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May 2016 Moms
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Receiving presents etiquette

tgortneytgortney member
in May 2016 Moms
Here's my situation and I need advice please! :)

So, my SIL texted me the other day and said to pick out a present for the baby now so she can start working towards it. I have no idea what that means, is she talking about an expensive present? But what's the price range? Should I even ask? Or should I just start registering and tell her to look at that instead?

Oh and my MIL wants to do a girls shopping trip of just us two. We're not close so this would be my first time out with her, alone. I'm nervous because what do I pay for and what should I even be looking for?

Since these two are family, I feel more awkward telling them what I want because I don't want to go over boundaries. If these were friends and what not, I would just tell them about the registry (when we do start one).

Ugh, I get so awkward when people wanna buy us stuff (except from my parents because I'm used to them buying me stuff all my life).
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Re: Receiving presents etiquette

  • wamam027wamam027 member
    My aunt and uncle offered to buy us a gift as well and told me to send them something we will really be needing. I didn't like the concept of asking them for a price range and they were VERY generous for our wedding just back in March so I'd feel bad asking for something huge or expensive. I sent my aunt and uncle three different things ranging in price allowing them to ultimately pick what they felt comfortable with as we hadn't even started the registry yet at that point. They wound up telling me they were going to get the most expensive item of the three, but it made me feel much more comfortable allowing them to pick and decide what they'd like to spend on us. Of course, the registry is always an option as it gives those who'd like to give you a gift the choice of several different options with a HUGE range of prices.
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  • camillaandcarsoncamillaandcarson member
    edited December 2015
    To SIL, yes direct her to the registry because she was super awkward telling you she has to work a lot like that.  Tell her you "aw thanks but aren't sure yet what we need" and then direct to registry at all price points when it is completed.  I am sure she has the best intentions and is just excited but I agree that was really confusing and awkward. 

    MIL situation, you are brave to consider that since you have never been out alone before and this is a high emotion situation involving her wanting to spend money and the parameters aren't well defined and you aren't sure about this.  If it were me I think I would tell my husband he would suddenly, "want to be included" to spend time with the wonderful ladies in his life and would tell his mom this and tag along. 
    Either that or set a time limit for this time with MIL, or another plan is in advance between you and your husband and/or best friend - pre-plan some "out" plan if needed, and also know the agenda of what you need/want before you just "go out shopping" since you are already unsure of the situation. I think it is wonderful she wants to do that with you though.  She must be pretty excited. 
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  • zekesmommy611zekesmommy611 member
    These are awkward situations but I would probably be up front, that makes it less awkward.
    Ask your SIL what type of gift she was thinking she wanted to get your LO, this will give you an idea of the price range. Or simply tell her to choose something off the registry.
    I would DREAD going shopping with my MIL, you are brave. My MIL annoys the crap out of me with her opinions of things I should and shouldn't do. In this situation I would probably make DH ask the questions of what she's planning on buying/spending. It's his mother and he should be able to find out her intentions without any problems.
    Good Luck!!
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  • yogahhyogahh member
    I guess I don't understand why she can't just buy you something from the registry? That would make it less awkward for you atleast!

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  • Jparke2Jparke2 member
    I would definitely just direct people to a registry! I don't have one made up yet but if somebody asked me, I'd throw a few things on in different price ranges and just tell them the registry isn't complete yet, so they can wait until its finished or go with what is on there! Good luck with your MIL shopping trip! That would make me uncomfortable too!

    Speaking of receiving presents, last night DH went to a Christmas party thrown by a couple on his pool team. They are very sweet older people, and they live in a very rural area on a farm that many might considering a little hillbilly/trashy. Anyway, the woman noticed that I can no longer button my coat up because of my belly, so she GAVE ME HER COAT. It was so awkward, I didn't know what to do!!! Its a poncho style coat that I would never wear, it has dog hair all over it, and she is a huge smoker (I've seen her smoking while wearing the coat). It was a very sweet gesture, but I don't know what to do with it! Worst of all, I'm pretty sure she said something about just lending it to me for this winter, so I feel like I might need to return it next year! So I can't even donate it/throw it away/lose it in my house. Its just sitting on a chair right now staring at me. 
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  • proudparent2bproudparent2b member
    My brother in law, like his dad, love to make a big deal about getting us something special for the holidays, but then either get nothing at all or something way less than they hype up. I hate that they are all talk, no action because I always end up disappointed. If they'd just be honest about it and set reasonable expectations, I wouldn't be upset. However, I guess they like pumping themselves up and seeing how nice a gift we will get them in order to attempt to match their 'generousity'.

    Anyway, I third recommending they check out the registry. If they don't like anything on it, they can buy or make whatever they want.
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  • LemmyRNLemmyRN member
    Sounds like the first step is to set up your registry. Especially since it'll help you get a plan for the nursery. I would try to postpone the shopping trip till then; maybe tell your MIL that you and DH will start working on the nursery after the holidays. Buy yourself some time.
    For the shopping trip, anticipate the possibility that your MIL will see something she loves, like a style of furniture or crib, that'll clash with your plans. Maybe have a polite response prepped if you have to nicely turn down any of her ideas.
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  • JeseeJesee member
    Shopping with MIL can be very very hard! I recommend telling her that you aren't sure of all the products/brands you want and that this is a "scouting" trip. That way if you find something you love but you can't afford it and she doesn't offer to purchase it, you can snap a picture and say you'll be adding it to your registry. If she does offer to purchase it, don't feel bad! It is her way of loving and supporting you and baby. My MIL loves to shop and insisted on buying baby clothes already even though we don't even know if we're having a boy or girl, she's just excited.
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  • concreteayngelconcreteayngel member
    My bestie was wanting to help us out with baby furniture and other big ticket items. Bless her heart for offering, but I also know that money is really tight for her. I just told her that if she absolutely insisted on giving us anything, to get us a gift card for Babies R Us, and that way she can choose the denomination without going over her budget but also feel like she's contributing to our little one.
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