I dont think I can do this again (WARNING, possible BFP, long post)

SugarLove06 · December 2015

Ive been back and forth on these boards for almost 4 years but I've been away a while.
Ive had 4 miscarriages all together so far and my last one was over 2 years ago. It caused me to quit 2 jobs and I even split up with my husband for a while because it all got too much. For 2 years now we have not gone out of our way to ttc, its just been an "if it happens, it happens" sort of thing.
I had already accepted a long time ago that it probably wont ever happen and that I should just move on, it was heartbreaking to believe that hope was lost but I managed somehow.
Now I'm possibly pregnant again. Im 2 weeks late which is out of the ordinary for the last couple of years, but no positive tests as yet.
Im putting off going to the doctors because I know if Im told I am in fact pregnant then I'll be a bag of nerves every time I pee wondering if I'll lose it, I know I'll be a wreck and if the worst happens again I know it'll destroy me again. The last two nights I've been in tears, not knowing what I want to happen, if I'm not pregnant, Im starting to realise that maybe I cant handle it if I was to become pregnant in the future. And if I am, I have no idea how I'll get through the worry and the overthinking until I might miscarry again.
I only pop up on these boards now and again because I find it very painful to be back on a board that was like my only release when it happened the first few times. Its painful now.

ceclarlinetlo · December 2015

Hi @sugarlove06 I'm sorry your dealing with so much anxiety right now. Were you tracking your ovulation to know for sure you are two weeks late? It's very unusual to not have a positive test 28 days after ovulation. My cycles range anywhere from 28-42 days and before I started tracking ovulation those random 42 day cycles with no positive test were very stressful. Also how do you feel about seeing a therapist? I started seeing one a few weeks ago to help me deal with my anxiety stemming from my recurrent miscarriages and it's been very helpful.

FireInWonderland · December 2015

I am so sorry to hear about the journey you're struggling with. That sounds miserable and I wish you the best and a sticky baby - you deserve it.

PP is right, though. If you're tracking it and your period is still 2 weeks late you might want to go to your doc. It could also be anxiety messing with your ovulation, or it could have been an anovulatory cycle. Take charge of your anxiety, as well, that could also be affecting your cycles. I started acupuncture for the anxiety and that helped me, but I haven't been TTC that long. I have severe anxiety and PTSD and can't be on any of my meds. Sometimes, you just have to try something new to combat your emotions before your body can handle a pregnancy.

I truly hope you get a baby and that your journey sees light very soon. In the meantime, we are still here, even if the people on the board are different, and we hope you find some comfort here.

Edit because autocorrect is rude and changed words it wasn't supposed to.

SugarLove06 · December 2015

Thanks guys. I do track yeah, that's why it was confusing for me, I ovulated as normal but was 3 weeks late. However I did get AF two days ago

I saw a doctor before that and she said it was unlikey to be a BFP if it wasnt already. Now I'm in the middle of AF and feeling rough. Thanks though guys, appreciate the friendly and supporting words. X

crob5685 · December 2015

So sorry. Always a bummer when AF shows up.

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I dont think I can do this again (WARNING, possible BFP, long post)

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