TTC: Scared of getting BFN...Anyone else been here?

RaingeBaby · December 2015

My husband and I have been trying to concieve for a year with no luck. The next step is fertility drugs which I don't want to get on. However, last month my cycle was 2 days late and lasted two days and spotting for three. This has never happened before. As of today, I'm spotting a brownish color and some cramping, gagging in the momrnings and have developed a cold out of the blue. My husband thinks I should test but I can't handle a BFN right now. I'm scared and nervous. I was thinking I should wait until my next cycle which is due which in 20days. If it comes then I can deal better and if it doesn't, I can feel better about testing. Anyone else been here?

Lulucooks · December 2015

RaingeBaby said:
My husband and I have been trying to concieve for a year with no luck. The next step is fertility drugs which I don't want to get on. However, last month my cycle was 2 days late and lasted two days and spotting for three. This has never happened before. As of today, I'm spotting a brownish color and some cramping, gagging in the momrnings and have developed a cold out of the blue. My husband thinks I should test but I can't handle a BFN right now. I'm scared and nervous. I was thinking I should wait until my next cycle which is due which in 20days. If it comes then I can deal better and if it doesn't, I can feel better about testing. Anyone else been here?

If you think you may be pregnant you should take a test, not wait. However, it sounds to me like you got your period even if it was different. You are regular until you are not.

MonaLisaRalphio · December 2015

I'm so confused. If AF is "due" in 20 days, then why would you even be thinking about testing? You might not have even ovulated yet.

MrsDho11 · December 2015

I'm confused too. Did you have bleeding "early" that you didn't count as a period and start your cycle count over again at 1 after?

Lulucooks · December 2015

I'm thinking she's wanting to wait till her next period because then it'll be for sure positive? So she would be 2 months along when she found out? Doesn't make sense to do that at all. Plus she had a period so she's likely not pregnant

iceandsnowflakes29 · December 2015

Just take a test. BFN come with the territory unfortunately.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · December 2015

LINDSEYRVA said:

I'm so confused. If AF is "due" in 20 days, then why would you even be thinking about testing? You might not have even ovulated yet.

This. You didn't say when that 2 day followed by spotting period happened, but if you filled a pad/tampon with blood, that was your period, even if it wasn't a typical one for you.

Regardless, as PPs have said, if you think you're pregnant take a test. Although 20 days before your period, you more than likely will get a negative result. But if those symptoms were pregnancy related and not something like the flu, you should turn a test.

Wish I could tell you more, but that's really all I can say--take a test.

RaingeBaby · December 2015

Let me clarify for the confusion: My period was late in november and lasted the first two days with a light flow. Then on day three nothing, then day four,five and six dime size spotting. The reason I say I should wait until the next cycle is to see if I totally miss it all together, then I would know. But if it comes then I may have had my first irregular cycle ever in November. Granted I was under some stress. I'm just tired of the BFN.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · December 2015

Are you temping/charting? When TTC, that's the best way to know if you've ovulated and/or if you're hitting your fertile window.

Lulucooks · December 2015

katetastrophem said:
Are you temping/charting? When TTC, that's the best way to know if you've ovulated and/or if you're hitting your fertile window.

Yes, are you temping?

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · December 2015

RaingeBaby said:

Let me clarify for the confusion: My period was late in november and lasted the first two days with a light flow. Then on day three nothing, then day four,five and six dime size spotting. The reason I say I should wait until the next cycle is to see if I totally miss it all together, then I would know. But if it comes then I may have had my first irregular cycle ever in November. Granted I was under some stress. I'm just tired of the BFN.

But even light flow is flow. As I mentioned before--did you fill a pad/tampon? My period often stops and then starts back up again, so while it's not typical for you, it does happen. I'd assume that was your period and it's actually too soon for you to test. Given that and your anxiety over testing right now, I personally would say wait.

RaingeBaby · December 2015

yes i'm charting. I dont temp. My next ovulation date is the 16th and fertility begins tomorrow per my ovulaton calendar

Lulucooks · December 2015

RaingeBaby said:
yes i'm charting. I dont temp. My next ovulation date is the 6th and fertility begins tomorrow per my ovulaton calendar

That's just taking a stab in the dark. It's guesswork. Unless you temp you don't know exactly when you ovulate.

iceandsnowflakes29 · December 2015

RaingeBaby said:
yes i'm charting. I dont temp. My next ovulation date is the 6th and fertility begins tomorrow per my ovulaton calendar

Huh? Charting is temping. You chart your basal body temperature. Predictive apps are not as accurate.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · December 2015

Lulucooks said:

Are you temping/charting? When TTC, that's the best way to know if you've ovulated and/or if you're hitting your fertile window.
Yes, are you temping?

I just made this and plan to use it to spread the good word @Lulucooks:

RaingeBaby · December 2015

I chart my ovulation and fertility, thats all I was told by the OB to do. Never mentioned temping. I read up on it but wasn't interested.

RaingeBaby · December 2015

It's all really guess work, but per my ob visits, my ovulation calendar and days the ob has told us I was fertile and ovulate match. I use the ovulation test to help. I can tell when my CM changes. But thanks for the responses. Was just wanting to know if anyone else was in my shoes or had been. I know I'm not testing now. I'm going to wai to see if I miss my next due cycle or if my symptoms worsen, I may test earlier. For now, I'll just watch my body and see if I even ovulate this month. That could be helpful too.

TheBorg7of9 · December 2015

RaingeBaby said:
yes i'm charting. I dont temp. My next ovulation date is the 16th and fertility begins tomorrow per my ovulaton calendar

Sorry, but ovulation calendars are notoriously wrong. If you really want to know when you have ovulated you have to temp. But regardless, if you have been having unprotected sex for a year, it's time to see a reproductive endocrinologist.

TheBorg7of9 · December 2015

katetastrophem said:

Lulucooks said:

katetastrophem said:
Are you temping/charting? When TTC, that's the best way to know if you've ovulated and/or if you're hitting your fertile window.
Yes, are you temping?

I just made this and plan to use it to spread the good word @Lulucooks:

I LOVE this!

MonaLisaRalphio · December 2015

@RaingeBaby all an OPK can do is tell you if you get an LH surge, which can happen whether or not you ovulate. The only way to confirm ovulation (without an ultrasound, of course) is to chart three consecutive days of a sustained raise in temperatures.

Of course, whether you temp or not is entirely your business, but I don't know why someone who's really set on getting KU would not be "interested" in temping. It is 100% the best way to know what's going on. That will also tell you when AF is "due" - although, as they say, AF is due the day she comes. But you can generally expect AF between 10 and 16 days after a confirmed ovulation. Right now, your AF "due" date is an estimate and could really vary by about 10 days in a normal cycle.

Anyway it's totally up to you how you decide to handle it. But, yknow, you asked. If you want to stick around (whether or not you decide to temp!), feel free to join us on the WTO/TWW/GTKY threads each day! If it were me, I would probably note on the TWW thread that my DPO is estimated, though!

Lulucooks · December 2015

RaingeBaby said:
It's all really guess work, but per my ob visits, my ovulation calendar and days the ob has told us I was fertile and ovulate match. I use the ovulation test to help. I can tell when my CM changes. But thanks for the responses. Was just wanting to know if anyone else was in my shoes or had been. I know I'm not testing now. I'm going to wai to see if I miss my next due cycle or if my symptoms worsen, I may test earlier. For now, I'll just watch my body and see if I even ovulate this month. That could be helpful too.

If you have enough HCG to cause symptoms, you have enough to turn a test. Honestly. Tests are really really sensitive nowadays.

[Deleted User] · December 2015

Wait, how are you charting when you think you ovulate? LH tests or something?

Also I don't understand what you mean by not being interested in temping. You say you're SO hopeful for a BFP and you've been trying for a whole year... why would you not just shove a thermometer in your mouth for one minute of your whole day to potentially help out with that?

I'm not trying to be an asshole, I'm just genuinely curious. Do you not wake up at roughly the same time everyday? What makes you not want to temp?

Temping has been an amazing experience for me.

izza2 · December 2015

To clarify a few things:
1. If you bled enough to soak a tampon or a pad, then what you experienced was your period, regardless of the fact it was not "on time" or "as heavy" as it "usually" is. Before BC I had regular periods for 10 years. They were heavy, but I had occasions where they would be lighter for whatever reason.

2. If you are not temping, you are not accurately tracking your ovulation. OPKs check for a LH surge; you can have a LH surge without ever having actually ovulated. Temping is the only way to accurately track your ovulation and fertile window. If you are not having sex on a regular basis, you could be missing your FW completely every month for the past year.

3. If you have been TTC for a year, it is time to see a RE.

4. If the symptoms you have are the result of a pregnancy, you would have enough HCG to turn a test. If you are not turning a test, chances are, you are not pregnant at this time, but instead are coming down with an illness. This is why we discourage symptom spotting -- because your nausea could as easily be from a cold, the flu, or your period coming as it could be from pregnancy. Symptom spotting does nothing but drive you crazy and gear you up for a potentially huge let-down.

PeggyOlsonFTW · December 2015

Probably you should just...

Yes, BFNs can be soul-crushing, but at least you'll know. Then start temping.

ArtlessIbex · December 2015

Hi. For what it's worth, last month I had a positive OPK and fertile CM, but because I was temping I knew it was an anovulatory cycle. It was exactly the same length as my usual cycles. I bled at the end just like I usually do.
Because of temping, I knew not to go nuts peeing on tests. Pregnancy would have been impossible, due to not ovulating at all.
I'm just saying, temping is the only way to know.

Crowqueen03 · December 2015

Same i get LH surges and fertile CM and have Anovulatory cycles.I wouldn't have known that if i wasn't temping.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · December 2015

TheBorg7of9 said:

katetastrophem said:

Lulucooks said:

katetastrophem said:
Are you temping/charting? When TTC, that's the best way to know if you've ovulated and/or if you're hitting your fertile window.
Yes, are you temping?

I just made this and plan to use it to spread the good word @Lulucooks:

I LOVE this!

Use it as much as you want! I.love having Photoshop at the ready!

hlvonb · December 2015

RaingeBaby said:

My husband and I have been trying to concieve for a year with no luck. The next step is fertility drugs which I don't want to get on. However, last month my cycle was 2 days late and lasted two days and spotting for three. This has never happened before. As of today, I'm spotting a brownish color and some cramping, gagging in the momrnings and have developed a cold out of the blue. My husband thinks I should test but I can't handle a BFN right now. I'm scared and nervous. I was thinking I should wait until my next cycle which is due which in 20days. If it comes then I can deal better and if it doesn't, I can feel better about testing. Anyone else been here?

@RaingeBaby

No one who is TTC wants to get a BFN so being nervous is understandable but I would say to cure those nerves by testing. If you get a BFN, it will suck but keep trying. It can take a healthy couple up to 1 year to get pregnant if not longer. If you test and get a BFP please do NOT update here, instead to go the 1st trimester board.

picklesplease · December 2015

hlvonb said:

RaingeBaby said:

My husband and I have been trying to concieve for a year with no luck. The next step is fertility drugs which I don't want to get on. However, last month my cycle was 2 days late and lasted two days and spotting for three. This has never happened before. As of today, I'm spotting a brownish color and some cramping, gagging in the momrnings and have developed a cold out of the blue. My husband thinks I should test but I can't handle a BFN right now. I'm scared and nervous. I was thinking I should wait until my next cycle which is due which in 20days. If it comes then I can deal better and if it doesn't, I can feel better about testing. Anyone else been here?

@RaingeBaby

No one who is TTC wants to get a BFN so being nervous is understandable but I would say to cure those nerves by testing. If you get a BFN, it will suck but keep trying. It can take a healthy couple up to 1 year to get pregnant if not longer. If you test and get a BFP please do NOT update here, instead to go the 1st trimester board.

@hlvonb - I read the boldface as "suck it up" for some reason and I was all ready to say, "Ouch. A little harsh?" But then I realized I can't read.

@RaingeBaby : We're all terrified of the BFN (which I always read as "Big Fucking Negative" because it really is a slap in the face), but we keep testing because we're hoping for the BFP. It does suck and it can get frustrating, but if you can keep a positive attitude about it, you can remember that a BFN just means more BD with the DH.

I'm always sad about the BFN, but I try to look at the silver lining.

simcal18 · December 2015

Just test. Wouldn't you rather know what's going on with your body? Not to scare you, but I had brown spotting that turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy that I MC naturally. They monitored me closely for quite a while because at one point they thought it might be a cornual ectopic pregnancy--which if it ruptures, tears your uterus, causes massive blood loss, and a 2% risk of death. While the whole experience was horrible, I'm very glad that the odd spotting prompted me to test so that I could get the medical care and monitoring I needed.

If you're having odd symptoms you should check in with your doctor. It probably makes sense to take a pregnancy test first yourself before you call them, but even if they don't the first thing they will do when you go in will be to check your HCG levels, so you'll know either way. BFNs are a part of TTC. Don't stick your head in the sand because you've given them an oversized level of emotional importance.

ArtlessIbex · December 2015

simcal18 said:
BFNs are a part of TTC. Don't stick your head in the sand because you've given them an oversized level of emotional importance.

^^ So much this. The thing to remember here is that taking a test does not actually determine the outcome of that test. Whether you take the test or not, whatever is happening in your body is happening. You're already not pregnant (or pregnant) when you take the test, so it is really just providing a window for you to see into yourself. There is nothing to fear.
If you're not pregnant this month, you'll still be not pregnant even if you don't test. It's not like "oh, if I don't take a test, I still might be pregnant". No. If you're not, you're not.
If you actually are afraid to see the BFN, you might be giving the test too much power. It is only a tool.

hlvonb · December 2015

BerkeBaby said:

hlvonb said:

RaingeBaby said:

My husband and I have been trying to concieve for a year with no luck. The next step is fertility drugs which I don't want to get on. However, last month my cycle was 2 days late and lasted two days and spotting for three. This has never happened before. As of today, I'm spotting a brownish color and some cramping, gagging in the momrnings and have developed a cold out of the blue. My husband thinks I should test but I can't handle a BFN right now. I'm scared and nervous. I was thinking I should wait until my next cycle which is due which in 20days. If it comes then I can deal better and if it doesn't, I can feel better about testing. Anyone else been here?

@RaingeBaby

No one who is TTC wants to get a BFN so being nervous is understandable but I would say to cure those nerves by testing. If you get a BFN, it will suck but keep trying. It can take a healthy couple up to 1 year to get pregnant if not longer. If you test and get a BFP please do NOT update here, instead to go the 1st trimester board.

@hlvonb - I read the boldface as "suck it up" for some reason and I was all ready to say, "Ouch. A little harsh?" But then I realized I can't read.

@RaingeBaby : We're all terrified of the BFN (which I always read as "Big Fucking Negative" because it really is a slap in the face), but we keep testing because we're hoping for the BFP. It does suck and it can get frustrating, but if you can keep a positive attitude about it, you can remember that a BFN just means more BD with the DH. I'm always sad about the BFN, but I try to look at the silver lining.

@BerkeBaby - Lol you must have needed more coffee or something. I would never tell someone to "suck it up" if they got a BFN. Glad you re-read it

@RaingeBaby Hope you took our advice and tested

mom2adoodle · December 2015

I understand everyone's logic behind a test simply being an insightful tool but yes, I can absolutely empathize for being nervous for a BFN. It's our mind messing with us! Good luck to you.

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