October 2015 Moms

Lets see how they do on their own!

Well im here to vent a little again. I guess its true what people say "you only remember the planes that crash". Dont get me wrong i love SO to death but this parenting thing just doesnt come as natural to him i guess. And my parents try, but i think they completely forget what its like to have an infant.
I just need to vent a little. Back story-SOs favorite bar is a place i despise. But hes a grown ass man so if he wants to go there for a beer, fine. I won't tell him what to do.
So today i called him around 430 to see when hed be home so i can get dinner going. I notice.its loud so im like where are you. He tells me down the street having a beer. So i got a little offended and i was like well hurry because ive been with a crying baby all day AND we cant afford you stopping everyday. Its gotten more and more frequent so im irritated.
Well after an hour he gets home. Then hes really sweet and takes LO and makes me a margarita so i can cook dinner in peace. I was so thrilled.
My parents seem to forget that i dont have time during the day to do a whole crap ton of chores. I think they think i sit and lounge all day. I cook dinner for us all everynight. And keep up on housework and laundry. I never get a chance to shower because when lo is asleep its either eat, or get something else done. I do the best i can but it never seems enough. I always get the "i dont want to come home to a messy kitchen" from my mom (usually its her mess from the morning) or i get texts from my dad "whats for dinner"
Then they all makes these little.comments. 3 times tonight i got the "oh.you made christmas cookies and didnt burn any". Mind you i do all the cooking and cant rememner when i burnt something. So it hurt my feelings.
Fast-forward to 1030pm. SO is out having a ciggarette, i just get lo to sleep and his phone rings so i answer it quick..didnt occur to me to just reject a call. I just wanted to shut it up. It was a wrong number, i tell SO and hes gets mad!! Tells me im back to my jealousy issues (i had plenty but havd gotten better) basically calling me a liar that it was because i was jealous not the sleeping baby that i answered it. Im really offended.
Of course im at my wits end and kind of snap on him. And say "yea well id have every right to be since youre at the bar every day after work, come home-we have a baby here ". i hate that place-we had issued with a bartender there.
This is what sent me over the top...ready for this...he has the nerve to say to me.."ill go where i want so i can relax". Now if i was vloser i dont know that i would have been able to keep myself from ounching him in the throat. I screamed "oh well im glad you get to RELAX i hope you enjoy it" and those were the last words i spoke to him. And will be until i get an apology or see a difference.
As of now, im on strike. Im staying im our room with LO (we have a little suite kind of, bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom and babys room) i will get my food for the day when no ones home and im done. Im sick to death of trying to take care of everyone. And theyve all gotten so used to it. I quit. I will take care of LO and myself and they can all fend for themselves and see what its like when i really do nothing all day. I just want a thank you, or a here let me help.
I brought this on mostly myself because im a people pleaser, i like to take care of my family. Well no more. Usually i set an alarm on my phone for SO for work and wake him up, he sleeps through his. Well i shut that bitch off. He can drag his ass to work late. Usually i get the coffee pot set during LO night feeding so my dad has coffee for work, well i left thr old coffee in the pot tonight.
Maybe its childish but its the cold shoulder until i feel like im getting the respect and appreciation and help i deserve from all of them!
If you stuck with me through this rant i appreciate it. No one else seems to understand.

Re: Lets see how they do on their own!

  • zetlopezzetlopez member
    edited December 2015
    Go ahead and vent. I get overwhelmed too and it's just me, DH and LO. DH can't really help me bc he had heart surgery a few weeks ago and can't carry LO due to weight restrictions. It gets tough so I can't imagine the extra ppl you have to take care of and the lack of appreciation. I personally don't think you're overreacting. Hopefully your SO snaps out of it.

    Edited: words are hard
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  • I'm sorry you are not getting the respect you deserve. I'm sure some will say otherwise, but the strike feels perfectly warranted to me!
    Married DH 08.28.10
    Pregnancy #1: BFP 04.10.11 EDD 12.23.11 DD1 Born 12.4.11
     Pregnancy #2: BFP 5.12.14 MC 5.20.14 @ 5wk4d
    Pregnancy #3: BFP 11.1.14 EDD 7.5.15 MC 11.13.14 @ 6wk4d
    Pregnancy #4: BFP 1.31.15 EDD 10.5.15 DD2 Born 9.23.15
     
  • Omg! How horrible of your husband and family! Mine would be sleeping somewhere other than our bed if he dared do any of that. You have every right to go on strike
  • Thanks for understanding! I really dont mind taking care of them, but a thank you would go a long way. I definitely don't think they do it on purpose. But they need to take their heads out of their butt and realize how much I actually do.
  • Sometimes to get other people to recognize and respect all that you do, you have to pull back once in a while. I hope it works - update us in the morning !
    Someone else should make the coffee in the morning at least! Especially if you have been up all night with LO! You go girl! Update us ;)
  • I think your strike is perfectly warranted!! SO had a point where he'd come home and dilly dally around so dinner would get cold and he'd make comments about being upset about dinner being cold and I would feel like it was my fault with how he'd word it. So I started waiting until he was home to make it, and then he'd say about how late we'd eat. So I finally had it and broke down crying telling him I feel like I can't win. He realized what he was doing and has made changes so that I feel appreciated.

    If you telling them doesn't work strike until it does. You deserve some recognition at the very least
  • I give you ladies a lot of credit. I never am able to make dinner for my husband before he gets home. Little one usually is pretty busy throughout the day and is very cranky in the evening. We usually order in or warm something up. So you should give yourselves a lot of credit!
    Even if I was lucky enough to make dinner for him in the evening - if he ever said anything negative about my efforts he knows he would be in the doghouse!
  • SO was able to get himself up on time to get to work. So theres that. I dont think hes relized yet that im not really talking to him. I went uo stairs this am to make my coffee and breakfast and my mom is all "ohhh youre cranky" i just said "yup". Took my coffee and baby and went back to out room. I didbt even offer her a cup!! Im feeling guilty because i feel like im being rude. But in pushing through!
    Since i have nothing to do today except take care of me and LO im going to teach myself to loom knit some headbands and mittens for her!
    I dont want to go into the holiday season feeling this way...and pms might have a little to do with it, but im pretty relaxed today knowing i dont have to cook later!
  • You aren't being rude. You answered her question its not like you ignored her. It may take a few days but they'll figure it out
  • So SO has called 3 times today to check on us and offered toctake me oht to the movies. Sorry buddy im not done being mad and wont be until you acknowledge the issues.
  • I don't know how you've kept it together this long to be honest I would have lost it weeks ago! I think your doing the right thing you sound like a very caring person to your family and your LO, pulling back a little so people realise that LO is a FULL time job (without the coffee breaks and the lunch that those out of the house get) if you can be open and share that you would also like some time to relax instead of spending your very limited "free time" focusing on others.

    Good luck keep us posted
  • Well yesterday was good! I think DH finally got it...we'll see for how long lol. He got home and took me shopping and to donner (with lo of course) but he didnt complain once and he hates shopping! He didnt make ony of his joke comments. As far as my parents. They were on their own for dinner and my dad was asleep before we got home. Looks like dinner out again for us tonight :)
    My mom told me today i should take the dog for a walk cuz shes getting fat. I aaid "when do i have time to go for a waok" and she gave me this look and said "you have all day" ....shes clearly not getting it.
  • Well yesterday was good! I think DH finally got it...we'll see for how long lol. He got home and took me shopping and to donner (with lo of course) but he didnt complain once and he hates shopping! He didnt make ony of his joke comments. As far as my parents. They were on their own for dinner and my dad was asleep before we got home. Looks like dinner out again for us tonight :)
    My mom told me today i should take the dog for a walk cuz shes getting fat. I aaid "when do i have time to go for a waok" and she gave me this look and said "you have all day" ....shes clearly not getting it.

    I'm glad Your DH is figuring it out!!! Is the dog a community dog?? The less you do for mom eventually she'll realize you're point or she'll just but grumpy. But keep standing your ground girl!! Hopefully it doesn't take long
  • Instead of a passive aggressive strike, have you thought about voicing your concerns to your loved ones/maybe your mom who isn't getting the hint? If they really care, they should be willing to have a discussion about what is bothering you.

    If you don't think they will respond to a discussion, then I fully support the strike. You are their family, not their servant.
  • Oh ive totally said something to them before and its just never changed. Its always "well do better" or turns into me over reacting. So i figured id try this way.
    The dog is my moms. I hate it! I just had another discussion with her and from the way she talks its like she understands..but then her actions dont show it. Ill just give it time :)
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