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October 2015 Moms
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Back to work causing depression

meganraschkemeganraschke member
in October 2015 Moms
I need help, and I don't have anyone else to turn to. My husband doesn't understand how this is effecting me and is taking a 'this is life just accept it' attitude. I cannot handle being back at work. I literally have 3 hours at home before I go to sleep. I feel like I am working my life away for nothing. I feel like I had a child just to pay someone else to raise them. I literally am breaking down, the best person to understand feeling this way coming back to work is my boss and for obvious reasons I don't want to confide in her about this.
I don't know how to keep working and leaving my baby every day just to only get to spend 3 hours with him and to turn around to do it all over again....it feels cruel to both of us
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Re: Back to work causing depression

  • farwellmamafarwellmama member
    Wish I had something helpfully to tell you... :( I really feel for you... the reasons you stated are exactly my reasons for being a SAHM (and then some), although our lifestyle had to change because we went down to one income (however, after paying for childcare it wouldn't have been much more than it is now).

    I hope you can come up with something that works better for you! Maybe something part time or evenings? Good luck!
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  • jslikojsliko member
    Can you cut $$ from your budget? (No cable, for example..). Can you arrange to work part-time? Or telecommute? You may want to cautiously broach those topics with your boss - even if you think part-time is not possible, you may be pleasantly surprised. And know that you aren't the first one coming back from maternity leave, and wanting to spend more time with your LO is completely normal. Hang in there!
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  • meganraschkemeganraschke member
    Unfortunately I think our budget is as tight as it's going to get without major changes (selling the house/cars) we don't budget for many frivolous things.
    I will try asking for a different kind of schedule that is a good idea. Right now I work 4 10 hour days and commuting takes about 2.5 hours total too then a half day. After 12.5 hours at work I am spent and I feel like I have nothing left to give.
    I'm so sad our country sends mothers back to work so soon, I was not emotionally ready for this transition and being in the middle of it it's hard to see the light
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  • jesssayingjesssaying member
    edited December 2015
    I'm the same way. I absolutely dreading heading back to work but unfortunately we don't have another option as one income is not enough... We have cut down on everything We could. My schedule originally was five 8 hours days 7 a.m. to 3-3:30 pm. Its sounds about normal but every other week I work an EIGHT day stretch... That wasn't okay with me. I felt as if I would never see DD so I sat down with my supervisors and actually was given the option of three 12 hours shifts a week... Yes, being away from her that long on those days will probably kill me but in the end I get four full days with her a week. Talk to your manager and see if there is a better alternative for you. At least in the beginning because thats when its hardest to return.
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  • BryDientaBryDienta member
    I agree with pp about adjusting your schedule.  I work two 8 hour day, two 9 hour days and one 6 hour day and on top of that I get up at the crack of dawn (4am sometimes earlier!) to get to work so that I have more time to spend with my lo when I get home.  My schedule is what it is mostly because we aren't using daycare and my husband doesn't have to work until noon.  If your work will allow for a more flexible schedule I would look into it.  
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  • chein1chein1 member
    It really sucks in the beginning. Really, really sucks. Hang in there. It will become your new normal. I still have days where I break down and cry because I can't stay home and my oldest is 2. However, I'm also a teacher and my parents are still paying on my student loans. I could never stay home without feeling so guilty that they'd be paying for nothing. You are definitely not alone.
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  • meganraschkemeganraschke member
    Even just knowing I'm not alone in all of this is helping, I just feel like I'm in such a haze at work my mind just wants me to be back at home
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  • cbolton19cbolton19 member
    I'm so sad that I have to go back to work. We are hoping to save enough to knock out a big chunk of student loans so I can stay home at some point. It's horrible. I hate it. It's so upsetting how little time we get (and I'm one of the lucky ones that can take 12 weeks). It's the worst. I hope you can work out a better schedule. I'm trying to work something out too. It's so hard. We are now facing bottle refusal from our daughter making the thought of going back even harder. Good luck!!
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  • kaseyhunter85kaseyhunter85 member
    Yesterday was my first day back. I got home at 6:30. Little man crashed at 7:15 and only woke to be feed(daycare wore him out) It really depressed me thinking that would be our normal but thankfully when I got back to work my boss surprised me and is going to switch my shift from 8-6(plus 1/2 commute each way) 7:30-4:30! I wanted to cry.
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  • meganraschkemeganraschke member
    That is really nice! I know what you mean on the time seeming to just get sucked away I felt like that last night too when I got home and only had a few hours with my LO, my husband even picked up dinner so the thought of cooking taking even more time away was depressing at the end of the night. I never thought PPD would hit after I went back to work but I'm leaning more now towards that being what's going on with me. This is just difficult, I have a pit in my stomach about it
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  • happy1119happy1119 member
    edited December 2015
    I'm back at my first week as well. I cry every morning on my way (probably pretty dangerous). I also work 4 10's, which I feel we are more fortunate then some. Is there a way to have a video chat during the day? My caregiver does a video chat with me at lunch so he can hear my voice. It gives you something mid day to look forward too. Just think you're working to provide a better life for the baby. Hang in there, and know things will get easier.
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  • koriemokoriemo member
    I feel the same way. I'm a teacher, and thankfully I am only finishing up this school year. We decided I would work this school year because I got paid for my time off and will get paid all summer, and we want to get something into savings before I stay at home. I'm not going back until January, and I already want to cry. I have to leave every morning at 6:00 AM and I don't get home until 5pm. LO currently sleeps fro, 6:30pm-5:00am (with 1-2 quick feedings) so I won't get much time with him at all.
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  • meganraschkemeganraschke member
    @happy1119 he is actually in daycare downstairs in my building so I am able to go nurse him on my lunch break. I was a wreck leading up to lunch, I felt so much better when I was with him, then it didn't take more than 30 minutes back at my desk for the water works to start again. I know I am far more fortunate than most people with my schedule and having him close but for some reason it's just not good enough for me to be less emotional over it. Today was much harder than yesterday, I'm just hoping this gets easier at some point.
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  • happy1119happy1119 member
    The sadness will go away, we'll find a routine that works. When they get old enough to let you know they know you it will be better. You'll know the love they feel for you even more than now. Hang in there mama!
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  • meganraschkemeganraschke member
    Thank you, you too! I had no idea this would be so emotionally rough on me
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