Scared STM with very needy DS

HeartLikeMine3 · December 2015

Any other mommas out there worried about juggling a new baby with a crazy toddler? My DS is getting more challenging by the day he is 2.5 and demands my attention 24/7 he will not play on his own for a second. He pitches tantrums constantly and spends a good amount of time in time out. I SAH with him for the most part and I'm starting to have crazy anxiety thinking how I will survive. I'm not really worried about having a new baby more worried about DS. I think about how I spent half the day nursing him and rocking him for naps when if was just us. How will we survive?

itsStackie · December 2015

Hey friend! DD actually seems to be getting out of tantrum stage now, and understanding timeout. Have you stayed at home the whole time, as I just started in July. I also started watching another little one, and it seemed to introduce her to mommy needing to help feed the baby.
Also from what I have noticed and from friends with newborns. There is less holding of the baby, unless you wear him or her. I try to make a neutral room as well where baby can be fed, or do tummy time, while toddler plays nearby.
We got time before baby comes so talk to your son about it, I got DD some new baby books.

HeartLikeMine3 · December 2015

Hey!!! Good to see a June 13 momma on here. DS was doing good and then we decided to try and boom he's been worse than ever! I always joke he tricked me haha. I work two days a week now and have been since he turned 1 but when we have the new LO i will stay at home fully again. I am hoping we will still be able to afford his MDO 2 times a week while I'm staying home.
That's a good idea I'll get him some books and start prepping him more after the holidays maybe he needs a baby doll for Christmas to practice being nice! Hope your doing well when's your DD?

itsStackie · December 2015

June 4th.

What about you?

HeartLikeMine3 · December 2015

June 12th ☺️

Emztron500 · December 2015

I have no survival tips but just commiserating. My 20-month-old toddler is...intense. And she still breastfeeds and sleeps in my bed. I might die of sleep deprivation when the new baby comes.

andiie5 · December 2015

I was thinking about this today. My son is loving all the attention he gets. He's almost 3. I'm unsure how he will cope with sharing mummy and how I will give attention to both.
I guess you just have to make do and figure it out when the time comes.

Atlast111 · December 2015

Just a thought but 2.5 is a really good time to start nursery. It will give him time to settle in before baby arrives. Best time for socialisation, will help with structure, routine and encourage good behaviour and will give you a little break. Maybe do 2-3 half days a week?

AmberLiz99 · December 2015

Kids will change a lot before June comes. There will be a whole new set of issues

This is my third, and I'm worried about it. The transition to 2 was hard, but actually my son did better than I expected. Talk only positive things about the baby around him so that he becomes excited to meet it. Ds threw tantrums sometimes, but he never directed his frustration towards his baby sister. The adored each other (still do most of the time).

BPaisley · December 2015

I can definitely relate! DS1 was "high maintenance," he wouldn't even nap without someone holding him for the first 2 years of his life, literally through his entire nap. My mom is my child care and she would hold him for hours at a time just rocking in a dark room because he would go insane if you tried to put him down and not sleep. He also didn't walk until he was almost 2, so he had to be carried everywhere and was very clingy.

I won't lie to you, it was definitely a tough transition for the first couple months. It's a big adjustment. I tried to involve him as much as I could, but he was used to being mommy's baby and since the baby had to nurse a lot in the beginning, there were quite a few tears. But, it really gets a lot better, you just have to push through the initial months keeping that in mind. It helps that babies sleep quite a bit in the beginning too. Once DS2 became more interactive, DS1 started to warm up to him more. And now they are such good friends. I mean, they fight a ton, obviously, but they also do and say the sweetest things about each other, it melts my heart. DS1 doesn't even remember a time when he didn't have a baby brother anymore either.

Now I'm worried for number 3 since DS2, who was a great baby, is becoming much more of a clingy handful at 18 months. I just remind myself that it will be hard and don't expect it not to be, but once you get through it, they will all be so glad to have each other!

HeartLikeMine3 · December 2015

Thanks for all the encouragement and just knowing I'm not alone helps. He's goes to MDO 2 days a week now while I work but I won't work once new LO is here so I'm unsure if we can still afford to send him. We will all survive this even if we feel like zombie moms. I just pray this new LO likes to sleep more than his brother did my son didn't sleep through the night till he was like 14 months and that scares the crap out of me

Atlast111 · December 2015

I don't know if you have heard of her but I used to watch the "baby whisperer" with tracey hogg. Unfortunately she has since died but she was renowned for being amazing. Anyway, much to my surprise, she recommended that babies were not rocked to sleep as she says this actually has the opposite effect in jerking them awake. She advised they can be held and gently patted on the bottom (this recreates the effect of the mothers heart beat in the womb) but not jiggled up and down. I will be trying this when ours arrives as it helps to soothe without them becoming dependent on being rocked for hours which is a pain in the butt for mums...lol. My husband was a terrible sleeper when he was a baby and never slept and always cried so I'm preparing myself! I think Tracey Hogg has some great books for struggling with toddlers too.

CourtJack · December 2015

This will be #3 for me. I have a 2 year old (27 months) and an 8 year old. My toddler has a strong personality to say the least. I started implementing tactics in Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block. I swear that man is a genius. If you happen to have any spare time, I'd suggest glancing at a few chapters in that book. His tactics are fairly simple to employ and don't require major shifts in your routine or behavior. And I also second a PP who suggested some sort of part time nursery school. I think that would be a life saver. Even integrating before baby arrives so that stress is already resolved also.

Good luck!!

HeartLikeMine3 · December 2015

@Atlast111 Humm that is interesting I rocked my son constantly and he was a terrible sleeper!! I will definitely look into that don't want to make the same mistake twice.

@CourtJack I will order that book I read happiest baby on the block but my toddler could definitely use some work thanks

Atlast111 · December 2015

@HeartLikeMine3. I know right! I always assumed I would rock mine to sleep but I guess I'm just habit forming. If you are tired enough you will fall asleep eventually! You can also lay them in their cot and just put your hand through for reassurance or try the pick up put down method maybe.....sigh....so many options. All I know is I don't want to spend hours pacing the floor or have a baby in my bed..... (will that make me a bad mum....I hope not...

)

HighFive16 · December 2015

My DD is one now and I am a SAHM. Our tantrums are just beginning and she won't really understand what is happening when baby 2 comes along but she is needy and I do worry as to whether she will adjust to the change. Our dog has enough of a hard time adjusting to one and has started acting out against DD so the thoughts of him and her not handling the new baby is a huge worry.

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