Having a hard time

alcermack · December 2015

Is anyone else having a hard time waiting. I'm almost 12 weeks and I just feel like June is forever away. I really didn't get much ability to nest due to my sister having twins a girl and boy so I inherited everything I could possibly need including some things I won't. The room has been setup for about 3 weeks and all we need is clothing but as soon as we find out the gender she will be over with boxes of hand me downs. Financially I appreciate all the great things I'm being given instead of having to buy but it's kinda hard because I feel like my pregnancy is just a shadow of my sisters. She also lives in Colorado ( I live in California) and travels a lot for work and won't be able to throw me a baby shower and my mom said it would make me look bad to throw my own and invite people to bring me things.. Has anyone thrown their own baby shower and did you host it at your home or at an outside establishment? How did people take it? Did you have people feel weird because you hosted your own? And would it be bad to only ask for diapers and wipes due to us already having everything and I never had a registry?
Please help

Diesel615 · December 2015

Just a heads up.....another poor girl posted about hosting her own Baby Shower, and she got thoroughly flamed about it. So just be prepared you're not going to like a lot of the responses people are going to give you.

Can't your Mom throw you a baby shower or do you have any friends that would be willing to?

cmac827 · December 2015

We just moved to a new area where I don't really know anyone well enough to throw me a shower. I really wanted a way to celebrate my first baby, so I'm throwing a gender reveal party while our families are here for Christmas. I'm requesting no gifts. I just want to celebrate us having a baby. It's considered rude to throw yourself a (baby or wedding) shower and to ask people to shower you with gifts.

dennyandlee · December 2015

First, yes, June feels like an awfully long time away! I am nowhere near ready for this baby to be here BUT I am super excited to meet him/her! Congrats on your pregnancy!

I would say absolutely DO NOT throw your own shower. It very much comes off as gift-grabby and super duper selfish. My sister also recently had twins (boy and girl) and I am so INCREDIBLY thankful for the things she will be letting me use.

I don't feel at all limited in my ability to nest because of it either. I'm not really sure what the relation is, actually, because I've always though of nesting as cleaning and organizing and moving things around and preparing not just baby's room but the whole house for baby's arrival and not just acquiring things.

Also, just because your sister offered does not obligate you to accept anything and you are absolutely free to buy your own stuff that you pick out that is just your style.

But I repeat, my recommendation, DO NOT THROW YOUR OWN SHOWER.

Huskerfanz · December 2015

Why can't you buy a few things for your baby that you pick out? Just because your sister has things, you don't have to use them.

Can you decorate the nursery?

Ditto PPs, throwing yourself a gift giving event is not a good idea.

ohiocourtbabymomma · December 2015

My sister did everything to set up her baby shower, and it was totally amazing. I don't think you need to state who is throwing it, but your friends and family know you and obviously shouldn't think less of you if they love you. Anyone that would think badly of you for throwing your baby's first party can just not come. Have fun!

pegs6216 · December 2015

Can your mom or sister throw you a shower back where one of them lives and you travel there? My husband and I live across the state from both our parents so they throw our showers there and we just travel. We know more people there anyway.

jmohio · December 2015

We just moved and don't really know anyone in our new area, we have my brother and SIL here but with recent events with them they will not be throwing us a shower... we won't be having a shower and this is our first which makes it tough. We were going to try and get down to where we used to live before the baby is here but it is an 8 hour drive or 2 hour flight (with time sitting in both airports).

meggyme · December 2015

pegs6216 said:
Can your mom or sister throw you a shower back where one of them lives and you travel there? My husband and I live across the state from both our parents so they throw our showers there and we just travel. We know more people there anyway.

Similar to this, if most of your friends live where you live, you could have the party at your house but allow other people to host. We did this with my best friend. Her house was central to everyone, but her family and friends organized, bought and set everything up for the actual party. I also think this is a good option for shared family/friends showers because no one feels like they're going to a stranger's house. Plus, then you can check out the nursery.

alcermack · December 2015

Thanks for all the great tips. I will keep that in mind.

WinniethePoohsPants · December 2015

alcermack said:

Is anyone else having a hard time waiting. I'm almost 12 weeks and I just feel like June is forever away. I really didn't get much ability to nest due to my sister having twins a girl and boy so I inherited everything I could possibly need including some things I won't. The room has been setup for about 3 weeks and all we need is clothing but as soon as we find out the gender she will be over with boxes of hand me downs. Financially I appreciate all the great things I'm being given instead of having to buy but it's kinda hard because I feel like my pregnancy is just a shadow of my sisters. She also lives in Colorado ( I live in California) and travels a lot for work and won't be able to throw me a baby shower and my mom said it would make me look bad to throw my own and invite people to bring me things.. Has anyone thrown their own baby shower and did you host it at your home or at an outside establishment? How did people take it? Did you have people feel weird because you hosted your own? And would it be bad to only ask for diapers and wipes due to us already having everything and I never had a registry? Please help

Nope. Bad form

Atlast111 · December 2015

We really don't do registries in England. We will be buying everything. Parents shouldn't really expect gifts and should expect to have to pay for their own childrens nappies in my opinion. I'm really not saying this to be rude. I do understand that things might be different in the states though!

hockeyfan42 · December 2015

Atlast111 said:
We really don't do registries in England. We will be buying everything. Parents shouldn't really expect gifts and should expect to have to pay for their own childrens nappies in my opinion. I'm really not saying this to be rude. I do understand that things might be different in the states though!

@Atlast111 omg I actually agree with you!

I don't see the need for people to buy your diapers/wipes. It kind of seems like you just want people to buy you something. Which is odd to me.

Your mom is correct in my opinion. There are other ways to celebrate a baby aside from a shower.

Atlast111 · December 2015

@hockeyfan42. There is always a first time for everything....lol. It's tricky because I get the feeling that baby showers and gifts are starting to be expected. OP, you shouldn't feel your baby is in your sisters shadow as every baby is unique. I'm sure everyone is really excited to meet the baby! It's really great that you don't have to buy anything as our baby bill is running into the thousands.

You can always get any particular new things you would like for the baby.

june2016baby · December 2015

Hmm.... Will you be visiting home before the baby? I'm guessing your family will definitely throw you a shower if you visit.

In all honestly, you just can't throw yourself one, though. BUT, you could have a registry, and if people back home ask about it, you could tell them that you don't need a gift (while also referring them to your registry.)

HBamama2B · December 2015

I agree with the near unanimous majority. There seems to be a premise/ theme to discussions that every pregnant woman is entitled to a shower, but IMO showers are for others to treat their loved ones, not for individuals to avoid the costs of the child they chose to have. In addition, the purpose of showers is not to supply parents with every item baby could possibly need. Not trying to throw snark, but I just don't get the sense of entitlement to a shower (speaking more generally, not necessarily you OP)

My suggestion: If someone doesn't throw it, maybe don't have it and move on? Especially if your loved one already gifted you with everything you need. If there's a special item you really want new for baby, why not treat yourself to it since you've received so much? As for the shadow concept, how about a fun no-present celebration with friends? Show them your tricked out nursery.

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