · December 2015

My MIL is acting like she's the pregnant one. It's been 20+years since she has had a child and she wants to tell me the ins and outs of pregnancy. Also, I wanted to include her in my baby shower so I asked her if she would like to make a flower arrangement (she's a florist) after much debate on how the specific flowers I wanted are unavailable she then claimed her floral license is expired (meaning she can't go to local bulk discounted flower shops.) I am so beyond frustrated with this woman. Also, yesterday we had scheduled a 3D ultrasound and while the rest of our families went into the room to see the ultrasound she sat in the waiting room and refused to come to the ultrasound apt. Then after the ultrasound, we went to take a family picture (still in the ultrasound room, they have a huge tv with baby on the screen) she demanded that the baby be removed from the tv screen before she entered the room... I was so pissed... If you want to be in the family photo maybe you could participate in the family activity!? Then she throws a fit because the ultrasound tech didn't immediately remove baby's image from the tv she said never mind I just won't be in the photo. She completely tried to make my ultrasound apt all about herself. If I even mention it to DH he gets offended that I criticize his family, he will say something along the lines if I talked about your family that way you would be upset...Which is very true but my family doesn't act like a bunch of assholes. Thanks for letting me vent.

DrillSergeantCat · December 2015

tooba22 said:

My MIL is acting like she's the pregnant one. It's been 20+years since she has had a child and she wants to tell me the ins and outs of pregnancy. Also, I wanted to include her in my baby shower so I asked her if she would like to make a flower arrangement (she's a florist) after much debate on how the specific flowers I wanted are unavailable she then claimed her floral license is expired (meaning she can't go to local bulk discounted flower shops.) I am so beyond frustrated with this woman. Also, yesterday we had scheduled a 3D ultrasound and while the rest of our families went into the room to see the ultrasound she sat in the waiting room and refused to come to the ultrasound apt. Then after the ultrasound, we went to take a family picture (still in the ultrasound room, they have a huge tv with baby on the screen) she demanded that the baby be removed from the tv screen before she entered the room... I was so pissed... If you want to be in the family photo maybe you could participate in the family activity!? Then she throws a fit because the ultrasound tech didn't immediately remove baby's image from the tv she said never mind I just won't be in the photo. She completely tried to make my ultrasound apt all about herself. If I even mention it to DH he gets offended that I criticize his family, he will say something along the lines if I talked about your family that way you would be upset...Which is very true but my family doesn't act like a bunch of assholes. Thanks for letting me vent.

WTF is wrong with your MIL?

DrillSergeantCat · December 2015

Mcfaddy85 said:

So my baby shower was this past wknd, hosted my my mom & sister. My sister did not help at all. She flew in at midnight so we had to stay up to pick her up at the airport. Then she went for an hour long ealk every day, including the day of the shower. She insisted on using our bathroom instead of guest bathroom (kicked me out while i was getting ready) & was still in there showering when people started to arrive. Food wasn't out, vases were empty. I had to put my friends to work to finish party prep. Between all of that she slept in late, was rude to me & refused to help with shopping. ... And at our food/drank our wine... Wouldn't help clean up. I am exhausted from the wknd & she had a nice vacay. I am so disappointed!! Anyone else have a self-centered family member who doesnt respect you & your pregnancy?

Did she know she was expected to host the shower or did she think she was just coming for a visit?

Achae · December 2015

DrillSergeantCat said:

tooba22 said:

My MIL is acting like she's the pregnant one. It's been 20+years since she has had a child and she wants to tell me the ins and outs of pregnancy. Also, I wanted to include her in my baby shower so I asked her if she would like to make a flower arrangement (she's a florist) after much debate on how the specific flowers I wanted are unavailable she then claimed her floral license is expired (meaning she can't go to local bulk discounted flower shops.) I am so beyond frustrated with this woman. Also, yesterday we had scheduled a 3D ultrasound and while the rest of our families went into the room to see the ultrasound she sat in the waiting room and refused to come to the ultrasound apt. Then after the ultrasound, we went to take a family picture (still in the ultrasound room, they have a huge tv with baby on the screen) she demanded that the baby be removed from the tv screen before she entered the room... I was so pissed... If you want to be in the family photo maybe you could participate in the family activity!? Then she throws a fit because the ultrasound tech didn't immediately remove baby's image from the tv she said never mind I just won't be in the photo. She completely tried to make my ultrasound apt all about herself. If I even mention it to DH he gets offended that I criticize his family, he will say something along the lines if I talked about your family that way you would be upset...Which is very true but my family doesn't act like a bunch of assholes. Thanks for letting me vent.

WTF is wrong with your MIL?

Part of me is wondering if its because it says 3D. I wouldn't want to see that either haha. But she probably could have handled it better!

DrillSergeantCat · December 2015

Achae said:

Part of me is wondering if its because it says 3D. I wouldn't want to see that either haha. But she probably could have handled it better!

I hated the first one of my baby, but now that he's a chubby monkey it's pretty cute. It's even my facebook profile pic.

barreraannart · December 2015

tooba22 said:

My MIL is acting like she's the pregnant one. It's been 20+years since she has had a child and she wants to tell me the ins and outs of pregnancy. Also, I wanted to include her in my baby shower so I asked her if she would like to make a flower arrangement (she's a florist) after much debate on how the specific flowers I wanted are unavailable she then claimed her floral license is expired (meaning she can't go to local bulk discounted flower shops.) I am so beyond frustrated with this woman. Also, yesterday we had scheduled a 3D ultrasound and while the rest of our families went into the room to see the ultrasound she sat in the waiting room and refused to come to the ultrasound apt. Then after the ultrasound, we went to take a family picture (still in the ultrasound room, they have a huge tv with baby on the screen) she demanded that the baby be removed from the tv screen before she entered the room... I was so pissed... If you want to be in the family photo maybe you could participate in the family activity!? Then she throws a fit because the ultrasound tech didn't immediately remove baby's image from the tv she said never mind I just won't be in the photo. She completely tried to make my ultrasound apt all about herself. If I even mention it to DH he gets offended that I criticize his family, he will say something along the lines if I talked about your family that way you would be upset...Which is very true but my family doesn't act like a bunch of assholes. Thanks for letting me vent.

WOW! I thought my MIL was bad cause she's not very helpful she usually just watches from the sidelines, but yours just raised the bar for all MIL from hell and from my point of view you H really needs to put on his big boy pants and put her in her place you are carrying his child you should be his priority and he should put her in her place, there's no need for him to be rude or get into an argument with her but he does need to set things straight with her.

MississippiCatfish · December 2015

Yep, this sounds like my sister. Sweet on the surface, but won't do a damn thing. Yells at my kids when they get rowdy rather than looking up from her phone and playing with them (she only sees them once or twice a month). I have NEVER seen her do the dishes at my moms house - she didn't have a problem letting her 7 months pregnant sister do all of them when we baked cookies this week. Never said a thank you or wrote a thank you card when I threw her bridal shower or for her shower or wedding gifts. She's just very self absorbed and doesn't have a clue.

tooba22 · December 2015

@DrillSergeantCat I am trying to figure that out!! She is being beyond disrespectful towards me. Today, I got a phone call from my mom and she said that my mil whispered into her ear at lunch yesterday and said "I thought this would be family only at the lunch" (basically saying that she was appalled that my bestfriend came.) I told my H that I don't care if the pope came, we paid for lunch and I will invite anybody I want. Also, she is forcing her advice onto me and I'm sorry but I have a lot of close friends who have children that I would ask before asking her (a lot has changed in 20+years with having a baby) yet she still forces unwanted advice onto me. My baby shower is this Sunday and my bestfriend is the host and it's at her house.. I hope my MIL can pull it together and play nice I know that I am willing to. There is nothing I can think of that I have personally done to make her act this way. I think she is just a control freak.

surferP528 · December 2015

My sister (who is struggling with infertility) and my mother are planning my baby shower. However, sister said she'll only help on days when she's feeling "okay" (i.e. not emotional about infertility). She'll go several days without talking to my mom or responding to her questions about the shower, but then when my mother makes decisions, she gets upset about them and criticizes all of the things my mom picks out.

I understand this may be a difficult time for her, but I wish she would either include herself or remove herself completely because this isn't fair to my poor mom who is just trying to please everyone.

Knottie19458446 · December 2015

I'm so sorry to hear that. My MIL has been pretty awful too! This is going to be her first grandbaby, and in front of the rest of the family she acts like the victim because I don't want her at any of the ultrasounds or in the delivery room(keep in mind I'm asking MY Mom not to come in the delivery room too). She got so nasty with my first ultrasound that she called me out in front of the entire family and made me cry and feel like the worst person in the world for only wanting it to be me and my husband for our first ultrasound of our first child. She has made my entire pregnancy revolve around her, and hasn't even as much as gotten an outfit for our little one. I honestly don't even think I will have a shower because she is so concerned about herself.

blueberrymomma · December 2015

First my sister is the laziest, most self absorbed, selfish person. She was suppose to host my shower with DD. My mom and I made all the food and set everything up. She's on her phone more than she interacts with her son and like pp said just yells at him instead of correcting. My dad and DH spent thanksgiving installing a woodfloor for her.... No thank you and she didn't help or help make food for dinner. My mom and I made everything while watching two toddlers

My MIL is crazy too. She acts like my children are hers. When im pregnant she asks "how her baby is doing" She Thinks I should dress my children how she dressed hers 25-30 years ago. She makes me make christmas and birthday lists and never follows them. She literaly lives arounds the corner and won't visit (I tell her she can come over all the time) but says I should bring DD to her. Well I'm pregnant and trying to potty train a 2.5 year old, I think it's easier for her to come overt than visa versa. She also tells others that DDs middle name is after "her other grandma" My mom and mil have to same name she's just bitter because I used my moms spelling(Debra vs Deborah) and not hers. It was meant to be in honor of both of them. I could go on and on.

My SIL who struggles with infertility never aknowledges I'm pregnant and we're not allowed to talk to her about it. She even ignored DD for her first year of life and my poor daughter loves her aunts. I understand its hard for her when I'm pregnant but I don't understand taking things out on innocent children especially when you interact with others kids.

Sorry for my long rant but I just wanted you all to know I understand your struggles with family members

g8trkim · December 2015

Ugh, that stinks. My family has always been wonderful and helpful with showers and after the babies were born. With both kids they rotated staying with us a couple days each and cleaned, cooked, etc. MIL, on the other hand, is the opposite. With DD I was due a week before Thanksgiving and she asked if I would be hosting dinner. Um, hell no! When we brought DS home, she stayed at my house (way too long) and expected us to cater to her. Didn't offer to help, change one diaper, etc. I don't know what is wrong with some people.

Cheryl Renee · December 2015

Wow! So sorry! How inconsiderate!

Xena2013 · December 2015

Start reading up on narcissistic mother-in-laws and please don't let her stress you out. DH needs to step up too and protect you and baby from her. Similar experience here

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