Telling Work

mkemommy · December 2015

I'm thinking of telling my boss I'm pregnant tomorrow since I'll be one day shy of 14 weeks and we have an hour long meeting scheduled to go over my yearly review. I was thinking of going through the review first, as that is the main agenda item for our meeting. I expect the review to be positive, as I've had a pretty good year, if that matters. My plan was to broach the subject of my pregnancy after we go over all of our meeting agenda items assuming we have at least 10-15 minutes left over. My next meeting with her, after this meeting coming up, is scheduled at the end of January and I feel like I'm going to be pretty obviously pregnant by then at the rate I'm bumping out Thoughts to this approach? Advice? Tips? Stories of others who have done this?

We have an annual team party next week and the gossip mill is going to start rumbling if I don't have a drink in hand...like I mentioned above too, I'm also bumping out a bit in my clothes (I could hide it a bit longer if I needed to but I don't know that I could hide it until the end of January when I have my next scheduled meeting with my boss). I know what I want to do and what I can do, legally speaking, for maternity leave if she pushes the subject but I was thinking of leaving that topic for a later discussion with my boss. My boss is a Mom herself (though her children are grown) and our work environment is fairly family friendly if that makes a difference to anyone's response. I could use any insight or advice you ladies have.

matthewsdm · December 2015

I basically did this same thing, but a few weeks earlier. I told my boss in my one-on-one and then told the rest of my team before we all went out for our team builder last week as I knew there would be drinking.

I had to let my boss know somewhat early due to the nature of my job, we start getting projects now with deadlines that go well into next year. I mentioned it to her after I had my first appointment, but waited to tell the rest of the team later. I luckily had an easy segway of her mentioning someone else being pregnant, so I kind of lucked out!

Good luck to you, I'll bet it will be much easier than you think! Maybe be prepared with when you may start leave and/or how long you are thinking of taking off just in case she asks.

NicknShan · December 2015

I think the timing seems perfect. I just told my boss at 13w6d too. All went well, and I think it is a respectable time-frame since you are at the end of the first trimester. My advice is to just go in confidently, optimistic, and sharing great news. If you can think of a transitional plan to discuss with her, even better. I know that my work load is too volatile to go over that now, but I also recognized that with my boss stating just that, but I intend to put together a plan as we get a better idea of work load. The following day, at 14w, was our company Holiday party and I had the same concern. I think my boss appreciated being in the know first, and then I could share at the Holiday party and give even more reason to celebrate.

As for maternity leave, I was just upfront and said I intended to take 12 weeks if it worked for everyone's schedule, and made a comment about finding day care so he wasn't left wondering if I was be a SAHM afterwards.

So glad you work in a family friendly atmosphere. :-) Hopefully all goes well!!

When is your next long trip for work?

mkemommy · December 2015

Thank you @matthewsdm - I appreciate your input and perspective. I should have a relatively easy way to segway into the conversation...one of the points in my review will be the fact that I'm taking over a lot of the tasks for a woman retiring soon to be with her daughter who is due with twins any day now. I'm pretty positive that topic will come up at some point. I'll be prepared with the leave questions should my boss ask.

@nicknshan - Thanks for your advice and perspective! No major trips planned before I'm due at this point...thank God, I'm sick of travel. That could all change, however, at a moment's notice of course but thankfully nothing is planned other than a quick trip to Chicago in March. I like your approach of discussing daycare so my boss isn't left wondering about what I plan to do when my leave is over. I'm one of three females on my team (one of which is retiring in the next year) and certainly the only one young enough to still have kids naturally so I know I'm treading on relatively new ground with my boss. That said, everyone at work (including my boss) always says "When you have kids..." when we have kid related discussions so I don't think it will come as a shock to anyone.

meggyme · December 2015

I've been talking to HR to get info on mat leave and benefits. Once I have some of that background info I'm going to start developing a plan and then with that plan go to my boss, probably after Christmas break. I want to be prepared. Unfortunately for him, it's a one-two punch as I'll probably tell him I'll be moving for DH's next duty station while on leave, so my maternity leave plan will basically be a turnover plan.

Good luck and tell us how it goes!

CopperLane · December 2015

I'm actually in the same boat. Except, my boss hasn't told me when my review is going to be, so I'm waiting. I don't want my pregnancy to affect my raise, I know my boss won't let it affect anything but the person above her hasn't been all the kind when someone in the office gets pregnant and he has the final say in my salary.

Once my raise is set in stone, I'm going to let my boss know.

mkemommy · December 2015

@copperlane - I can't really wait for my raise/bonus discussion since that isn't happening until well into next year. That said, at least I'll have my feedback from my review (which is the basis for the raise/bonus discussion) before I say anything though. I hope you find out soon when your boss is giving you your review. I think it is really sad that women have to worry about these things. Then again, all the men I've ever worked with take a week (maybe two) of leave after their wives give birth and then act all relieved to be back at work and it makes me feel sad too. H told me yesterday how it is his goal for both of us to spend as much time as possible with the baby...I'm really happy he's excited about it and isn't giving me the standard male nonchalant response I'm used to seeing at work.

VikingGirl12 · December 2015

I think your plan is perfect. I think waiting to discuss maternity leave is smart too. Good luck, let us know how it goes!

mmmmkay · December 2015

I think I'm going to wait until january. we've still got downs testing and stuff to do and I just don't want to tell people i'm not that close to until we know everything is ok.

I've got about two more weeks of work before christmas. Hoping i can get through the xmas parties!

mkemommy · December 2015

Just an update here...telling my boss went really well. We finished up my review, which was good, and I mentioned the pregnancy since we ended our conversation on new developments. She was very happy for me/us. She mentioned the great timing for having the summer off, which I admitted is great timing both weather wise and for our department (work is slower in the summer), and I stressed how meeting my goals next year was really important to me and returning to work in the last quarter to finish up the year was also important. I think she got the hint that I'll be returning after baby and she was very gracious about the entire thing.

MrsAlliKat · December 2015

Glad it went well!

candicek15 · December 2015

That's great news! It gives me hope for my own situation too. There is no problem with me taking the time off and there are always tons of people gunning for mat leave contracts so I shouldn't be nervous to tell but I am anyway lol. Thanks for the reminder that it's always worse and more awkward in our heads!

mmmmkay · December 2015

glad to hear it went well!

this waiting til january thing may not be a good idea. two people asked if i wanted their seat on the bus today.

lolonvive · December 2015

ugh @mmmmkay I WISH someone would offer me a seat on the train already!!

gauge1234 · December 2015

I've been considering the same thing. Its annual planning time, I have my review tomorrow, and we have our annual conference early January.

I think I am going to participate in the planning, any position changes, and review for raise/bonus before I share my news. I'm not the first one to have kids, and all of the guys have families too so it won't be a surprise.

Plus it's our Christmas party this weekend ... I quit drinking well before we conceived so I can ride out the fake one drink or just not drink.

Right now at 11w5d it feels early to tell. I live in Canada and work for a big company so I am lucky to have lots of rules and protection. I am planning to take a year plus my month of holidays. I really don't want to go back, I'm going to look for something else but I also think it is in my best interest to have the plan to go back. So I have a job

I just don't want it to be obvious by the time I say something lol. I'm putting on weight fast. Lots of scarves and blazers and tops with structure lol.

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