Babies and tecnology

michellabanana · December 2015

Ok I know I'm only in the 2nd trimester lol, but I'm babysitting and notice how much the 2yr old is obsessed with elmo on the tv, iPad, laptop, and everything lol...plus the older kids are into laptop, gameboy, etc...it seems overwhelming lol. My brothers daughter is around the same age and isn't allowed to watch TV and seems calmer and easiser to keep happier. I m not a parent yet, so I don't judge, but just was wondering about others opinion

yogahh · December 2015

This was an UO of mine a few weeks ago. I don't believe that kids should have ipads or phones. There are other things out there, like BOOKS, that can occupy a child. I don't have anything against the occasional educational tv show though, as long as the kid isn't becoming a couch potato. My issue with ipads/phones is that kids 1) shouldn't be playing with anything that expensive IMO and 2) its crazy seeing a baby knowing how to swipe a page on an electronic device but cant open a book.

I know I am in the minority here. But DH and I are in agreement that our kids wont have these gadgets. And NO phone until they are 13 and responsible enough to not loose/break it.

Bluejay3030 · December 2015

Just FYI, a kid's temperament isn't *necessarily* related to electronics use. If only it was that simple

. Sometimes I wonder if it's not the other way around--that often high-strung kids get more electronics use because their parents need a break from their super active child.

That said, I'm all for balance. A little bit of TV or an educational app on an iPhone isn't going to ruin your kid in moderation. Especially when taking a long plane trip during what would normally be your kid's nap or bedtime (spoken from much personal experience). Is it possible to do it without electronics? Sure!!!! I think a few moms on here make it work. But for my part, I wouldn't do some of the things, including extensive travel, that I do with my daughter if I couldn't let her watch a show to help her settle.

Edit: grammar

kbrands7 · December 2015

We limit technology. I'd love to say that we held to a no screen-time until 2 policy, but it's just not true. (That's what I had originally planned to do.) Most of the time DS plays, reads, explores, etc. He's very adept with books by now and has great fine motor skills. When he was around 14-15 months, we started letting him watch bits of kids movies or a Daniel Tiger/Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode here and there. (He got to watch a little bit of something a little too often when I was in the worst weeks of first trimester though.) If he tantrums to watch something, it doesn't happen. Period. He has to ask nicely, and he has to have had lots of reading, drawing, playing, and outside time that day. We also talk about what he's seeing while it's on.

He can get to the camera on my phone too because it only requires a swipe from the lock page. He has seen me use the camera and the first moment he got his hands on my phone to bring it to me once he hit his helping phase, he opened up the camera to try to take a picture. It's not something that I would have purposefully taught him at this age though. A few times, I've let him play around with the Touch Piano app on the ipad because it lets him experiment with rhythm and volume while "playing" famous classical songs. We have started there for a few minutes, then go to his toy piano and play similarly (but with a made up song) so that he can play with rhythm and volume as well as melody.

I agree with @yogahh that, in general, kids have no business owning expensive technology themselves. Kids also learn and develop best through face-to-face interaction, so even when technology is being used, it shouldn't just be something to pop the kid in front of; conversations need to happen around it. A lot of good preschool age shows have gaps of silence to allow interaction with the show and more importantly, to allow parents to engage their children in the problem-solving aspects of these shows.

yogahh · December 2015

BTW, this was the video I saw a year or so ago that sealed the deal on no ipads for me. Its sad really...

Start at 20 seconds

https://mashable.com/2011/10/13/baby-magazine-ipad/#1LxVLnH3_5q0

dsmith211 · December 2015

We plan on limiting technology use for the baby but it will be a little harder for us given what DH and I do for a living. We're both programmers so technology is essentially our livelihood. On the flip side bc we work with it so closely we are very aware of when and how it should be used.

That being said... We have a lot of technology in our home. Game consoles, TV's, computers, phones, tablets, watches, etc. in terms of other people it might be seen as excessive. I however have no intentions on my child owning their own devices unless they are capable of taking care of them on their own and understand how to use them safely.

LadySamLady · December 2015

My biggest fears about technology come in to play when social media/internet searching age hits and online predators can reach them. I know there are predators in real life too and you can't protect them from everything but it scares me so much to think about creepos on the internet messing with my kid.

wamam027 · December 2015

@yogahh DH and I have similar guidelines for our children as well. SIL is a SAHM and she sits on her butt on the couch while her kids watch tv and have iPads in their laps. GET UP AND WALK YOUR KIDS TO THE PARK! There's a park not even .5 miles from her in the gorgeous neighborhood she lives. Do some arts and crafts! My mom worked, but when she got home we would ALWAYS have fun crafts to do from making homemade dog biscuits, to making every ornament you could possibly imagine. My mom had my sister and I sewing and crocheting at a super young age and we loved it. To get us reading we did little shows and reinacted the book we were reading. Of course, my kids will get some tv, but I want them to find most of their enjoyment out of playing and being kids. I'm just over a year from my MA in marriage and family therapy and I've worked with a lot of children. It's so incredibly sad to see how reliant on technology a lot of kids are nowadays and I feel as though they're too busy with their noses in cell phones and iPads to truly be children and run around in the fresh air.

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

DD watches more than the recommended amount of TV. It works for us. But she also is a lover of books, has an active imagination, loves to play both inside and outside, and seriously intelligent. I'm always surprised by just how smart she is. So therefore, I am okay with the TV. We are a "TV" family in general but we do other things as well.

As far as using my phone, only when we are out and about and waiting for something like the doctor. I sometimes forget to bring coloring, etc. Other times, it's just a treat to get to use a coloring app or Fruit Ninja on my phone. We don't even own a tablet but would like to have one for the whole family. We spend a lot of time in the car (in the summer 3hrs one way and back in the same day is normal). We have an old school portable DVD player but it's clunky. I'd like the tablet for when it's too dark to play in the car or she's reached her limit of toys.

laurenmdrn16 · December 2015

My son is 2 and while I had hoped to have no screens until 2 (like @kbrands7) it just isn't reasonable. He knows what a smartphone and tablet are, he has played on his cousin's iPad, and he watches movies and some TV shows (we limit to 2 shows a day which is perfect: one while getting ready in the morning and one while I am cooking dinner). However, we always make books and imaginative play with toys more appealing. If he wants to watch a trains video or play a train based iPad game (we don't have an iPad or tablet, but he really likes the one his cousin has) we instead suggest making a train track and playing with his wooden trains or reading one of his train books. He usually would much rather play or read than look at a screen. I think the temperament thing goes both ways. Sometimes kids who are very active or conversely unmotivated need the external stimulation of a screen, but sometimes too much screen time can make kids dependent on it as well or cause kids to become overstimulated and act out. On the other hand, my son is super chill and would rather work quietly with his hands or look at a picture book because the flashing lights and sounds are too much for him sometimes.

PS- @michellabanana I totally thought your sn was Michelle Obama and got super excited like "The First Lady is on our BMB! Wahoo!" This is what happens when I don't have caffeine...

yogahh · December 2015

I always read OPs sn as Michelle Obama too!

JessicaB0627 · December 2015

I think you'll get a lot of different opinions on this subject. From a development (neuroscience) standpoint, kids should not have any screen time until at like 2 years of age. The technology used in tv screens and iPad screens, etc., can physically hinder a baby's brain development. In really extreme cases they have found that the damage done to the brain is similar to the brain of children with "mental retardation". (I really think this isn't the politically correct way of saying this, but I'm not sure how else to refer to it.) That being said, I have seen kids that are really smart that were also allowed to watch tv at a young age.

We've been really strict with DD about tv and technology. Now that she's 2 1/2 we've started letting her watch a couple shows on tv but she's still not allowed to play with devices. She does really well about entertaining herself. We went on a 9 hour car ride a couple months ago and she was fine to entertain herself. There were a couple times I wanted to give her my phone and let her watch something because she spent the entire 9 hours talking non-stop, but it ended up being fine. I've also taken her to doctors appointments with me and as long she she has a snack, a drink, and something little like a stuffed animal or a book she's really good!

cortney626 · December 2015

I have a friend whose kids are 1.5 and 3 and they're on iPads or phones all the time. All throughout the day, during meals, etc. I don't agree with that but that's my personal preference. My daughter never had much use of my phone. The occasional game if we were out and waiting for something. She had a little TV time as a toddler too. I had friends who restricted TV time and their kids wanted it more.

My daughter has to be on the tablet now for school. She does use it for long road trips between reading and drawing. I definitely encourage blocks, books etc to help build motor skills when they're. I think too much screen time can hinder kids. I'm so glad my daughter at 8 prefers to be outside playing instead of inside in front of the tv!

missnc77 · December 2015

My husband and I have decided to make no opinions on babies and electronics until we actually have a child under our roof. I could judge a mom for handing her iphone to her 3 year old to make them be quiet and quit bothering her, but I know I will most likely reach the point of wanting something....anything!....for 15 minutes of peace. And until that moment comes, I shall not pass judgment. But I really want my kids to want to go ride their bike or play with their friends rather than sit inside and play some violent video game, so I know that's going to be one things that I'm nervous to give into once that time comes.

Also, aren't iPads becoming a new normal in the classroom? We see them as a nice to have, but kids growing up today see them as just a normal every day tool like a computer of pencil.

dsmith211 · December 2015

missnc77 said:
My husband and I have decided to make no opinions on babies and electronics until we actually have a child under our roof. I could judge a mom for handing her iphone to her 3 year old to make them be quiet and quit bothering her, but I know I will most likely reach the point of wanting something....anything!....for 15 minutes of peace. And until that moment comes, I shall not pass judgment. But I really want my kids to want to go ride their bike or play with their friends rather than sit inside and play some violent video game, so I know that's going to be one things that I'm nervous to give into once that time comes.

Also, aren't iPads becoming a new normal in the classroom? We see them as a nice to have, but kids growing up today see them as just a normal every day tool like a computer of pencil.

My 5 year old niece has iPads in her kindergarten classroom. They use them with educational apps and such. That being said she does have her own but she doesn't get to live on it and she also shares it with her younger sister. I rarely see her on it and when she is it's usually something 'educational'. She actually prefers playing outside and reading.

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

missnc77 said:

My husband and I have decided to make no opinions on babies and electronics until we actually have a child under our roof. I could judge a mom for handing her iphone to her 3 year old to make them be quiet and quit bothering her, but I know I will most likely reach the point of wanting something....anything!....for 15 minutes of peace. And until that moment comes, I shall not pass judgment. But I really want my kids to want to go ride their bike or play with their friends rather than sit inside and play some violent video game, so I know that's going to be one things that I'm nervous to give into once that time comes.

Also, aren't iPads becoming a new normal in the classroom? We see them as a nice to have, but kids growing up today see them as just a normal every day tool like a computer of pencil.

As the parent, you control the amount of time they are in front of a TV, what games they play, etc. No need to be nervous. Just make boundaries. Like I said, DD watches more than the recommended amount of TV but she also really likes to go play outside. We made the decision years ago that a video game system will not be allowed in our house. That is our boundary.

Bltbear82 · December 2015

DH and I felt really strongly about this and we didn't let DS watch anything until he was around 18 months. The only reason we started was during a 9+ hour overnight flight in which he was woken up and inconsolable. Now he's allowed to watch one show (30 min) while I make dinner. He watches the least amount of TV possible that also allows for me to get a few things done that are essential.

Like PP said, if he tantrums or doesn't ask nicely then he isn't allowed. But having to wrangle a toddler that loves climbing every surface possible (including trying to climb on to the stove), I can say it's actually helpful in very small doses. Me from two years ago would have said I was being lazy, but being flexible and adjusting your parenting style is essential. Having DS occupied with Mickey Mouse while I'm cooking is far safer than the alternative.

kbrands7 · December 2015

Not *quite* on topic, but this book was a great read in terms of behavioral psychology, intellect, and making decisions about things like technology. It includes a lot of information about best parenting practices. It's research-based, but doesn't read like a research report at all. You can get it for free through an Audible trial. https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Updated-Expanded/dp/B00N9ARG28/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1449251232&sr=8-1

nerdymama15 · December 2015

DH and I have already decided that we don't agree with kids having their own phone or tons of screen time. We want our child to have the chance to play and use their imagination rather than have their nose stuck behind a screen all the time. Now with today's society an so many tragedies happening, our child might get a phone, HOWEVER, it will be very basic. Basic as in like a tracphone jitterbug or something that does pretty much almost nothing but call and/or maybe text and is prepaid so we can crackdown on how much they talk.

When the kid gets older we are going to make them pay for tv time. DH and I did not get allowances as kids, so we don't plan on really giving ours one either. However, in order to teach the kid the value of money. We are thinking like seven dollars a week. And they will have to pay out of that for tv time. Like fifty cents per half hour of television and/or video games. They can either blow it all on that or save their money and do something more constructive with their time like read. Also, when they get even older they will have to work for that seven dollars by doing chores. No chores = no money = no tv or video games.

If we are watching tv/movie as a family then it does not take away from their time though.

zekesmommy611 · December 2015

DS generally has TV time when we need to get things done (which sounds awful but it is what it is). We do limit him to maybe 1-2 hours a day.
He started playing with my iPhone and at first it was cute. He would put the phone up to his ear and pretend to talk but then he literally froze my phone. That was the last time he touched it LOL. I think all this technology is way too much. I went Christmas shopping the other day and there were so many toys that were so technical with a 1000 pieces or toys mimicking tablets. We won't be getting DS any expensive electronics/toys until he's much older! We will stick to blocks, cars and books for now!!

Luxani · December 2015

I don't want to get really in depth with my views on this, but as a FTM I plan on limiting access to technology, especially when the child is still quite young. That being said, who knows how I'll feel once the baby is born! Haha.

pelicanesque · December 2015

I see the big difference in sociability, being engaged in what's around you, lack of tantrums, looking you in the eye and having a conversation with you, just better adjusted in general; between friends who have kids that allow technology and those that don't, and it's pretty stark. We will raise our child in a limited technology household, as much as we can control. I'm just not quite sure how we're going to do that yet, as we are quite addicted to our gadgets! It'll be quite an adjustment. And worried about the fact that the cousins are total addicts.

camillaandcarson · December 2015

My first baby was not exposed to screen time for about 2 years (and even then not much and always together). This was easy for me because I SAHM and have land so there is lots of to do outside and am able to drive to places like the library, parks, museums, play dates, etc. And at places out where there is sitting involved instead of handing my child my phone I bring and plan ahead (and even keep some things stored in my car just in case), play doh, other toys that aren't seen much, coloring materials, books with flaps, etc.

We do not have an i-pad but did borrow one for long trips starting at 3 months after age 2 and it was a life saver. We will probably get one at some point. I don't see the point of screen time still in my child's age group, but as my child gets older we will have things like movie night and all those other things. I am not in a rush. There will be lots of time for all of that later and I love movies, TV, i-pads, etc. and will be happy to share that with my child in the future when they are of school age.

amscape · December 2015

I'm all for limiting technology but I am unsure of how DH will do with this. He always has the TV on (mostly just ESPN in the background) and decompressed by playing stupid games on his phone or going on reddit. We don't have a tablet so that's solved at least but the rest could be interesting!

kbrands7 · December 2015

amscape said:

I'm all for limiting technology but I am unsure of how DH will do with this. He always has the TV on (mostly just ESPN in the background) and decompressed by playing stupid games on his phone or going on reddit. We don't have a tablet so that's solved at least but the rest could be interesting!

DH does this too. For a while, it was no big deal because DS was too young to realize what DH was really doing. When he was old enough to understand that DH was doing something fun and he couldn't see, he got upset. DH and I decided at that point that DH would need to wait to play games, etc. until he wasn't directly interacting with DS. Now, we do technology in small doses, so if he uses it in front of DS, he's looking at something kid-friendly, only for a few minutes, and he involves DS if he can. We nixed the background TV in favor of music early on. (That also became much easier to do when DH and I cancelled cable service and decided to just use Amazon & Hulu.)

dshannah · December 2015

JessicaB0627 said:
In really extreme cases they have found that the damage done to the brain is similar to the brain of children with "mental retardation". (I really think this isn't the politically correct way of saying this, but I'm not sure how else to refer to it.)

The reason "mental retardation" is not useful here is not because it's politically incorrect, but because it doesn't actually refer to anything. It is a pejorative term used to refer to any measurable non-normative intellectual capacity, but it does nothing to differentiate between various forms of and causes of delay, impairment, or neurodiversity.

Which is why I am so skeptical of all of these claims: there's so little believable, methodologically solid data on this, because it's hard/impossible to control for all other factors, including what the child's neurological development would otherwise have been or what other factors are influencing their development.

In other news, I plan to plop my child in front of the telly and forget about her for the next ten years.

emma+karen · December 2015

I don't think a kid's temperament is totally related to TV/technology use. Our son is an incredibly active almost-three-year-old, and he does watch quite a bit of TV. We've been selective about what he's allowed to watch--mostly Daniel Tiger and Little Einsteins. We try to stick to PBS and a couple of Disney shows (like Little Einsteins) and avoid Nick Jr., although he does like Paw Patrol. We've managed to avoid Calliou completely, thank the lord. And--this is what I think is most important--we always watch with him and talk about it. He's never just sitting and watching mindlessly. He has educational games on the iPad, too, and knew all of his letters before anyone else in his preschool class, largely I believe, because of the "Endless Alphabet" app. We read a ton of books as well, and often he'll stop watching a show to bring me a book and ask me to read it.

I don't worry too much about it now, because I know he's active and well-rounded and social.

countrygrl5533 · December 2015

emma+karen said:

I don't think a kid's temperament is totally related to TV/technology use. Our son is an incredibly active almost-three-year-old, and he does watch quite a bit of TV. We've been selective about what he's allowed to watch--mostly Daniel Tiger and Little Einsteins. We try to stick to PBS and a couple of Disney shows (like Little Einsteins) and avoid Nick Jr., although he does like Paw Patrol. We've managed to avoid Calliou completely, thank the lord. And--this is what I think is most important--we always watch with him and talk about it. He's never just sitting and watching mindlessly. He has educational games on the iPad, too, and knew all of his letters before anyone else in his preschool class, largely I believe, because of the "Endless Alphabet" app. We read a ton of books as well, and often he'll stop watching a show to bring me a book and ask me to read it.
I don't worry too much about it now, because I know he's active and well-rounded and social.

I'm fairly well convinced that my DD knew all her letters by 2.5yrs because of Super Why. She loves Daniel Tiger, Curious George, Clifford, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and yes, Paw Patrol. I also don't think more TV has a direct connection to temperament for the same reasons you already said. We have had a similar experience here.

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