Should I feel bad....

rlworzalla · December 2015

for not wanting to invite my aunt to the baby shower?

My mom and I did a preliminary guest list for the shower (just to estimate guest list to book a venue since DH and I both have large families) and we debated about this. "Angie" is the wife of my mom's only brother. I haven't spoken to her in about 2 years, and my uncle blocked me on Facebook earlier this year for making a comment about the importance of supportive mental health services on a post he made about Caitlyn Jenner. At my cousin's graduation party in June my uncle and "Angie" ignored me entirely and neither showed up to my college graduation celebration a few weeks later. Personally, I don't feel the need to send an invitation to someone who doesn't speak to me (nor does my mom) but I know that I'm going to catch heat from family members about why she is not there, and if people find out I didn't send an invite, well the gossip train will start rolling. I know I could send an invite knowing she won't come, but I don't think it's necessary.....what do you ladies think?

doozer1345 · December 2015

Invite only who you would want to be there. This is about you and your family (those you allow around you). Anyone who could potentially take away the happiness that is supposed to be on that day shouldn't be there.

cortney626 · December 2015

I have a similar situation with my aunt. My mom's only sister. Earlier this year when I got married, my aunt was mad she wasn't invited. We had a small intimate ceremony with our parents and siblings only. My aunt has met my husband once in 3.5 years. My husband has 7 uncles and we're close to 2 of them but they weren't invited either. My aunt has thrown a fit. Won't talk to my mom or anyone. So incredibly selfish. My mom will be throwing my shower and I know she'll want to send an invite to my aunt. I'm fine with that but I know she won't show. If you want to be the bigger person, I say send an invite. But you certainly don't owe her anything. It's about you and you don't need added stress.

camillaandcarson · December 2015

Someone: "Why didn't you invite aunt?"
You: "What? I did! It must have gotten lost in the mail because I totally invited her!"

But seriously if she won't come, great, at least you won't look like the "bad guy" if you do send an invite. It is a win/win for you.

Charissadeats · December 2015

I am definitely not going to invite all my aunts and cousins. I don't speak to most of them and mostly all off them hate my sisters and me.

I would not feel bad

LovingLife! · December 2015

It's your baby shower. You should only have people there who love you and want to celebrate you & baby!

MIL wasn't invited to mine.

zekesmommy611 · December 2015

I have a lot of this drama within my family especially with divorces. At my shower with DS, I invited my uncles ex wife and his current wife because I grew up knowing his ex wife and it was "proper" to invite his current wife. My mom was obviously at my shower but my step-mom never showed. My family did ask where my step-mom was and I simply answered "no clue, she was invited". I always try to keep the peace because the extra chaos and drama is way too much. Personally I would probably send an invitation to your aunt and hope/pray she didn't attend. That way at your shower when people ask where she is all you have to say is " I don't know, I sent her an invitation..?".

rlworzalla · December 2015

Thanks ladies! Sometimes the answer seems so obvious, but I love the insight that you provide!

laurenmdrn16 · December 2015

doozer1345 said:

This is about you and your family (those you allow around you).

This is my favorite thing ever! Family should be defined as those who lift you up, support you, love you and give you strength. I have lots of experience cutting people out of my life who were just toxic branches of a distorted family tree. My sisters joke that I am the Machete because I have no qualms about chopping people out, blood or not. I have people in my life who are closer than family, though only related by love, and people who are very closely related by blood who I choose to have no connection with. Yes, it makes some family events a little sticky (like on Christmas when my grandmother comes down to see us and has to make a special trip to see my uncle because he is not welcome in our home), but life is crazy enough without dealing with people who drag you down.

That said, I agree with PPs that if you KNOW she will refuse, it might be ok to send her an invite just to cover that base. Or, feel free to fib as PP suggested and say it got lost in the mail. Hey, that happens! But don't feel like someone should be there to celebrate your pregnancy and new baby if they are not a positive piece of your family.

babykasper · December 2015

Soooo I have an aunt who also drives me nuts! Lol but honestly... For me, family is family, so I would send the invite. Even if you know she won't come... Just as a formality. Making YOU the bigger person in the situation and besides... What's the worst that could happen? She sends an ugly gift that you return?! Lol

missnc77 · December 2015

I had a cousin that deleted me from facebook 5 years ago after I posted an article about why you should vaccinate (he's an anti-vaxxer). He has a deep distrust of doctors after my aunt died of breast cancer. It was obvious she had at when she had her mammogram, but they overlooked it, and she wasn't diagnosed until it was too late to try and fight it. Anyway, it's a shitty situation, and it did hurt my feelings. Still, he is family, and I invited him to our wedding. He didn't come, but he did at least RSVP, which I appreciated because he at least reached out/contacted me in some way. I just feel compelled to keep that door open with what happened to my aunt.

mrstmoose · December 2015

I'm sorry but if they can't be adults and allow you to have your own opinion and respect it; then no, I would not lose sleep over not inviting her. If someone asks, I like the earlier idea of saying "oh, it must've gotten lost in the mail." Whoops.

I'd also be doing this:

wsgjmw1 · December 2015

No I would not feel bad. I will do the same thing for my baby shower as I did for my wedding, if someone wasn't going to be there for me and DH to contribute to our happiness they were simply not invited. You do not need anyone there who is going to spoil your special day.

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