Registry dilemma, looking for advice

Kurrant · December 2015

So I can't remember if I asked about this months ago but regardless the situation has changed and I am stuck . . .

I live in New Zealand and my family all lives in the USA. My parents are both gone and I have no siblings. My aunt (who is also my godmother) really wants to be as involved as she can be with this child. I am not going to be having a baby shower because frankly it would be stupid to expect people to toss out 2k+ per person just to fly here for a shower and I don't have the spare cash to fly there. I have a little cousin who is also pregnant and from the sounds of it people are quite involved with hers and my pregnancy is a bit lost in the shuffle. I completely understand this and didn't expect otherwise. Since there is no shower and no one (besides two family members) really seem interested in this baby I decided not to bother making a registry. I have yet to find a single place in NZ that offers registry rewards and I can't find many places that have everything I want anyways.

Months ago my Aunt asked my to pick out a cot and bassinet on Amazon for her to buy but I already had picked out I was planning to get. After much internal deliberation I decided to be upfront and tell her I already picked them already and eventually I agreed to let her buy them for me even though I feel a bit bleh about it because they are actually quite expensive.

Not sure why I felt all of that was necessary to include but anyways here is the dilemma... I told my aunt yesterday that I found out the sex and she was thrilled and kepts going on and on about how she has to buy the beds and to make sure I don't let anyone else buy them for me ( haha, like who?) and she proceeded to tell me that I should call This person and that person to tell them what I want for the baby because everyone wants to get me something . . . What?! Like who? If these people want to get me stuff why don't they talk to me?

Do I just set up half-assed NZ store registry with some items I want for the baby and deal with the fact that I will have to leave things out? Do I set up an Amazon.com registry and leave out all the big ticket items because shipping will be INSANE. Heck it costs over 50 USdollars just to ship a hard cover cookbook let alone something big! I do have a Postal service USA address to ship items to then they send it bulk so i could do that and use amazon but I really dont feel like paying the shipping cost myself if people decide on big items. It usually ends up costing equal or more to ship so whats the point of having people buy me items if I am going to end up paying the cost of them to get them to me? Another thing to mention is that the NZ registries I have found (all of 6 btw) have "wish lists" and not proper registries . . . I feel stressed just thinking about this stupid stuff...

Sorry if this seems like stupid trivial stuff but I really have no one else to ask . . . also if there are any Kiwi's here, do you know of any decent stores for baby registries that have everything?

dshannah · December 2015

If you are not relying on gifts to help you pay for baby essentials, then tell your Aunt that because of the cost of shipping and the impossibility of remote purchasing that all you would like from friends and relatives are well-wishes, in the form of cards that you can then turn into a scrapbook or art project to decorate the nursery with.

And who knows, maybe some generous relatives will also send cash!

cortney626 · December 2015

My first thought would be to set up a NZ wish list (are those made public like a registry) and have your Aunt pass along the info since people are asking.

TheThornBird · December 2015

Can you set up a registry with both a place in NZ and amazon? That way people can pay for the big-ticket stuff on amazon if they want, or if they can't afford it, they can choose something off the NZ registry.

ayeshaohara · December 2015

Surely they have a company in NZ that you can set up a registry with. It seems odd that they wouldn't. I'm in a similar situation...I live in Canada and all my family are back home in Australia. I've set up registries in Canada and asked my mum to pass on details to family members at home when they ask what I want. Then they can just shop online for me essentially and its sent straight to me. Is something like that not an option?

Kurrant · December 2015

@ayeshaohara There are a few online registries but they don't offer rewards like a lot of USA ones I've seen and the ones I have found either have a "wish list" which works similar to a registry or they have items that are listed as "In store only". There are a few nice ones that have some really great quality items I would like but they seem to have limited stock so I could buy say a crib but not a stroller. the two shops I found that have everything seem to have poor quality cheapo items that I'm not very interested in. So no matter what I will have to make a compromise with the registry.

I considered doing two like @TheThornBird suggested but it seems like way too much stress and hassle to keep track of two registries. I feel overwhelmed as it is and I don't really even know what kinds of things are appropriate for a registry. Only little baby stuff? Do i put stuff on that a baby wouldn't use till like 6mths? Clothing? Stroller? Gah!?

I'm thinking I might just have to try and find a shop that has most of the stuff I would want and just set it up there and explain that the shops here suck.

cortney626 · December 2015

@kurrant Many sites have checklists and they include a ton of things you may not need. Don't feel overwhelmed. Find a place that you'd want to register and start there. You don't need to do it all in one day. I wouldn't put clothes on the registry. I'd use a store with the most options. If people don't see what they want to purchase, maybe they'll send money or a gift card. Good luck! Don't let it stress you out.

amscape · December 2015

Id pick out what you want to buy yourselves first then set up a NZ registry at whatever store has the most options. I would also try to make it things you would be easily able to get at the last minute yourself or you don't need right away in case either shipping or late buys happen.

I ignored 60% of suggested registry items bc those lists get intense- do what works for you. Things like a diaper bag, rattles, diapers, wipes, clothes, a boppy, crib sheets, changing mat, playmat, swing are all great to put in. Try to do a variety of items at different prices & you're all set! Don't stress about it not being perfect- baby's not going to care or be harmed by it and hey, having any say in gifts you get is pretty great.

KidShrink · December 2015

Family is also far, but not that far for me. I'll have a shower, but family and many friends would have no way of knowing what we have already unless they asked. We decided what we wanted to buy ourselves (more expensive items where I wasn't willing to compromise on quality or function, like crib, stroller, etc.) I've started setting up registries in 2 different places, with a variety of lower cost items ($5-300 max).

Given your situation, I think it wouldn't make much sense to get an Amazon registry if you'll end up paying for shipping. Like pps suggested, I'd register for local stuff where people can shop online and send it directly to you. If your aunt is saying people want to buy stuff, then send her the links to the registries and let her spread it to people who do want to send you a present. A few places allow for notes in the registry/wish list. I've personally added 'gift card welcome'.

kbrands7 · December 2015

I haven't used this personally, but I have a friend who did. This website allows you to combine registries from different websites. It's fairly popular in the US, but claims that it works worldwide too: https://www.myregistry.com/

This one: https://www.simpleregistry.com/baby/faq/ is designed to allow you to list the items you want that are local, with the approximate price. Gift-givers then gift you the money for specific items. You get the money, and can shop locally for the items. It seems a little odd, but it would allow you to get things you want that are local with people still feeling like they're picking something out for you.

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

I agree with PPs advice. Asking them to just send cards with well wishes is a good idea. Or maybe just ask for gift cards or something? That way they won't pay a ton in shipping but will still technically be buying things for baby. Either that or make a registry where you are at or on amazon. Anyway, that's all I've got for that. I hope you figure it out!

Pascal86 · December 2015

I don't know if this works in NZ, but have you looked at something like https://www.plumfund.com/baby-fund/ ? I used honeyfund.com, which seems to be linked, for my wedding, and I could list what I planned on buying, and people could gift money towards specific items. This works well for larger items because if you want a $200 item, you can break it into five $40 gifts, or whatever. And in the end you just get money, so while I felt like I should spend it on what I said I was going to, nobody's stopping you from using it for whatever you need. But it feels more like directly getting a gift for someone than just handing over cash.

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