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luv4LO · December 2015

Hi Ladies. I am going through my first miscarriage right now. We have a 16 month old son who is my everything. This week I would have been 9 weeks. I had some spotting so my doctor wanted to see me. Had an u/s that showed baby measuring at 6 weeks 3 days and blood work twice (48 hours apart) showing my HCG level went down a little bit. Doctor wants me to come back in a week to have it checked again. I am miserable and finding it hard to go on with my regular day activities, work, meal cooking, showering....ect. The people close to me are acting as though nothing is wrong or happening. I just can't understand them. And maybe they don't understand me? I am sad and frustrated and annoyed that this has happened. I need my family to be accepting of these facts. But they just chatter on about every day nothingness and don't acknowledge whats happening. Many have said they are so glad it isn't worse circumstances. Yes I am aware of that but it doesn't take away the fact that I feel these things. My sister and I were due just a few days apart, we were so excited to experience this together.

How do I heal from this, how do I go on and bounce back. It seems especially hard this time of year. I don't want to finish decorating for Christmas. I don't want to bake Christmas cookies. Or finish my gift buying. Of even thinking about our family gatherings. This is my favorite time of year but I am dreading it now. Any suggestions? I think the worst of it is yet to come. I am bleeding, but not heavily. I believe there is more blood and cramping to come. Probably some more doctors visits. I don't even know what to expect.

fivetimesnoluck · December 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this and that your family is not acknowledging the trauma you are experiencing. It's life-changing for most of us. No matter how early it was, how "easy" it was. You're losing a child who you already love so deeply.

No one can tell you exactly how it will proceed, but my advice is to take care of yourself and allow yourself the chance to grieve and mourn the loss. If your family continues to ignore the severity of what you're going through, I hope you find support from outside the family circle. I think most people just don't know what to do/say, so they say nothing.

If you don't want to bake, don't bake! If you don't want to decorate, don't! Don't feel as though you have to ignore what's happening to you, just because it makes others uncomfortable. Taking care of yourself and your 16-month- old is priority one. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

hapafamilyvlog · December 2015

I'm going through a miscarriage of some sort right now, too, and it was my first pregnancy. I feel the same way... I just don't have it in me to be happy, normal me... let alone try to be spirited for the holidays. I feel like the grinch, but I just don't care. I feel kind of bad, but then again... no one knows what this feels like unless they've been through it themselves, I guess. So I'm trying my hardest not to blame everyone for being so happy while I feel miserable. I hope that things start progressing quickly for you, because that is the part that's killing me: the waiting and uncertainty. I totally get it. *hugs*

TrishGbb · December 2015

I know how you feel. That week they make you wait in between ultrasounds and blood work just to be sure is the worst! I went through what you're going through three months ago. I was in my ninth week and baby stopped developing at almost week 7. You will feel better though in time, I promise you. Has the doctor discussed cytotec or a D&C with you? I used cytotec.

dubcompanion · December 2015

Welcome to the board, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I can also relate to not wanting to celebrate the holiday season this year. You are always welcome to seek support on this board, so that you know you're not alone. Unfortunately, we can't control the way those around us behave and react to things, but don't let that stop you from seeking the support you fully deserve to have. Hugs to you.

roper2617 · December 2015

I had a mmc two weeks ago. I'm having a hard time feeling enjoyment out of Christmas as well. It's not a day I'm looking forward to, it's literally the one month mark from my miscarriage.

I can totally and completely understand the way you are feeling. Some people find it helpful to have a ceremony of sorts to acknowledge the life, some people find it helpful to write a letter or journal or eat copious amounts of brownies. Whatever it is that makes you feel good, do that! I didn't begin to feel better until my husband urged me to get out into the bush with him. Nature always grounds me and so I found it very helpful to get out and reconnect.

Do continue to seek out support. Wether it be from here or from a therapist or someone you feel you can confide in and actually be heard.

I used cytotec and my one big advice if you choose cytotec is to take the pain meds before the pain starts. I didn't and then couldn't keep anything down long enough for it to be effective.

TrishGbb · December 2015

babyroper16 said:
I used cytotec and my one big advice if you choose cytotec is to take the pain meds before the pain starts. I didn't and then couldn't keep anything down long enough for it to be effective.

Made the same mistake. Except I deliberately didn't take anything for pain because I was convinced it wouldn't work. I had tried it twice already, both times in my cheek, and the only result was barely some spotting the second time. At that point I was totally checked out emotionally because I had a missed miscarriage that had zero spotting whatsoever. My pregnancy was literally free of it. So when my doctor (instead of the nurse practitioner who had advised me initially) suggested that I try the cytotec a third time, but vaginally this time, I sarcastically thought "yeah okay like this is going to work." I had a D&C scheduled for a couple days later. Needless to say it worked the third time!

luv4LO · December 2015

The doctor has discussed a D&C or cytotec, but has said he'd like to see nature take its course. The D&C has its risks and the medication is very painful. I am not sure how long they will let me go on and am hoping nature will take its course. They said as long as I don't have a fever, extreme pain or going through a pad an hour to continue as I am.

I wish that is was over but I feel I will be sad when it is. This weekend I kind of forced myself to do a few things, it felt good to get up and out. But today I regret it. I just want to sleep. I am at work though. Did any of you take time off of work and if so when? Also thank you all for your kind words and advice. It means a lot.

dubcompanion · December 2015

I know what you mean about wanting it to be over but feeling sad once it is. I had a D&C the morning after I found out my baby had stopped growing, so it all happened in a blink of an eye. I wish I'd had more time to make peace with the end of it, but at the same time, it may have been harder to wait. I feel like I've been forced (even though I chose to have a D&C - granted, at the urging of the OB) to move on before I was fully aware of it happening. I guess, after all this rambling, all I can say is there is no easy way to handle losing a pregnancy...whether it's going as naturally as possible as you are or having a D&C done immediately. It's devastating. I also had some severe cramping and bleeding following surgery, so the physical side effects just made the emotional effects seemingly double in scope.

I'm back at work after taking off 3 days (one of them includes the day I had surgery). I'm a special education teacher. My students have helped me take my mind off things. But physically I am hoping I don't push myself too hard. For me, the distractions have been nice - but I definitely needed the 3 days + the weekend (so 5 days total) to recuperate both physically and emotionally.

Everyone goes at a different pace, and my mom was surprised I was back at work. But I need to be productive, and my job provides a lot of meaning for me - always has. I used to work in retail, and believe you me, had I lived through then what I am living through now, I'd have taken more time off. Not just because it was a more physically strenuous job, but because the everyday hassles and stress would be too much for me still. Teaching has its stressors too (just found out I'm getting a new student today - yikes), but its merit for me outweighs the burden.

Take it easy at work, if at all possible. Don't hesitate to ask your supervisor to go home early if you need to. I'm sure they'll understand if they're aware of your situation. Hope your day goes well.

luv4LO · December 2015

Well today it happened. I was doing some Christmas shopping and the cramps started, I passed a few large clots and by the time my husband met me and we got home I passed the tissue. I am taking tomorrow off from work. I am so thankful it wasn't as painful as I have heard from others. And can't believe it's over. My supervisor was very understanding. Thank you all for the support. I felt like I should have taken a picture of it or kept it....I know that's odd. And I'm not sure what I would do with it. But I didn't do either. And now kind of regret that.

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