s/o Adoption - an honest (hypothetical) question

SupaSaucy · January 2009

What do you do if you have fertility issues and can't afford to adopt?

I don't think begging for money is the right way to go but I understand how extremely expensive it is to adopt.

So what if you can't afford it? Sucks to be you? What other option would you take?

kals · January 2009

I have no issue with fundraisers for deserving people who cannot get pregnant and wish to adopt. ?The fact that idiots get pregnant all the time and lovely thoughtful people must prove their worth for unwanted children makes me sick.

Newspaper Articles · January 2009

I think in that OP there was mention of a fundraiser. Still a little over the top for me, but it's better than flat out asking for money.

doyous&idos · January 2009

Foster adoption and state grants.

(That sounds snarky but I don't know enough about either program to give you more honest info that I am 100% sure is true. Love ya!)

lo45fd98wq32 · January 2009

Aren't there ways to adopt that are less expensive? I thought there were ways through states or fostering, although I don't really know.

I think it's a very unfortunate situation. I have a friend who wanted to adopt but couldn't afford it. She was lucky enough to have a family member decide to pay. I think there is nothing wrong with discussing some financial assistance from close friends--I think it's the mass email thing that would bother me.

I wish it were not so expensive and easier because I know a lot of wonderful people who really want children.

SupaSaucy · January 2009

kals:
I have no issue with fundraisers for deserving people who cannot get pregnant and wish to adopt. The fact that idiots get pregnant all the time and lovely thoughtful people must prove their worth for unwanted children makes me sick.

I agree - and I was adopted btw. I didn't add that in the story but it's not really "hypothetical" cause I really was

Becky19 · January 2009

borrow/take out a loan and do fertility treatments or adoption, whichever is more affordable, realistic and more likely to succeed, depending on my personal fertility situation.

And then I would get a lot more dogs.

Anna&Matt · January 2009

A lot of times you can get grants and such to adopt through your church and such. Also with the federal tax rebate and potential employer adoption benefits that may help. I know my parents somehow adopted when they were only making 16K a year. I assume you can also take out a loan for it and make monthly payments or something. I'm not sure, I haven't gotten all that far into it but was wondering the same thing after our m/c.

JD's lady · January 2009

My youngest sister was adopted...for free. My mom fostered her first. So persons should look at being foster parents first and then adoption is much easier...and less expensive. The local county has custody of youth and is repsonsible for paying all costs associated..

Kriszta · January 2009

That's a tough question. Though I do believe you could be a foster parent first and then adopt the child? I believe domestic adoption is a lot cheaper, too.

oh-zysbaby · January 2009

I guess I don't really know - I would have expected to have to pay for that myself though, not ask others to "pitch in" for it. Or maybe I would go to a family member (or more than one) who I knew might be financially able to help, but I can't imagine sending out a mass email to friends.

melodylb · January 2009

Go through the foster care system. A family friend adopted both of their girls though this, it ended up being $2000ish per child.

whitneyandbrook · January 2009

Surrogate? I guess.

leslie13510 · January 2009

Sending out a mass email to people asking for money is tacky, no matter what the situation. If you cannot afford something, you cannot afford it and expecting other people to pay for it is not right.

That being said, I don't have a problem with people asking close friends and family for financial help in that situation. I also do not have a problem with other people having fundraisers and raising money on that couple's behalf. And in the situation that you're describing that often happens, thankfully.

Unfortunately life is not fair, and infertility does not discriminate. There are options of all cost levels that can be taken advantage of.

Dr.BeepersWife · January 2009

I do not thing fundraisers are tacky, just straight up asking for cash.

easjer05 · January 2009

Talking to family might be acceptable. Looking into grant options and loan options is a good idea. Looking into foster care or state adoptions, adopting an older child are good ways to go.

Deciding to try to wait a year or two and save up additional funds isn't a bad idea. Some church organizations will help birth mothers place for lower fees (but some are also shady).

I think there is a lot to explore there ahead of asking others to pay the fees for you.

cmd78 · January 2009

As a former foster care worker I know there a lot of kids freed for adoption (parental rights are terminated while they're in foster care making them "free" to be adopted) every year. The state covers the costsof these adoptions, however, the kids tend to be older and have been through a lot in their short lifetimes. They need a lot of love and attention, but the right parents can make a huge difference in the kids lives and their own. Babies are also freed for adoption but are usually placed with the foster parents they've been residing with. It's not for everyone, but it's an option.

DDKlar · January 2009

You can apply to be a foster parent which puts you on a better track towards adoption.

mrs.maybride · January 2009

I think you do a foster to adopt program. You may not get a permanent placement right away, but you can definitely make life better for some children in the meantime.

I do understand that fostering isn't for everyone, but this is probably what we'd look in to if we were ever in that position.

wildride · January 2009

Foster-to-adopt is so, so wonderful and so, so hard - you can take children and and lose them. ? I am sadly not made of that mettle but I wish I was.

There is an adoptive parents group in this area that is SO SO wonderful and an amazing resource - they might be able to help guide you to sources of information near you.

https://adoptiveparents.org

?

Mrs_Liberto · January 2009

whitneyandbrook:
Surrogate? I guess.

If you can't afford to adopt, you can't afford a surrogate.

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