Overwhelmed FTM

susiec923 · December 2015

Happy Monday to all!! I wonder how many other FTMs share this feeling... went to Toys R Us on Saturday to do some shopping & saw that it had been expanded to a Babies R Us. My husband and I decided we'd browse and see some of the things we might want to register for. Long story short, I walked out of the store without any Christmas shopping & feeling so overwhelmed!!! How do I know which one of the 17,000 strollers is the best choice? What if I realize I picked the wrong one only after I start to use it in June? How do we know which is the safest car seat/infant carrier considering they all look the same just in different shapes & sizes? Breast pump? Baby Bag? The list goes on and on!!!! How are FTMs planning on tackling this without having a melt down?

PressLove · December 2015

I had this same panic my first go around. The Baby Bargains book helped me make sense out of eveything. The books rates products and gives suggestions. Even if you go against a recommendation, at least you've learned more about the products.

purplefan1 · December 2015

It is definitely a lot of information to take in. Just do your research. Ask friends and family, look at consumer reports, read reviews. Then decide what will fit best for your families needs. There will be some things you get right and work perfectly for your baby, and some things the baby will NOT like and you can hopefully either take it back or sell it. I'm having a hard time figuring out what I want to do for sleeping arrangements. Bassinet? Pack n Play? Something that rocks or stands still? I just figure whatever I get, baby will hate, and I will learn to adjust by trial and error. Good luck!

mrsschmity · December 2015

I'm a FTM as well and can understand the feeling! This is exactly why we've decided to hold off on the big purchases until closer to when baby comes. With all of the baby stuff out there these days, I feel like it's similar to planning your wedding. You do all of this planning trying to make sure everything is perfect and you're prepared. As the big day gets closer you start to get hung up on the little details and wondering if you should have done something differently, or trying to make sure you have every little thing. When in reality, none of that froo-froo stuff matters.

The way I look at it - do your research using reputable sources. Don't overthink it though! when the time comes, the stroller you chose will be just fine. You will have done enough research to know that the car seat you chose is safe. The breast pump...as long as it relieves your breast of the milk I'm sure you'll be happy. All of the little stuff doesn't matter lady.

I get the feeling though! Step back, take a deep breath and know that your baby will be well taken care of

Wyattnash00 · December 2015

It's way overwhelming, I called my brother in tears when I was pregnant with DS, told him to tell me which car seats and stroller to get, he researches the hell out if everything. Then I copied my best friends registry, exactly, too many options for every item, just couldn't deal. Do you have close friends or family that have babies? Ask them? And like PP's have said the baby only needs a few things, a place to sleep, car seat, diapers (cloth or not), and a few others. No toys, we didn't get a swing or anything, my kid hated it which we learned by borrowing...I could go on, but I'll stop, deep breaths:)

nicolesmith0624 · December 2015

I agree with PPs! Hold off on buying EVERYthing! For the first 3-5 months, baby only needs dipes, food, clothing and a place to sleep! I will say that we only got a PNP so we had a travel option, as well as a place for baby to sleep in our room for the first few months so I could easily BF in bed and put them back in their own bed. Bassinets only last for about two months, and then babes is too big

a stroller with rubber wheels was GOLD for us. Other than that, just take deep breaths, and if you're overwhelmed, give yourself some time, then research one big thing every couple of weeks and try not to do it all at once! You'll be just fine, mama!

goldie987 · December 2015

Im a FTM too, so I've been reading countless internet blogs about baby gear to essentially come to the same conclusion that everyone else did. Starting out the baby needs diapers, wipes, some form of nutrition, somewhere to sleep, clothes and some form of transportation (stroller, car seat, carrier, whatever suits you). That's it. Everything else isnt necessary, useful maybe but not necessary.

PressLove · December 2015

Great idea about copying someone else's registry. It helps! A PnP canl be your best friend.

Are you buying/registering for 3, 6, or 12 months?

I had DD's nursery set-up before she was born, but she slept in our room in the PnP for 4 months. I liked having her crib set-up and ready to go. Someone else may have opted to make that large purchase later.

NLewis1 · December 2015

It gets easier I promise! I second consumer reports and I'll save you the trouble with the breast pump.... Get a Medela pump in style double electric. It's hospital grade (that's also what I used while my son was in the NICU). Also - check with your insurance as they likely will cover at least a portion of the cost since its medical equipment. I got a $250 medela PISA for free through my insurance.

Wyattnash00 · December 2015

PressLove said:

Great idea about copying someone else's registry. It helps! A PnP canl be your best friend.

Are you buying/registering for 3, 6, or 12 months?
I had DD's nursery set-up before she was born, but she slept in our room in the PnP for 4 months. I liked having her crib set-up and ready to go. Someone else may have opted to make that large purchase later.

Yup, DS slept in pnp for first 6 months in our room:)

TwoBadMice · December 2015

I really like https://m.babygearlab.com they test and compare products for you! Wish I had it with my first because it's overwhelming for a STM too!!!

Lilwatz · December 2015

This post is full of good advice! I was also SO overwhelmed with our first. When we decided to start trying to have a child we walked through the baby section of Toys R US/BRU and I almost cried (no pregnancy hormones to blame!). What if I pick the wrong car seat/stroller/crib/high chair/etc and I kill my yet-to-be-conceived baby!?!?!?

Our strategy was to get a membership to Consumer Reports (we only did the one year to research for the registry). We used that mainly for the car seat and stroller. Then I did A LOT of asking other moms what they liked. There were definite trends. Once I made a registry I shared it with a friend who I think has her stuff together and she made a few suggestions of what to add on--so I did. I made my registry GINORMOUS. I figured if I got crap I didn't need I could exchange ti to pay for stuff I did need. Also, you get discounts at the end for stuff you buy yourself. I am glad I did! My work was INCREDIBLY generous and bought several of the big ticket items. It was such a blessing!

Good luck! Just remember. Car seat, diapers and something to keep them warm is all they NEED. Of course you will have more than that!

ashleyrobertson0113 · December 2015

I'm a FTM and did our registry (well... Started it anyway) on Saturday. It is completely overwhelming. But my recommendation is to find a knowledgable sales person in each department and ask tons of questions. Also ask other shoppers for recommendations.

noelietrex · December 2015

I'm a FTM and felt overwhelmed at Babies R Us too. Try making an Amazon or Target registry first. You search, 10 options populate, pick the cute one, on to the next thing. Since you're registering and not buying, PLENTY of time to fix any "mistakes" as you collect more info. Depending how laid back you are, I vote just pick the cute one and go with it though. For the car seat ask a doctor or someone knowledgable about safety, but otherwise you only need to research or stress if you want to. If you choose items at random, no one will know

***edit to add: lurking from July because I'm a crazy pregnant lady who can't get enough content***

NicknShan · December 2015

Ask the people that work there for advice. Ask us here for suggestions :-) Bring with someone "experienced" when you register if you are able. Know that all car seats have to pass the same testing - you are paying for the bells and whistles. And strollers all feel different. They are like cars. Test push them :-)

EDIT: You'll never know ahead of time which cloth diapers you like best, which bottle (if any) your baby will take, which pacifier they like, or even which swing will calm them until after the baby comes. So don't stress! You can do this. And, you can do this with very little stuff.

candicek15 · December 2015

TwoBadMice said:

I really like https://m.babygearlab.com they test and compare products for you! Wish I had it with my first because it's overwhelming for a STM too!!!

I second this! It has been super helpful for me too! I also went to a more specialty baby shop (not BRU) and flat out told them that I was just starting to look and asked them what I should be looking for in each item (crib, car seat, stroller). They were amazing and I left feeling much, much better!

rkrichey · December 2015

I have two boys ages 2&4. I remember feeling like that in babies r us the first time. My husband actually had a mini panic attack and we had to leave!! Hahaha I will never let him live that down. We got the wrong stroller for us. Realized I hated it a few weeks after baby was born. Long story short, you live you learn. Baby doesn't need much. When I go to babies r us now I laugh at how lost I was on that first day. It will become second nature to you after you really start using things and figure out what works well for you. My advice is to take a friend or two who have recently had babies and have them help you out! Good luck!

meggyme · December 2015

If you've got kids you're shopping at toys r us, then you probably have some other mommy friends/family. Take some of their gear for a test drive when you're out together. That's how DH and I have decided what we want and don't want in a stroller & car seat. Ask what they would buy differently if they could do it over again, but take it all with a grain of salt and back up your choice with consumer reports. I second babygearlab.com! And when I want reviews on wear and tear, I like to go to Amazon and read the reviews, even if tohat's not where I plan to buy/register.

Note: I'm a FTM and have no idea what I'm talking about, but this is my plan of action.

Jgar2u2 · December 2015

Don't stress! Everything depends on your family and your child. I don't know how many pacifiers I tried with my first two children and neither of them would take them. I gave up on pacifiers... Like others have said, don't buy too much right away, especially clothes. My daughter had so many outfits and then ended up wearing mostly onesies for 3 months due to it being summer. She also grew into her clothing too late and then it was too cool outside to wear most of her summer clothes. I do recommend a vibrating bouncy seat of sorts. My children both loved that more than the swing and it's easy to travel with. This time around I'm buying the minimum. Babies really don't need too much. Babies R Us is a little crazy!

theatremandy · December 2015

I'm on #4, and just like PP's say, you really don't need that much at first. Diapers, wipes, a boob or bottle, clothes, place for baby to sleep, and a car seat. Check with your insurance on the pump-they have to cover one. I also loved the Medela Pump in Style, and plan to get another since we got rid of everything. I lurked on some friend's registries, especially STM's, and made a list. It made me realize all the things I didn't really need. Good luck!

alw12290 · December 2015

It is very overwhelming, especially BabysRUs!! I liked Lucie's List. It compares a lot of the top rated baby items with pros and cons to both!

tiggerseattle · December 2015

Bring a mom friend as a guide. They can recommend a few things and steer you away from all the stuff you don't need.

AmberLiz99 · December 2015

With my first I chose one thing each week to research.
Week one: car seat
Week two: carrier
Etc...

It helped make it easier. Also keep in mind you don't have to get a fancy stroller until after the baby is born and you know what you'll use it for. I used a snap n go stroller frame more the first few moths anyway. Car seats are all safe. For carriers find the one that's most comfortable and fits your lifestyle (how often you'll use it, etc). Diaper bags don't matter, I just use a big bag for the longest time. Your health insurance might cover a pump, which would make that decision easier.

Just brake it down and figure out one thing at a time. Most of that stuff isn't necessary for baby's well being anyway, it's just there to make parents lives easier.

bmays16 · December 2015

I felt the same way about Motherhood Maternity. I'm a FTM too and my husband and I went in there just for fun (not quite showing yet) and walked out almost immediately. All the options and styles are overwhelming, I can imagine it being 100x worse with strollers and carseats!! Glad to know this thread is here to refer back to! I'm staying out of the stores for awhile!

jmohio · December 2015

I am also a FTM and completely overwhelmed. I am actually one of the last of our friends and family to have kids so I am making an amazon wishlist that people can add to. I have added my friends to the list and they are going to add at the "I couldn't live without" stuff.

likeabel · December 2015

Lucieslist.com serious lifesaver when it comes to picking out baby shit.

june2016baby · December 2015

NicknShan said:
Ask the people that work there for advice. Ask us here for suggestions :-) Bring with someone "experienced" when you register if you are able. Know that all car seats have to pass the same testing - you are paying for the bells and whistles. And strollers all feel different. They are like cars. Test push them :-)

EDIT: You'll never know ahead of time which cloth diapers you like best, which bottle (if any) your baby will take, which pacifier they like, or even which swing will calm them until after the baby comes. So don't stress! You can do this. And, you can do this with very little stuff.

Great advice! Some stuff you won't know until baby tests them out, (like the above mentioned).

One "essential" item for my three so far, was the swing. For whatever reason, they wouldnt "let" me put them down as newborns unless they were in the swing!

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Overwhelmed FTM

Re: Overwhelmed FTM

Mrs. H

Crohn's Dx: August 2008

Endometriosis Dx: May 2010

Married: 05/19/2012

TTC #1: June 2013

BFP: December 2013

DS: Born 08/29/2014

TTC #2: July 2015

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