Frustrated with so over name

jaqualls · December 2015

Warning this is more a rant because I don't feel I have any say in the matter.

So my husband got to choose our daughters name and that was fine but now we are having a boy and he wants to name him Jack Anderson Q*******.

I hate it. Yes the name is his father's middle name and my grandfather's last name.

I would love to honor them both but I honestly hate Jack and I never liked last names used as first or middle. I always has my heart set on Sebastian as a first name for a boy.

purplefan1 · December 2015

So say no.

huskypuppy14 · December 2015

Why don't you have say? This is your baby too, and you are carrying him, so I think you get more say. Just tell him it's not happening, and you need to think of another name. Maybe you can compromise. Why did your husband pick your daughters name?

jaqualls · December 2015

My grandfather just passed and his father passed a few years ago.

My husband is very finicky about things and any type of discussion on the baby ticks him off. This was a pregnancy due to failed birth control and he has thrown himself into such deep anxiety and depression over it he is already close to loosing his job. If I do anything that makes things worse, he will resent me and the baby. Given our situation I feel stuck. I honestly can't even be happy about it around him.

meggyme · December 2015

If naming your child at maybe 3-4 months pregnant is causing this much heartache, why don't you shelf it for awhile and revisit when you have clearer heads and better moods? You have quite awhile longer.

mkemommy · December 2015

I second what @meggyme said...it seems that you guys have bigger problems than naming your child. I know its easy to get distracted by baby things but I'd focus on the bigger picture for now. Can he go to therapy or talk to someone about it? You shouldn't feel like you are walking on eggshells around him for fear he will resent you and he shouldn't feel like his depression/anxiety is so overwhelming that he may lose his job.

VikingGirl12 · December 2015

Have you considered counseling together? Your situation is very concerning. I suggest finding a professional to talk to.
I hope things get better for both of you!

HBamama2B · December 2015

I agree with pp. definitely table the baby naming for several months at least. There's zero rush. And definitely seek counseling. It can really help with an unexpected life adjustment.

lm45678 · December 2015

VikingGirl12 said:
Have you considered counseling together? Your situation is very concerning. I suggest finding a professional to talk to.
I hope things get better for both of you!

i agree with @VikingGirl12, I think you guys need to talk though some things before this baby gets here. Best of Luck to you.

Boonhilde · December 2015

Having a baby can stress out a guy, especially when he's having a hard time at his job.
But that's no excuse for him to be awful.

Counseling. Counseling. Counseling.

And when the counseling's over promise each other that you will not name the baby anything that the other hates. Compromise and all that.

How did he come up with that name if he hates talking and thinking about it? He didn't hate talking or thinking about it enough to not insist on a name....

Atlast111 · December 2015

Agree with PPs, councilling is great for everyone. All couples have bumps in the road. When you talk though things you come to a deeper understanding and build a much stronger relationship. Councilling shouldn't be a last resort. You will both feel much better.

june2016baby · December 2015

Definitely shelf the convo for now! Focus on supporting your husband emotionally in any way that you can. Hopefully he will be open to conseling, and also you'll come to agreement later.

However, if you end up naming the baby something you don't love, I'm thinking that within a few months, it will seem that the name is truly who your son is, and no other name would suit. My mom hated all my baby names, but later made comments about how after a while, the baby really becomes the name in your heart. I let my husband name our first, and I was less than thrilled for a few months. But now, I would never change it, even if I could go back in time and have a redo. What I'm saying, is that disliking a baby's name may be temporary.

ahernandez16 · December 2015

I agree with PPs on the counseling. Without much background info this sounds like a much larger issue than naming baby.

I loved the name Sebastian for a boy but DH hates it. I wouldn't ask him to name his potential son something he hates. I would expect the same from him. Although I believe you could probably grow to love any name, you should have a say and some part in the naming of your child.

ice_queen91 · December 2015

I did counseling W/DH when pregnant with DD. It was definitely worth it for us, and hopefully it can help you both as well!! *hugs*

carrieandbabybean · December 2015

There are other ways to appease your husband's grief/fear than allowing him to hijack the naming of your son! The tribute to your deceased family members is a lovely idea, but if the names do not appeal to you, then they are off the table. No question. Don't allow your husband to PERMANENTLY name your child something that you can't stand!!! This has to be something you both agree on. Only names that you both like should be considered. This is a 50%/50% decision. If you find yourself in the last week or two of your pregnancy and he still won't consider other names, call the hospital where you plan to give birth and find out how the name is applied to the birth certificate so you can be sure you are a part of that process. Best of luck.

TheHauntedHauswife · December 2015

Agreed on delying the convo....

But your husband chose the first babies name. You absolutely should have higher power on this one. Veto it.

If you need a compromise, you choose the first name and he chooses the middle name.

The name is the name for ever, long after the current issues have shifted, i dont think you should give up just because of that.

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